Second Chances
by aerialla1
Summary: After trying to attack Bella on her birthday and the farewell of his family can Jasper get a second chance. Can he live on his own and resist the urge for human blood. *Sequal to my one shot story titled One Drop which should be read for better clarity*
1. Guilt

Stephenie Meyer owns all things pertaining to Twilight, I just play in her sandbox.

**Summary:**

After trying to attack Bella on her birthday and the farewell of his family can Jasper get a second chance. Can he live on his own and resist the urge for human blood. *Sequal to my one shot story titled One Drop which should be read for better clarity*

This story was originally titled A Second Chance For Love but with editing I decided to change the title. It was on here before as that title. It is the same story just now better edited.

* * *

This story is because of **Emerald_Rosalie** whose belief in it since the beginning still astounds me. She is my muse and inspiration and I could not have done this without her. Thanks Emerald, I can not tell you enough just how much you ROCK!

Thanks to the lovely **BlueBella** for doing a pre-beta of this story for me. Your time and work for this story has my utmost appreciation and heart felt gratitude.

* * *

**Whisper**

by **Evanescense**

Catch me as I fall  
Say you're here and it's all over now  
Speaking to the atmosphere  
No one's here and I fall into myself  
This truth drive me  
Into madness  
I know I can stop the pain  
If I will it all away

Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light (Never sleep never die)

I'm frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know  
That there's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear  
And soon to be  
Blinded by tears  
I can stop the pain  
If I will it all away

Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light (Never sleep never die)

Fallen angels at my feet  
Whispered voices at my ear  
Death before my eyes  
Lying next to me I fear  
She beckons me  
Shall I give in  
Upon my end shall I begin  
Forsaking all I've fallen for  
I rise to meet my end

Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light (Never sleep never die)

* * *

**Chapter One: Guilt**

I stood in the doorway of our room and watched my sweet Alice in a flurry. She tossed one outfit after another into her designer luggage. Items of clothing flew out and others added in their place. The discards littered the floor, thousands of dollars cast off like rags. Breath caught in her chest several times and her sadness hit me like a Mack truck. Bella was her first real friend and she had to leave her behind because I could not control my bloodlust. My senses were still reeling from the drop of Bella's blood and it had me trying hard to shake the euphoria from my mind and her taste from my tongue.

"I'm so sorry Alice, if I could take this night back, I would, if only to take away your pain." Stopping her stride, I pulled her into my arms trying to capture her pain as my own. She sighed against my chest and her pain did soften some but guilt quickly replaced the others.

"What do you have to feel guilty for my love? None of this was your fault." My fingers made small circles on her back and tried to calm her down.

"I saw tonight happen, Jasper. At first, it was all happy, everyone was happy and, Bella was opening her presents. You leapt at Bella, the same as in my vision. I did not believe my vision Jasper, I did not want to believe it. You've been doing so wonderfully around Bella, and I did not want to believe that you could hurt her. I believed in you so much that I refused listen to the truth."

Her sadness turning to anger was a slap to the face. It did not take me feeling her emotions to know what she was getting at.

"I'm so sorry Ali if I knew what came over me I would tell you, but I don't. However you want me to make it up to you, Ali, I will." I whispered the words in her hair and tried stilling the swirling emotions coming off her.

"I believed in you, Jazz. I convinced the rest of the family that you were not a danger to Bella, that you had the hunger under control. You made me believe in you so much that I did not trust my own vision. Now our family is breaking apart."

"It's all right Alice. We know that sometimes your visions do not come through clearly. I didn't know that I would go after, Bella, so easily for one drop of blood. None of us did. You are not at fault here, Alice."

"I know that, I do. It was an accident and not any of our faults, but Jasper, Edward is making leave anyway. Because of your actions, Edward does not feel as if Bella is safe with us. He loves her so much, Jazz, but now, Edward is going away and he might never come back. Edward's heart is being ripped out of his chest because I swore to everyone that you would never hurt Bella." Alice pulled away from me turning her anger at me now mixed with disappointment and regret.

"What do you want me to do, Alice?" I hated that her back was to me and her disappointment in me was so strong it was choking.

"There's nothing you can do, Jasper. The damage happened it's over. Edward is not going to listen to anything now. We will do what he asks and leave. Maybe in the long run it will be the best."

She turned and looked her eyes so full of emotion that it was hard to grasp them all as she stared at me.

"Where do you want to go?" I would do as she asked, finding someway to make it up to her.

"Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and, Emmett, are going to Denali. Edward will not tell me where he is going and I..." There was a pause at the last one and looking at her, I knew she would be crying if she could. I blocked her emotions and focused on my own.

"Ali, where we will be going?" I tried to make it seem as if I had not heard her right.

"I'm going my own way for a while, Jasper." Shame forced her to look at the floor standing stock-still which was unusual for her.

"Do I get to ask why or where, or are you like, Edward going to decide for me?"

It was hard for me not to clench my own hands in anger. I had lived off humans for longer than some of them had been vampires and they expected me to turn the urge for human blood off like a switch.

I had fed off humans in the past and was now at fault for tonight. Where was Edward's responsibility in this whole mess? He had wanted to kill Bella, himself, he had openly admitted it. Edward, had killed humans as well, but he was exempt for whatever reason. Hell, Edward had come close to killing Bella last year when he barely controlled himself in enough time to save Bella's life.

"I do not know. I need time away, Jasper. I am not trying to decide for you, but I need time on my own. My visions have been untrustworthy lately and I need to figure them out. I love you, Jasper, but until I get my mind cleared I think it is best if we separate." Sighing she sat on our bed and clasped her hands in her lap. She would not even look at me.

"I did not hurt her, Alice!" My voice was loud and harsh. I could not contain the anger that was welling up inside. All this was because I had lunged at, Bella. Just thinking her name made the blood sing on my tongue and I turned away from, Alice, before I could give away anything with my eyes.

"That is not in doubt, but you could have killed her. It was a paper cut, Jasper, not blood pooling on the floor. You lost control over something insignificant. A separation will be good for both of us."

Alice continued her unmoving position, even when a knock came to the door.

"Hey man, Carlisle wants to talk to you in the library." Emmett, had bags in his hands and Rosalie was behind him tugging on his arm.

From, Emmett, all I felt was regret and sorrow that this was happening to our family. He looked at Alice and did not say anything. Emmett knew what was going on. He was not that dense. Rosalie was pissed off and feeling justified that what she said would happen, did. She shot daggers at me and tugged Emmett from the doorway.

Just wonderful they all knew that Alice and I were separating before I did. What the hell was going on here? It could not be all because of tonight. Something else was going on here and I wanted the answers.

Leaving, Alice, behind I did not bother shutting the door and went straight into Carlisle's office. The door was open and, Esme was not around. She was packing to leave too; she always did what, Edward, wanted.

I closed the door behind me and went to stand in front of the massive desk. Carlisle, was staring out the windows and into the surrounding forest. His sorrow was palatable and his disappointment in me almost undid the last of my resolve.

"I'm sorry that it came to this son. If I had known this would be the ending, I would have discouraged him and his love for, Bella. We should have all been more considerate of you during your transition into our way. All we can do now is to leave, Bella, behind to a normal life. We have gotten too familiar to human society and this is the debt that we have to pay." Carlisle, did not turn around and for an instant, I wish I had Edward's power and could read his mind. His emotions were at such a loss. They did not speak of hope only sorrow, sorrows for us all.

"Alice has told me of her feelings for space and I am asking that you come with the rest of us to Denali. She will join us when she is ready as will, Edward, when the time comes. They were both so close to the young woman that this is hard for them. The only we can do for them are to give them their time. It will not be an easy road for any of us, but this is the best choice." Carlisle turned to look at me then. His eyes were not accusing me of any wrongdoing only disappointment in the actions I had taken. It was the look of a father to his son.

"I feel, Jasper, that our life style has not been easy for you. My time at the hospital has always been so precious to me that I feel I may have overlooked your problems in the past. Though I will say, we have never had this unique a problem before. The young woman has been a distraction and a detriment for us all. We care for her but it was unjust of us to believe she could habituate with us so freely without paying some price."

"Esme and I are leaving as soon as possible. I would like you to hang back and talk to, Edward. I know that even through his anger he would be appreciative of your apology. You may be the only one who can make him see reason and come with us instead of going on his own. I have tried to raise you all in our life to the best of my abilities, but I fear in many areas where I have been lax and lacking. I am sorry my son."

I looked in his eyes and felt the love he had for me as a son and knew I would carry that with me always. It was not often a son knew what his father felt of him. We were all lucky to have, Carlisle, as the father of our family no matter the dynamics. I went to speak and he stopped me with a hand. With his emotions I did not think right now, he wanted any apology from me.

"We'll talk later in Denali, right now there is much to do. I need you to grant me one favor Jasper. One favor and then we can put this all behind us." He was gathering papers from his desk now, readying himself as well for our move. I could only nod my head at his request. "I know it will hard for you to do after last night, but I need you to apologize to Bella for us all. We never meant to hurt her but it will be better without us to destroy not only her life but also her chance of normalcy. You will have to wait until, Edward, leaves of course, but I would like her to know the rest of us care for her."

"I'll do as you ask." The words formed almost hoarsely in my throat. Turning I left the office shutting the door behind me. I lingered there for a moment knowing once Carlisle thought I was gone, his guards toward my power would lower and I could get his real feelings on the matter.


	2. Lies

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, I just play in the sandbox.

**Summary:**

After trying to attack Bella on her birthday and the farewell of his family can Jasper get a second chance. Can he live on his own and resist the urge for human blood. *Sequal to my one shot story titled One Drop which should be read for better clarity*

* * *

This story is because of **Emerald_Rosalie** whose belief in it since the beginning still astounds me. She is my muse and inspiration and I could not have done this without her. Thanks Emerald, I can not tell you enough just how much you ROCK!

Thanks to the lovely **BlueBella** for doing a pre-beta of this story for me. Your time and work for this story has my utmost appreciation and heart felt gratitude.

* * *

**Lies**

by **Evanescence**

Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear

Sealed with lies through so many tears

Lost from within, pursuing the end

I fight for the chance to be lied to again

You will never be strong enough

You will never be good enough

You were never conceived in love

You will not rise above

They'll never see

I'll never be

I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger

Burning deep inside of me

But through my tears breaks a blinding light

Birthing a dawn to this endless night

Arms outstretched, awaiting me

An open embrace upon a bleeding tree

Rest in me and I'll comfort you

I have lived and I died for you

Abide in me and I vow to you

I will never forsake you

They'll never see

I'll never be

I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger

Burning deep inside of me

They'll never see

I'll never be

I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger

Burning deep inside of me

Rest in me, I'll comfort you

I have lived and died for you

Abide in me, I vow to you

I will never forsake you

They'll never see

I'll never be

I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger

Burning deep inside of me

* * *

**Chapter Two: Lies**

I heard the door off Carlisle and Esme's bedroom to the office open and Esme, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice walked in. I did not need to wait for feelings they were going to talk about me behind my back.

"Emmett, please check the door and make sure that he has gone. I do not want him to hear this. It is too hard as it is for him. I do not want to make it any harder." Without seeing Carlisle, I knew he was gesturing toward the door. Quickly I ducked into Rosalie and Emmett's bedroom making sure to leave the door just the way they had.

"Nah. He's not there. I hope he is out hunting before he does anything stupider. The door closed with a barely audible click and I returned to my position outside it.

"Emmett that was rude. Does he know?" Esme's lilting voice was barely above a whisper.

"I did not tell him, I could not Jasper still has so far to go with his control that I thought telling him would be cruel." Carlisle shuffled papers and snapped his briefcase closed.

"Are you going to tell Edward? She was his first after all. Do you think that it's fair that he knows?" Rosalie voice was surly as ever. She hated every aspect of our lives.

I could hear Alice choking dry sobs in her chest. What the hell was Alice doing in this conversation? Was she in on this as well?

"Yeah cause Edward is the type of guy who wants to know that the blood of his human love sings for someone other himself. Get a clue Rosie. Edward would kill him and scatter the pieces far and wide." Emmett was ever the truthful one.

"Tell us exactly what you saw in your vision Alice." Carlisle's gentle prodding had me almost pressing my ear against the door.

"I saw them together. Bella and Jasper, they were in each other's arms. Her blood calls to him the same it does for Edward. Maybe it is because they are the ones of us who have tasted human blood. I did not see any more than that. The vision happened when Edward grabbed Jazz." I could hear her sobs on the other side of the door.

"Yeah, but what one does Bella wind up with. Edward's leaving and Jasper's coming with us." Emmett asked one of his usual questions. He always wanted to know the ending of the story before it even began. I heard the smack from Rosalie along with her anger at the situation.

"So Alice, are you saying that both of my brothers are in love or will be with the same human because of her blood. I told you all that Bella would be the end of the family. Why do you never listen to me?" Rosalie in her tactless way did not even realize that she had hurt Alice to the quick. The pain in Alice had me clutching the door for support.

"Rosalie, show some compassion, you are talking about Bella, and like it or not she will become a full member of this family. Edward and Jasper are still your brothers and Jasper is Alice's mate." Esme shoved Rosalie aside and grabbed Alice into her arms.

"That is the thing that hurts the most. I always knew that Jasper and I would not be together forever. When I envisioned him the first time, I saw us having many years together and then one day he was not there. Over the years, I have caught little glimpses of whom he would become but nothing that told me when or how. I think the latest one was the last puzzle piece, it answered when and how everything would change. I also saw someone else out there for me. I do not know who it is yet, but he is there. That is why I am going away. I need to give Jasper his chance and I need to take mine too."

I could hear her straighten up while I was the one that was slowing sliding to the floor. How could all this be? How could she have played my life like a game? Alice had known all along that we would not be together forever and she had kept up the charade anyway. Fire black pain filled with rage ate at my chest and gut. I had done everything for her, changed the very man that I was for her and she was now throwing our lives away because she saw someone else in her visions for both of us. Venom pooled into my mouth and my stomach clenched.

The taste of Bella's blood from that one drop broke free yet again on my tongue it hit my senses in a rush and hunger gnawed at me. Anger raged hot in my veins. If this was the way, Alice saw it in her visions then I would see it done. I let the growls build until the house filled with the sound.

The door quickly thrust open and Carlisle stood in front of me. I was on my knees and holding the frame for support. It was the only thing keeping me from curling up into a ball.

"Since all of you want me to leave, consider me gone." The predator in me straightened from my position with grace. I pushed passed Carlisle and went to stand in front of Alice.

One look into her eyes and I could see her fear, could feel it coming off her in hot blast waves. I knew she could see my eyes blackened with fury and betrayal. She had never seen me in all my fury and it felt incredible letting it go.

"Jazz I am sorry. I should have told you years ago and did not know how. Everything was always so good. This is not easy for me either. I do not want to believe that someone else is my mate. Unfortunately, for us both it is not you, Jasper. The best course of action is for us to separate and see what is out there for us. I will always love you, Jasper and am just not in love with you anymore. There is something better out there for us both. It's better this way." Silently I watched Alice pull her wedding ring off her finger and hold it out to me.

Silent rage was winning over the hurt and loss that threatened to tear my heart from my chest. If I thought that it would help I would carve it out and place it at her feet. Alice was nothing if not set in her mind once she made her decision. This was it, the end of my family and now my marriage.

"I'll consider us divorced then my love since you have already seen someone else in our future's that is more enticing. That is unless you want to go through a legal divorce for an illegal marriage."

She was facing me in Esme's arms I pulled her from their place of safety and forced my kiss quick, hard and brutal on her lips. It was not hard enough to tear the delicate flesh and I was glad. I had the one drop of euphoria that I did not want washed away. In an instant, my predator came to the front of my being and I bit her lip making her wince at my bite. In a quick move I took the ring, I wore in private off my finger and pressed it into her hand with such force that the diamond of her ring cut into her palm drawing a wince to her face.

Emmett went to grab my arm and my military experience had him on the floor in a lock hold. He stared up at me stunned always used to being the strong one of the family. The protector was now on his knees on the floor.

I growled viciously when Rosalie stepped near Emmett. They all misjudged me on more than one occasion throughout my life with them. I would not make the mistake of hiding myself again. Part of me would always think of them as my family but I guess now it was the time for me to be the wolf instead of the black sheep everyone took me for.

"I'm sorry Carlisle but I don't think I will be joining you in Denali after all. However, do not worry I won't be looking for human blood anytime soon. Those days for me are truly over but I will not be the family pet project any longer." I let go of Emmett pushing him further down on the floor before I let go.

"If you don't mind I will be back to get my things once everyone has left. I do not relish another goodbye." I looked at Alice her lip had already healed and tried not to be angry with her. Who knew maybe one day I would thank her. Right now, I could not forgive her and would not for a long time.

In an instance I was gone and running north. I needed to feed. I wanted the most savage prey that I could find. The urge to feed was overcoming the taste of Bella's blood on my tongue. Currently, this moment, it would do none of us any good for me to go off the deep end for real and have someone wind up dead.


	3. Confrontation

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, I just play in the sandbox.

**Summary:**

After trying to attack Bella on her birthday and the farewell of his family can Jasper get a second chance. Can he live on his own and resist the urge for human blood. *Sequal to my one shot story titled One Drop which should be read for better clarity*

* * *

This story is because of **Emerald_Rosalie** whose belief in it since the beginning still astounds me. She is my muse and inspiration and I could not have done this without her. Thanks Emerald, I can not tell you enough just how much you ROCK!

Thanks to the lovely **BlueBella** for doing a pre-beta of this story for me. Your time and work for this story has my utmost appreciation and heart felt gratitude.

* * *

**Someone To Blame**

by **Entwine**

How come you're blaming me about

The things I have never done

It's such a shame

Well, it's your weakness that you hide

So, don't tell me how to live my life

'Cause you're so lame

You may steal my wings tonight

But I'll pay you back for your surprise

(you know where you all belong)

You may need my rage to fight

And I'll tear you down with my device

(you know where you all belong)

Well, I suppose you have the facts

To criticize me all the time

Are you the judge who decides?

It's your time to cry

I'll wash you away

I will be your doom and disgrace

* * *

**Chapter Three: Confrontation**

Later I sat on the edge of a ravine and looked out over the earth below. My senses had calmed and now after two mountain lions and a grizzly my need for blood filled to brimming. I was also thinking a lot clearer which was fortunate considering I had a lot to formulate in my head.

Dawn would be rising soon and with it Edward would be back at the house to prepare for his departure.

Without a thought, I took off at top speed. The thirst was sated for now but I was hungry for something more. The animals I had killed had not been able to erase her taste from my tongue.

In no time, at all I was up a tree and looking through a bedroom window at two bodies intertwined. Bella was under the covers curled around Edward's form. He was reading a book. Luckily, for us all I was downwind and Edward had closed the window. The rain falling down from above would be enough to mask my scent when Edward left. For now, I would keep my distance but soon he would be gone.

Dawn slowly began breaking and I tensed waiting. I heard the alarm in Bella's room go off and saw Edward gently nudge Bella awake. Emotions stormed through me not only from them but also from me. I tried to block Edward's rolling emotions but they were so fierce that they seeped through anyway. There was such finality to them. He truly was stupid enough to say goodbye.

In that instance, I knew I was not going to stop him. For once Edward was going to live with the consequences of his actions. He had forced all of us too long to his bidding. Someone was going to have to pick up the pieces that Bella was going to become once he left.

I did not wait around and ran back to the house to await Edward's arrival. Opening the front door, I was glad to see that everyone had left. The house was cold and not just from lack of heat, there was no family here to make the place alive. I would not be able to stay here, not that Carlisle and Esme would say no. This was not home to me now.

I felt Edward before I saw him and prepared myself for the inevitable encounter. He came through the garage door and I met him in the kitchen. His eyes began losing their topaz depths growing steadily black when he saw me. The low growl in his throat came across as menacing but I continued to stand my ground.

"What are you doing here?" His face contorted in anger and pain. I did not try to calm him or contain any of his emotions. For the moment, he was entitled to them. I knew that lunging at Bella was wrong and I was willing to apologize for it and to fulfill my favor to Carlisle. My mind would stay on the subject at hand and the information that Edward already knew.

"I stayed to offer an apology Edward. You know that I would never intentionally hurt Bella." I put my hands in my pockets and showed the vulnerability that left me open to his attack if that was his wish. I pictured my guilt-ridden dunk in the mountain stream still feeling the sorrow over attacking Bella. I knew that this would help convince Edward that I was serious in my apology.

"I do not worry about the intentional aspects Jasper. It is you giving into the need for human blood. You proved that you cannot be trusted around her, none of us can." His arms were crossed, and his stance defensive.

"Then why don't you stay? If you do not trust us enough, we can all leave. The rest of the family has already left. You don't have to leave her because of me." I felt the truth in his heart. He feared himself hurting Bella more than the rest of our family, I included.

This information was quite curious and insightful. It wasn't hard to picture both of them in my brain alone in the empty house. Just the two of them were there with no distractions from the family. They could become enraptured with each other and not have to worry about anyone barging in. I pictured them all alone and able to give into their passions. Taking my mind down a dark path, I felt Edward tense in grief. I pictured both of them taking a more physical turn to their relationship. At Edward's release, I had him biting into Bella and draining the life from her because there was no one around for him to call upon for help or restraint.

I let the sorrow I would feel at Bella's death convey the vision I was portraying in my mind that Edward was reading loud and clear. He knew he could not control himself around her without the rest of us here.

Edward gripped the counter top leaving finger impressions in the stone. He hung his head low and I blanked my mind as if I was trying to keep him from seeing my macabre thoughts. In reality, I was having a hard time not feeling justified. Edward was getting a dose of his own medicine. Deep in his heart he now realized that I was not the true danger to Bella, neither was the rest of the family. Edward was the danger to Bella, him and him alone. He knew the feelings of drinking your fill of human blood and the power it brought was a potent aphrodisiac. Deep in his soul, he knew that alone he would not be able to control his bloodlust. Edward was as gone as I was though only I freely admitted it.

"No, I have to go. I can't hurt her and I can't give her what she wants." Edward's head still hung low and I could almost taste his fear. He was afraid that if he went to turn Bella he would not be able to control himself killing her instead.

"There are other ways of turning her without drinking her blood. You've been with Carlisle long enough to know that truth Edward." I walked closer to him. In reality, I did think of Edward as my brother. Yeah I did want him to feel the truth of what monster lay inside him but neither did I wish the journey to enlightenment that I had on anyone. I was tired of the little jerk feeling above everyone in this family.

In a sense, I was tired of Edward making him out as the big bad monster then portraying me as much worse, because I had fed on humans the longest. The truth was we were all the stuff of nightmares, but the difference between the real monsters and us was that we recognized what we were and tried to change that perception. Just because I craved the taste of human blood did not mean that I was going to massacre the senior class because I was thirsty.

"What's so wrong about her staying human? Why is everything in our existence pain and death? Can she not see that this life is mediocre at best? I cannot do it Jasper even if it meant forever with her. I cannot give her our reality of life. Even if I didn't kill her I don't think I could live with myself or her as a vampire." He straightened up and looked into my eyes.

He had just given me the truth in a nutshell. Edward did not want to change Bella period, he loved her but not enough for forever. The thing he loved most about Bella was that she was human and he knew that he would not love her any other way. The thought of her being a vampire sickened him. He abhorred the thought not that she would no longer be Bella but that she would become a cold dead thing as we were.

Edward made Bella believe in a life of forever he did not intend to give her. It was actually cruel and dawned on me that he had used my lunging at Bella as an excuse to break it off with her. He knew that Bella was not going to give up until one of us made her a vampire. Better to break her heart than make her into a creature that disgusted him.

I now knew the truth. Neither the Denali coven, nor Rosalie, the one created for him, had turned his head. It was not because he saw them as unattractive or disinteresting. Edward saw vampire women as disgusting creatures. Without a doubt, I knew that Edward loved Alice, Esme and Rosalie, but they were family and it was a rule that you always loved family even if you did not like them very much. He was ready to destroy the girl he supposedly loved because he could not stomach her to be the same as him.

Looking at him, he more than confirmed my theory. Edward would not love Bella if she was a vampire, he would hate the very sight of her. It scared him and I pushed his own fear back at him. The fear of Bella turning into a vampire like us was bigger than her death, it was the real reason he found the strength to suck the venom out of her in Phoenix. One fear overruled another.

Were Bella and her emotions nothing but a game to him? I let the thought run through my brain knowing that he would pick up on it without me having to say so much as a word. Was he willing to let anyone pick up the pieces that he was sure to leave behind? Anger poured out of him answering that question with an emphatic no. Edward did not want Bella as a vampire but did not want anyone else to want the same thing.

"So what are you going to do just continue stalking the girl for the rest of her life to make her as lonely as you are? Does Bella's happiness mean anything to you? What about what Bella wants in life, does that not matter for something? If you are going to leave her Edward then do her the favor of leaving forever. Do not hang around waiting for her to find her happiness and then standing in the path every time. Don't fuck with her life because you don't have the balls to be in it with her." I knew that parts of my language were harsh to Edward who wanted to be ever the gentleman. The image came to my mind of Bella as a lonely old woman, with no children or family, still pining away for something that would never be. Picturing Bella, a member of our family, happy and loved, I twisted the picture in my mind to give her deep red eyes. Knowing this thought was wrong on many levels did not stop me from pushing it at Edward, just to punish him for the hell he was causing us all.

"Better for her my brother to leave a long even sad life, than to grant her a life of guilt and regret knowing that she had taken a life." He straightened and turned away from me his mind fully resolved after visioning the Bella in my thoughts with the human blood filled eyes.

There was no doubt in his mind now that leaving was the best thing for Bella. He could not have it both ways and he now fully accepted that. In many ways as he walked away from me and up the stairs, he wore an air of relief. My brother truly was a fool. Edward was willing to throw his and Bella's lives away because he could not have the ideal relationship with a human woman. I really hoped someday his pious attitude would come back to bite him in the ass.

I breathed deep the scents of home and family then followed Edward up the stairs. I glanced into his room as I past and Edward's movements were hurried. Unlike Alice, Edward randomly threw items in a large duffel bag in disarray. I felt his self-disgust as I went into my own room and heard him leaving the house.


	4. Disbelief

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight; I just play in the sandbox.

This story takes place immediately following One Drop so it is best to read that story first. This story goes AU while keeping some aspects of New Moon. Thanks and please review. Reviews are the light in the darkness of a cold cruel world.

* * *

This story is dedicated to the best fanfic pal a girl can have **Emerald_Rosalie **and my incredible and talented beta **BlueBella. **This story would not have happened without them.

* * *

Second Chances

Chapter Four: Disbelief

Goodbye To You - Michelle Branch

Of all the things I believed in

I just want to get it over with

Tears from behind my eyes

But I do not cry

Counting the days passed me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul

Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old

Feels like I'm starting all over again

The last three years were just pretend and I say

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I used to get lost in your eyes

And it seems like I can't live a day without you

Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away

To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Ohhh yeah

It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time

I want what's yours and I want what's mine

I want you but I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Goodbye to you

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew

You were the one I loved

The one thing that I tried to hold on to

When the stars fall and I lie awake

You're my shooting star

* * *

Carlisle said I had to wait for Edward to leave; he did not say what I could or could not do in the meantime. I was sure he would not want me to do what I intended but it would not stop me.

Hearing Edward leaving, I gave him a head start. I ran the distance to the school and was on the roof in an instant. Making sure to stay down wind, I hid in the shadows and waited. Edward would want to give Bella this last day together.

Patiently I watched the Volvo pull into the usual parking spot. Careful to stand down wind I easily cloaked my mind from Edward. When his mind heard all the different brain activities around him, he would just think mine was that of any other teenage boy and flashed images through my mind of school, girls and sex. Knowing Edward as I did the very instant that the images of naked bodies entwined would have him closing the connection to my mind immediately, especially when I added the images of Jessica Staley.

The salacious images of Jessica worked like a charm. The look of sickened disgust on his face was priceless. Now I would be able to watch him and Bella from afar and Edward would not be the wiser.

Edward helped Bella from the car and I caught her scent carried on the wind. For one instant I breathed deep letting the mouth-watering smell fill my senses. The taste of her blood burst yet again on my tongue and I fought to control the growl that threatened to erupt from my lips. As Bella and Edward walked across the parking lot, I focused in on Bella and the steady throb of her blood as it fed through her heart. My body coiled, ready to spring, craving the sweet honey on my tongue one more time.

I forced myself to focus on my brother and broke all connection with Bella. Edward's determination and anguish over leaving were clouding the love he felt for Bella. Throughout the day, I would change my position between the roof of the school and the surrounding trees. Edward grew so focused on leaving that he failed to notice the changes in Bella as the day wore on. At the end of the day, her hurt and confusion were palatable on my tongue.

From my crouched point again on the roof, watching Edward as he walked Bella to the car I closed my nose to all scent not wanting another distraction.

Bella asked my brother if he would be over later that evening and told him she had to work. There was such pleading in her for his attention and he turned away from it. Edward did not think Bella noticed the changes in him during the day as he steadily pulled away. He was sadly mistaken; with every moment of his indifference, Bella became more suspicious of his behavior. Hell by the time she got home after work she would have figured it out that he was breaking up with her.

By the time he was shutting the truck door for her I was ready to tell her myself. My brother was the world's biggest idiot. Bella's feelings made my mind up for me. The hatred I was now feeling at my brother had me thinking of ways to kill him slowly.

With lightning speed, I made it back to the house and up to my room as he pulled the Volvo into the drive. I was fortunate that he took off for the mountains instead of coming into the house. A few hours are all I would have before Edward's arrival at Bella's home. Quickly I filled a bag with clothes and took off back to Forks wanting it to look like I had left earlier in case Edward decided to check. It would not be unlike him to make sure that the family had indeed followed his orders and left the house through the garage. Once I was a few hundred yards away from the house, I stashed the bag and ran back to town.

I stopped at Newton's store and waited for Bella to leave then followed her home. Edward's car stood in front of the house empty. Presumably, he was inside talking with Chief Swan. It was close to dinnertime and with too many people around I could not watch from outside without being seen. I flew into the trees in front of Bella's house and then climbed a tall tree to wait. The tree was high enough that I could see Bella's house and hear what was going on inside.

Edward met Bella outside the house instead of waiting for her to come in. He took book bag and sat it by the front door.

"Come for a walk with me." He was anxious again, and ready to get this chore done and over with. Impatience was starting to fill his mind.

Bella replied "Okay," and together they walked into the trees precariously close to my position. I stopped all breathing and still my every movement. The wind was blowing high in the trees above me and I hoped that scent would not give me away.

They went only a few feet inside the woods and directly below me. Bella would know something was definitely up. Edward's antsy feelings were coming through loud and clear. His concern at this moment was not about Bella's fragile heart and self-esteem. He was concerned with how fast he could get the hell out of Dodge, or in this case Forks.

In all my years in military capacity of one form or another, I had never seen a man as big of a coward as Edward Cullen. He would rather put his tail between his legs and run than stay and fight whatever obstacle in his and Bella's path.

I watched Edward lean against my tree directly under me and an old western term came to my mind as Bella just stood there listening as my brother's words sliced her very soul and destroyed her fragile heart. Her disbelief at first cut me to the quick and I relived my last moments with Alice. I knew exactly how Bella felt because all of this just happened to me. Pain like the kind Bella and I were feeling was worse that a kick to the stomach it ripped your heart out, stomped on it for a while tearing it apart until there was nothing left.

Edward as the cowboys of old would say was nothing but a lily livered yellow-bellied coward. My decision was made for me as I watched Edward walk away he might be able to leave but I would be damned if he left her to go through this alone. They, he and Alice had done this to us because they were weak. I would not stand idly by and watch as Edward destroyed Bella. I was strong enough to get us both through this.

It would take carefully planning and I was nothing if not the best strategist in the family.

Carefully I followed Bella not wanting to be too close with her taste so new on my tongue. I wanted to be far enough away that I could run if I thought for a second that my predator was going to turn on her.

I watched my own pain insignificant to hers as she curled into a ball on the forest ground. Night was coming in around us. Getting her to safety was my priority but did not trust myself enough yet to be around her until I found a way to control my hunger for her blood. Taking out my cell phone, I called the police department and gave them Bella's location through an anonymous tip. I said I had been hiking and had caught a glimpse of a young woman out alone but that I had lost her.

It was not very long before the sounds of others and dogs came closer, and I continued to wait until I was positive that they had found her. Rain was beginning to beat down on all of us.

A man came into view below me and the stench made me curl my mouth back in a snarl. The rage and disgust I kept in check, damn werewolves. The man found Bella and stated his name as Sam Uley. As he picked Bella up, it was all I could do not to tear the man to pieces for even touching one hair on Bella's head. Gratitude filled me when Charlie took his daughter into his arms.

Quickly I followed the party as Charlie carried his daughter home. Once they were inside, I did not stay. Bella was being well looked after and for the moment it was all I could do.

Heading back to the Cullen house I was glad that Edward had seen fit to get immediately out of town. They way I was feeling against him right now were murderous and I would not hurt Esme in that way for the meantime. I knew with every part of me that if he came back and hurt Bella again I would not stop until his body parts were scattered far and wide.

I took my time packing everything in the room that was mine alone, leaving the remnants of my life with Alice behind. One the dresser she had placed a letter, I crumpled it in a suitcase not even bothering opening it. I knew what it would say without taking the time to read it. It would be full of apologies and how this was the best coarse of action for everything.

I was tired of people deciding for me what the best course of action in my life was. In many ways, I was grateful for this chance to be on my own without having to look over my shoulder to make sure I was doing the right thing by other's standards.

I piled my boxes and bags downstairs in the garage. Edward had not come back yet and I did not expect him to. Leaving through the side door, I took off running in the early morning light. My destination lay in Port Angeles to a place where I kept parts of me hidden even from my family.

While I ran, I formulated a plan in my head. It was much like planning a battle strategy and I had forgotten how good well-thought out plans could make a military man feel. The first order of business was money. I could not live on credit cards alone like I had been doing for the past many years. The second was finding a place to live, it had to be somewhere secluded and within easy reaching distance of some feeding grounds. The third part of the plan would happen once I started settling into my new life on my own. I was prepared to create a completely new man. So much of me for the past decades entwined with Alice. It was going to be nice to image myself to my liking instead of Alice's image. To appease her I had let her pick my clothes and hairstyles without complaint. Well I was my own man again; I was going to make the most of it. No matter what name I went by I knew I was a Cullen it was time for me to find my own identity within the family. For all purposes, Jasper Hale was gone. I was Jasper Whitlock and maybe that is who I was supposed to be all along.


	5. Freedom

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight; I just play in the sandbox.

This story takes place immediately following One Drop so it is best to read that story first. This story goes AU while keeping some aspects of New Moon. Thanks and please review. Reviews are the light in the darkness of a cold cruel world.

* * *

This story is dedicated to the best fanfic pal a girl can have **Emerald_Rosalie **and my incredible and talented beta **BlueBella. **This story would not have happened without them.

**Author's Note: **Thanks so much to all of the reviewers, I appreciate everyone of you. If you have added this story to your alerts or favs please leave a review. I would love to know how everyone is perceiving this story, even if you don't like it. All reviews help me become a better writer. Unlike some on , I will not beg for reviews or hold off chapters until a certain number has reviewed. I think it's tacky. If a writer doesn't believe in their story enough to write it just for themselves then it's time to hang up the keyboard. Now on with the show.

* * *

**Second Chances**

**Chapter Five: Freedom**

**Metalingus**

** - Alter Bridge**

**I've been defeated and brought down**

**Oh dropped to my knees when hope ran out**

**Oh, the time has come to change my ways**

**On this day, I see that clearly everything has come to life,**

**A bitter place and a broken dream.**

**And we'll leave it all, leave it all behind**

**I'll never long for what might have been.**

**No regret won't waste my life again.**

**Oh I won't look back**

**I'll fight to remain:**

**On this day I see clearly everything has come to life**

**A bitter place and a broken dream**

**And we'll leave it all, leave it all behind**

**On this day it's so real to me**

**Everything has come to life**

**Another chance to chase a dream**

**Another chance to feel **

**Chance to feel alive**

**Fear will kill me, all I could be**

**Lift these sorrows**

**Let me breathe, could you set me free**

**Could you set me free**

**On this day I see clearly everything has come to life**

**A bitter place and a broken dream**

**And we'll leave it all behind**

**On this day it's so real to me**

**Everything has come to life**

**Another chance to chase a dream**

**Another chance to feel **

**Chance to feel alive**

* * *

My biggest obstacle was going to be time. I wanted everything ready within a fortnight and luckily, when you threw enough money at them, people tended to move as quickly as you wanted them to.

Just outside of the town I slowed to a human pace turning into the large secluded storage facility. Punching in the code, I waited impatiently as the metal fence opened enough for me to slip through the narrow opening. In seconds, I was punching in another code to the small warehouse sized room. Hitting the light switch near the door florescent lights began popping open all over the room. Closing and locking the door behind me, I made my way through two rows of dust-covered vehicles and to the back where I kept my private office. Alice's visions with the stock market had done extremely well, but none of them knew just how well I had done with those tips.

Taking off my jacket, I threw it on a chair and uncovered the state of the art computers that I had built from scratch. Some of the components would not be available on the market for the next few years. Sitting the leather desk chair, I cued up the internet and my private bank account. Checking my balances, I was happy to note that my dividend shares alone would fund a small third world country.

The transference from one account to another took no time at all. A simple internet search showed me the link for realty companies where their listings showed some promise. Over the years, all of us had learned how to forge any documents that became necessary. Checking supplies and making sure all the necessary provisions were in order to change my identification later. For now, all I would take was a spare set of I.D. cards and papers with the name Jasper Whitlock. They were nowhere near the perfection I liked but they would suffice for the day to get me what I wanted. I made notes of the properties I wanted to see along with their phone numbers and turned off the computer before grabbing and putting on my jacket.

Walking halfway through the warehouse in between the rows of cars, I began to envision each pristine piece of metal under their covers. One in particular called to me. I had only driven her once and that was from Seattle to where she resided now. Carefully I started peeling back the white cover. The black paint was shining in brilliance as the cover was removed leaving a sight that still made me sigh in pleasure.

This was a pristine model of perfection and speed. Gray leather interior showed through the windows and I could not wait to sit behind the wheel again and to feel her powerful engine purr. The beautiful machine's speedometer maxed at 205 mph and, the car was flying across the pavement in the blink of an eye. More than one sales clerk had drooled when she rolled into the showroom though most people did when they caught sight of a Porsche Carrera GT for the first time. She was as deadly as she was beautiful. One wrong turn, one miscalculation in the driver would have you wrapped around a pole and wondering what had happened.

Quickly I went back into the office and punched in yet another code for a safe. The safe contained the keys to every vehicle and the keys to the Porsche winked at me in the light, beckoning me? I also grabbed the I.D. and the book for my bank account in Port Angeles. Releasing the keys from their peg I closed the box and reset the system then shoved the rest inside my inner jacket pocket.

Lovingly I moved my hand along the curves in the hood and down the door with human slowness, savoring every moment. The leather seat fit me like a glove and I could not hold back yet another sigh of pleasure. I pushed the key into the ignition and turned. A growling purr made my body tingle. Hitting the garage door opener, I pushed in the clutch and slipped into first gear. The crawl out of the garage, then waiting for the door to close and the outer door to open was agony. I wanted to be out and running free, so did the machine around me.

Within a few blocks, I was able to shift to second gear and within minutes was fully through all the gear and the needle was close to max. The powerful V10 engine growled in release and pleasure and I right along with it.

I had listed the few properties I found online that interested me and made my way to the one closest out to begin with.

Just driving up the lane past the sale signs I had a feeling the first house was going to be a firm no. The log cabin had the house I was wanting for but the property was all wrong. Quickly scaling a tree, I looked and to dismay found the neighbors home excessively close for enjoyment. Granted for normal humans the four or five acres between houses were more than ample room to move, I however was not a normal human.

Getting back in the car, I was glad not to feel disappointment. Putting the car back into gear, I drove the few minutes to the next place. This place was not so bad. The lot was substantial and the house was a good size as well. The property for the moment was sitting vacantly so it was no problem to jimmy the back door and take a small tour. It definitely had potential. Would have to be completely gutted for what I wanted but the square footage was similar to Carlisle and Esme's home?

Again, outside I scaled a tree and barely contained the profanity that escaped from my lips. It was too, close to the treaty line with La Push. That would not do at all. Fuming slightly I got back in the car and drove making sure to steer clear of La Push and the treaty lines.

The third house in the area was the closest to what I was looking for along was almost five miles away from La Push and First Beach, which was fine by me. My car steadily clicked the miles past Second and Third Beaches. The realtor's sale sign was near the road and pointing to an almost hidden drive. The amount of forest around me told me that I was near the edge of the Olympic National Forest and fairly close to the Bogachiel River. Ruts and stones kept my pace at a crawl on the lengthy driveway. The driveway broke into a clearing. In front of me, was a large open pasture where I could see Elk roaming freely.

The web site had listed the house with eighty acres of land. There was not a soul around for miles, and easier access to a hunting ground would be no farther than out my own door. The river flowed through part of the property for close to a half mile. This was definitely the place.

Quickly I got out my cell phone and dialed the number I had written down. In clipped tones, I expressed to the agent on the phone that I was putting down a bid for the property. Because of the land and the price had been empty for close to two years. However, with a five million-dollar price tag it was to be expected. The agent started listing off all the things they were supposed to tell you when you went to buy a house. Impatient I told him I would be at his office in the next hour. There was nothing else to do except to sign papers anyway. It would give me enough time to go back to the bank for a certified check for the full purchase price.

Running back to the car, I slowly backed out of the gravel drive once again. That would be the first thing I would take care of. I did not relish the stones putting nicks in the paint jobs of my favorite cars.

The drive back to Port Angeles seemed to take forever even with the gas pedal on the floor. I had seen what I wanted and now I was impatient to have it. Pulling into the bank's parking lot, I immediately saw several heads turn to stare. Yep the car was definitely a conversation starter. Clicking the alarm, I made my way in.

The only teller there was just finishing with a customer. I hoped this would not take long. The bank appeared woefully under staffed even for a small town.

"I'd like to speak to your manager please." I know what I looked like, why someone as young as I have business with a bank's manager.

Checking my watch, I was sure that my substantial deposit had transferred by now. The glory of the internet made everything so much more efficient. Years ago we would have had to bide our time and wait for a deposit to be transferred from one bank to another, not it only took a few keystrokes instead of days.

"Just a minute sir, I will see if she is available." I smiled and leaned against the counter and tried to fidget. A woman in her mid thirties came out of the adjoining office looking pristine and proper in a dark blue suit. She had twisted her dark brown hair up and her eyes captured me. Huge brown eyes brought Bella to my mind and I could again taste her blood on my tongue. It made the predator in me grin at this stranger and think about all the things I could do to her that did not require one drop of her precious blood spilt.

"Good morning sir. I am Janine Simmons. What can I do for you?" She had a feeling that I was the lackey for whoever made the deposit under an hour ago.

"May we talk in private please?" I turned and gestured toward her office then followed catching a whiff of vanilla from her hair and tried not to purr at my former thoughts.

She sat behind her desk and gestured to the seat across from her in the cramped space. Janine was nervous and licked her lips before moving papers out of her way.

"What can I do for you today?" She wove her fingers together on top of the desk and gave me her full attention. I liked this woman and gave her a smile that left a blush to her cheeks.

"I'm sure you've seen by now where a substantial deposit was made into this bank this morning." She nodded and I continued. "I am looking at some property and I need a cashier's check drawn on that account." Leaning back in my chair, I rested my arms on the sides.

"First sir, I need to see some identification as to the account. Second, our policy states that all deposits with the nature such as yours are held for seventy-two hours to be cleared properly." Janine smiled and I liked her even more for not giving into me right away and following her position's protocol.

I pulled my bankbook from my coat and handed it to her along with my identification. Without a word, she looked me over as well as the documents then turned to her computer punching in the necessary information. She became very confident when everything checked out undoubtedly having feared that there was an error somewhere in their system by the sheer size of my deposit.

"I see that everything checks out on this end sir, but there is still a seventy-two hours waiting period, before I could issue a cashier's check. It is the bank's policy to make sure that all funds are transferred properly." Yet again, I was impressed, but I grew tired and had a meeting in ten minutes.

"If you'd like, you can call the transferring bank and confirm the deposit. I can assure you that the size of my deposit is more than enough to cover the amount of the certified check." Leaning in I stared into her eyes smiling and allowing my abilities to dazzle humans to do just that. Janine flushed and in an instant, I could smell her arousal.

"I would need to call my boss to confirm that I can do that sir. It will only take a minute." Her hands pressed flat on the desk and her breath was coming out of her mouth in small gasps. Her breath was very enticing. She was very enticing. Leaning back, I gestured to her phone and tried to make myself comfortable in the too small chair.

As she dialed, I glanced down at my left hand and flares of anger, shot through me. I did not have any reason, not to give into such a lovely prospect anymore. As of this morning, my marriage with Alice was over and I was a free man. I could in fact, take out the lovely creature across from me and would not be cheating on a wife that just this morning had stated it was over and that she was off to find a better prospect.

She smiled at the phone and made a few notes on a small pad. In that moment of watching her smile, her face still wearing a faint rosy glow, I made up my mind. Turning she looked at me and nodded her head before dialing the number she had written down. I took the nod as the bank's acceptance to go forth with my certified check and smiled back at the lovely Janine.

In moments, she was done and light was dancing in her eyes. Her boss was happy with her and for landing such a deposit for the bank, she felt like celebrating. I felt like helping her do just that.

"To whom would you like your check made out, Mr. Whitlock." Her vanilla scent hit me again and I stood holding out my hand to her.

"I will be back with that information as soon as I know. I just wanted to get the preliminaries done by coming to see you first. Just get everything ready and I hope to back within the hour." Her hand shook a little as it met mine and she almost gasped when she felt the coldness of my skin but quickly regained her composure.

"We will be here waiting to serve you when you return Mr. Whitlock and I wish you luck in your venture." She led me out of the office and to the front doors, as I was sure she did for every customer whether they were depositing ten dollars or the ten million that I just had.

Jumping back into the car, that now had several onlookers; I glanced at the address of the realty company. Speeding I would make the appointment just in time.


	6. Excitement

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, I just play in the sandbox.

This story takes place immediately following One Drop so it is best to read that story first. This story goes AU while keeping some aspects of New Moon. Thanks and please review. Reviews are the light in the darkness of a cold cruel world.

**Second Chances**

**Chapter Six: Excitement**

**Song: It's My Life**

**Bon Jovi**

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted  
No silent prayer for the faith-departed  
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd  
You're gonna hear my voice  
When I shout it out loud

_[Chorus:]_  
It's my life  
It's now or never  
I ain't gonna live forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
(It's my life)  
My heart is like an open highway  
Like Frankie said  
I did it my way  
I just wanna live while I'm alive  
It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground  
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down  
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake  
Luck ain't even lucky  
Got to make your own breaks

_[Chorus:]_  
It's my life  
And it's now or never  
I ain't gonna live forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
(It's my life)  
My heart is like an open highway  
Like Frankie said  
I did it my way  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out  
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

_[Chorus:]_  
It's my life  
And it's now or never  
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
(It's my life)  
My heart is like an open highway  
Like Frankie said  
I did it my way  
I just want to live while I'm alive

_[Chorus:]_  
It's my life  
And it's now or never  
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
(It's my life)  
My heart is like an open highway  
Like Frankie said  
I did it my way  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
'Cause it's my life!

* * *

**Chapter Six: Excitement**

I found the company in a quaint little cottage with brightly colored flowers lining the walkway to the door. The inside decor was clean though a little tacky and the receptionist was just hanging up the phone. She looked at me without saying anything obviously not as trained as Janine had been at the bank.

"I have an appointment with Mr. Marshall. I called earlier." I turned from her rudeness and began looking at the photo listings of properties they had for sale. I heard her get up rather noisily. She was not happy with her job or of being near Mr. Marshall, and she was more than a little afraid of him.

A plump fellow with a too red face and huge nose came into the room. He stared at his receptionist's ass as she sat and his lust almost made me fill ill for the poor young woman. No wonder she hated him and I hated that I was about to make the man's day. Looking at her I pushed forward the emotions that she had important errands to run.

"I'm Jasper Whitlock; I spoke to you earlier about the property on the river." I held out my hand and he shook it. His shake and manner happened to be a little too greedy.

"Come on in Jasper, if I may call you that." He walked me to his office and I gave no indication to whether he could call me by my name or not, with this person it would not matter anyway. Behind me, the receptionist was putting on her coat and grabbing her bag.

"Mr. Marshall, I have to run to the post office and to get your dry cleaning." She did not bother coming to the door just called out instead.

Parts of me knew that I would check up on the young woman just to make sure the old man stayed away. It was the least I could do for whatever he would put her through on his happy occasion.

"So you're looking at the property. It is a beauty and one of the largest in the area. I have been trying to unload the damned house for almost three years. No one in this economy can come up with the funds. Fellow could make a fortune putting a luxury resort there, would have tried myself if it were not so danged close to the parks. Those damned tree huggers never want to let a man make a few bucks if it will harm some rare weed." Huffing he bent to get a file out of a low cabinet and then huffed again getting in his chair. I could tell by his over excitement for the sale and his gushing that he had bought the property himself to turn a profit. He had found out that he could not, now he had no other alternative but to sell.

"A wildlife conservation group formed a trust for the house, seems the state won't let anything else on the property but a private residence. The house also needs work. With an asking price of five million it's a real steal for that much land along the river." Sure enough, the papers he handed me had his name attached; he had tried to white it out at some point. Obviously he thought better of the fraud charges that attached to him should be the proper authority's find out.

"Would you happen to have any coffee Mr. Marshall? I've had a long morning and could do with the caffeine." The cup would sit untouched but he did not know that. I just wanted to get a chance to look over all the papers about the property while he was gone.

"Sure. Rebecca!" His voice came out in an unpleasant bellow that hurt my sensitive ears.

"I believe she left for the post office. If you wouldn't mind I would love that cup of coffee, and I would also like to call my bank in private about transferring funds." I made a gesture of pulling out my phone and gave the lecherous man a dazzling smile.

"Sure, sure that is not a problem. Do you take anything in it?" His body made disgusting noises as he pried himself from the chair.

"Black is fine. Thank you." I pretended to dial numbers and make it seem as if I were on hold.

He left the room mumbling about ungrateful secretaries and women not knowing their place.

Lighting fast I grabbed the folder from his desk and skimmed the contents. It was as I suspected he had bought the property for a song not knowing about the detailed trust. Several papers held denials for proposals of building a casino claiming that it would not be benefiting the local Quileute tribe's interest to become involved in such a venture. I also found the deed showing where Mr. Marshall had paid half the amount for the property he was trying to sell. No wonder he was so excited about my interest he stood to double his profit without doing anything.

Hearing his footsteps just outside I positioned the papers back on his desk and made it seem as if I were just hanging up from my call. Looking at his grinning face, I knew I could pay him the amount he wanted but it would weigh on my conscious to better this man's life when he was not worth it.

"Good news I hope." A paper cup of coffee that looked and smelled like tar sat in front of me. I took a sip just to be polite almost gagging, it tasted like tar.

"After speaking with my attorney and my bank I am prepared to make you an offer." The grin and glee on his face and in his thoughts made me want to gag more than the atrocious coffee.

"Wonderful. Let me get all the papers." He made a big show of pulling out contracts and the deed from the file while not showing any of the other information that he did not want me to see.

Leaning in close I grinned and began to dazzle him. He would think that he was getting rid of a lemon property and that it was better to cut his losses.

"I'm prepared to offer you two million dollars for the property. The price is nonnegotiable." Letting the dazzle take effect quickly I dialed the bank and asked to speak with Janine.

"Janine Simmons, I may I help you."

"Janine, this is Jasper Whitlock, I need the amount for the cashier's check made out for two million dollars to Mr. Conrad Marshall." The man in front of me continued to pick through papers as I dazzled him.

"That is no problem, Mr. Whitlock, when can I expect your return?"

"That is a problem. I need to ask a favor of you Janine. I am here at Marshall Realty, would it inconvenience you too much to run it here to me. We will also need a notary and your office door proclaimed your license. I would hate to leave the bank in a lurch but it is of the utmost importance." My words dripped with honey into the phone and I knew without a doubt that she would be here with the check in minutes.

"I can do that Mr. Whitlock. I will ask Nancy to look after the bank until my return. We are not as busy today so fifteen minutes away should be all right. Our security guard Russ just got back from his break so there will be no problems. Will that be all?"

"Yes, thank you so much Janine, you are being an incredible help." I hung up the phone with a snap.

"So Conrad, where is the line I sign? Janine is running us the certified check as we speak." The minutes until Janine's arrival went smoothly as I dotted all the I's and crossed all the T's.

Janine''s arrival coincided with Ms. Peterson's and a brilliant idea came to mind, I could kill another bird with one stone.

"Ms. Simmons, I take it to believe the bank shorthanded at the present."

"Yes, we are, our oldest teller just retired."

"Would you be willing to train someone new to fill the position if they already have basic skills?" I pocketed the newly signed papers proclaiming me the owner of the property I wanted with the keys. Passing the check to Mr. Marshall who still appeared dazzled even though I was no longer attempting to do so.

"Yes, it would be a godsend to find someone even remotely qualified. I would have no problem training anyone that could fill the position." She looked at me. The pleasant blush yet again lingering on her cheeks.

"I believe I know of someone. Shall I send them around to you later today?" I fingered my car keys.

"That would be fine." Smiling she seemed almost woozy and I turned my gaze not wanting her to be too confounded to go back to work.

"Another question, might I take you to dinner this evening? I now have realized that I have some time available and I would like to thank you for your help." I spoke away from her not wanting to dazzle her into her decision though I already knew the answer to be yes. She had been too excited to see me again when she had walked in the door.

"Sure, we can discuss any other choices the bank may have to offer you." She picked up her briefcase to leave.

"I'll pick you up at the bank at closing." I ushered her toward the door and left Mr. Marshall beaming and staring at his two million dollar check. After I left, he would wonder where the rest of it was but would be too happy to care.

Turning before I left, I stared at Ms. Peterson while she stared at Mr. Marshall's door. She was afraid of what he would do to her once we were gone. While she did so, she fingered purple bruises on her wrists.

"Rebecca." I said the word in a throaty whisper and she turned to look at me. Staring her in the eyes I made Rebecca feel the realization that she did not want to be at this job another second. The bank down the street is looking for help. The pay and benefits are sure to be better.

I smiled as she grabbed her coat and handbag before following me out the door.

Getting into the car, I tried not to howl in glee. What had started out the worst day of my existence was turning out not so bad. I now had a house to call my own, gotten one over on a bad person and gave a young woman a new lease on life before she killed the bad guy. Yep it was turning out to be one hell of a day. All of this was without spilling one drop of human blood.

Patting the keys in my pocket, I peeled out onto the street and made way to Seattle. Phase one was now complete; phase two was a phenominal success now it was time for phase three. By the end of the Jasper Hale would fully be gone.

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**Author's Note: **Thanks to everyone for the reviews. I am sorry it has taken me this long to update. My sister was taken into the hospital for a possible heart attack. Hopefully I will be able to update every Sunday or Monday. That at least is my goal until the end, which is a long way off by the way.

The reviews have been awesome and I appreciate each one more than you can ever imagine. Thanks to all those who might not have reviewed but have added the story to their favorites. Remember it is never to late to review.


	7. Strength: Part 1

Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Many many many thanks to **letmesign** and **charverv** who noticed that I had left something out, the first part of this chapter. I have no idea how it didn't get copied but here it is. For those just now reading this chapter please disregard this notice!

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**Chapter Seven: Strength: Part 1**

**St. Elm's Fire - John Parr**

I loved the feel of the car and the freedom and I flew through cars on the highway. My destination was the large mall that Alice frequented because it was the only one close enough with the designer fashions that she desired without making a trip to L.A. It wasn't my first choice because of obvious memories but it was the one I was most familiar with and wouldn't need to search aroud for the stores I wanted.

As I pulled into a parking spot and cut the engine I mentally made a list of what I wanted to do in order. The first order of business was my hair. Looking in the mirror I said good-bye to the man who became Rosalie's twin. To achieve that link I had to keep my hair dyed blonde. It was yet one of those roles that was necessary of me to fit in with the family more.

The locks had become longer since last year and I was glad that my hair still grew even in death. I was looking forward to having my natural brown locks back. It was fortuitous that I had parked close to the high-end salon that Alice forced me to when it was time for touch-ups to the blonde.

The thought of Alice again made me remove my hands from the fragile steering wheel before my anger rendered it useless. I could still picture her hopping off that stool in the diner in Philadelphia. Why hadn't she told me we weren't going to be together forever. I would still have loved her. The truth was obvious even though it hurt like a bitch. She had been truthful when she said she wasn't in love with me anymore.

Leaning back in the seat my head on the rest I closed my eyes and counted to twenty letting the memories fade away. Swallowing involuntarily the taste came back and in that moment I was free and my plans replaced the melancholy in my mind.

Stepping out of the car I made my way across the street. The mall was down to resemble an English village but lacked the charm of old London. Opening the door of the salon the smells hit my nose in a force that had me thanking the ability to go without breathing. Alice and I had been coming here for years and most of the site new us by name. Mostly thankful to the obscene tips we left more than our personality, at least on my part.

"It's so lovely to see you Mr. Hale. Are you here for your regular treatment?" The regular treatment involved the bleaching of my brown locks to match Rosalie's.

"Something different." I ran my fingers through the long strands on my head. "Can you take this back to its normal color." The woman stopped almost stunned telling me just how long I had been getting my hair done. As a guy I was never going to go through this again.

"That won't be a problem Mr. Hale. You are also in luck that we have had a cancellation. Alice usually has the appointments booked in advance. If you''ll follow me Trisha will be able to take you. Will you be wanting your normal haircut as well?"

"No, I'm going to let it go longer for awhile." Many the faces were familiar to me as I walked by, some smiled in recognition and I smiled back to keep from being downright rude.

I followed the woman whose bones protruded from her body as if they would break through her skin. What was it with young women nowadays and age walking around like skeletons. Growing up in Texas a woman was lovely when she had curves in all the right places.

I almost shook my head at myself. How long had it been since I had even paid attention to a woman to notice their appearance, and here today I had already noticed three. Maybe there was something to being newly single after all.

Luckily the woman that had me I had used many times before so she had grown accustomed to my silence and did her job. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander to the images of Bella and why her blood held so much appeal to me. By Hollywood beauty standards she was average and by fashion standards anything over a zero was chunky. This woman would have fit in well during the era of my birth, where her round lush hips, pleasing smile and gray eyes would made many suitors swear fealty. Bella's had softly curved frame, not athletic, but you could tell that she ate food and enjoyed dessert if she wanted.

Thinking about her now I liked the way she looked and it made me smile internally to think there was a woman out there with close to as many scars as I had. Someday we would have to compare them and share their stories.

I almost set up in my chair but thankfully caught myself in time. Was it me that just thought about spending time with Bella Swan and telling her my history. Her blood had done a number on me. Just thinking of her made her blood in me sing. That was a question in itself. Why did Bella's blood sing for me, why could I feel her as if she was a part of me. All I had to do was think about her and it was if I could feel her next to me.

There was only one-way to get the answers to what I wanted. It involved going back to Carlisle and Esme's and searching through Carlisle's journals. If there was anyone who would have information on a human's blood singing to a vampire it would be Carlisle. His journals were meticulous when it came to the vampire behaviors that he had witnessed for three hundred plus years.

The time ticked by painfully slow until the stylist finished at last. Staring back at me was a face I hardly recognized. It had been a longtime since I resembled the man I knew so long ago. I saw the boy I had been and the man I had become elated with the change. Pulling a hundred dollar bill out of my wallet I handed it over to Trisha who beamed and left to pay my bill at the counter. I walked out a salon that I would never walk into again feeling like a new man. The beginning stages of the change were already worth it. I felt like Jasper Whitlock again and it was a damned good feeling.

Now for the part I detested but it had to happen. Gone now would be the days of looking like a runway model because Alice had to stay on the top of fashion no matter the cost. What good was it to pay hundreds of dollars for a shirt that a hunt would destroy. I had enough of the dress clothes, now it was time to get back to the basics that my current wardrobe lacked, jeans and t-shirts.

Stores that Alice usually wouldn't go into were the ones where I found stuff I liked. I paid attention to what men when it to what stores alone and followed. Soon it wasn't hard to discern between the stores that sold more regular clothes that men actually bought. Hating to carry around bags I made several trips to and from the car.

It was at the Gap standing in line when I fully realized that I'd had enough shopping for one day. There is only so many times a guy alone can stand the touch of helpful store employees before he feels like draining someone dry.

Checking my watch I was overjoyed to see that it was after two o'clock. Bella would be getting out of school about now. If I were lucky I could catch her and apologize for last night before she saw Edward. The happy thoughts of seeing her again made me stop in my tracks. Where in the hell had those thoughts come from? I should not be happy in any way to see the young woman that had taken all of my family's lives shook them up, turn them upside down and had us separating from one another.

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I put the final bags in the car and got in. Flooring it out of the mall and onto the interstate, I would make it to the high school with just enough time to spare.

The car was too obvious, so I parked it on a side road and ran the rest of the way, making sure to stay in the shadows. By now the whole town would know about the Cullen's move; Carlisle's position at the hospital made gossip a creature of reality. I did not want anyone to see me and wonder why I was still around, at least not for a while yet. Nothing could get back to Bella until it was time for me to see her. I did not want her getting her hopes up just in case my plans did not work out the way I wanted them to.

Waiting, watching, and never seeing the figure that I had come to see. It would make sense if she did not come to school today, and I did not know why I had not thought of that possibility sooner. In my overeagerness to see Bella, I had left out an important factor, her mourning Edward's departure. I, the empathic one, did not think of the reality around me.

In my excitement in starting my new life, I had naively figured that Bella would bare the same exuberance. The urge to see her right away was overwhelming, but I had the car to consider. No one around but the Cullens drove flashy cars. Again, in my zeal I was making bad decisions. If I wanted to keep an eye on Bella, I needed to become more inconspicuous.

Mentally I pictured all the cars I had stored in the garage and surmised that none of them would fit for reconnaissance work. They were all too bold and flashy. I needed a car that was sedate, normal. Another side trip to Port Angeles was going to be necessary. Checking my watch, I had at least three hours before my date with Janine. It should be plenty of time to find a suitable replacement car, come back to check on Bella, and then get back to Port Angeles for my first date in close to fifty years.

Luckily for me, my car was exactly where I had left it and no one was the wiser of its presence. Once inside, I resisted the urge to gun the engine and headed out of Forks, taking back ways where people were less likely to be paying attention to passing cars.

I made Port Angeles in record time and smoothly pulled the car into the spot it had abandoned that morning. A slight hint of sadness crept on me as I unpacked the shopping bags from the trunk. The feeling was inconsequential; I merely hated having to drive something unobtrusive when I had this beautiful baby sitting right here. I patted the still warm hood fondly and recovered her with care. After ditching the bags in the office, I reopened the safe and placed the Porsche's key back on its peg. Quickly calculating, I grabbed a stack of cash and locked the door.

One car dealership had the inventory I was looking for and I headed there. As I passed cars in the lot, I made a mental tally of what I was looking for. I was closing in on SUVs when the perfect idea hit me. It would solve all my problems - it was subdued enough to not look out of place in any car lot and yet could still be flashy enough to suit my taste for powerful engines. Any self-respecting Texas boy would not be without one. If I were to become again the man I believed I once was, then this vehicle was perfect. I needed, no wanted a truck. A truck would also be able to handle any toting of supplies that I would need in fixing up my new house, and I would not worry about its paint job on the gravel drive. The idea was perfect. A flashing thought came through my mind of why I had never bought a truck before, why I had never celebrated more my Texas roots. Alice and her ideals had always come first. A truck would never have gone over well with her.

Looking back, I could see now the work she had done to strip me away from everything that I had been. Owning a truck was going to be yet another step in getting back the Jasper Whitlock that until last night I had not realized was gone. Alice had stripped more from me than just my natural hair color; she stripped over the years my identity from me. Jasper Whitlock had become the man Alice had made, Jasper Hale.

Realizations were hitting me like lightning bolts and I was sure I was standing in the middle of the lane looking like a dolt. It was refreshing as every new aspect of my life unfolded and another weight lifted from my shoulders. For the first time since my turning, I could breathe. Bella's taste on my tongue exploded and I was flying, and for a moment I was the happiest I could ever remember being.

I was not the Jasper Whitlock that made a career in the Confederate Army and then an army of vampires. Nor was I Jasper Hale, the black sheep son of the Cullens; I was all and none of them. Right now, it was time for me to be me. I just needed find out who the real Jasper was.

Right now I wanted a truck. Quickly scanning the lot, my eyes fell on an enormous machine of polished onyx paint and chrome. Using human speed, I walked the lanes until I was standing in front of what would be my newest acquisition. With a single cab, it was not as big as the others on the lot. It was more than adequate for a passenger and me. A small logo touted a V-8 engine, which made me happy indeed. What good was a truck of this stature without the power to back it up? A piece of paper proclaimed the same message as the greasepaint writing on the windshield - fully loaded. Another good sign; I would not have to wait around to get the package I wanted.

After walking around the truck, I was ready to do business. All I had to do was walk through the lot and wait for a dealer to pounce. It did not take long before I felt him. My age made him doubtful of a sale, and he quickly scanned the used lot to see what he could offer me when my deal for the truck fell flat. He would do what he could to put me in any vehicle today. I felt his worry and saw him pop a couple of antacids before making his way to me.

Worry etched his middle-aged face with fatigue. The economy was not kind to dealerships right now and every possible sale seriously considered. The man was up to his neck in debt because of a slow season. Well, I was just about to make his day.

"She's a beauty isn't she? Every available accessory was installed to her." A name placard declared the man as Walter and as I shook his hand, I felt his worries about the sale grow. I sensed that the worry was not for himself, but for his family. It was unselfishness that I liked, and looking at Walter who with all of his worries still stood proud, I found out I liked him.

"What else can you tell me about this particular truck?" I knew all I needed to know, but Walter was unaware of that. I wanted to test his honesty and trustworthiness.

"It's got just over a hundred miles on it. That has all been with test-drives. The owner bought it for an advertising campaign last year, figuring it would be the first sold. That didn't happen. It is last year's model even though it is new. I have some newer models if that is what you're interested in." Walter began a quick succession of all the features: leather bucket seats, GPS with Ipod hook-up and video capability, heats and massage in the seats and on and on. He was giving the full rundown of everything with enthusiasm and not once did the hope for the sale rise in his emotions. It had been a bad year.

Laughing, I held my hand up to stop him."Walter, I want the truck, just point me where to sign and who to pay." His jaw opened and for the first time hope appeared not only in his feelings but also on his face with overwhelming disbelief.

"If you're playing around with me, son, I'm not going to be too happy with you." Poor Walter had been this route with this particular truck more than once. People in this area just could not afford an almost fifty thousand-dollar truck after adding taxes and title to the list price.

"Would you prefer cash or check?" I could not help but smile at the person as his mouth continued to hang open despite his movements to hold it closed.

"Now I know your playing with me. No one buys a car without negotiating on the price. Who set you up to this? If it was Harvey in the accounting department, I'll kill him." Walter was now laughing with me, taking my words as a practical joke at his expense. The laughter through his own worries made me like the man even more and for not one instance did I have the urge to sink my teeth into his prone jugular. The feeling of control overwhelmed me as Walter laughed so hard he cried.

"Boy, I needed that. It has not been a good day. Now son, do you need a car, if so, what can I help you with?" Walter wiped the tears from his tired blue eyes and stared at me.

"Seriously, I want the truck and I'm willing to pay the sticker price, negotiations are not necessary." I pulled my checkbook from my inside pocket, carefully hiding the stacks of cash. Paying in cash might be enough to send poor Walter into convulsions, and I did not want that on my conscious today.

"You're not shitting me?" His vulgarity slipping from his mouth made him go red with embarrassment.

"I assure you, Walter, I am not shitting you. I need a truck, want a truck, and I want this one right here. If I need to, I can run to the bank and get a certified check made out to the full amount if that would help with the believability, or would a charge card work?" I gently place my hand on his shoulder propelling Walter toward the office building.

When I mentioned the charge card, he stopped in place."You mean to tell me that you could buy that truck with your charge card?" His mouth was again aghast. "If you can do that, it's something I would like to see." Shaking his head Walter now lead me into the building to see just how easy it was to pay for the truck with my credit card.

Thirty minutes later, after what seemed like an eternity of me glancing at my watch, I signed the final paper making me the proud owner of a big black beast of machinery. Much to my own, and Walter's, obvious amusement, he called several people in to watch as he put the full purchase amount for the truck through on my black American Express card. Cheers went up around Walter as the approved message came through loud and clear mere seconds after it was submitted.

While I was signing the necessary papers, the truck went through a quick wash to get the paint off the windows. It was pulling to the front of the building to wait for me with a new thirty-day license affixed to the back. Because of that sign, it dawned on me that I would have one more stop to make at the DMV to get a new plate. I hoped the line would not be long. Better yet, it would give me something to do tomorrow while I waited for Bella to finish school. At the same time, I could take care of the necessary arrangements for connecting household utilities at my new home.

A slap on the back interrupted my thoughts. Luckily for Walter, I leaned forward with the light blow so as not to cause the man any physical harm.

"Well congratulations, son. One question - how does a kid your age gets that financial security?" The last part came out as a whisper as he ushered me out the door to my new truck. I still felt the worry in him despite the big commission he had just made. "My daughter has just gotten accepted into Harvard and I would greatly appreciate any tips." Walter opened the truck door for me and I got in.

"Family and good stock tips, but I can do you a favor, I know several people on the scholarship board at Harvard and I can have them look at your daughter's transcripts to see if there is anything they can do." I could not help the need to help people today for some reason. "I'll stop back in tomorrow and you can give me her information. I'll do what I can to help." Not only Walter but I as well felt the lift of a burden off his shoulders. He believed and trusted me to keep my word and I was more than willing to help him any way I could. I did indeed know people on the Harvard board, and securing a scholarship, even if I had to put the money up for it was well worth it.


	8. Strength: Part 2

Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight I just play in the sandbox.

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Thanks to all of the patient people out there who have waited for an update and for the new readers who are just finding the story. If you like please review, if you don't please tell me why. On with the show.

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**Chapter Eight: Stength**

**Leann Rimes - Life Goes On**

Being a Major in the military had shown me one definite truth; the ability to help people no matter the circumstance was one of life's great rewards. In my years since being a vampire and a Cullen, I had forgotten that truth, many of us had except for of Carlisle.

As I sped down the road back to Forks, I realized two truths to my own self. One was that I had went almost the whole day and not once felt the urge to feed off the many humans I had been in contact with. The day had been a true test to my hunger and I had passed with excellence so far. Janine and the date with her would be my final challenge of the night. The second truth was how much I envied my adoptive father, not just his control with human blood, but his heart, his compassion and his genuine love for people. All this made it possible for him to live this long and he had not gone off the deep end. Maybe someday striving to find the balance between being a vampire and a man I would become as great a man as Carlisle Cullen.

The heavy truck drove like a dream down the highway. With the radio turned to a heavy rock station I counted the seconds until I was back in Forks, every second seemed like eternity and forever was something I knew a thing or two about.

Red and blue lights followed by ear piercing sirens, blasted me from my reverie just inside the town limits. Checking the rearview mirror, I let out the one expletive that could only work in this situation. "Fuck."

The driver motioned me to the side of the road and I obeyed the unspoken command. Luckily my papers were lying on the seat beside me and I held them out the window with my I.D. Out of respect I turned the volume down on the stereo until it was no longer heard. Despite the years of driving I'd only ever received a handful of tickets.

Watching in the rearview mirror, I was able to watch the lights and sirens of the police cruiser disengage. The driver side door opened and uniformed legs uncurled and stepped onto the pavement. Charlie Swan walked toward me with a stride suitable an elderly man rather than the middle-aged one he was. Fatigued was etching deep lines into his face. Charlie's haunted dark eyes and his heart were at home with his daughter and not on-the-job.

I blocked most of emotions from him before they had me slumping over the steering wheel. Like his daughter he hid feelings deep inside that only an empath like I sensed. Thankful for us both I now carried identification under the name Jasper Whitlock. I had never come face-to-face with Forks Chief of Police so my face should be unrecognizable to him. Charlie would never associate the Cullens with me.

"You were speeding into town a little fast weren't you, son?" Charlie's haunting eyes were face-to-face with me. He was eager to have this day over with and to be home to check on Bella.

"Sorry sir. I just got this baby today and I opened her up on the highway." Sounding like a typical guy my age I hoped Charlie would give me a warning.

"A new car is no reason to speed, son. Let me see your paperwork and license." I handed him the necessary papers and my license. Years ago I had taken to forging the date on my license to look older than my everlasting age of twenty.

"I need to run this through, stay put." Charlie took the license and walked back to his car.

I knew Charlie would find nothing wrong but I had a sinking feeling that I was going to get a ticket anyway.

Indeed I was getting a ticket. Charlie came walking back with a small clipboard attached to it was my license and a pink piece of paper. "If you would have been going five miles slower, I'd been able to let you go with a warning. The fine is due in thirty days. Make sure you keep to the speed limit." Charlie handed me the paper through the window failing to make eye contact with me. I was glad he did, I didn't have the heart to see the pain again in his eyes. Quickly I signed with the pen he offered and took the ticket.

A breeze came through the window and with it Charlie's scent. He smelled so strong of Bella that my mouth salivated. Battling myself I was able to keep my eyes open and clenched my jaw. My senses were exploding. The man before I smelled of all the beast inside me craved. It was delicious and the taste of Bella's blood on my tongue was as fresh as it had been the night before. Swallowing mouthfuls of venom and clinging to every shred of humanity I had, it was all that kept me from pulling Charlie inside the cab of the truck and drinking until his body was lifeless.

My hands were clenching and unclenching as he walked back to the cruiser and got inside. The cruiser pulled away from the curb and away from the monster that could have ripped Bella's father apart.

The need to feed had my eyes turning to pitch. Pulling away I drove to the next intersection taking a left, opposite the way Charlie had gone. Now was as good of time as any to see my new house and feed on my new sprawling acreage of land.

I respected Charlie enough that I kept to the speed limit until I was out of Forks. Another ticket would have him watching out for the truck. When the time came I did not want Charlie to have a bad opinion of me.

My reaction to Charlie told me one important fact, I was not ready to be near Bella. My main plan was to build up enough tolerance for human scent and blood that I would be able to be in close confines with Bella without the overwhelming urge to taste her.

Since joining the Cullens and Alice I had tried to stay away from humans without family present. It wasn't that I did not trust myself, I did. My family however did not. Reality was a slap in the face by a heavy fist. There wasn't any member of my family that trusted me not to kill.

What would they say or do when they found out I was living in Forks? They would know soon enough when I never showed up in Denali. I would thank them, pleased for the offer of staying with my family but I was not coming.

Gravel pinged against the undercarriage of the truck as I pulled into my driveway. The truck handled the dips and ruts a lot better than the Porsche. Buying a truck had been a good decision.

Anxiety to look inside the house had me almost bouncing. First I had to feed. I hoped like this morning Elk would be roaming the meadow in plenty. I would search for one alone from the pack. Scaring them too badly might keep them away from the spot, they were likely not to come back if they suspected a predator. Scanning the trees I found one alone in the brush, it was older and appeared lame. I moved to run but I couldn't.

Looking at the animals roaming the property at peace and feeling safe I found I could not destroy that. A huge male turned and looked at me obviously sensing my presence. Giving a huff of breath he moved a few steps in my direction keeping in eye contact. These animals grew accustomed to living with humans around. He kept moving closer until all I had to do was reach out to touch.

What caused me to hold out a hand I knew not, but I could not help the motion? The male in front of me blew breath against my hand before nuzzling against it. Emotion overwhelmed me. Here in this place I felt my earlier bloodlust all but disappear. I knew I needed to feed but I was okay. Gone was the urgent fever to fill myself to gorging on blood of any kind.

All I felt was peace and for once it was my own. I would never destroy this tranquillity by hunting here. The reserve and the mountains were too close for me to ever look at these animals as a buffet.

With a gentle shove I pushed the animal away watching as he made his way back to the herd. Turning I retreated the way I had came. Climbing the few steps, I stood in front of my new front door.

The house set into the hill with two levels. Opening the door, I found myself standing in a small foyer. River rock worn by time tiled the floor giving way to wood planks. The foyer looked direct into the living room and faced a large fireplace of tumbled stones. Railing to the right suggested the stairway leading down to the bedrooms. On either side of the fireplace was a wall of windows overseeing the meadow. Beams overhead leaned again to the rustic charm and cabin feel. With a cursory glance I could tell that while the house had good bones, gutting everything would be necessary. Leaks in the roof had warped the floor and left stains running down the wallpapered walls. Chances were favorable the rest of the rooms were in need of repair. Thank goodness I had time on my hands and money to burn.

Walking a few feet into the living room, I got the first glimpse of a kitchen that would have had Esme growling in disapproval. The whole kitchen needed updating. My first instinct had been correct the whole place needed gutting and redone from the floor up.

Just the thought of such an involved project made me almost giddy. I wouldn't have to search for something to take care of the long sleepless nights. Esme had us all over the years doing one project after another so there was no job that I could not tackle on my own. May be Alice had been right. Circumstances were taking on a path that I had never thought possible. Had Alice been right in the fact there was someone else out there meant for me. I did not know. Life was at least looking up.

Being in my first real home brought a finality to all my decisions. This was home and I dared any of them to force my hand. Never in my existence had I found a place where I felt I belonged. Without a doubt in my mind I knew I belonged here.

In such a short span of time possibilities were falling in place liked dominoes. It made me wonder if there was more to Alice's visions than she let on. The pain of her betrayal hit me in the gut with brutal force. As soon as the feelings came they blew away and while looking out the windows I felt at peace. There was something special about this place. Just knowing that it could bring me to calm so quickly made me itch to trace to history of the area. There was more at work on this land than just trees, fauna and elk.

Checking my watch, I had just enough time to feed before heading back to Port Angeles. Tomorrow I would start bringing stuff from storage up here. Tonight once my date with Janine was over I would begin making a list of supplies for the renovation. Already I was picturing what it would look like. Gone would be the monochromatic colors that I had lived with for so long with Alice. Warm spicy colors would bring life to the whole house. The colors right outside the windows would be the palettes. Modern clean lines would keep the perspective of simplicity.

I wanted to stay but my plans of staying in close contact with humans came first. Janine was going to be tempting enough for the first time-out. Alice many times over the years had made a big fuss over dates and wanting to pretend we were human and having our first date. This would be my first date with someone other than Alice and in many ways I was nervous. I knew the nerves were coming more from not wanting to make a mistake and eat my date than anything else.

I locked the door behind me not bothering looking into other rooms. There was no need, they would all need redone. In minutes I was filling my body with sustenance. Even after being so glutenous just this morning I didn't want to take any chances. I made sure to leave the deer carcasses in a known wolf path before heading back to my truck.

One problem was facing me I was in desperate need of a shower. Carrying three deer was enough to get anyone filthy. There was no other choice. I would have to go back to the Cullen house to shower and change my clothes before my date. If I were quick enough I could finished and out of the house before any residual emotions started playing with me.

Moments later at least in feeling I was walking up the stairs and into the house that had seemed my home. It was eerily quiet inside. Carlisle had made quick work of emptying the house of everything that mattered. Bare spots were sure to be on the walls where Carlisle's precious paintings had once hung. Most of the furniture had dust covers. The house felt empty and devoid of life, which in itself was funny considering how the family that had lived here had been dead.

Wasting no time I flew up the stairs and into what was once Alice and my bedroom. It was as we had left it. Clothes had been cast about and the closet was a disaster area. Either Alice planned on coming back at some point or didn't want to take anything with her. Clenching my hands I noticed two packed bags at the foot of the bed, my bags. Obviously Alice's visions were working well enough to know that I would be back. They had not been here when I had left so it meant that she had come back. Anger rose in me hot and furious. There was a note attached. I ignored it and headed into the shower.

The hot water felt like heaven. It was a misconception that we couldn't feel hot or cold. The lack or intensity of both just didn't bother us as it would be human flesh. Right now the scalding water felt good and for a while it would warm my skin. Getting out I noticed that Alice had also left me a towel and my normal toiletries. After shaving, another vampire misconception, the dead still grew hair and fingernails just like in the old folktales. I sprayed on some cologne and tried for once to feel thankful toward Alice and not anger. It was hard, especially when I noticed the clothes bag hanging on back of the door. There was a note attached reading simply "Wear This."

Taking a deep breath, I unzipped the bag. Even with my extreme distaste for Alice at the moment I had to admit the suit was phenomenal. The black Armani suit paired a white dress shirt and a pale gray tie with flecks of blue. Dress shoes hung in a bag behind. Swallowing hard I grabbed the bags then opened the door and walked into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around my waist.

I went to pull the suit out and stopped. Yet again I was giving in to Alice's wants. Wearing this suit was not what I wanted. It was sad and funny at the same time. Alice was who knew where and could still jerk my chain. Today of all days I would be damned before I gave in to Alice and her visions. Grabbing one of the packed bags I opened it and dug around for a pair of well-worn blue jeans. Alice hated jeans unless they were designer and hated them even more when I wore them. I slid them over my still damp legs then dug in the other bag pulling out a long sleeved blue striped oxford shirt. Walking to the closet, I dug in the back for something that I dared never wear around Alice for fear of my life. In the dark recesses of the walk-in closet I found a pair of black hand tooled cowboy boots. I was glad I had forgotten about them when I had packed earlier.

After searching through another bag I was able to find a pair of matching socks and threw them on before pulling on the boots I thought I would never wear again. They fit like a glove. I found a dark blue T-shirt and put it on under the oxford. While buttoning the oxford I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The transformation I saw in myself was astonishing. Gone was the blond hair that always make my pale complexion stand out more. It felt good to have my natural brown locks back, almost better than picking out my own clothes. I felt more relaxed and natural than I had in a longtime.

Rain was slashing against the windows as I grabbed a dark blue sweater and put it on. After transferring my wallet and cell phone to my jeans I left the room. I would come back later tonight after my date and clear away any remaining remnants of my life here. Knowing that nothing else of mine remained would give me a cleaner break and less of a reason to return for any purpose. The sooner I was free and clear it was going to be easier starting a life on my own.


	9. Confidence

Author's Chapter Notes:

Stephenie Meyer owns all things pertaining to Twilight, I just play in her sandbox.

As ever thanks to **Emerald_Rosalie and Lion_In_The_Land,** I can't get their pedestals high enough.

**Chapter Nine: Confidence**

**I Need A Hero - Bonnie Tyler**

Driving from Forks to Port Angeles and trying to stay nearer the speed limit took forever. There was just enough space in the storage for the truck after pulling the Porsche out. Tomorrow would be a good day to take a look at the garage at the house and decide what to do about the rest of my cars. I had more cars than anyone in the family, they just didn't know that. Right now it made me feel good to know that I had succeeded in keeping some part of my life private.

Rain pounded on the windshield as I pulled into the bank's parking lot. For this first date I wanted it to have more of a friendly feeling rather than romance. Janine was a beautiful woman, but I had just broken up with my supposed life mate. I wasn't ready for any romance yet. Someday I hope, but today was not that day.

Janine, being the bank manager and a resident of Port Angeles, would know where I needed to go and who to call to for the house. This dinner was as much a business meeting as a date. If everything went well and I was able to keep my hunger at bay, there might be another date or two down-the-line. I wasn't going to push it.

My parents had drilled chivalry was into me ever since I was old enough to know what a woman was. I stepped out into the pouring rain without an umbrella and strode to the door. Even though the sign proclaimed the bank as closed, the door was still open. Either Janine had left it open for me or forgotten the lock.

The air in the place was wrong and for closing time the silence was deafening. Electricity almost crackled in the air. Two emotions, fear and apprehension, hit me hard-and-fast. A well-dressed man stepped from a side door and behind the counter. He hadn't been there that morning.

"The bank is closing sir, if you have business, I'm sorry but you'll have to come back tomorrow." He stood at close to six feet tall, just a little shorter than I was. His dark hair was short, spiked and his olive skin hinted at Italian ancestry. His body was beefy with muscle where mine was lean. Every action and movement screamed intimidation, unfortunately for him, he did not intimidate in the least.

The closer he moved the more I could recognize that he carried two guns hidden on his body. One was in the back of his pants through his belt and the second was on his hip. Wouldn't it be just my luck today to interrupt a robbery in progress? Obviously someone other than myself had noticed how short staffed the bank had been and saw fit to take advantage.

One question went through my mind as the man came around the counter to show me to the door by force if he had to. Where were Janine and the other teller? If he had hurt either one of them, I would be killing a human on this night and that was not a good way to start a new life.

Criminals rarely worked alone and I didn't want whatever move I made to injure, or worse, kill Janine and the other woman. I had to play this careful and smart. Why on the day that I decided to change my life did I have one adventure after another?

"I'm just here to pick up Janine. We have a date." I put my hands in my pockets to make myself appear relaxed.

I heard the click of a handgun in Janine's office and tried not to look at her closed door. A rip and a muffled cry told me two facts: One, Janine was a hostage, and two, the bastard had just ripped duct tape off her mouth. Icy words full of anger and hate whispered in her ear, and I heard the small thud of the cold gun barrel against her temple. The last gave me the answer to the whereabouts of the other teller.

"As you can see, Janine is in a meeting right now and may be for some time. I'll have her give you a call as soon as she's available. You can come back then." The beefy guy grabbed my arm, walking me to the door.

"No problem, I'll just wait here until she's done. I didn't reserve seating anywhere, so time is not an issue." With great restraint I pulled my arm from his grasp and made a show of turning toward the chairs in the space designed for reception.

"It is against policy for a nonbank employee to be inside after closing. I must insist that you leave." This time the hand grabbed my elbow and tried to squeeze. Anxiety rose in vast degree when the robber felt how hard my skin was.

"All right. I'll just knock on Janine's door and interrupt her for a second to tell her. It won't take a minute." I pulled my arm away and started for Janine's door.

The other teller, Helen by her name tag, came out of the door, shutting it firmly behind her. Anyone could have read her agitation. Now I got to see the mastermind behind the robbery. Anger was rolling toward me and Helen's mouth set in a grim tight line.

"Miss Simmons is busy at the moment and sent me with her regards. She will be unable to make your date tonight and said she'd call you later. Now we must insist that you leave. All of our jobs would be on the line should someone find that we had a nonemployee in the building after hours. Vincent escort this guy outside." Helen's hand was behind her back and I knew she had a gun in that hand. Her every movement and feeling told me that she would not hesitate to shoot me if I didn't leave. They also told me that once I did, Janine was good as dead.

In a move too quick for either to see, I pulled the gun from Vincent's side before elbowing him under the chin and breaking his jaw. A back kick into the gut forced him flying across the marble floor and into chairs and displays. Blood poured from his mouth and I could hear him groaning in pain.

Helen wasted no time in pulling the 9mm gun from behind her back and training it on my face. I could dodge the bullet, but even if it hit me, I would not stop, both of which Helen did not know. There was no time to hesitate. I brought Vincent's gun up and aimed at my target.

"Drop it Helen. Don't make me do something you'll regret." My stance did not change and I saw Helen's finger twitch against the trigger, the bitch was going to shoot me.

"I'm sorry sir, you should have left when we gave you the chance." Her finger moved to squeeze the trigger, aiming a killing blow at my chest, right in front of my heart.

I was faster. The bullet impacted with sickening precision, cracking loudly in the quiet.

Helen's hand flew away as the bullet I shot hit her gun with deadly impact forcing the gun to fly. Steadily, I trained the gun on her face and backed her up against the wall. I sent both Helen and Vincent calming blasts so they wouldn't think to do anything else crazy in desperation.

With the gun pointed at them, I backed to Janine's door and opened it with my free left hand. In my peripheral vision I could see Janine tied to her desk chair. Her dark eyes were red, rimmed and her face tear-stained. Sobs were coming from deep in her chest and fright was eating her from the inside out. Again I sent out calming waves and listened as her sobs gently subsided.

"Janine, darlin', are you all right? Did they hurt you?" My left hand dug into my pocket for my cell phone and I pulled it out, dialing 9-1-1 while keeping the gun trained on Vincent and Helen.

"Yes and no." The words barely choked from her lips. Tears were still sliding down her lovely face but she was beginning to feel better.

"Port Angeles Police Department. What is your emergency?" The automaton voice on the other end of the phone seemed loud in my ear.

"Yes, I'm at the Port Angeles Federal Bank and I have just interrupted a robbery in progress. Presently, I am holding two assailants by gunpoint. They tied up the bank manager. We are seeking immediate assistance." Knowing the police now had the only information they needed for the moment, I hung up the phone.

A few blocks away the blast of sirens broke through the evening sounds and I held the gun steady at Helen's face. Defeat was now all she was feeling as she slid to the floor. This was turning out to be some hell of a day.

"Janine, honey, the police are on their way. Hang on until they get here and we'll get you out of that chair. How are you doing?" Relief was pouring out of her as she looked at me. Her body was shaking and I knew it would be only minutes until she started going into shock. A nasty bruise was forming under one eye and blood that I had not noticed before was oozing from a cut in her lip.

In the frenzied excitement of the past ten minutes I had paid no attention to the blood around me. Pride filled my chest, but I forced my nose to close anyway so as too not take any chances. Now that I knew there was blood around, venom was starting to pool just a little inside my mouth. The sweet taste of Bella overrode every sense that I had and suddenly I could think past the bloodlust. I swallowed it down hard and forced my attention back on Helen who was walking backward in small increments, trying to get to the gun that was a few feet behind her. Later would be the best time to mull over the revelation that was burning in the back of my mind.

Helen never made it to the gun. Police stormed into the bank with their guns drawn.

"Put down the weapon sir and step away." A voice from a man in the back of the now forming crowd held authority.

Gently, I laid the gun on the floor and stepped away, making sure to keep my arms in the air. Moments later the police were escorting a shaken, battered and bruised Janine out of the office and out the door. I followed as they led her to an ambulance. She held her hands out to me, and I took them in my own.

We watched together as the police escorted Vincent and Helen into two different squad cars. An EMT looked over Janine and added a small butterfly bandage to her head. When the EMT turned away, I made one request of Janine.

"Go with whatever I say. I don't want them to know my name." I dazzled her just a little with my request and although she looked starstruck and confused, she nodding her head, agreeing.

"Miss Simmons, we are ready to take your statement. Sir, we need yours as well." A slight woman looked up at us from under the bill of her regulation uniform cap. She couldn't have been much over five feet tall, but there was a definite air of authority around her.

"Sir, I need your name for the record," she said, pen poised above paper and ready to write furiously.

"Edward Masen. I'm here from Chicago. I just helped some family move and had to stop at the bank on my way out of town." I squeezed Janine's fingers as I started spinning my lies. I hoped they were lies that would come back to bite Edward in the ass.

"Is that your Porsche parked in the lot sir?" The pen didn't stop as she asked questions.

"No, it belongs to family. I am going to be driving it to their new home. I have all the required papers and they will vouch for me." I hated to send waves of trust to a cop but did it anyway. The Porsche was becoming a liability and would more than likely have to go back under its dust cloth for now.

"How was it sir that you were able to take out two armed robbers on your own?" On this question, the cop looked up and into my eyes. Her light blue eyes were searching my face for anything that would tell her I was lying.

"I was in the military. You can check on that, too." I gave her the number to the Cullens attorney in Seattle, knowing that it was going to cost me for this little coverup.

I finished telling her about the incident while another cop softly grilled Janine. After what seemed like hours, we were able to go with the typical warnings that they may call us to testify on the stand at the trial. Janine was still shaking badly, and I offered to take her home and was glad when she nodded, agreeing. It was comforting when she leaned her head on my shoulder as I walked her to my car.

"Some night, huh?" Janine paid no attention to the luxury car around her. She just leaned her head back against the seat rest and closed her eyes. Tired words came from her mouth. I could tell whatever pain killers the EMT had given her were taking their affect.

"Yes, it was." I only got one more response from Janine - her address - before she at once fell into an exhausted sleep. I drove slowly to let her get a few minutes of rest. Pulling out my phone, I quickly dialed the attorney office in Seattle and gave him the information I gave the cops. They would give the requested information to the authorities and I would get the bill.

Chapter End Notes:

I cannot believe the reviews and the hits. Thank you all so much. I'm hoping this weekend to work on replies. It is harder on here for replies because it doesn't tell me who I have and have not replied to. If you get a duplicate reply just know that your reply meant so much to me that I had to respond twice. Thanks to everyone for sticking with the story. Everyone's support has made me glad I decided to pursue what would have been a story just for me.


	10. Passion

Stephenie Meyer own all things Twilight. Her sandbox is lovely.

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As ever a trillion hugs and thanks to **Emerald_Rosalie and Lion In The Land, **muse and beta extraordinaire.

**A Million Apologies: **I am so sorry that this chapter is so late. I have been going through some unexpected medical problems that have led to 4 different doctors and 2 different hospitals. Honestly I have not had the energy to get anything up and for that every reader has my humble apologies and I hope that no one is too upset with me. I will have another chapter up the next day after this one is verified. Thanks to all the reviewers and readers for the support. I will try to get the responses for all reviews done as soon as I can.

I love you all

Aerialla.

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**Chapter Ten - Passion  
Song - Red Strokes by Garth Brooks**

Janine's address led me to a quiet neighborhood of older, well-maintained cottages. I pulled into her driveway and turned off the engine. Hanging baskets and pots of fall mums graced the small porch. The little white cottage would have looked perfect tucked away in Cape Cod.

A soft whimper came from Janine's lips and her face contorted in pain. Her long fingers balled into fists and fear engulfed the car. She was having a nightmare. Getting out of the car, I hurried to the other side and had it open before the driver's side door closed. Gently I took Janine into my arms, cradling her to my chest and sending waves of peace to her. Her hands relaxed and she leaned into me. The scent of her hit my nose, warm vanilla and the copper tang of blood.

A small moan escaped her throat as I lifted her from the car. The chances were good that bruising had formed from the attempted bank heist. Her small throaty sound hit more than just my ears. That tiny moan, whether in pain or not, hit parts of my libido that I dared not mull on. It had been damn near close to a century since I'd been this close to a female human. That time had resulted in the young woman's death. I didn't plan to see Janine ending that way, enticing vanilla scent or not.

"Janine, darlin' where is your key?" Softly I stroked one finger down her silken cheek hoping to wake her just enough for a reply.

Her eyes never opened but her mouth formed and whispered the words. "In my purse, in my office." Again she snuggled into me. The simple gesture of trust was too warm and inviting.  
"Do you have a hidden key?" With each step to her door her warmth became more inviting and my tongue began salivating for tastes other than blood.

"No." The answer I received was not the one I wanted. Janine's soft lips mouthed that one word hot and moist against my neck had me close to stumbling. It would be easy, too easy to give in to the feelings that were rising in more than one part of my anatomy. I knew it was wrong to want her, but I did and it had nothing to do with blood and everything to do with the luscious body in my arms.

"Is there any way to get in your house without breaking in, and if I have to, do you have an alarm?" Carefully, I set her down in a rattan chair flanking the doorway. If she spent any more time in my willing arms there would be more than just my blood rising to the occasion.

"No, and no alarm." Goose bumps grew on her skin in the chilling night air as if my lack of heat had kept her warm.

Checking her door lock, I was glad to see that she had put money into a good brand. It meant that I would be either able to pick it or Janine was going to have to deal with a broken window. Gently I ran a quick hand through her tousled hair and pulled out a hairpin, glad when she didn't protest. It took me a few tries but I was able to unlatch the door.

The house was dark except for night-lights, not that it mattered with my vision. I was able to find a table lamp quickly and went back for Janine. Her body was shivering, and I could tell by her now open eyes that the painkillers were starting to grab hold of her. After getting her settled in bed I would leave, and then check on her in the morning.

From what I could tell the house decor was in modern, simple lines in tones of cream and browns. Like her office, it was tidy, yet did not seem lived-in somehow, probably because of spending most of her life on-the-job. Janine fit snugly into my arms as I carried her up the stairs. With the toe of my boot, I pushed one door open and then another until I found her bedroom. There was more color here with splashes of blues and greens adding to the bland palette.

I set her on the bed, and then turned on a blessedly dim nightstand lamp. A picture caught my eye, a wedding photo. It was of Janine and an unknown man. She looked at the picture. Her cheeks were wet with newly fallen tears.

"Kevin was my husband. He died last year in an armed robbery. He went out to get me some ice-cream at the store and was shot in the cross fire. I miss him more every day. I'm thanking him right now for sending you or I would have wound up like him." She kicked off her heels and crossed to me, placing one shaking, warm hand on my cheek. "My guardian angel." The painkillers the EMT gave her must have been having some effect, because in the blink of an eye I was drowning in warm, soft lips and the honey taste of her tongue.

Lust grabbed ahold of me and I wrapped my arms around her waist, giving into the hot, wet mouth and frantic hands that branded me with fire along my cool skin. Hot wetness traveled from my lips down my jaw, licking and sucking, exploding lust hit me behind the eyes and for a moment I saw stars. My cock rose hard in record time, straining against my jeans and aching for release. Unlike Edward, I did not have the self-control of a monk. I knew this was a bad idea and after this night there would be a special place in hell for me. The longing and lust from both of us became too much to bear.

Capturing her lovely mouth with my own, I was careful to keep her away from my venom filled teeth. One hand reached underneath her skirt caressing a silk-encased thigh and my cock pulsed in agony as I felt the snaps and fragile lace of a garter belt. My right hand began working the zipper down on her dress until it pooled at her feet where she kicked it away and ran her fingers under my sweater, pulling it up and over my head. She growled in frustration, her torment being the row of buttons on my shirt. Grabbing her hands away, I looked at her delectable form in the soft light. Her chest was blushing and heaving in excitement while encased in the sexiest black corset I had ever laid eyes on. Ripe, perfect breasts strained to break free from their enclosure.

I felt the final pieces of my resolve and conscience melt away. Taking both sides of the shirt in my hands I ripped the buttons from their holes and sent them flying about the room before yanking the T-shirt off my head and behind me. Janine's eyes were wide with excitement and I grabbed her around the waist and carefully tackled her to the king-sized bed. The first contact with my cool skin had her bucking against me until the fire of her desire relished the difference between her smoldering heat and my icy chill. Long legs encased me around the waist and I bent my head to lave at the peaks of breast that had venom washing down my throat.

Damn, the woman even tasted of vanilla - warm and oh, too sweet. A small part of me urged me on to sample the dessert on the menu, but I pushed it away and began working at the small hooks and eyes down the front of the corset. Soon, warm breasts were flowing free as the sexy corset flew through the air to lay with the other discarded clothing.

Standing, I quickly shed my boots, socks and belt, taking the time to undo my jeans, and the goddess that lay before my sight panted for air and squirmed in anticipation on the bed. She was clad only in the garter belt, stockings and a pair of flimsy, lace panties, her skin was flush with arousal and the musk of her scent had me gasping for unneeded air. Hair once pinned up proper this morning was now around her shoulders in an umber cloud of lightly curled tresses. Two white teeth were gently biting red, kiss swollen lips and her hands clutched at the quilt, restless and hungry.

Quickly I discarded the jeans and crawled my way between her legs, which wrapped their heavenly lengths around me as I bent and drew one dusty, brown nipple into my mouth. Carefully, I laved and sucked at it with my tongue, my hand caressed the other, squeezing and drawing the nipple into a hard bud. Janine had wrapped her hands in my hair and was pressing the hot, agonizingly wet core of her into me. I yearned to bury myself in her heat but held off to give her the most pleasure.

Slowly, I began kissing down the valley of her breasts and the smooth plane of her stomach, stopping long enough to dip my tongue in her belly button and suckle until she groaned low in her chest. The juncture between her thighs strained against me. Sweet honey was soaking the lace of her panties. With a quick tug I pulled them free, baring the secret place of hers to my view. I left the stockings on, they were too much of a seduction to think of discarding.

Starting from her ankles I ran my hands up her legs in minute measures until she was thrashing on the bed. My lips placed gentle, featherlight kisses along the inner heaven of her thighs. Gradually, I worked my way in until my cool breath was blowing on her hot, pulsating core and making her scream. Her body was a gushing waterfall, and I was dying of thirst. Bending my head I flicked her opening slowly with my cool tongue and watched as she squirmed. Gradually, I picked up speed while still being languid. When I knew she couldn't take it anymore, in agonizing slowness, I slid my tongue inside, holding her hips when she thrust off the bed. With one finger I started slowly circling her clit until she was grasping the bed for purchase and all but screaming in ecstasy. Taking my tongue away I replaced it with one finger gently working into her before adding another. Bucking wildly against me, I knew that she was getting close. Higher my fingers climbed, searching until I curved them in and up hitting the spot that had her screaming my name. Pressing I began pumping my fingers slowly in and out keeping in contact with the sweet spot that was sending her thrashing on the bed. Gone were nonessential words of speech and she screamed, clutching the sheets in her hands. Her inside wrapped tightly around my fingers, squeezing them as I worked them in and out. In a flash, my mouth and tongue replaced my fingers just in time to send her over the edge into sweet, screaming oblivion.

Just as she was coming down, I pulled her toward me and onto my rock hard, icy length moaning when the fire of her threatened to burn me alive. She was so hot, so tight and wet that it was all I could do to hang on. Wrapping her legs around me I pulled her body close as I began thrusting in deliberate, full strokes. Lifting her body, I wrapped my arms around her, crushing her breasts to my chest, and attacked her mouth in fervor, her taste still on my tongue. Groans were heavy in her chest as she strove to have ever more of me inside her. The scorching burn of her was heaven and I could feel my own release coming closer every time her breasts slid up and down my chest in time with my thrusts. With her legs locked securely around me, I felt the build up in her again and started slamming my way home, careful not to get past human speed, which was sweet agony. The orgasm hit her with explosive force, and she pressed herself onto me hard, clinging to my shoulders as she tightened around me causing blinding friction.

The word screamed from her beautiful lips, and I found myself crashing in undulating curtains of lust and sex. One word, my name, came screaming into the confines of the room. "Jasper!" I was flying and with a final thrust buried myself to the hilt and in that instance saw heaven.

Minutes turned to hours and we laid entwined on her bed. For a long time we talked about life, loves, hobbies and anything to make the moment last a little longer. Every so often, Janine, would look at the picture of her husband and tell me a memory that was special to her heart. I found myself caring about her more than I had wanted to. There were not romantic illusions coming from her other than contentment and comfort. When she finally opened her heart, I could feel the seeping loneliness that she tried so hard to hide. Like me, she wasn't looking for anything lasting. It was good just to find a friend.  
When her stomach grumbled, I got up, pulled on my jeans and handed her my T-shirt before ushering her down the stairs and toward the kitchen. Sitting her at the small table, I lit a few candles while letting her talk about her childhood in Minnesota. Whisking eggs together, I made her a quick cheese omelet, and then cleaned the dishes while she ate. It was comforting to be able to do something for someone when they didn't expect it. The whole time I waited for the unavoidable question.

"Where do you see this going Jasper?" I was drying her dishes and set them aside.

"Why don't you tell me where you want this to go, sweetheart?" I leaned against the counter and was glad for the low lighting so that she couldn't see the myriad scars that scattered across my body.

She came up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist, leaning her head on my chest. "I'm not sure I'm ready for any romantic relationship. I like you, and even though I've barely known you for a day yet, for some reason I feel that you're the first real friend I have had in a long time. I'm usually too busy to socialize, and what friends I could have made are long gone. Crap, what I'm trying to say is that despite my ravishing of you earlier, I just want to be a friend. Does that sound stupid?" Janine looked me in the eyes and smiled inside, hoping she wasn't making a fool of herself and that I wouldn't be angry.

"I could use a friend right now myself, but it depends on if you plan on ravishing me again any time soon." I let one hand roam down her delicious body and let her playfully hit me in the chest. Light danced in her eyes and for the first time, I heard her laugh.

"I've never had a friend with benefits." Carefully she reached into my jeans and stroked me back to life. Then she took off laughing and running up the stairs, chanting at me to come and find her.

I stood there letting her get a head start and then reality dawned bright on me. Not once so far the entire night had I craved blood. Specifically, I had not craved Janine's blood. And somehow along the way I also made a friend. Why suddenly did I not crave blood? The answer came to me with the taste of spice, Bella. There was something in her blood that fixed the broken part of me. It made me want to call Carlisle and discuss the revelation even though I knew that he would scoff at such a notion. Just thinking of Bella made me yearn to see her, if even from afar, and to breathe in the scent of sunshine and lavender.

"Jasper, come and find me." The voice sang to me from upstairs, bringing happiness and laughter. Bella could wait until I could control myself with her blood specifically, with the way that only hers was affecting me. Right now, in this moment, I had an incredible woman that not only was a tiger in bed, but needed and wanted me as a friend. I could not deny her either.

In an instant I was up the stairs and finding my prey in a closet. Grabbing her by the waist, I hauled her over my shoulder and while tickling her ribs I made my way back to her bedroom, kicking the door shut behind me. Tossing her safely on the bed, I prepared to ravish her for the rest of the night at least.

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Chapter End Notes:

**Author's Note:** Now I know what a lot of you are thinking, Jasper and another character OMG! Trust me Jasper will be with Bella but Janine is going to be an integral part of Jasper's life. I think he needs a support system that does not consist entirely of Cullens. I'm sorry to those of you who may not like Janine but she does have her place in Jasper's life, at least in my story. P.S. Give her a chance and hopefully you will not be disappointed in the end results.

Aerialla.


	11. Friendship

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, darn her and her sandbox.**

**As always special thanks to Emerald_Rosalie and Lion_In_The_Land. Incredible thanks go to all the reviewers. Life has been rough lately and the prayers and the encouragement have been amazing. Many reviews brought me to tears and I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Here is a three part chapter to get you through until the next one.**

**Hugs To All**

**Aerialla**

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**Chapter Eleven:** **Friendship Part I**

**Song: I'll Be There For You: The Rembrandts**

The next morning I waited until Janine was in the shower before I headed downstairs and made breakfast for her. Ingredients were limited meaning Janine was often not home to eat. Searching through the kitchen, I was able to find just enough ingredients to make crepes.

Everything was on the table when Janine came down the stairs dressed for work. Her right eye was a mass of purple and blue it matched the swollen bottom lip. She looked at the table complete with late flowers from outside and stopped in her tracks. Tears formed in the corner of her eyes even though her face lit with a smile. Without a word I ushered her to her seat and laid a napkin in her lap before pouring her a cup of coffee.

I sat across from her and pretended to sip my own cup of coffee and motioned for her to eat. I would talk for both of us.

"Are you sure that you want to go into work today? Isn't there someone you could call?" Speak of the devil and they did appear. The phone rang and Janine rose to answer it using the universal sign that she'd be back in a moment.

Sitting I listened to the conversation with Janine's boss. He understood the strain of the attempted robbery and was giving Janine a paid vacation. There would be a full investigation since one of the robbers had been an employee. For the next two weeks she would meet with the investigators which required staying close in case any questions needed answers. The police had seen the tape and while Janine was not a suspect they had to follow protocol. Janine whispered her understanding into the phone but her hurt came through to me loud and clear. It hurt my heart to watch her wipe tears away from her eyes then hung up the phone. She returned to her seat with her head down and pushed her half-eaten plate away.

"Since it seems you have some free time, why don't you help me with a project?" Reaching across the table I grabbed her hand in my icy one and squeezed. I hated forcing emotions on her but I wanted her to be happy. That's what friends were for.

"I could use a project to take my mind off this. What's the project?" Picking up her coffee cup, she drained the hot liquid in one go. She stood to take her dishes to the sink. "Thanks for being here, Jasper, and thanks for being a friend. I could use one about now." She turned away from me to wash the dishes and I flew to her side taking them from her.

"Go change your clothes and throw on something that you don't mind getting dirty and I'll show you something. I'll finish these." Gently I turned her while rubbing the knots from her shoulders and pushed her toward the door.

Flying through the dishes I made it a fact not to let the actions of last night happen again. We were both in a needy position and had clung to each other in comfort it was as simple as that. Janine and I both needed a friend right now and I planned on having her for a friend as long as possible. It was going to be different being a friend with a human. I didn't know Bella enough yet to consider her a friend and I hoped that changed. As much as I wanted Janine's lush hot body against mine and around me I wanted her companionship more. Sex entangled things romantically in a way I didn't think either of us wanted at this point. I also had Bella to worry about and jealously in any form was an emotion I disliked.

Bella and I have ties now in a way that I didn't want to think about. Her one drop of blood had changed me to an extent that I didn't know yet. I could feel the tie with her that had nothing to do with the Cullens and Edward but that one drop of her precious blood. I had to check on her tonight when it would be the easiest to see how she was doing through her bedroom window. For now and today my agenda was to keep Janine occupied that she didn't think too much about her job.

Today I would get the help from Janine that I would have gotten last night at dinner. With any luck I could get all the errands done I had to before we left town. The past twenty-four hours had seen the most significant changes to my life. Vampires were slow to change. It was not typical to see your whole world upending and seeing a rainbow from a different perspective. If I had learned anything from the Carlisle it was that a vampire if he put forth the effort could survive in human society leading a normal existence.

Leaning against the front door I waited for Janine to change her clothes and join me for our outing. Feeling a vibrating against my leg, I pulled out my cell phone. There was a text message from Emmett.

"Where in the hell are you man, Esme's going nuts worrying and Carlisle has been pacing the study for hours. If you're going to be an asshole as least call them and tell them."

My little brother had a way of not beating around the bush. Fingers in a blur I responded. "I'm going to be there this weekend don't get your panties in a wad. Tell them I'm fine and I'll call this evening."

"You didn't do something stupid like eat someone did you? Am I going to have to sponsor you for a twelve-step program?" Leave it to Emmett to try to find the humor in any calamity. The boy obviously watched too much television.

"I have not eaten anyone . . . yet. If there is such a program for vampires I'm sure Carlisle knows about it. Hell he probably invented it. I'm fine. Don't worry about me and I'll see you in a few weeks. Tell Esme that I'll try to call tonight." I sent the last message and closed the phone shoving it back into my pocket as Janine came down the stairs wearing an old faded pair of jeans and an fitted T-shirt with the bank's logo. Sneakers had replaced her heels and her hair was down from its twist and now hung in a ponytail. She had taken the time to scrub the makeup off her face and it made her look younger. Excitement and happiness replaced the earlier hurt in her eyes. The smile on her face lit up the room. In her hand was my shirt from last night missing its buttons and ripped down the front.

"I think it's a goner, you could have just thrown it in the trash." I took the shirt from her and picked her jacket off a hook on the wall. Holding it out to her I helped her into her coat and opened the door. "Do you have a spare set of keys? I would hate to have to break in again?" Opening a drawer in an entryway table she shook them at me.

"So where are we going? It's not hiking or anything is it because I will warn you I never fail to come back with a rash from something. Last time I got poison sumac on my butt and couldn't sit still for a week." Her happiness was infections and I found myself laughing with her at the thought.

"No hiking, but before we get there, I do have a few errands I need to take care of in town if you don't mind." I opened her car door and closed it before she could speak.

"So where to." Janine fastened her seat belt and settled in. "You do know that this is a beautiful car, completely unpractical but awesome. I can't believe I didn't pay attention to it last night. I must have been out of it." She stroked the leather in such a way that it brought back the wonderful memories of last night. I quickly locked them away and started the engine pulling smoothly out of her drive and down the block.

"That sweetheart is going to be the first order of business." I knew that I could be opening a huge can of worms by letting Janine into my life, but every feeling that I got from her told me that I could trust her explicitly. "Some of the things I'm going to show you need to are just between us. I promise to try to answer any questions that you may have."

Trust poured out of her and she turned to me in her seat putting her hand on mine. "Jasper I work at a bank, I keep many secrets. Who would I tell them to anyway?" Sadness hit a little in her heart and the loneliness that she tried so hard to contain seeped through a little. Squeezing her hand I changed gears and kept to the speed limit through town.

"You were going to tell me about today." She was still looking at me and I smiled. Her face was once again alight with happiness. She was almost as good as I was at blocking emotions.

It was amazing that in such a short span of time Janine had wormed her way into my heart. Realizing that I could have found a true friend meant the world to me even if that friendship had only existed in the manner of hours rather than years or decades. Last night was better off left where it was. The sex while incredible was nothing but two people needing each other for that one brief moment in time. It would never happen again. Both of us knew that.

"Well I need your help with a few obstacles about the property I bought yesterday." Pulling the car smoothly up to the gate of the storage unit, I punched in the code.

It was priceless sight to see Janine's eyes wide with astonishment as she looked around. Parking the Porsche in its spot I killed the engine and since Janine did need to breathe I kept the massive metal door open for a few more minutes to get rid of the fumes. The new truck stuck out in the lineup since it had no cover.

"Don't tell me that these are all yours." Janine all but leaped out of the car. She raced to the first car and began peaking under the cloths.

"All right I won't tell you that. Would you like to see them?" I closed the door and turned on the powerful overhead lights. She nodding her head all but salivating at the prospect of what lay underneath. This was a woman who recognized fine machinery and I laughed. "You choose darlin' which one do you want to look at first."

Out of the nine that I uncovered she pointed to the one closest to her. With a quick pull and flick of the wrist I unveiled a classic 77' Corvette Stingray. Again and again she pointed until all the cars lay bare for her perusal. My whole collection so far consisted of a Porsche 356, Shelby GT 500, Lamborghini Diablo, Lotus Elise, Jaguar XKE Roadster, BMW 507, an Aston Martin Vantage Roadster Convertible, and a Bentley. Some like the Jaguar had been with me for a long time. It had been years since all of their covers had been off. I knew what was under each one there hadn't been a reason to just pull the covers off and stare.

The delight radiating from Janine made me laugh as she ran to each car gawking with much appreciation. Good manners kept her from letting one fingerprint get on the paint that still shined in high gloss. I could tell that she itched to be inside each one.

"Jasper, how? A collection like this takes years, unless you have some fountain of youth, not to mention that there's millions of dollars of cars. Again I say how?" Janine stood in the middle aisle her head going back and forth in shock.

"I'm on the list for the new BMW Z4 that comes out in 2010 too. Some are good investments and some passed down. My family has a healthy appreciation for cars and the money to be able to have what we want." Walking past, I poked her in the ribs skating over her Fountain of Youth remark had been easy. If she only knew.

There was no way that I was willing to risk losing her friendship or her life if she found out the truth. Both were becoming too precious to me. In my life even human I had little true friends. Yeah I had always been charismatic and could talk someone into just about anything, did not mean that true friends were easy to come by. On one hand I could count the true friends I had including Janine.

While Janine scooted from car to car still amazed, I fired up a computer then dug the keys out of the vault. The light in her eyes was worth any fingerprints, not that I was a stickler for that anyway. Something that anal was more of Edward's territory. I loved all my cars but I still looked at them as something replaceable. In my hand I held all the keys and held them out to her. She squealed and began jumping up and down.

"You mean I can look closer." Her tone said disbelief but her heart and eyes held promise and hope. Who was I to deny her anything?

"Yes, but I need help first. For every piece of help I give you a set of keys. Deal." I shook them, holding them away when she tried to jump the five-inch difference between out heights. At 6'3 it was easy to hold them over my head and watch her 5'8 frame try to get them. Playfully I put my hand on her hand then tickled her with the other. This was the play that I likened to Emmett and Rosalie.

The thought of my family made me miss them and I decided to make good on my trip to Denali this weekend.

"Ok, I give, you freaking' giant." In a huff she stamped her foot at me then followed me into the office. "What do you need my help with I'm all yours except if it's illegal?" Janine sat in the chair next to mine and tucking her leg under her.

"I'm now the owner of a substantial piece of property and as you are a homeowner I need your help in getting everything set up. Where to call for water, electricity, things like that. I'll need insurance and stuff too. Later after lunch if you're good, I'll take you out to see it. I grabbed a pad of paper and a pen for her."

"Geez you're a slave driver. I need a phone book and a phone. Some will want deposits so you'll have to talk to them for that." She threw the pen back at me and I caught it before it hit me between the eyes. Damn but she was sassy.

"I'll make it easier for you. Wait here." I jogged back to the Porsche and pulled out my jacket from the day before grabbing my checkbook. "Here is my cell. I don't have a phone book, but the internet is up and ready to go. If you can set something up where everything is debiting from my account, without me having to deal with it that would be great. If they won't do check, I'll give you my credit card." Reaching into my back pocket I pulled out my wallet and handed her the appropriate card.

Janine stared at me as if I'd grown two heads and the way she picked up the pad of paper it looked like I was in for a beating. Luckily I didn't get any feelings of hostility from her only that she was plaining to get me back. "You expect me to sit here and do your dirty work for you. Man, you are going to owe me big time and I'm talking letting me drive whichever car I want, whenever I want, kind of big time." She reached up and smacked me in the head with the pad, I let her. Then tickled under her arm, loving the sound of her giggle.

"Done, I'll be your willing slave and you can have full discretion to the cars. What else do you need?" Janine's gaze went out to the cars and I knew I had won. Even if she wrecked one, the payment would be worth it, just to see the joy in her eyes.

"All the basic personal info and the address for the property. For lunch I want Chinese. You can pick it up while you go to the DMV and register that truck. That will get you out of my hair. Now start writing." She laid the pad and paper down for me and I began the task of giving her the information she needed.

"Thank you, darlin', I do appreciate you. What Chinese do you want?" I bent down and kissed her on the head pushing a stray tendril behind her ear. Parts of my libido stirred and I forced them down. Keeping my hands on her was already harder than I thought possible. The memory of the picture of her husband and her tears for him were enough to ease the tension when she leaned into my hand unaware of her action.

"They have a sampler that I love so get that and Coke. I need the caffeine I haven't had my coffee yet." Standing she made herself comfortable in my chair and fired up the internet. I turned to walk away feeling dismissed then felt a warm hand on my bare arm.

"Thanks for doing this Jasper. I needed something to keep my mind occupied today. If you could run by the bank and see if they will let you get my purse that would be great." The soft caress of her hand as she moved it to mine and squeezed, meant everything.

*****

**Chapter Twelve: Friendship Part II**

**Song: Thank You For Being A Friend (The Golden Girls Theme): Cindy Fee**

For the next two hours my life consisted of waiting in line at the DMV until my number was up. A crowded room full of angry and frustrated people was not how I wanted to spend my morning. More than once I had to use my powers to force the whole room to calm down before I lost my mind and killed them all.

Finally I walked out and threw the new plate in the car then went to the Chinese place a few doors down. On the way I passed a jewelry store and the window was displaying charm bracelets. One caught my eye and I had to get it for Janine. Opening the door, I let myself into the small store.

"How may I help you today, sir?" A silver haired older woman strolled up to me from the back.

There is an item in your front display I would like. I also need to see what else you have." I waited patiently as she pulled the small display from the window then pointed to the one I wanted.

After she had returned the tray to the window she showed me the others and I chose another and a bracelet. I knew Janine would not appreciate anything extravagant but knew the small gift would bring her great joy. With no family or friends in the area I was positive that presents were surely lacking in her life.

Leaving the store with the small bag, I made my way back to the truck and locked Janine's gift in the glove compartment. Looking at the truck made me realize that I had almost forgotten my promise to Walter, and I didn't have my cell phone on me. I would have to make a quick trip to the dealership and come back for the food otherwise it would grow cold. The thought of cold Chinese food smell in the truck almost made me gag and I didn't want to even think of the smell hot.

It took me minutes to get to the dealership and I walked into the main building asking for Walter with the receptionist. I stood idly leaning against the counter and waited until finally came out of his office shaking a man's hand and saying how sorry he was that they couldn't help him more. As soon as the man left, I walked over to Walter. He seemed surprised to see me, he had thought that I would have forgotten to help his daughter.

"How are you, today Walter?" I led him into his office and sat in the chair I had sat in just the day before.

"Is there something wrong with the truck Mr. Whitlock?" He sat behind the desk placing his hands on the top.

"I came by to get your daughter's information." Checking my watch I was glad to find out that Janine would not be waiting excessively long for lunch as it had not yet even reached eleven o'clock. "I also have some free time right now, if you like I can call them direct from here. We can make sure that we don't leave anything out or to chance." Amazement and relief flooded the small confines of the room and I was glad that I had not forgotten my promise. "Do you have the number for the financial aid office?"

Walter reached and pulled out his wallet and a card bearing the Harvard logo. His hands were visibly shaking and he held it and the phone to me. Smiling I sent some calm toward him and didn't dial his number, but one to an old friend on the board of admissions. "Her name is Jessica Matheson."

"Howard, this is Jasper Whitlock. I know it's been a longtime but I need to ask you a favor. There is an applicant for you school and I was wondering if you can pull up her file. The name is Jessica Matheson." I smiled at Walter and we both waited patiently for Howard's voice.

"I have her file now Jasper. The kids got a great transcript but I see why they denied the full scholarship. We have had to do this to many kids this year. They cut back our funding for scholarships. If they can come up with the rest, we want to have her here. This kid has a great future ahead of her. You would be happy to know that she applied to the history program. Her transcript says she wants to study the Civil War and the affect it had on the western part of the country."

I could hear the creak of Howard's leather chair and could tell in his voice he was being truthful about the cutbacks. Not everyone at Harvard was an elitist. Howard had worked his butt of to get through school.

"Could my family's scholarship fund offset the amount not covered by the partial scholarship?" I knew without a doubt it could, I just didn't want to discuss that in front of Walter.

"You'd have to make the call on that one. If you want us to put it through that way we don't have a problem and we can put everything through right now and get the paper faxed to you. All it will take is a couple of keystrokes to the office letting them know the scholarship is for approval of full tuition and board for Jessica Matheson. Do you want to add the stipend for incidentals like we have before? I always hate it when these kids with so much promise have to work themselves to death like I did. The clause your family put in to give the candidate's a monthly allowance for good grades was genius."

"Let's do that Howard. Fax me the papers I need to sign to my number on file and fax the ones for Jessica to this number." I read the number that Walter pushed at me his hands shaking so badly that they dropped the paper. "Thanks Howard, I appreciate your help on this as I am positive the family does as well." I hung up the phone with a clatter and stared at Walter.

"What does this mean?" Walter was too afraid to ask more. He was so proud of his daughter and guilt ate at him that he could not provide this for her. Walter was a good father.

"Let's wait until that fax comes through. It should be just a moment." I knew that keeping Walter in suspense was cruel but knew the outcome was more than worth it.

Walter paced for the full ten minutes it took to get the fax through, even the calm I sent him only took the edge off. He was also afraid to hope, and I sent him some of that as well. Lately I had hope to spare.

The machine's beeps and whirring sound had Walter standing in front of it as it spit out the page that would change his family.

"Why don't you read it to me Walter?" I sat patiently knowing that if he read it out loud the reality would sink in more.

"Dear Jessica Matheson,

We are proud to offer you a full scholarship to Harvard. The generosity of the Whitlock foundation has made it possible for you to not only receive the full scholarship but also a monthly allowance based on grade performance. Please let us be aware of your full intents at your earliest convenience. Welcome to Harvard.

Sincerely,

Howard Marshal, Dean of Admissions"

The paper was shaking so badly that I thought Walter was going to have a heart attack.

"Congratulations, Walter. Your daughter is going to Harvard." Standing I shook his hand and made to leave the office.

"Wait. Whitlock, your family name is Whitlock? You put this through for her, how?" He was standing, staring at me and at the paper in his hand.

"My family has gone to Harvard for a long time and we have a scholarship set up for deserving students. By all accounts your daughter is a deserving student, end of story." I tried to leave by the man grabbed me in a hug with a war whoop. Prying myself from not only his grasp but his elated emotions for him and his daughter. "Walter, I'm sure you have a few calls you need to make, I'll leave you to them." Slowly I backed out of the room and shook Walter's hand one last time when he held it out.

"I don't know how to thank you enough, this will mean the world to her." He pumped my hand up and down so much I thought his hand would fall off his arm.

"Tell her that Texas had a great deal to do with the Civil War and the men fought bravely until the end." I turned and all but ran out of the building before he could attack me again.

With some stealth I was able to bypass the wandering cops at the bank. Luckily Janine's purse had been under her desk and out of sight. I doubt its noticeable presence so its disappearance would pose any questions.

The scent of blood almost overwhelmed me in the lobby and parts of me warred for control. It would be easy too easy to grab a cop unawares pull them behind the counter and drink until the hunger satisfied itself. Breathing deep the scent, I did not feel the hunger I should have. There was no need to feed the thirst that burned my throat. I knew the smell had me hungry but I had no urge to do anything about it. Concentrating I brought to mind Bella and her wonderful ambrosia. Spice burst on my tongue and my nose, my body rebelled at the smell of the blood on the floor until I thought I would be physically ill.

Hope filled my chest overcoming the burn and clearing my mind. Somehow, in a way that I never would have dreamed possible Bella's one drop of blood was making me sicken at the thought of any other. I longed to share my discovery with Carlisle and wondered what he would make of this.

In a flash I was back to the truck with Janine's purse in her hands and trying hard not to think of my new discovery. For now it was good to know that a part of me was getting better with humans even if that meant Bella's blood had been the reason.

Now I had to stop and get Janine's food then head back to her and finally to the house. Like yesterday this was turning out to be someday. Who knew that doing good deeds could be so fun. I was starting to feel like a hero rather than a creature of the night that made a person lock their doors and stay out of shadows.

Janine was hanging up the phone when I cut the truck's engine off. She dropped it hard on the desk and pinched the bridge of her nose. Getting everything turned on for me obviously had been the trial that I thought it would be.

"I have food." I placed the offensive smelling bag in front of her and watched as she dug in with gusto. I tried hard not to cringe in disgust.

Sitting in the other chair, impressed, I looked over her notes. Not only had she managed to get the water, electricity and gas turned on but also satellite and internet connection. Janine notified the post office of the address as well as the refuse company. Beside each she had put the amount she had paid and with what account with the dates each would turn on. A piece of paper told me that I would need to send in a copy of the deed for tax purposes. In truth Janine was a miracle worker and I know which I had bought her a bigger present.

"So are you going to play Mr. Miyagi now and give me a car for all of my hard work?" Taking a drink of her soda she shoved the leftover food away looking at me with eyes pleading for the keys.

"You have a choice you can have the keys either now to poke around or later this afternoon you can test-drive any that you want." In my open hand lay each set of keys and I tried not to chuckle as she bit her lip. First she eyed the keys then the cars, next came to the clock which said it was just half past noon.

"I'll take the second choice, to joyride with you and poke around later." Straightening from her position in the chair Stretching her arms above her head Janine worked the kinks out of her stiff muscles.

Her gray T-shirt inched up over her jeans leaving a wonderful expanse of belly and lower back. A lower back that contained swirls of color and stars. How in the world had I missed that tattoo last night. The sight of it on her golden skin almost made me growl in lust. Clenching my hands I watched her breasts move higher as she stretched,

straining against the shirt while I strained against my jeans. It was all I could do not to grab her and rip the clothes from her skin burying myself in her from behind so that I could memorize every millimeter of her sultry tattoo.

She looked at me from behind her long dark eyelashes and winked. The minx was toying with me. Her eyes looked down at the apparent bulge and had the audacity to giggle and walk out of the office, her behind wriggling at me as if to say "Come and get me."

"Coming Jasper." Janine's sweet voice echoed off the metal walls and I cursed myself for ever thinking we could be nothing but friends. I was coming, all right, and soon whether by her lovely body or by hand. She was killing me and it was such as sweet torture.

With a growl of frustration I threw the keys back in the safe not bothering hanging them back up, grabbing her trash I ran to the truck which Janine already occupied. After I threw the trash away outside in a dumpster, we were on our way to the house. With her hand firmly place in mine I broke all speed limits and she was laughing while the window was down to blow through her hair.

*****

**Chapter Thirteen**: **Friendship Part III**

**Song: Wind Beneath My Wings : Bette Midler**

Janine did not say one word about my speed as I drove and gave off no feelings of fear or nervousness so was a comfort. She had turned up the radio and after changing it to a Country station began singing with every song that came on. She wasn't bad.

We began pulling into the drive and she turned off the radio and gasped when we were finally through the clearing and close to the house. The Elk herd was in the pasture enjoying the sun when it would break through the clouds.

I laughed when Janine yanked off her seat belt and hopped from the car before it had even fully stopped. Using her distraction with the Elk I grabbed her present from the glove box and after getting out shoved it in my pocket.

As she watched the Elk, I snuck up behind her and without thinking wrapped my arms around her from behind. She leaned into me and the smell of her vanilla skin made my mouth pool. Her skin was warm and I enjoyed feeling her in my arms a little too much. Holding her made too many thoughts bombard my mind, most chastising me for getting this close to another woman this soon after Alice. Had it only been a day? It felt like years. Maybe I had been too busy with other people's feelings to realize my own.

Three questions hit me between the eyes making my body tense unwillingly. How long had I been out of love with Alice? How long had it been since I had stopped loving her? How long had I been pretending for the sake of the family? Holding Janine in my arms told me that for too long I had denied my own feelings and that damn the consequences with family I would find my own happiness first. If fate decided that Janine and I would be more than friends I would leave her to decide.

"Let me show you inside. Come on." Grabbing her hand we made our way under the porch and into the house before the sun had time to make my skin sparkle. "I'll warn you now the whole place needs gutted." Gently I pushed the door opened and followed her inside.

Janine didn't say much at first. Leaving my side, she began to meander from room to room, seemingly taking stock of every nook and cranny. It was as if she was making to do list in her head.

I began opening windows to let fresh air in. The stale musty smell was making me gag. It was bad enough that I saw Janine take in huge breaths as the fresh air wafted into the room. Without a doubt the lower level would be worse and I slipped down into the darkness to open whatever windows found there. I was back upstairs before she'd even known that I had gone.

"Would you like to see the downstairs?" I leaned my hip against the low halfway wall surrounding the stairs noticing her small gulp as she swallowed. A hint of fear caught me with a war to reassure herself. It made me long to ask her why she was afraid of the dark. It was something I had noticed last night in her small house and dismissed. There had been a small lamp of some sort on in each room.

Not speaking Janine slowly walked to me from the kitchen and I held out my hand to her. She took it and interlaced her fingers with mine tightly. Her fear increased another notch when she momentarily forgot there was no electricity to the switch that she had just clicked into the upward position. She tensed and I almost stopped her as she slowly descended to the next step and another after that.

As we took each step into darkness, I was glad that I had left the door open. Her fear had massed with each step until she was trembling at the bottom. She had begun squeezing my hand with more strength that I thought she possessed. Small words began to form passed her lips and I could hear the whispered mantra telling herself there was nothing to fear from the darkness.

I would have stopped and taken her upstairs when her fear began to overwhelm even me. It was her determination to fight whatever demons had made her so afraid of the darkness that made me stay. I hated manipulating her feelings in anyway knowing she would be angry with me for it. There was no way I could not send small sparks of calm at her.

My bare cold arm touched hers and the change came too late for me to stop it and I grabbed her just before she could hit the floor. Paralyzing fear had her keening into my shoulder and struggling to get away. Every time my cool, skin touched her she flinched away in almost physical pain. I slammed the door on my receptive emotions and sent as many blasts of calm into her mind as I dared. Lifting her gently as she still cried into my shoulder, I carried her farther into the blackness until we were in the lower family room. The wall of windows letting sunlight pour through. With my back to the wall I sat with her in the sun holding her as she cried and remembered terrors I wanted to tear apart with my bare hands.

Two questions came from her lips and rocked me to the foundation of my being. I tried to shake it off as my sensitive ears hearing something they did not want to hear. She had to repeat the questions before I was able to wrap my mind around them.

"How did you become a vampire and when were you planning on telling me that you are one?" Here in the light wrapped in my arms she felt safe and her earlier panic attack was fading into the recesses of her memory.

"Why don't you tell me how you know about vampires and why you think I am one?" I now understood a little why Edward wanted to keep Bella so safe. Janine as she sat in my lap, in my arms had in a short amount of time became more precious to me than my own life. There was nothing that I wouldn't do to keep her safe. It didn't mean that I was going to control or decide Janine's life for her. Unlike Edward in my life I had known true love and friendship and it was, to those memories, I clung when being a vampire tore everything else of my soul away. When I had been with Maria, they had been the only possessions I had. Scant memories flitted across my mind, now because of time faded and askew.

I felt Janine's intake of breath as she snuggled into my shoulder. Her head rested just under my chin and I was glad for the warm sun coming in on both of us even if it did make my skin shimmer in the light.

"I was in college. My roommate and I were leaving the library. There had been some recent problems and a few girls had gone missing. Most just figured it was a freshman year and they had gone home. One had run home because she got too homesick. I was extra cautious and wanted to be back in the dorms before dark. We had not stayed too long, it was still light outside. People were still going to and from class. To get to the dorm we had to pass a small wooded area." Janine's body tensed and I began to rock her gently and calmed her some more.

"Before we knew it, someone was pulling us into the trees by hands that were as hard as stone and just as cold. I remember the blood pouring from my roommate's neck and two men standing over her, they forgot me for a moment. Quietly I had begun backing up toward the last rays of sunlight that were coming through the trees. One hand reached out to grab me and I fell backward out of the clearing and into the light." The sob built up in her chest and Janine had begun breathing deeply in order not to break down.

"I'll never forget his eyes, they were blood red and his skin glistened like a diamond facet. He stared at me my roommate's blood all over his mouth and laughed before going back into the woods. I ran as fast as I could back to the dorms. Until this moment I have never told anyone even the cops when they asked questions about her disappearance. How could I tell them that my roommate had been eaten by a vampire in daylight?"

Turning she faced me and her memory made fresh fear in her dark eyes. "Why are you different? I researched every legend, watched every horror movie I could find. Some all pointed to vampires but nothing about the skin. That's the way I knew you were like him. I saw it when we were outside. Your eyes, they are different, why?" Slowly she moved away from me, and I had felt her discomfort in my embrace. The pain of her moving away from me frightened and confused made me hang my head. I had never anticipated this moment, and became unsure as what to do. She needed reassurance that I was not going to kill her.

Telling Janine, my history, with the facts that I had once ate humans, just like her roommate would not to anything to ease her fear. I was going to have to do this as delicately as possible. Just the thought of losing her new frail friendship was not a risk that I was willing to make.

"Most of what you've read or seen about vampires is folklore, the rest unfortunately is all too, close to the truth. Yes, I am a vampire." I cringed when she backed away from me making sure to stay close to the door and the sunlight. "There are different ways that we can live, but for all of them we need blood to survive." Janine's fingers on her throat were almost my undoing.

Turning away from her and the haunted fear in her dark eyes, I continued. "Not all of us eat humans, many like my family choose to survive on the blood of animals. We go into the mountains and feed making sure to stay faraway from any human scents. There are some in my family who have never had the taste of human blood." My back was to her now and I pushed back the sliding door stepping out into the bright sunshine. "Yes my skin sparkles for lack of a better word, why I don't know. My strength is unsurpassable and I could keep pace with a car if I choose to run."

Turning, I looked into her eyes. "Know this for certain, I would never hurt you. You have nothing to fear from me. I want you as my friend Janine but the choice is yours." I held out my hand to her and hoped beyond hope that she would take it. I would not beg or take away her fear. If being my friend was something that she could not handle it was a fact that I would have to live with.

I held out my right hand and the agonizing seconds seemed years. Hesitantly she put one foot in front of the other and with a shaking hand to my cold one into hers. I gently squeezed her fingers and she returned the small gesture. Figuring now was as good of a time as any I pulled the square box out of my pocket and put it in her free hand.

"Jasper, what did you do?" Looking from the small box to me I smiled and shrugged at her question.

Taking my hand reluctantly out of hers I let her open her gift. "Consider it a thank you for all of your help today and a token of friendship."

I watched her as she opened the box surprise shined in her eyes. Many of her earlier fears about the darkness, and my being a vampire, began retreating slowly from the front of her then finally back into the recesses of her spirit. Her eyes were golden in the light shining brightly in the sun. Nothing was as brilliant as her smile when she pulled the small charm bracelet from its box.

Taking it from her slightly shaking fingers I worked the clasp around her wrist. Two small charms faced her, an enamel, gold and crystal turtle and the Chinese symbol for friendship. The turtle had been an obvious choice after seeing several of them sitting around her kitchen and in the flowers in front of her house. Our friendship even so beautifully new was something that I wanted her to remember.

"Thank you, Jasper, I'll treasure it always." She fingered the small turtle delicately then looked up into my eyes. Small tears pooled in the corners and her eyes darkened slightly. Small pieces of guilt pierced my heart, hers, not mine. "I'm so sorry that I was afraid of you Jasper. So sorry." With a speed I didn't know she held she was in my arms hugging me with all the strength she had. I hugged her back feeling free, not only because she knew who I was, but that she accepted me in my entirety.

"So what do you think of the place?" Letting her go, I stepped away. The warmth of the sun was a comfort I had not known in so long and my body and spirit ate the heat of an early fall day.

Together Janine and I turned, facing the meadow we watched as the elk grazed in peace. "It's going to be a huge renovation. Are you sure you're up to the challenge? Even at lightning speed it will take a few months just to get the place livable. Working day and night might get you there a little sooner." She grinned at me and gently bumped me with her shoulder. "So do I get the keys yet or are you going to make me beg?"

The light in her eyes melted me and I scooped her up while she laughed and ran back to the truck.

The rest of the day passed in peaceful play and I dropped Janine off at her door after dinner. We made plans for the weekend considering the bank would be opening again and she would be back to her daily grind. At her door she once again thanked me with tears in her eyes for the bracelet and for one of the best days of her life. I left her after kissing her soft cheek.

There was one final goal for the day. The time was right, Bella would be home and I would be able to check and see how she was. No part of me was expecting a miracle, not that I didn't hope for one.

Parts of me felt guilty for spending the day with Janine when I should have been watching Bella's every movement. I had shamefully sought comfort for me instead of thinking of her. It didn't matter that I had helped two people in the past two days. What mattered was that I had not helped the one who needed my special powers the most.

* * *

**Author's Note: Because of medical problems I don't know when the next update will be, hopefully soon. Please do not give up on the story if it takes more than a week for an update. I refuse to give up on this story. Everyone's reviews have meant the world and everyone is appreciated beyond words.**

**Until next time...**

**Aerialla  
**


	12. Abandonment

It's Stephenie's sandbox I just like building castles in it.

A very special thank you to everyone who has offered words of encouragement, prayers, and heartfelt wishes. They have been a huge blessing in my life.

As always thanks for this go to Emerald_Rosalie and Lion_In_The_Land. They are my rocks.

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen: Abandonment**

**Song: Abandonment by Bif Naked**

I parked the truck a few houses down from Bella's and got out just as the moon was rising in the sky. Stealthily I flew in the shadows and up the tree in front of Bella's window. It was open. She was waiting for my ass of a brother and was in for a long wait.

Hearing the phone ring in Charlie's room and his sure footsteps, I listened. It was eavesdropping, which was Edward's act, not mine. For the moment that call would give me more information on how Bella was doing than me watching her from the window.

"She's doing okay for the moment Renee. I got her to take the pill the doctor told me to so she's knocked out for the night. He said I'd probably have to slip them to her every night." There was a pause. Bella's mom was saying something that garbled in tears and anger. "Hell, no! I don't like forcing pills on her. I love her too, damn it. You weren't here last night when she was screaming her head off for him, let alone when she cried so hard she threw up. No! You're not coming up here. Bella and I will get through this together. I'll call you if I need to, just stay in Jacksonville for now."

Charlie was getting angry and I could feel his emotions messing with my own. Years ago I would not have had the control to force away the emotions that didn't belong to me. Forcing Charlie's feelings away I tuned back into the one-sided conversation.

"If I thought he was going to just walk away and leave her like this of course I would have stopped it, or tried too anyway. You know how stubborn she is. Believe me, if I ever get my hands on that little asshole I'll be the one behind bars. He just left her out there in the damn woods Renee. After last year and the animal attacks I would have thought anyone would have better sense. Don't give me that crap. Just because I have a bullet with his name on it doesn't mean I'll use it. As far as I'm concerned the whole family can rot in hell. Did you know that not one of them bothered saying good-bye to her? They just up and left? They played with her and broke her like some fucking toy, then just left her behind for someone else to clean up their mess."

I wanted to tell Charlie that he wouldn't have to hurt Edward and the rest of the family for hurting Bella. Every part of me was more than willing to tear my brother apart for the damage he'd done. Too bad Charlie didn't know that my family was hurting for Bella just as much as he was. Somehow I had to make all of this all right. Too bad that time was running against me.

Even now as a gentle breeze blew through Bella's window I could smell her blood and it called to me. I tried to close off all of my senses, but it was too late. Every taste bud on my tongue could taste the flavor or her and my mouth pooled at the memory of its sweetness. The steady beat of her heat pumped what I craved most through a girl whose very essence I forced myself to deny. When the venom in my mouth, pouring down my scorching throat became too much to bear, I left. Running for the truck I noticed my hands were shaking.

Once inside I gunned the engine and headed for my home and the wilderness where I could sate my thirst. How I was going to build up a tolerance for Bella's blood I had not one clue. So far I had been able to stand her smell for a grand total of ten minutes before the thirst became too much for me to ignore.

Every night I would try again and I would keep trying until the smell and taste of Bella's blood didn't burn my insides like an unquenchable fire. It was the least I could do for her until we were both ready. It would take patience and time but I wasn't going anywhere any time soon. I owed it to Bella to be ready when she was. Together we could start life anew.

Racing back to the house I was glad for the safe haven of my own home. It would take a miracle but with any luck the house and I would be ready at the same time. All the patience and time in the world were mine for the taking.

Finding an old sledgehammer in the garage, I got to work that night on the house. By dawn every inner wall was gone and lay outside in a mountain of debris. In one night I did the work of an entire crew. It was a great release to the inner tension and afterward as I looked around at the chaos I had created I felt accomplished and alive.

After feeding my fill I was ready to tackle my next task for the day. More and more, I was glad I bought the truck. Hauling my possessions from the Cullen house would take one move. There was much work to do before I could fully unpack but at least it was one task down. The fewer objects of my life surrounding the Cullens the better. They would always be my family but it would work better if we didn't live together.

I made short work of the haul. After I filled the truck, I made one final sweep of the house. Anything that Alice and I had bought together I left. Right now I didn't want a reminder of my life with her. Stopping just outside Edward's room it was hard for me not to enter and destroy everything inside. On his desk in a silver frame sat a picture of Bella I had never seen. Walking the few steps I snatched the sterling frame. Carefully I took out the photo before I threw the frame across the room. The glass shattered against the wall leaving shards to fly throughout the area. This was a significant reminder, telling Edward that he had shattered Bella just as easy.

Leaving this house for the last time, I felt like a free man. A weight began to lift off my shoulders and chest. It left me feeling lighter than I ever had in existence. Gunning the truck's engine, I pulled away from the house that had once felt like home but never would again. Not once did I turn around or look in the mirror. I was an eagle feeling the wind for the first time and I flew.

Back at the house I unloaded. Everything went downstairs. Down there overnight I had knocked through every wall. Where once had been darkness morning light was shining through. Never again would Janine be afraid of the dark depths. My plans for this level included three suites, one on either side and one in the rear of the house. The rest would be an opening entertainment room. A remote switch upstairs would control heavy shades to block the sun during the day and the massive glass panes during storms. The same remote would also control the rest of the lighting and with a button the lights could set to any level from candlelight to daylight. I wanted Janine and Bella when the time came to be as comfortable here as they were in their own homes.

One of the suites would become my own and the others for the girls. My thoughts raced as I stacked the load of boxes and luggage. It was hard to control my excitement at the thought of having a family of my own in some fashion.

Last night after watching Bella and Charlie I knew without a doubt I wanted them to trust me. I had to prove to them that I was nothing like Edward and that even if the going got tough I was sticking around. For such a short time the whole Cullen family had considered Bella family and that included me. Someday with hope Bella and I could get back the familiarity that we once had.

While carrying out a small mountain of debris, I heard the rumbling of a huge truck. Tensing I heard the crunch of the drive gravel. Tossing the trash on the huge pile I watched as the diesel machine pulled up alongside me. On the back was a massive dump container.

"We got a call to deliver a container. A Janine Simmons said that you'd sign for it." A burly man in a plaid flannel shirt and filthy jeans huffed his way out of the truck and over to me with a disgustingly dirty clipboard in his hand. His feelings of lust when he mentioned Janine's name made me swallow massive amounts of venom. Looking around he seemed disappointed there was no woman with a sexy voice in sight. The smell of diesel and garbage was so strong that my cast iron stomach rolled.

Taking the grimy, greasy pen I scrawled my name and stepped away. The man was impatient to get his job over with. "Call us when you need it picked up, or if you need another one." The business card that I took with revulsion peeled from the guys fingers with a sticky sound. I had seen an army's share of blood and gore, but nothing disgusted me as much as this human. Turning I made for the house and away from the stench. Even if I had been in animalistic hunger there was no way in hell that I would have fed from the man who was now climbing back into the obtrusive machine.

Knowing that I hadn't grabbed the man and snapped his neck just to rid him from society was refreshing. It was definite that I would be keeping an eye on him. There was no doubt in my mind the man was not above roughing a woman up to get what he wanted.

The heavy truck left in a belch of acrid black smoke. I glanced at the mess around me and started the clean up. When that job finished, I was again a mess and with no design of going back to the Cullens I chose the only other alternative.

Even though it was late summer, the river held just a hint of cool. It had been a long time since I had done anything such as a jump naked off a dock, the last time had been many years ago on a short vacation in the mountains with Alice. Pain seared my chest at the thought of my runaway wife. We were to have been forever like Carlisle and Esme, like Rosalie and Emmett.

As I swam the width of the river, back and forth between the banks I replayed the last few days in my head. The old fashioned gentleman in me shamed at the fact I had jumped into bed with Janine so readily. I knew now that in some small way I wanted to punish Alice for leaving me and her visioning Janine and I would do that. I had used Janine. The shocking events of the robbery fueled with her loneliness and lust had been an easy escape, one I didn't plan making again soon. This newfound friendship with Janine was something that I did not want to lose no matter how quickly it had come. I refused to look at it in any other way but a blessing.

My head told me that Alice would by now be scouting for the mate in her vision. What was there to stop me? I could do the same? That answer was simple. Bella. I had a debt to pay there, not only for me, but for my dickhead of a brother. If someone had done to Janine, the way Edward had done with Bella I would have ripped them to shreds. Taking care of Bella was the least I could do.

Darkness was beginning to fall as I climbed from the riverbank and up to the house. Some of the Elk scattered as I walked through the meadow and some paid me no heed. Their nonchalance with me was heartening and I found myself growing even fonder of the huge beasts. They were in no way pets, but it was good to know that my presence was not taxing on them.

Inside I grabbed a bag of clean clothes. Falling on the floor at my feet was the crumpled letter from Alice. After my swim I was in a better frame of mind to now read whatever words she had chosen to say. A small voice in back of my head still wanted to twist her lovely neck off her shoulders.

I laid the letter aside and quickly dressed. Picking the envelope up I smoothed wrinkles out of the paper. For the first time I noticed that my hands were shaking. It was odd how the feelings of trepidation coming from one piece of paper could begin to build panic inside my heart. There was more to this letter than just the words written inside.

It wasn't often that my gift grabbed latent feelings from objects and in my hurry for the date earlier and my anger at Alice had overpowered the feelings from the letter.

Concentrating I could sense panic and fear. Tearing open the envelope, I became awash with feelings of love. The feelings were so pure that my eyes would have shed tears if they could have. Why was this happening now? Why was Alice sending me love now after leaving me behind for someone else? It didn't make any sense. I know I had not read her wrong in Carlisle's study. Everything about her had told me she wanted to be as far away from me as possible. There had been no love from her other than affection. Why this? Why now? Slowly opening the folded paper, I began to read Alice's hurried scrawl.

Jasper,

I am so sorry for everything. Believe me when I say the outcome will be worth it. It was so wrong of me to deceive you these many years. I do love your Jasper. So many times I prayed for my visions to be wrong, especially when they were about us and you.

I don't know where my visions are taking me, but I hope to see you again someday. If for some reason I don't, I leave you with the last visions I had for you. I know that you are staying behind and I am glad. Bella needs you, Jasper. She needs your strength, kindness, and patience. You need her as well. Bella is going to bring about great change for our family. I have always seen that. Edward was a shit for doing this to her. I do have faith in you, Jasper. You and Bella will put us all to shame when the time is right.

Take your new friend, who I like by the way, to see Charlie. There is a connection there. That's all I know. I see the two of them together in the past and the future but I don't know why. Remember this though my darling, but she is not the one for you. No matter how easy it would be for you to fall in love with her, she is not your true mate.

Your mate is there, you just have to give her time, she's been through a lot. When the time is right, you will know.

Love,

Alice

P.S. Sometimes treaties are made to be broken. My words were lies, Jasper. I do have faith and belief in you. You will be able to find the balance between the man you will become and the warrior you have always been.

Alice's words hit me like a barreling freight train and I slid to the floor holding the letter in my hand. My emotions warred together in apocalyptic battle. I felt like holding my head and screaming at the world to stop.

It was some time before I was able to regain control of my own feelings. At least there was someone out there who thought I was doing the right thing, even if it was the woman who had sworn to love me forever then abandoned me.

*****

**Song: Uninvited: Alanis Morissete**

Night had fallen outside, dark and deep. It was a rare, clear northern Washington night. A full moon hung overhead as I got into the truck. The drive to Bella's took no time.

The room was dark but I could make out Bella's form with no trouble. She sat in an old rocking chair. Back and forth on the floor it went keeping time with every shaking breath of the girl sitting in it.

Through the open window I could smell the salt of her tears and I closed myself to her pain before it could plunge into my heart. She had showered recently and the smell of her strawberry shampoo wafted around the room.

The smell of Bella's newly washed skin threatened to knock me out of the tree. Venom pooled in my mouth and for a second I envisioned my mouth on her neck and drinking deep the taste I could not fully rid my mouth of. Mentally I shook myself as my beast warred with its human counterpart. My hands clawed into the wood of the tree and I fought for every scrap of control. A disturbance in the room other than the sound of the chair alerted me.

A slight knock on the door followed with Charlie nudging it open with his foot. In his arms he carried a tray of food. With a shoulder he flicked on the bedroom light. The fare was simple. A glass of milk, a peanut butter sandwich and an apple. In the milk I could smell the faint bitter trace of whatever medication Charlie was giving to Bella.

"You've got to eat Bells." Sitting the tray on the desk Charlie picked up the apple and handed it to her.

The sight of the apple brought about a fresh wave of tears and sobs. Picking the apple out of her father's hand I watched as Bella hurled it out the window and into the night. It hit me square in the chest where it exploded with a resounding pop before falling to the soft ground below.

Inside the room Charlie sighed in frustration and retrieved a blanket from the foot of the bed. Gently he wrapped it around his daughter's shoulders. Taking the milk off the tray, he handed it to Bella. "At least drink the milk. You don't want to get sick." Charlie's tone pleaded with his daughter as he pressed the glass into her hands.

I knew without a doubt the only time he got any sleep was with Bella medicated and out for the night. Bella drank the glass straight down and handed it back to her father without a word. Immediately she went back to rocking while Charlie took away the uneaten sandwich, turned off the light and closed the door.

Her pain was eating her alive. Until I could look at her without seeing my teeth plunging into her soft jugular, I was no good to her. The more I watched the more her sorrow eased through the cracks in the walls I tried to build around me. Every part of me wanted to use my powers to their full ability, to mask her pain, not for my own sake but for hers. Bella did not deserve this agony and I found myself yet again cursing the day Edward came into existence.

Patiently I waited figuring at some point the medicinal properties of the medicine would have Bella climbing into bed. That time never came. Slowly the chair stopped rocking and little by little Bella slumped to the side asleep.

As much as I knew I should not, I could not let her sleep like that for the night. Against all better judgment I found myself slowly climbing through the window and silently to her side. Closing off the smell to my nose was the only way I was able to get close to her. The sound of her heartbeat was a staccato that I would never forget, as was the warmth of her body. Gently I lifted her into my arms and turning made the few slight steps to her bed.

Warmth from her breath against my neck made me falter and I almost dropped her. The jeans and T-shirt I had thrown on in haste were no-match to the warmth of her skin against mine and a part of me longed to feel that all night long. Closing my mind from any other thought, I carefully placed Bella in the bed and covered her. Charlie would think she had crawled in on her own. Bella would believe that Charlie had put her to bed. Neither would guess let alone think of me.

Light from the moon beamed into the room and on her sleep filled face. I could not help my actions even if they damned me even further than I already was. Brushing back a stray lock of dark hair from her head I noticed the lines on her face. In the span of days she had aged faster the human eye could have seen. Gone was the freshness of youth. Faint lines showed fatigued and a stress that should have taken years to form. There was a beauty to her that I had never seen before.

Moonlight glowed against her pale skin caressing it with a lover's hand. Dark strands of hair took on an otherworldly gleam and I found myself unable to stop my actions. With gentleness I didn't even know I possessed, I slid one cold finger down her face from the temple to chin. She shivered at the touch and I found my body tingling with pleasure. I followed the path of her neck stopping at her pulse point and reveling in the strong steady beat thrumming its tattoo against my finger.

Bending I placed my cold lips to her warm lips and damned myself to a permanent place in hell. Breath hitched in her throat and one word of nonsense moaned past her lips.

The smell of her assailed me, My hands itched to touch her further, to erase the memories of my brother from her body and her mind. Right now it was not her blood my body was aching for. I wanted to taste further her sweet lips. My skin craved the feel of her hot flesh while my mouth urged to drink in the nectar of her that rushed to places other than veins.

"I love you." The words were barely utter from her lips and the blow of them on me was staggering. Stepping forward I went to pull her in my arms and damn all the consequences. Her movement stilled me and I pulled my hand back and turned away. Her love was not for me and for reason I didn't know, it bothered me.

The sight of her rolling over away from me, reaching out for someone who was not there, someone who was not coming back, brought everything into crystal clear reality. I was a million times a fool. Stopping myself from doing any more damage to both Bella and my psyche, I turned and dove through the window and back out into the trees.

It was going to be another long night of demolition and swims in the river.

Bella POV

I knew I was dreaming but I could feel Edward. His cold finger slid down my cheek, and the kiss of his cold lips on mine was too real. He hadn't left me. Edward had come back. Turning on my side, I reached out for him. There was no one there.

Pain clutched at my chest and my stomach rolled. Running I flung my bedroom door open and made it to the bathroom just in time. Over and over I vomited until I was weak and slid to the cool floor.

It was like his skin on mine. There was nothing I could do to stop the pain and it crashed into me, wave after wave of agony. Death itself could not be so cruel.

Why? Why? Why? He left me. I was not good enough for him, not good enough for them. God, it hurt so much. Please, anyone, someone make it stop. Make the pain go away and bring him back to me.

The door opened and in the arch my father stood. Charlie picked me up and carried me to my bed as I sobbed into his shoulder. He laid me gently on the bed and covered me.

"Wanna talk about it?" He bent on his haunches and my dark brown eyes stared back at me.

I shook my head "No." I closed my eyes and tried to form a blank of all thoughts and feelings. What would I give for Jasper's calming energy? I never got to tell him that I was sorry that I understood what he had done. I forgave him. Now I would never get to. Edward had taken them all away from me. The thought of them all made my breath catch and I forced myself to breathe in and out. I concentrated on my breathing until I felt exhaustion take a hold and I slept.

Darkness overtook me in my dreams as I stood on a precipice. A roaring of waves and wind threatened to blow me over into the abyss below. Behind me were angry, hungry growls. I tasted and felt fear on my tongue. A howl behind me said the creatures were coming closer. I spared a glance and could see nothing in the darkness but massive black moving shapes with glowing eyes and the occasional gleam of razor sharp fangs. Closer and closer they came and when I should have run, fear rooted me to the spot. The wind had picked up howling along tuned with the beasts at my heels.

A figure in the dark beckoned me forward with a ghostly hand. "Come, Bella. I'm here. Everything will be all right." I could see the black inky waves below me and was not afraid. Taking one last glance over my shoulder the wolves were so close I could almost smell their fetid breath.

"Come to me, Bella. I'm not going anywhere." Edward's voice rang again in my ears and I took a step forward again and again. The closer I got to the edge the more insistent Edward's voice became in my head. "I'm right here, Bella. I'm not leaving you. I'll protect you."

The wolves were closer now with their gleaming teeth. I could now see dark red blood dripping from those fangs and I turned away. My heart beat so hard I thought it would thrust from my chest. Taking one last step, I was falling into the abyss.

"You honestly believed me. Sorry Bella, you're not worth saving." Edward's musical laughter rang throughout the night mingling with the howls of wolves and my own screams as I fell deeper in the black nothing.

**Author's Note: **

I am trying very hard to keep the chapters longer since there is often a gap between updates. I do want to stress to everyone that I have not, nor will not give up this story. So please be rest assured in between the updates. I understand that for many the delay in updates is very frustrating and you have my sincerest apologies. Many thanks to all for the continued support.

Aerialla


	13. Broken

Stephen Meyer owns the sandbox I play in.

**This chapter is for JaspersBella who writes the most incredible reviews that a writer can ever receive. Her reviews on more than once have been the inspiration that keeps me going. For the rest of the reviewers out there. Every last one of you ROCK!**

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**Chapter Fifteen: Broken**

**Song: Broken Inside: Shinedown**

For the next two months I did nothing during the day but work on the house. Walls that had previously been torn down were now put back up. Downstairs the three bedrooms had taken full shape. The rest of the lower level was open and bright now except for the heavy metal shades that we in place would bar the windows in case of storms just as were on the Cullen house. A flick of a switch upstairs or down would have the room filled with light in seconds. I never again wanted Janine to feel afraid of the darkness here.

Esme had taught us boys well over the years and the work done in a week would have taken a human crew a month. I was sure the home improvement store in Port Angeles was happy to have me as a customer. Trucks had been showing up almost daily with supplies. Many of them wondered who my crew was. I laughed and told them guys with insomnia liked to work nights.

Slowly but surely the house was taking shape and started to look like a home. Over the weekend Janine had come out and the bedroom that was to be mine was painted. The weekend before I had laid the carpet and put the finishing touches to the three bathrooms while Janine had laughingly played the supervisor. Many of the touches were hers and she added a warmth to the choice of colors. The dark black marble for the bathroom I had chosen had been quickly replaced with one speckled and veined in creams, gold, black and brown against a dark cream background. I had to admit that set on top of the black vanities the effect was stunning even if my bathroom now looked like a box of chocolates. She followed the theme into the separate shower and tub. The deep sunken Jacuzzi tub had been her idea and as soon as the water had been properly affixed she had shooed me out the door and had taken an hour long bath.

Janine had even gone so far as to convince me to buy furniture for a bedroom I was not likely to use. She had become so adamant that in frustration I had thrown a credit card at her and told her to buy whatever she liked. I was still debating whether or not that had been a good idea. Even though I had to admit the king-sized antique mahogany canopied bed seemed to fit the room perfectly. Janine had laughed and said it reminded her of something out of a gothic vampire novel and thought it was fitting. Her very bad impression of Dracula had her in a fit of giggles and me scowling at the injustice.

I had chased her out the house and into the meadow when she had thrown a pillow at me. In mid run I had picked her up and ran toward the river threatening to throw her in. I yielded after she promised never to put me in the same category with a hack vampire ever again.

After that day I began to notice subtle changes in Janine or Jani as I had taken to calling her. Slowly she began to fall in love with me and I fought had not to let her feelings into my own needing heart. Every night after she left, I would pull the letter from Alice out and her words would remind me that Janine was not the one for me. Soon I would have to do what Alice had suggested and introduce Jani to Charlie and hope that I would not lose my friend in the process. The thought of losing her from my life was a pain that I did not want to bear.

Not one moment had passed where I found myself wanting to sink my teeth into a human. For all purposes the thought never entered my mind. Even when Janine had brushed against an exposed nail leaving a nasty gash in her leg and a trail of blood on the newly laid walnut floors, my only thought had been for her. I had whipped off my own T-shirt to staunch the flow of blood. A trip to the emergency room had led to Janine receiving ten stitches in her leg along with a tetanus shot. The whole time in the hospital waiting room, I wondered what had happened to me. I could smell the blood in the air but it never met my tongue. Gone was the venom pooling in my mouth for a taste and my hunger was virtually non existent. On more than one occasion I had to remind myself to feed.

I was going to need to talk to Carlisle soon. There was no way I could try to explain things on my own. Too many questions formed in my head with no answers. I knew that Carlisle and Esme were more than upset at me. I had never made good on my telephone call, or the visit. The most I had done, was to send off a quick email stating that I was fine and don't worry.

After taking Janine home and seeing her safely inside I went to Bella's where I watched her from outside until she had turned off the light and went to sleep on her own.

Tonight marked the two-month anniversary of Edward leaving and I knew that Bella truly had not gotten any better. She put on a good front for Charlie and had even gone back to school. Bella could fool Charlie and everyone else in Forks, but she couldn't fool me. Slowly I had built the wall shielding myself from her full pain until I was sure I could handle her melancholy without it ripping me apart.

The night had started out no different from last night or the ones before. I watched as Bella did her homework, went into the bathroom and came pack in sweats and a T-shirt. Once she was in bed it never took long for the flow of tears to start and usually after an hour she had cried herself to sleep.

Something was different though about this night and I had not sensed it at first. The air was thick and heavy in Bella's room and I wished I had enough control to throw caution to the wind and let down the walls I had built. I couldn't let my guard down. I didn't know what would happen if I did.

I watched as Bella went to the window, most nights it was left partially open in hope. Tonight was no exception. This was the first time that Bella had come to stand in front of it with the cool air blowing her hair away from her face. Tears were glistening on her cheeks as she stared up at the stars. The urge to wipe them from her cheeks was overwhelming and I fought to stay hidden in the tree. A sob caught in her throat and even with the walls in place the feeling was a slam to my gut. Bella pushed the window open a little farther and turned back to her bed where she curled up into a ball.

The soft cries in the night were almost my undoing. If it wouldn't have been for the change of breath as she slept I would have crawled through the window. Life couldn't go on like this for either of us much longer. Both of us were slowly being torn apart inside. Watching as she slept, I listened for the words that would inevitably come.

The open window in front of me held truths that I did not want to believe. A fist in my chest ripping out my heart would have been less brutal. My own emotions were in such turmoil that I did not dare try to read those that lay within the house. I knew just by watching that their pain was equal to if not greater than my own.

I sat on my perch outside her window. A window she had no doubt left open for my brother. I heard nonsense words from her lips and the slight toss and turn as deep sleep took her body and mind. Slowly the words became clearer and I could hear the harsh sobs and over continuously the same words from in the night.

"Please don't go, don't leave me. You promised you'd stay forever. I love you." I could smell the salt of the tears that leaked down her face and nearly cried out with her as she screamed his name into the night. "Edward!" The scream was full of torture and loss as if her soul was being ripped to shreds.

I damned both Edward and myself to the hell where we belonged. We had done this to her, me with my addiction to human blood and Edward with his infallible belief that he alone knew what was just for us all. For too long we had all believed in a world where the monsters could live among the humans without consequence. We were so very wrong. The consequence of our naivety was staring me in the face that of a raging beast that would not be placated by what was in a store or available on the menu. I stared and it threatened to swallow me whole.

Charlie stood in the doorway of Bella's room. Only moments before Charlie had been tossing and turning in his own bed trying to figure out how to help the most important person in his life. He looked haggard. Grief and fear etched age lines into his face. What should have taken years to form had happened in a matter of a few weeks.

The solitary scream of Edward's name had bolted him from his bed and to Bella''s room. I watched as his shaking hand clicked the safety back on of his sheriff's pistol. Without a doubt should my brother have been in the room Edward would have received a killing shot. Charlie was the kind of cop enough to shoot first before asking any questions especially when it came to the safety of his only daughter.

From my vantage point in the tree, I could see Bella's form thrashing in her bed. Hands clawed as the sheets entangled with her limbs holding her prisoner. Scratches began forming into gashes on her skin, her own fingernails a weapon upon her arms, chest and neck. Repeatedly in the night, she cried for Edward. Bella screamed out the pain that ate her from the inside out, the pains she let no one see in the light of day.

I wanted to howl along with her my beast salivating for vengeance. My hands gripped the trunk of the tree when they wanted nothing more than to tear Edward's limbs apart then dance in his ashes. The fucker had not even stuck around Forks enough to make sure that she was going to be all right. Whatever his reasons had been for leaving, they would never be good enough. I would make sure that he paid dearly for every second Bella and Charlie fought to contain the grief that was eating them alive.

Time had come for me to move out of the shadows. The months I had wanted to prepare were not possible. Fate was deeming that I act now. I would feed every day if that were what it took to keep me from Bella's precious lifeblood. Whatever it took, no matter the cost, I would save her. If the hunger came too much, I would worry about when the time came. Together Bella and I would try to find a peace for the lost love's that threatened to tear us apart. I would not let the same happen to Bella that happened to Alice and me. Edward would not get the chance fifty years down the road to change his mind and destroy every aspect of forever that Bella believed in.

Grasping the tree, for but an instance, I let the emotional floodgates down. Wave after wave of despair hit me, rocking my very soul at its core. Hell in its truest form would have been more merciful that this. If I could have to stop the pain, I would have pulled my own heart from my chest. The tree beneath me splintered from my grasp and I was falling, trying hard not to scream in agony as I plummeted to the earth below.

Soggy earth encompassed me as I locked my jaw to keep the screams inside my throat. One hand clutched at earth the other clawed at my shirt and finally to skin leaving four long claw marks over my long dead heart. It burned me from the inside out as no vampire venom ever could; searing my every nerve until I felt my very skin had melted away. Small animalistic whimpers escaped from my sealed lips as I prayed to whatever God would hear for death and an ending from the pain.

Heavy torrential rain began to pour from above quickly filling my impact site with mud and bracken. Slowly after what seemed an eternity, the pain began to lessen in minute measures. After what seemed like hours, I was able to gain control of my senses. With more strength than I thought I possessed, I slammed the doors shut on my empathic powers. My powers could not have soothed Bella in any form if my life depended on it. She had ripped my heart, my very soul to shreds. She was not even aware.

On hands and knees, I crawled until I was able to lean on the tree from which I had fallen. I could no longer see into Bella's room, but my hearing seemed to be working again and I tuned into that sense blocking all others.

Floorboards creaked as Charlie walked toward Bella's bed. She was finally resting again. Charlie straightened Bella's blankets being careful not to disturb her. Untangling them from her legs, he righted them covering her form. There was a soft hush of skin as Charlie pushed the hair away from her face before bestowing a fatherly kiss to her sweaty brow.

"You'll get through this Bells; we'll find a way to get you through this. You will not ever have to worry about him again even if I have to find a way to hide a body. I won't let him get away with this." Charlie tucked the covers in around his daughter before the boards creaked as he returned to his own room, making sure both bedroom doors were open in case Bella needed him. Listening to Charlie's protective nature assured me that I was not alone in wishing for Edward's demise.

Staggering to my feet, I made myself run for home. I needed to feed again now with my strength depleted to emergency levels. It would be a day at most before the thirst would be sated enough for me to attempt any form of contact with Bella regardless of shielding me from her pain.

**Author's Note: If you are an Edward and Bella (the horror I know) check out my new story here on Fanfiction. It is titled Love, Lies and Lullabies. The summary for the story is...Edward grants Bella one wish on her birthday. That wish changes their lives forever. Hopefully the readers of Second Chances will enjoy it as well. Review whether you like or not I love them all.**


	14. Ruthless Aggression

Stephenie Meyer owns the sandbox I play in.

Thanks for all the reviews on this story. As a thank you I made this and the next chapter extra long. Hopefully everyone will love it.

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**Chapter Sixteen:** **Ruthless Aggression**

**Song: Bleeding Me: Godsmack**

Two weeks went by and every night was the same. I would open myself up to Bella and her pain until it consumed me whole.

This night was no different. The wounds on my chest would have just enough time to stop seeping venom before I reopened them. Bella's pain had become my own changing me.

Tonight had been the worst night yet. Her sobs were quiet. She had learned to contain them so Charlie wouldn't hear. When at last she had fallen asleep I became assuaged with all the emotions she kept locked inside during the day. I honestly did not know how much longer she would be able to go on like this, or if I could.

No longer did I sit in the tree and stare into her room. My chosen spot had now become the ground near the tree. It was as close as I could get.

Lately her dreams had turned darker than anything I could imagine. She dreamed of her own death, of ending the life that was causing her so much pain. Her emotions were so raw it was as if I were watching her dreams through my own eyes. I was there for every ounce of emotion it took for her to end her own life.

The pain was too much to bear until Bella found the sweet release that she craved in her dreams. I felt her awaken in the night sobbing as she realized it had all been a dream and she was still in her earthbound hell.

Her statement to the night drove me over the edge and running for home. The whispered, tear filled words of "Why couldn't, Jasper, have just killed me when he had the chance?" Those words had me running for home and followed me like the hounds of hell.

I burst through the door and into my haven. All the strength I had was gone. The need to curl up into a ball and lose myself to insanity was overwhelming. Blind rage and sorrow had me clenching my hands and whispering a mantra to me to fight.

Time ceased existing and I didn't know if I stayed in the same position for hours or days. The darkness of the lower level closet had become my safety and my prison. I rocked myself until the rage was gone. Sorrow lingered in every pore of my body until I was sure I could have cried and ocean of tears if I had been able.

The phone in my pocket beat a vibration against my leg until in a fit of rage I had thrown in across the walk-in closet space where it smashed into smithereens against the opposing wall.

When the sorrow left, I faced a pit of self-disgust and betrayal. Long claw marks over my heart reopened so many time the venom in my veins coated my skin making me a danger for anyone to be near.

The surrounding blackness had become such a part of me that when the door was thrust open and hauled into the light I cried in pain and terror. Strong arms had my arms secure and I lashed out with my legs and teeth. Emotions rolled over me a bevy of relief and concern. Mixing with my own still frail ones it was enough for me to drop to the floor. The sobs that wracked my body but brought no relief of tears.

Arms had me again this time in multiple and I let them. I hoped they would pull me apart and put me out of this miserable agony. My ears had adjusted so much to the quiet the voices around me made me cower and try to cover their sensitive drums.

Vaguely I remembered kind sure hands bandaging my self-inflicted wounds and putting me to my own bed. Vampires don't sleep but somehow someway I was able to fall into a sweet oblivion probably caused more by my own madness than any drug that could knock out a vampire.

Voices, those of my family, made my hearing the first sense I regained. Slowly the rest came to me as if out of a fog. They had placed me in my room and someone, and no doubt Carlisle had bandaged my chest unnecessarily.

"How's the patient doing?" Carlisle came and sat backwards in the dining room chair that someone had placed beside the bed. The pose was uncharacteristic for Carlisle, as I was unused to seeing him this relaxed. He was shielding himself well because I could barely pick up any emotion from him.

"Fine." My voice was flat and I struggled not to close my eyes as feelings of my self-doubt played with my fragility.

"Care to explain what happened?" He rested his forearms on the back of the chair and leaned forward, looking at me. The look of concern on his face showed that I had put my family through a lot.

"How long . . . ?" Struggling I looked at everything but direct into his eyes. I did not want to see what emotions if any they held.

"How long since our unanswered calls, or how long since you've been catatonic?" Carlisle's voice was flat and even but not once did he take his eyes off me.

"Both" I closed my eyes at the pain of having caused them to worry.

"Four days since we called and three that you've been gone from the world." Esme answered for Carlisle. She stood in the door leaning against the frame her arms crossed over her stomach. For all the concern she showed you would have thought she was my mother by birth and not by chosen adoption. I could not bear to look in her eyes and I lowered my head in shame.

"I'm sorry, so sorry." My fists clenched at the blanket. The feeling to go back into a dark quiet space was overwhelming.

"Please tell us what happened Jasper. We want to help. We can't if we don't know the why behind it." Sitting on the edge of the bed, she took one of my hands in hers before brushing a lock of hair off my face.

"I saw Bella. I've been trying to keep an eye on her. That last night I was at her house. She had a nightmare. All of Bella's emotions, Charlie's, and my own hit me. It was too much. I couldn't control anything that I was feeling. It was burying me. All I wanted was the pain to stop."

I touched my chest right over where I had tried to cleave out my own heart with my bare hands. "I don't know how I got here, I remember running and bits and pieces then strong hands and your voices. Is Emmett here I thought he was the one that grabbed me?"

I hoped Emmett and Rosalie were not here. It would not be unlike Emmett to go on a hunting spree. The elk were part of this land and I did not want my overzealous brother scaring them off for good. The peace of this place was a gift, and I wanted it to stay that way.

"That was I, Emmett, and Rose stayed in Denali. You put up a heck of a fight." Slight humor lightened Carlisle's eyes when I turned to him.

"Why did you come? You know that Edward will not be happy with you here? It is going to be bad enough when he finds out that I never left."

The concern I had was not for me. Edward would put Esme and Carlisle through hell because of the consequences of my actions. Edward would play the petulant child.

Esme glared at Carlisle angrier than I'd ever seen her. She started to speak and Carlisle held up his hand. The glare from her to him surprised me, but she said nothing.

"Despite the way it may appear, I do not bend my life to Edward's wishes. I am also concerned for Bella's safety. Her birthday was the icing on the cake. You were not aware of the full incidents of the party. Edward was just as much at fault for hurting Bella as you were. He was the one that shoved her aside, into a stack of dishes. This caused her to come to more harm than was necessary. In many ways we were all at fault for the turn of events. Bella's time with us was a series of unfortunate events. I did not stand in Edward's way because at the time I felt, still feel the same way. We are too dangerous to her by far. It was only a matter of time before one of us seriously injured her without meaning to. Even a hug, given too hard could have broken a bone. I will always love Bella as a daughter. As a father her safety has to come first."

Carlisle sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. He placed his elbows on the back of the chair and rested his chin wearily in his hands. Every feeling that came from him was from a father needing to protect all of his children, including Bella.

"Tell us, how is Bella?" Esme's gentle hand touched mine. I tried hard not to flinch away when I felt her feel that we were all being too hard on Edward.

I knew Esme loved Bella. I wasn't naive to believe that she would not stick up for her son if she had to choose.

"I wish I could give you both good news. You saw the way I was when you got here. It's bad, worse than bad. She is slowly dying inside and I can't get close enough to her to relieve her grief. I would go so far to say she's suicidal. Edward was everything to her. He just left her. In her sleep she yelled for him not to go, not to leave her."

Looking at both of them I knew what I had to do. Keep trying. Flinging the covers off I got out of bed, careful not to knock Esme off. Someone probably Carlisle had changed me from my dirty clothes putting me in clean pajama bottoms.

Crossing the room I flung open the closet and pulled out clothes before tearing the bandage off my chest.

Esme tried to still my actions with a hand on my shoulder. I couldn't tell if she was trying to comfort me or Edward. Her emotions were very mixed.

"I'm sure that this has been traumatic for Bella. This situation will work out Jasper. Sometimes the heart just needs time to mend. Edward felt he was doing right by trying to protect Bella from all of us. A broken heart takes time to heal."

Gently I pushed past her heading for the bathroom. I stopped and turned. My anger got the better of me. "Do you know, Esme, that he promised that he wouldn't leave her? We knew that he loved her. That day in the woods he said that he didn't love her in the way she thought. Edward, told her that he didn't want her, that she was not good enough for him." I tried not to tighten my fists at my adopted mother.

"Your precious, Edward, destroyed her before my eyes and placate him all you want, Edward, is still an asshole for treating her like that. Do you remember, Esme, your own broken heart? Did you not throw yourself off a cliff because you couldn't bear the pain of being alone? Edward left Bella feeling alone, unloved, and unlovable. She is faring no better than you did. What makes you so right that her heart will mend when yours did not until Carlisle turned you. Was Edward's mental abuse of Bella a lighter sentence than the physical abuse you endured?" I stopped my tirade when Carlisle straightened from the chair. I knew I had went too far but so had Esme, in trying to make light of what Edward had done. Never had I gotten angry with either of them, least of all Esme.

Esme looked away ashamed at herself and realization dawned on her. She tried so hard to block her human life from her mind that she had forgotten just how frail a young woman's human heart was. Looking in her eyes I could see the realization taking form and little by little her faith in Edward began to crack. Her faith in Edward, was still infallible, though now Esme was now looking at Edward differently.

Turning I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Hot water sluiced down my body as I fought for control. I could force Esme to see reason, force her to side with me against Edward. What good would it do? Esme would never forgive me for controlling her emotions and would probably side with Edward even more. For now I wasn't going to try. Let them think of me what they will. For now I needed to see Bella. It had been days since I had seen her. I needed to make sure that she was all right.

I was glad to find that Carlisle and Esme had vacated the room so I was able to dress in peace. At some point I would have to buy a new cell phone. Lately Janine and I talked every day so there was no doubt about what she was feeling right now. After I had checked on Bella, I would run to Port Angeles to see Janine.

A better thought crossed my mind. I would run to Port Angeles and get Janine. Charlie was less likely to kill me if someone else was there to ease the tension. It was high time that I let Bella know that one of us had stayed behind.

On the way to Janine's I stopped off to buy a new phone. The length took too long. Before the salesclerk had put the phone in the bag, I had gone through twenty different ways I could kill him without anyone else being aware. Back on the road I broke all the speed laws until I pulled into Janine's drive.

She answered the door with the first ring. Her eyes held tension along with worry as she held her phone to her ear. The new phone in my pocket starting buzzing and I picked it up while looking at her. Together we both hung up each phone. She flew into my arms and I held her. Discontent oozed from her every pore and in a flash I calmed her down and set her back on her feet.

"I've been worried sick. What happened to you? I've called I don't know how many times and never got an answer. If you wouldn't have picked up this time, I was coming out to your house." She put her hands on her hips and fire now flashed in her brown eyes, she yearned to stamp her foot and shake a finger at me but controlled herself at least that far.

"I'll tell you in the truck. I need you to go somewhere with me." Without another word she turned, grabbing her purse and jacket from the entryway table. Her words about coming to look for me were true though I did not doubt her in the least.

As we drove to Forks in almost breakneck speed, I told her about Bella and Charlie. The tale of how Edward had left Bella made her fume. She called my brother more than one dirty name under her breath. Janine understood my protectiveness and her hand reaching and entwining with mine gave me a courage that I had been lacking. I took her courage and tried to make it my own.

We pulled up outside the Swan residence and I killed the engine. For a brief moment I paused and felt Janine's hand on my shoulder. Her support propelled me forward and I was out of the truck and climbing the porch steps before Janine had a chance to get out.

I pressed the bell and waiting impatiently. Janine was just coming to my side when the door was thrust open by a haggard Charlie.

"Yes." Charlie was in uniform and worry poured from every cell of his body. Something was wrong, very wrong.

"Chief Swan, we've never met. I'm Jasper Cullen. Is Bella here?" The reaction came to quick for me to register it. By the sides of my shirt I was grabbed then thrust against the door frame. Any exertion of weight was not apparent on Charlie's face. Nothing but pure fury was evident in his feelings now.

"Where is your brother? What has he done to her now?" His eyes were black with rage and he slammed me back with all the strength he had, which was more than I had given him credit for. I could have easily broken his grasp and controlled his feelings but thought better of it. Charlie remained entitled to his anger and resentment toward my family.

"Mr. Swan. Jasper doesn't know where Edward is. What has happened? We want to help." Janine placed her hand on Charlie's shoulder. Squeezing she let him know that someone else was in the audience.

"Hasn't your family done enough damage to my daughter? Did you come back to finish the job, leaving her in the woods wasn't good enough? Do you want to rob her of the rest of the pieces she has left? Do you even realize the hell we've been through? Do you? Answer me, do you?"

Charlie was hanging on by a thread and pounding me into the wall over and over.

The door frame was starting to crack under the pressure until Janine had enough and with all of her strength barreled into Charlie. She knocked him through the door and into the stairway. Damn, the girl had a hell of a tackle on her. It was enough to knock some sense into Charlie and he collapsed on the floor out of breath and struggling to stand. I tried to send calm toward him but it made no difference, it was as if my powers had no effect. When he was finally able to stand, he took one breath and with a mighty punch landed a closed fist against my jaw whipping my head to the side.

"That's enough!" Janine stepped in the middle of Charlie and me using her hands to force him back away from me. The woman had more guts than was good for her. "We're here to help you, you big ass, now sit down, shut up and listen to what Jasper has to say or by God I'll knock you out myself." Janine had worked herself up now and the foot stomp and finger shake that I had expected earlier came to life. Instead of at me her finger pointed to Charlie.

"Just who in the hell are you, and where is my daughter?" Charlie stood in the small doorway his fists clenched at his side. His right one was already swelling and starting to turn purple though he showed no sign of pain.

"I'm Janine Simmons. I'm a friend of ,asper. Tell us what happened, Mr. Swan. Jasper, can't help you if we don't know what happened." Janine shoved Charlie away again as he took another step toward me. Charlie was now standing in the small living room his livid anger abating some.

"Why would he help me, it's his damned brother and family's fault that Bella's falling apart. Now she's gone and I may never get her back." He turned away from us his anger turning to sadness.

I took my opportunity and stepped into the small house closing the door behind me. The door didn't fit the jamb any longer so I closed it as much as possible. "What do you mean that Bella is gone?" I kept my voice an even tone. I did not want stir up Charlie even more.

"I came home from work and found her truck gone and a note on the table. None of it makes sense. Why did he have to do this to her?" The obviously broken hand was beginning to turn a dark purple. I was going to have to call Carlisle, but I didn't know how Charlie would take to seeing my father. Taking out my cell phone I typed a text message in a blur and had the note sent and the phone back in my pocket before Charlie was any wiser.

"What note, Mr. Swan? May Jasper and I see it? We promise that we are only here to help. Jasper feels terrible about what his brother did. Please don't blame him for something that was not his fault." While not the truth I could tell that Janine's now soft words were having an effect on Charlie. He turned to face her while taking a folded note out of his uniform pocket with his unbroken hand. That he passed it to Janine and not I, was not lost on any of us.

The note was simple and I could feel the grief and despair pouring off it liking a living breathing thing. This note was not good at all. I did not need to read the words written on the paper to know what it said. We needed to find Bella and quick. First I needed Carlisle and Esme here. The three of us together were better matches for finding her that me alone. My phone rang and I answered it turning away from Charlie and Janine.

"Yes."

"Don't do anything stupid will you. We're just outside town. We'll be at Bella's in ten minutes. Carlisle and Esme are on the way as well." I could hear Rosalie's voice over the Jeep's engine just before she hung up the phone.

The note was simple.

Charlie,

I love you, tell Renee that I love her too. I can't do this anymore, it hurts too much.

Love,

Bella

Turning around I saw Janine read the note before handing it back to Charlie. Tears were in her eyes and I knew the words were not lost on her. Chances are if we did not find Bella soon it would be too late. Luckily the calvary was on the way.

Something in the way Janine looked made Charlie take a hard look at her. Charlie looked into Janine's eyes and recognition flashed across his face. It was like he just first saw her. "You're Kevin Simmons' wife." Shock poured out of Charlie and Janine at the mention of her husband.

"Yes. How did you know Kevin?" The scar tissue over Janine's heart concerning her husband opened and I could feel her loss.

"I was there that night. We were all called in. I'm so sorry. He died in my arms." Charlie looked at the floor when tears began to roll from Janine's eyes.

Like a switch I felt Janine shove her feelings aside, slammin a lid on them. She amazed me every day. Her words were not about her own pain or Charlie's, they were for a young woman she didn't even know. In some ways it didn't surprise me considering that Janine had seen firsthand the dangers the world had to offer.

"Right now, we need to find Bella. You and I will talk later. Sit and tell us what you know. Tear into Jasper all you want later, right now we need to find your daughter." Janine's finger pointed to the sofa and though I couldn't see her eyes I knew they were flashing with fire. She was daring Charlie to cross her. Even though he grumbled, Charlie obeyed. He was more worried about Bella than being bossed around.

Without a doubt there was something between these two that Alice had seen in her vision.

"She didn't come home from school. I asked the neighbors and they didn't see the truck since it left this morning. I called the school. She never showed up. I was getting ready to call Billy Black and have him put together some guys from the reservation. They know the woods around here better than anyone. I was going to form a search party."

Charlie's hand was really starting to pain him but he didn't show any sign of weakness. It was a good quality for a Police Chief to have.

"Chief Swan, I'm here to find Bella. I'm sorry for what my family has done. We didn't all leave her. I know it's an excuse and a poor one at that. I stayed and didn't contact Bella because I didn't want her to know yet. I thought if I gave her some time she would get better. I was wrong. I didn't want to get her hopes up that because one of us didn't leave that Edward was coming back. In all honesty I hope the fucker is gone for good. No, one, especially not Bella deserved the way he treated and left her, the way they all left." I tried to break through his cracks by blasting it with calm, all I did was send it back my own way. Charlie intentionally or not was shielding himself from me. It made me curious as to whether it was a conscious effort on his part. If it was, just how much did he know about the Cullens?

Outside I heard car doors slam. In an instant four sets of feet were coming up the stairs to Charlie's front door. I opened the door, ushering my family inside. Charlie was going to have conniptions seeing them all. We alone could find Bella and have to before anyone on the reservation was aware. I now knew what Alice had meant about broken treaties. Tonight we could possibly be going to war against a pack of werewolves and placing Bella, Charlie, and Janine right in the middle of said war.

"Chief Swan, I know what you may think of us. We did have Bella's best interests at heart when we left." Esme stood in front of Carlisle her arms wrapped around her middle concern for the young woman she thought of as her daughter written in her every cell. Carlisle placed his hands on her shoulders. It was rare for him not to be the one standing in the forefront but considering his height over Esme he wasn't exactly in the back neither.

"Lady, you have no idea what I think. I know exactly what you are, what all of you are. Do you think it's possible to be the Police Chief around here especially after the killings last year and not know the lot of you are vampires? Just how thick do you think, I am? Are the life and heart of young girls something you break just to pass the time or was Bella a special whim of indulgence?" The fire was back into Charlie and Janine and I stepped in front of him to keep him from going after Carlisle. "You're the worst of them, you're supposed to be a doctor, someone who helps people. She could have died out there in those damn woods when your son left her alone. If it wouldn't have been for a hiker phoning in a tip, we never would have found her, and you claim to have Bella's best interests at heart. All of you disgust me. After we find Bella and you better pray to God that we do, I don't think I want to see any of you around town for a long time. I may just be one man but I do know what fire does to your kind and even if I don't live to see it through I'll take at least one of you with me. Hopefully it will be that idiot son of yours that I notice is not here."

Hate and rage poured over all of us from Charlie, mixing in with Janine's fear. Emotions of everyone mixed in with the low growling of Esme. She didn't like someone threatening her son and her family. Carefully I pushed Janine aside out of the way. Instead of standing in front of Charlie I flanked him. The move did not go unnoticed by my family. I had just chosen my side and it wasn't with them.

"Fighting is not going to solve this. We need to find Bella who I take is missing. Can we just get on with this? I'm sure Bella has just wandered off like before. God, she's so melodramatic." Rosalie looked down at her fingers and her frustration at having to save Bella yet again was palatable. My own sister disgusted me.

Janine fumed beside me and I touched her, calming her before she did something. My hand on Janine's arm caught Rosalie's glance and anger rolled off her.

"What just because Alice left, you have to find your own plaything now. God, you disgust me, Jasper. Have I not told you that getting involved with the humans was a bad idea? No one listens to me. Now we have another one to contend with, couldn't you guys have kept your dick in your pants where it belongs, or at least find someone not so warm blooded. Alice only left a few months ago, Jasper, and you're taking up with this. Between you and Edward we're all going to wind up dead. Just because for the moment you are off the juice, Jasper, doesn't take back that for over a hundred years you fed from their kind like an all you can eat buffet."

Her hand moved with a dismissive wave to Janine and Emmett slammed his hand over her mouth quickly when he heard the growl from my chest that filled the room.

"Emmett keep a lid on your wife's tongue before I rip it from her head." I stood to my full height and flexed my hands to keep me from tearing into Rosalie. "Right now, none of this solves anything. Bella is out there somewhere, alone and grieving because of us. It is our duty to find her and bring her home. After that I don't care where you go, but I'm staying in Forks. This is my home and if none of you like it that's too bad. My priority here is bringing Bella back safe, not the ranting of a spoiled bitch." Emmett grabbed Rosalie's arm to keep her close.

"Charlie if you could point me to a map of the area and a pen I want you to sit and have Carlisle see to your hand. Janine, Bella's room is upstairs, take Esme and see if you can find anything that might say exactly where she has gone, a diary, something. Emmett take Rosalie outside to cool off. We are working in a limited time table and we don't need to waste any more time."

Everyone hopped to my bidding but in the situation I couldn't enjoy the moment but it did feel good to lead the troops again. Charlie pulled out a map and a pen from the nearby desk drawer and Carlisle ushered him into the kitchen, I followed unfolding the map. Going up the stairs I heard Janine make a comment to Esme about being a General in my past life rather than just a Major. Esme giggled slightly.

Out of the cupboard that Charlie pointed to Carlisle grabbed a bowl and got ice out of the freezer. "This is going to hurt and I'm sorry, but we are in an emergency." Carlisle grabbed Charlie's broken hand and with two tugs faster than the eye could see reset the broken knuckles in Charlie's hand. Veins popped in his throat but not one sound passed his lips. In a blur Carlisle was out and back with his ancient medicine bag and shoving a syringe into a bottle of clear liquid.

"That's not going to knock me out is it?" The voice of Bella's father twinged with pain and immersed in worry for his daughter.

"No, its for the pain only. It's a heavy narcotic so I'll need to keep an eye on you during and afterward. I am sorry about all of this Charlie. If I had seen this coming I would have taken my family away before we or Bella had become attached. We do love her and I was a fool to leave at the whim of a son who was too wrapped in his own emotions to see those of anyone else." Carlisle put the things back in his bag and stuck Charlie's hand in the ice on the counter.

I had made one large circle on the map enclosing La Push, marking X's on the places I knew where Bella had gone with Edward, just in case she decided to take a trip down memory lane.

"What have you got Son?" Carlisle's hand on my shoulder held nothing but support and pride. I tried not to get caught up in the feeling. His calling me his son, even after I had stood up against all of them made a part of me feel complete and whole. I knew that no matter what, I would find Bella. My family would stand by me, even if some of them didn't want to.

At that moment Emmett and Rosalie walked into the tiny kitchen followed by Janine and Esme. I moved chairs to make more room. Charlie in his way motioned for everyone to get closer. His anger was dissipating and he was grateful for all the help he could get in getting Bella home.

"Did you find anything?" I looked into Janine's eyes as she stood side by side with my mother. She looked like a member of the family except for her darker skin. Esme was already warming to her which was good.

"We found her diary. I marked the last page. She's talking about a dream taking place on a cliff with wolves after her and Edward, your brother, calling to her. He says that he'll save her and she jumps. In her dream he never saves her. Her exact words are, 'He tells me over and over as I fall that I'm not worth saving, and may be I'm not.' There is nothing after that. The last entry was this morning." Janine handed the book to me and the sorrow and grief coming off sent me crashing to my knees. Bella's firm belief that she wasn't worth saving caused great whimpers of pain to force through my lips. The scars over my heart burned and I gulped in air as Carlisle brought me to my feet. Janine went to help me but Esme held her back and I was glad. It took me a moment to close and lock down every feeling but my own. I managed, just barely.

Taking a deep breath, I started marking X's along the coastline, every spot with cliff access, including the cliffs at La Push. Chances were good those would be the ones she was the most familiar with and would head there without thinking.

"Chief Swan, has anyone in your family, ever had visions or saw things even in their dreams?" Rosalie spoke and I turned glaring at her. "It's an honest question. The way Bella describes her dream and what we know could mean something. I'm trying to be helpful. We have special gifts. Bella does have an unusual way of seeing what people are." Rosalie huffed and turned away only to stop by Janine putting a hand on her arm.

"She's got a point, Jasper. Right now we shouldn't rule anything out. There are other parts I scanned in her diary that almost sound like prophetic dreaming." Everyone, including me turned, staring at Janine wondering where she came up with her theory. "Ok, short story, after a vampire attacked me in college I went through a New Age and Goth phase. Prophetic dreams are uncommon in someone who has even a small chance for psychic ability. Our minds are more open when we dream. What's to say that Bella is not having prophetic dreams when she sleeps and is skewing them with the reality of Edward leaving her. The same dream keeps happening and in the same manner. Perhaps she gave in to her dream Edward. She fully believes that Edward in reality thinks she's worthless. I'm sorry to say this to you but this Edward is a real piece of work."

Rosalie pulled away from Janine though kindly. I was grateful for that small favor.

"My mother and grandmother sometimes saw events happening. I never knew why but sometimes one of them would know about something before it happened. It was never anything major just little things. I remember one time when my grandma told me I couldn't go fishing because I would get sick. A few days later five people got sick from some dumped waste. One person died. Everyone in my family has always had a knack of knowing if someone was up to no-good. I never thought of that until now. If it's true, what does it mean?" Charlie wiped a hand down his face and slid his hand further into the ice while staring me in the eyes. He looked to me for the questions that swirled in his brain, questions for which at the moment I had no answers.

"It means nothing until we find Bella. Now let's get going. Esme, you and Carlisle, take the northern woods track any of the slightest scents for Bella. Start here at the house and work west to the ocean. Emmett, you and Rosalie, take the southern path. Make sure to keep a look out for Bella's truck, chances are if she's not in it you'll find it on the side or just off the road. I'm heading for the woods around the house and toward La Push."

"You know even if she's there you can't cross Jasper, it would be suicide." Emmett looked at me knowing full well that I would do whatever it took to bring Bella back for Charlie.

"I'll call Billy and he can get some of the boys to help you look. I'm sure they would be more than willing to help you search the cliffs for Bella." Carlisle grabbed Charlie's hand before it could reach the phone.

"Trust me Charlie. Billy's kind and mine don't mix. There is a long-standing treaty between me and Billy's ancestor Ephraim. If one of us should cross into the reservation, it would mean war. I'm sure you've heard the Quileute legends about the men turning into wolves. It's true, all of it. Unfortunately for everyone because we chose to take up residence in Forks the legend has risen again. Several of the young men have turned. I don't want you to become involved in something you shouldn't even know about, let alone have intimate knowledge of." Carlisle stepped aside and gave Charlie the decision to call or not. Charlie's hand never went back for the phone.

"Carlisle, you do realize that if she's there it could be a volatile situation." I looked at my father and he closed his eyes and shook his head yes at me, even though it could cost us all.

"What do you mean volatile?" Charlie stood and dumped the ice and water into the sink.

"I mean the men and the creatures they are turning into are young. They don't have the years of restraint and control that we do. Right now when they change they are wild beasts full of ruthless aggression. If they are in wolf form and they smell Bella they may not be able to judge between her scent and the scent of wild game." I was memorizing the route I wanted to take when I heard the bowl behind me drop and shatter on the floor.

"Oh my god! Jasper, Bella's dream, she dreamed of wolves coming after her, trapping her against the side of the cliff. Even if she doesn't plan jumping herself, she may think it's the only way."

Janine slumped, taking up the chair Charlie had just abandoned.

"I don't think we have a choice, Carlisle." I looked into my father's eyes and I could almost taste his fear at losing his family, but his complete belief that saving Bella was worth any cost to us.

"Everyone keep to the original plan. Whoever finds her first call Charlie and Janine. Charlie, I need you to take Janine and head to La Push. I hate to put you right in the middle but we may need your familiarity with Mr. Black just in case." I rattled off Janine's cell phone number to my family who were all just staring at me with different expressions mixed between pride and shock. Everyone's emotions were starting to break through in little cracks and I strode out the back door.

Carlisle, Charlie and Janine followed me.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle, for everything." I was turning away when my father's strong arm on my shoulder stopped me.

"Just make sure that you get to her in time, we'll take care of what happens when it does. If it comes down to it, Jasper, try not to kill any of them. They are young and probably don't know what they are doing." He let go and Charlie took his place.

"Bring her home safe. That's all I want, do what you have to do, but bring her home. I'll take care of Billy. He should know better than to keep something like this from me. I may not like the consequences but whatever happens, the outcome will be worth having Bella alive and safe." Charlie turned and walked back into the house followed by Carlisle.

It left Janine and I standing outside alone. She took a huge breath and walk the few feet to me pulling me into her arms and holding me as tightly as she was able.

"This may sound heartless and cruel, but I don't care. Do whatever it takes to come back safely, Jasper. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you now. I have a huge feeling in my gut. Something bad is going to happen. I just want you to come back. It's selfish of me I know." Backing away she scrubbed at the tears falling down her face and she lowered her eyes so she could not look at me. Fear and love were flowing toward me like a roaring wind. Carefully lifting her jaw I bestowed a kiss on her forehead. I couldn't tell her that if tonight didn't go right that I might not be coming back. It was something she already knew.

"Damn it. Go, be the hero, so I can kick your ass when you get back." She shoved me away and I ran into the night and toward my damsel in distress.

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**Woah! What a cliff hanger!! The next chapter will be up at the first of next week. Hopefully everyone loved the extra long chapter.  
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**Love you all. Please review. I would love to see these next few chapters double what I've already have. Come on you know you guys can do it. No pressure though seriously. I hate begging for reviews.**

**Aerialla**


	15. Sorrow

Stephenie Meyer owns all...darn her!!

Thanks to everyone for the fantastic reviews. I have been trying to answer as many as possible and try to answer a few each day in between editing and writing. Every review means the world and lets me know how much you enjoy the story. If you don't like it leave a review to tell me why. I take all reviews, good, bad, indifferent or downright flames. ;)

This chapter is dedicated to all of the reviewers that have reviewed this story. You have kept me going at times when my body was against me. It is your courage and support that gets every chapter out. Every one of you has a special place in my heart. Right now all of you have done something wonderful. The reviews here are outnumbering the ones on Twilighted (.) com. Way To Go!!

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**Chapter Seventeen: Sorrow**

**Bella POV**

**Song: Your House by Alanis Morrisette**

For hours I sat in my truck, staring at the house. It was so devoid of life, just like I felt inside.

Finally I got the nerve to leave the confines of the cab, and walk up the stairs. The windows remained unshuttered, unlike I thought they would be. Through the glass front door I could see inside. Nothing had changed. It looked like the house was ready for them to come home. They all had obviously been in such a hurry to leave me behind, that their possessions were no longer important. Morning rain began to fall outside. I hugged myself from the chill in the air.

For some reason I wanted to be inside. I wanted to be in a place that had felt more like home to me than any I'd ever known. I knew there was no security alarm which made what I was about to do, easier. Everything about it was wrong, especially with my father the chief of police but for the first time in my life, I didn't care about the consequences. Back down the front steps I found the first sturdy rock in the flower bed.

With a rock in my hand, I climbed the porch steps until I stood yet again at the front glass door. Taking a couple of steps back I turned my face, throwing the rock as hard as I could at the door. A small spider web fissure formed but the expensive glass held true. In frustration I dropped the rock knowing that I could probably throw it ten more times, and just wind up with ten cracks. The door would still be impenetrable. I wanted to be inside the house. There had to be a way in, a door or forgotten window.

Again down the steps I took a left, going around the garage to where I remembered a window, and door. The door remained locked, but while pushing up on the window I found the widow moved up silently. It was just low enough that I was able to boost myself up and inside. The garage was empty except for one car, the Vanquish. The car that Edward had driven me to Prom in, almost six months ago now. I fought the urge to kick in the driver side panel and fought harder the urge to find a crowbar, and destroying the expensive piece of machinery outright.

The door into the house was unlocked. I opened it wide. The house still smelled faintly of the light scent that Esme liked. Closing my eyes I walked blindly in knowing that no matter what I saw, it would bring tears to my eyes. I didn't need to see anyway, not when every occasion that I had spent here, flowed through my mind like a movie.

Stopping in the living room I remembered the laughter as the boys played a video game, while us girls laughed at their antics. Many times while we had watched, Esme had put her arm around me. We would stand almost as mother and daughter. I missed her so much. She had been much more of a mother to me than Renee had. It was a sad but unequivocal truth.

Leaving the living room I wandered up the stairs, saddened to see that Carlisle's paintings were obviously the only items removed from the house. The massive office loomed ahead of me. I grabbed the doorway for support. How many times had I climbed these stairs over the summer to see Carlisle at his desk, on the computer or reading a book? Sometimes I would stop and sit in one of the leather chairs across from him. We would discuss whatever literary work he was currently on. He would make me laugh with anecdotes about his patients. Then he would fill me in on bits of obscure medical trivia. It was facts that only someone living his many years would know.

I tried hard to block the first time I had been in this room, on my first visit to this house. Edward had brought me here to show me the ancient paintings, granting me the pleasure of Carlisle's story.

Turning I left as tears began falling from my eyes. To my left was Jasper and Alice's room. I looked inside. It looked like a tornado had hit the room. Clothing, Alice's by the look of it, lay everywhere. It was falling-out of the drawers, and the closet. That they had packed in such a hurry to leave me behind, made my stomach roll, clenching painfully. I made it to their bathroom losing what little breakfast I had eaten.

There was no tissue so my only choice was wiping my mouth on the fluffy towel hanging over the shower door. The faint odor of soap and Jasper's cologne clung to it. Clutching the towel to me I buried my face into the fluffy, gray fabric inhaling deep a sense of familiarity. The scent clinging to it made me remember the frantic trip to Phoenix, and the way Jasper, and Alice had gone out of their way to protect me. Looking up I caught my reflection in the mirror. I did not recognize myself in its depths. My skin was sallow, and my eyes appeared even haunted to me, sunken into my face. My hair limply hung, with no body or life, just like how I felt.

It was no wonder Edward left me, didn't love me. How could he? Everything about me said I was nothing but a sad loser. James should have killed me outright when he had the chance. It would have done nothing but save everyone the pain of my existence. Better yet, I should have let Jasper finish me the night of the birthday party. He had killed so many what was one more insignificant girl. Jasper would have been doing the whole family, including my own a favor.

Not being able to bear my own reflection any longer, I left the bathroom, still clutching the towel in my grip like a security blanket. The door to the walk-in closet was open, and I saw something that puzzled me. Alice's side of the closet remained packed full while the opposing side was empty. It wouldn't have been unlike Alice to decide to take very little, considering her view on the changing styles of fashion. The half empty closet was not enough of a puzzle to make me stop. I continued my snail's pace back through the room.

I was in front of the bed when something crunched under my foot. I was feeling bad enough about the front door, so I stopped. Underneath my foot was a crumpled envelope. It wasn't that I had stepped on an envelope that made me pause. It was the script on the front. In Alice's written flourish one word stared up at me. I could not help my movements. I bent to pick up the paper that blinked Jasper's name at me, as if in neon. My brain told me no but my fingers paid no heed. I ravaged the top of the envelope almost tearing the sheet of notebook paper inside.

Body parts kept betraying me, lowering me to the bed. The paper started shaking in my hand, the brain I once relied on, could barely comprehend the words that were blaring at me with laser accuracy. No. No. No. Why?

Jasper,

I don't know why I'm even writing this when I know that you will toss it aside, but I have to get this out. I'm sorry Jasper. I could not continue in our marriage anymore knowing that we were not meant to be. If you see the truth, you will know I am right. We have been deceiving each other for so long, that it has almost seemed normal.

I never thought you would go for her, even when I saw it, before it happened. Why Bella, Jasper? Why did you have to lose control? I had so much faith in you. I thought you were finally better.

This was the culmination for a marriage that has become nothing but a lie. I will always love you, Jasper, but I cannot longer be your wife. This you know already if our family confrontation was anything to go by this morning.

I don't know where I'm going or if I will ever be back. I need to find a part of myself that no longer rests with the Cullens. I refused to follow my visions concerning Bella, not only did they almost get her killed, but I have been too dismissive of my visions concerning you.

I hope you will stay with the Cullens. They will never turn their back on you as it seems I have done. I know I am being selfish right now, but I need to find where my future lays. I now know that it is not with us together.

Take care Jasper. I do feel that someday you will beat the demons that hold you back.

Alice

Hoarse sobs caught in my throat. Edward was right. I was not good enough for them. I had torn their family apart, ruining the marriage of my dearest friend. It was because of me that Alice, and Jasper, had broken up, of that I had no doubt. I didn't deserve any of them, not their love, not even their friendship.

It was no wonder that they had all left. I had destroyed a family that had been whole for decades. Not only was I not worthy of them, I was worthless.

Slamming the letter in my pocket, I buried my face in the towel once last time. I wanted my nose to remember every little nuance of scent that clung to the thick fibers. I missed Jasper more than I thought possible. Dropping the towel to the floor, I walked from the room, trying hard to keep the pain locked away as it clawed for release.

Holding the pain in, I went to Edward's room, the last room on my stop. Except for shards of glass littering the floor, everything was the same. He had taken nothing with him. He had chosen to leave it all behind, rather than bringing anything with him that would remind him of me.

With a flick I turned on the stereo. The sounds of Clair de Lune echoed off the walls, piercing my heart like a blade.

Slowly I laid myself on his couch, wrapping myself in the blanket he had there specifically for me. Closing my eyes I let the pain come. It flamed through my body with the fires of hell, burning everything in its path until there was nothing but ash. It was then that I slept.

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**Bella POV**

**Song: Haunted by Kelly Clarkson**

The sun was lowering in the sky when I awoke. Tears had left my face feeling caked, and tight. Scrubbing at my eyes, I looked around Edward's room. A solution to everything bloomed in my head. The thought roared in my ears until I could hear nothing but that one idea twisting and turning. It drove needle-like spiked tentacles into my heart until I had fully realized there was no other alternative. Away from the room I hurried out of the house leaving behind the ghosts that lingered.

I drove until the truck ran out of gas, then I walked. I knew First Beach was a few miles away, turning I began walking in that direction. Using the road as a guide I stayed within sight of it so I wouldn't become lost in the woods.

Somehow though I still got lost. Several times I fell to my knees, and hands as I tripped overexposed roots, and hidden roots. Blood poured out of a nasty gash on my hand where a sharp stick had sliced it open. I didn't feel it. I kept walking as the drops fell unheeded to the forest floor.

By the time I heard ocean waves the fabric of my jeans had ripped away at the knee and blood was soaking the denim. I had taken a tumble down a hill and now my head bore a gash that like the other streamed blood. The collar of my jacket, and sweatshirt had become soaked and sticky.

An almost full moon hung in the sky streaming beams of light above through the trees. I was not frightened. I was within yards of the ocean, could smell the salt tang in the air. The waves beckoned me forward. They seemed in tune with Edward's lullaby as it played in my head. It felt like he was right beside me humming my song, calling me forward.

Trees broke apart onto a small clearing. Moonlight danced on the crashing waves below. Stars by the millions dusted the sky. I envisioned Edward's skin twinkling at me in the light. A soft breeze blew my hair off my neck in the cool night air.

In the wind blowing through the trees and in the cacophony of the waves I could hear Edward's voice. It was hypnotic as it called me forward. I walked closer to the sound of his pleading, and reassurance.

I was a few feet away from the edge of the cliff, and staring down when I heard the first noise behind me. Throughout the woods as I had walked, I had heard the noises of various animals. This was different. Hair on the back of my neck stood up. Flashes of my dreams came into my mind.

Unlike my dreams I was no longer afraid. Whatever death waited for me I would relish. Anything to take away the pain as more each second my soul ripped from my chest. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. Without hesitation, I turned my back from the dangers in the woods, and to the ocean below.

Knowledge told me the fall would be worse than the impact on the jagged rocks below. Chances were excellent the impact would be swift, my body feeling no pain. It was unfortunate. The physical pain would have been a relief from the inner ripping, and clawing that urged to burst forth.

One step at a time, I stepped closer to the edge while hearing Edward's song. Just like in my dream I was beginning to hear snarls, and growls behind me. Before me was the only place I could go. As the wind whipped through my hair, the memory of Edward pierced my heart. This was it. Soon pain would be just a memory.

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**Jasper's POV**

**Song: The Man Without Fear by Drowning Pool**

I hadn't expected to find anything at the Cullen house. Which was why I was now at a dead stop. The smell of Bella hung in the air, thick, heavy. Her pain engulfed me even though the trail was cold. Just to be safe I followed the scent of her around to the side of the house. Using my key I entered through the garage door, instead of the window, as Bella had done.

A feeling of anger hung in the air over the Vanquish, then back to the pain. Twice it built in the house, once by the living room, then substantially by Carlisle's office. She was remembering her times her, that much was obvious.

When I should have turned to the right, into Edward's room, I found myself following not only Bella's scent but her feelings. Loss drove her into Alice's and my old room. Bella's paced had hurried to the bathroom. I could smell the lingering sickness in the air. Pausing by the mirror, I became overwhelmed with worthlessness. It flowed back into the bedroom. She had stopped at the bed. I picked up the towel that smelled of me and her tears. My stomach churned. Pain emanated from it, but it wasn't for Bella. She had felt pain for Alice, and I. The pain mixed in with more of the worthlessness that I had felt in the bathroom.

Bella had hurried from the bedroom, this time towards Edward's room. The blanket on the chaise smelled strongly of her scent. The music of Debussy clung in the air from Edward's stereo. In a fit of anguish filled rage I tore the stereo from the wall. The floor to ceiling glass shattered as it went through. It took deep gulping breaths of air to keep myself in control of my own emotions. The pain in her heart, her soul was searing. I felt it burn deep into my own changing me forever. I now knew what a vampire felt when threw on a pyre.

Turning I ran. Bella's feelings were clear. I had to stop her from something that was sure to kill us both if I didn't get there in time.

Luckily for me her truck had a small oil leak. I was able to track the foul smell with ease, following it until I saw the truck. It stood on the side of the road empty of gas, and Bella. It was right on the edge of reservation land. Flipping out my cell phone, I dialed Carlisle's number in a blur.

"I found the truck. It's on the edge of La Push. I'm sorry it's coming to this Carlisle, but I won't let hurt her, even for the treaty. You might want to call Billy Black. Tell him we know the outcome, but it's not going to change the decision. I'm going to get her." The wind shifted and on the air I could smell fresh blood, humans, Bella's blood. There was the overwhelming stench of werewolves. Every sense I had came fully to life. Venom flowed through my mouth, down my throat a hot boiling river. The beast in me roared to life. It was all I could do to give the last piece of information to Carlisle.

"She's headed toward the cliffs of First Beach. She's bleeding! Fuck the treaty! If they have hurt her in any way Carlisle, be sure to tell Billy that I will kill them all." My anger, combined with the lust for blood, overwhelmed my good sense. I hung up, pocketing the phone before I broke it.

When I crossed the line, some part of me expected a warning, an alert of some kind. There was nothing except the wind blowing the scent of Bella's blood into my system, making my eyes turn deadly black. As I sped through the trees, over rock, and growth the smell got headier. I had to be careful so the urge to taste did not overwhelm me.

The precious few minutes seemed like hours, until up ahead in the clearing I could make out five hulking shapes. Bella stood on the edge of the cliff. Her back was to us all. She was so full of pain that she didn't even fear the imminent danger behind her. Growling howls split the night. For the moment the smell of fresh blood distracted the wolves more than my downwind scent. I understood the call more than they knew. The blood in the night air, warm with fragrant spice, was mine.

A humongous dark colored wolf led the pack forward each step. One held back from the rest, not growling, but still just as dangerous. The moon broke from cloud cover, and onto the wolves, making their eyes glow an otherworldly color. Bella chose that moment to turn around, for the first time I felt fear.

Creeping slower to not alert the wolves to my presence, I sent waves of calm to Bella. I fought hard the urge to leap over them, onto her, taking what was mine before they got the chance. Physically I shook my head, then steadied my mind, watching as Bella turned back to the call of the waves.

She was dangerously close to the edge. I was afraid that one wrong move would send her over the cliff, to her death below. I couldn't let that happen. Quickly I judged the distance between me and the wolves, then the wolves to Bella. If I timed the jump just right, I should be able to put myself directly in front of the wolves. There was roughly fifty yards between me, and the wolves. They were only about five yards away from Bella. The long jump didn't have me concerned it was the landing. Even with vampire agility, it could startle Bella enough to send her over the edge.

The big leader stepped another few feet closer to Bella, snarling, readying to lunge. This brought my odds even lower. I didn't have time to waste. Bella had turned fully around, her back now to the waves. She was obviously no longer afraid of her body lying broken on the jagged rocks below.

Readying for a moment, I took off like a bullet. Six feet in back of the wolves I made a mighty leap. Clearing the hulking beasts, I landed safely, in front of Bella. Her mouth dropped open, her hand rasing to stifle a silent scream. Turning faster than her eyes could comprehend, I faced what could be our death.

The werewolves caught the full scent of the enemy. They grew in size. Saliva dripped from their teeth flashing in the moonlight. Hair stood on their great backs, the growls from deep in their chests reverberated through the night. Together as one they stepped forward training their ghostly orb eyes on me alone. Good that was the way I wanted it.

It was astonishing to feel Bella's surprise seep into the back of her mind, letting the pain again take hold. She turned her back to the danger, staring out to the waves.

A storm was brewing out to sea. Flashes of lightning began lighting the sky as the clouds threatened to overtake the moon again. The cool wind off the ocean blew against Bella's face, and against the blood that clung to her skin. My stomach clawed in hunger, leaving my throat running with the lava of my venom. For a brief instance I could taste blood on my tongue, Bella's blood.

It was so close, so ripe for the taking. I could have her in my arms, and my mouth pulling on a vein before the wolves, or Bella would even have time to react. The taste was so ripe. I could picture every nuance of flavor hitting just the right senses in my body to make me fly. There were ways of keeping her body alive, and safe from being turned for a long time. I could have her blood for me alone, a never-ending buffet, with Bella as the only coarse. God, in so many ways that vision sounded like heaven.

The wolves sensed the change in me, coming closer as a group. One move then they would attack. My beast would gladly defend what was ours. I crouched, ready for the attack. Quickly I began working through my mind possible maneuvers. I had to keep them away from Bella, until I could get her to safety. I stepped forward to provide some room between the forthcoming battle, and the dangerous edge that Bella tethered on.

Two words were enough to shake me like a reveille. Their pain hit me in the chest. Two words tore me in pieces worse than any werewolf could do.

"I'm coming." Bella's words flowed on the wind of the storm, answering the call of the waves below.

I tried to send anger into Bella, anything to get her to step away from the edge of the knife she perched on. It felt like I hit a brick wall. The feelings I had sent her bounced off reverberating into the night. Trying again I got the same response. Nothing.

Slowly the wolves in front of me started fanning out. The only protection for Bella was the one object I wanted to keep her away from. They were drawing in for the kill. I was the only obstacle standing in the way of what they wanted. Bella's blood was still too fresh in the air. With every gust of wind I fought to keep control

"Please don't leave me. I'm coming." Desperation clung to her voice. I could smell the salt of her tears.

For a brief instance I turned, witnessing her teetering on the edge. The tips of her shoes stood on nothing but air.

The russet colored wolf that had been in the back before lunged. Just as I felt Bella said good-bye, her arms spread wide. Nothing but air caught in the wolf's powerful jaws as Bella dove off the cliff.

Spinning I dove after Bella catching her in just enough time to turn her around. It was my body that took the explosive force of hitting the rocks below. Try as I might I couldn't save Bella from the whole blow. Her head hit a jagged rock knocking her unconscious, and another brought the sick crack of her ribs. A huge wave crashed on us, sweeping us off the rock. Fighting the pull of the current, I kicked out. With Bella's head safely above water I started swimming for First Beach.

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**A/N Stay tuned a new chapter should be out later this week. If you like the story share the link. I have been getting a lot of new readers lately and that has been incredible.**

**Aerialla  
**


	16. Fear

**Stephenie Meyer owns all...except Janine. Janine is my own creation.**

**Author's Note: I know this took me a lot longer to get out than what I said. I have rewritten so many parts that I almost chucked the whole thing and started over. It is a long chapter to make up for the delay. Work has been killer and my hours have been raised making it hard for me to find time to edit, let alone write. Thanks to everyone for being patient, and to those who left messages for me to update soon. **

**Hugs To All Reviewers and Many Thanks To All Readers...**

**Aerialla**

**

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**Chapter Eighteen: Fear**

**Song: Indestructible by Disturbed  
**

**Charlie POV**

I'd never wanted to hit a man in a wheelchair before, especially not my best friend, but my anger with Billy was overriding my good sense. He was failing to see reason, which meant I was going to have to play dirty. The outcome of tonight could mean my lifelong friendship with Billy Black.

"I'm sorry Charlie, but our treaty with the Cullen's stands. One of them broke the rules. They will all pay with their final death." Billy turned his face away from me with righteous indignation.

"What about Bella, Billy, if Jasper's right, and the boys hurt her, what then?" My best friend was putting my daughter's life in danger because of a stupid treaty.

"The vampire's will pay, Charlie. The boys won't hurt Bella. They are young, aggressive, but they are good kids. Let the tribe take care of this."

Billy rolled forward into my legs, trying to push me toward the door.

My hands curled, fisted. I was not about to back down from Billy without a fight. I had to make him see reason. "Are they old enough to tell the difference between human and animal blood? Will they attack her without provocation because they are seeing her as a wounded animal? I know they are good kids, damn it Billy, they are just kids. What's to keep their werewolf selves from tearing her apart?"

Many of my questions were beginning to make sense now. Billy had been acting differently for months, now I knew why. We were now answering a lot of my questions and I knew the right button to push.

"What about Emily, Billy, how did she get those scars on her face? Let me guess. A vampire was at fault for that as well. You can't conveniently blame them, when they have done nothing wrong. The Cullen's weren't the ones at fault for the attacks last year and you know it. Remember that you helped me come up with the bear story. It was easy, we could blame all the incidents on animal attacks so no one would start looking into the old tribal legends. I covered for you when the hospital wanted me to bring charges against Sam. I will not cover for you if they hurt my daughter. Jacob is like my own kid, but I will not choose your son over my daughter."

Billy was mad now and rammed his wheelchair into my legs, causing me to step back. Bending I grabbed the wheel, holding them and his hands steady. I looked into the eyes of my best friend and saw a man I didn't recognize. He wasn't saying anything, which I took as a sign he was breaking.

"Tell me honestly, Billy, if Bella is out there, hurt, bleeding, should she fear for her life? Are they old enough to tell the difference between her blood, and the blood of an animal? Would they chase her down? Would they kill her, because they don't know the difference? Answer me, damn it!" I was yelling at him now, using my weight against his chair to keep him in place.

When Billy hung his head, I knew mine and Carlisle's assumptions were correct. The wolves could hurt Bella. They were too young to tell her apart from an animal. Vampires may have played a part in the slaying that took part last year, but they were not the only ones.

"Will you kill them, because they tried to save her, or will you let them die to save face? All they are trying to do is save an innocent life, something your wolves are incapable of doing at the present." I stood with nothing left to say. My phone went off and I stepped away from Billy to answer.

"Jasper's got her. They are heading to First Beach now. We are not on Quileute land, but we were close enough to see what happened. Meet us there." Carlisle's voice spoke with clipped tones. He disconnected quickly and I did the same.

"I don't know if they will work, but I've got silver bullets in the car. If one of them hurts Bella, I won't hesitate to use them. This is only a war if you make it one, Billy. The Cullens and I are heading to First Beach. You might want to get the boy's families there in case the situation gets out of hand."

Turning I strode out the door and to the cruiser. Janine had been sitting silently, though obviously not patiently.

"Open the glove box for me. Inside is a black bullet clip, and I need it."

With hands shaking, she did as I asked, not saying a word. The pure silver bullet on top showed brilliantly in the car's overhead light. Pulling my gun out of its holster, I exchanged clips. I had meant what I said, if one of them hurt Bella, they would pay. I just hoped that if a fight came, the old legend about werewolves and silver bullets held true.

Putting the car in reverse I flew backward, slamming the gear forward into drive, I let the car fly

**Jasper POV**

Luckily for me the water had washed away the smell of her blood and I could concentrate more. Lights began to flash around the beach and I knew Charlie had shown up with the cavalry. Where the wolves went I had no idea, but I did not doubt that they would somehow show up on First Beach putting their skewed version of the truth into play.

I swam the length in record time and had Bella ensconced in my arms when I took the steps from the water and toward my waiting family. Janine had pulled a blanket from somewhere and was immediately wrapping it around Bella who was rapidly turning blue.

Carlisle rushed to my side taking Bella from my arms and laying her carefully on the ground. Iin the light of Charlie's headlights he was able to assess her condition.

"We need to get her home immediately. Hypothermia is setting in. If we don't warm her slowly, the blood could rush too quickly to her heart, causing damage. Get her wrapped into the blanket and go. We will stay to see to the mess." Carlisle began making mental notes as he spoke.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Charlie hand over his gun to Carlisle. The anger of Charlie's words spoke volumes in his trust of us.

"I loaded with silver bullets. Use them if the need arises. You probably know this, but aim for the heart and the head."

Shock ran through me when Carlisle took the gun gratefully and put it in the back of his jeans. I didn't know if Carlisle even knew how to shoot a gun and I hoped we didn't find out.

Esme and Rosalie both bent to help Janine wrap Bella in the blankets and into the backseat of the cruiser. I turned my head unable to watch her lifeless body and stepped into Charlie who grabbed my shoulder.

"No matter what happens, thank you for finding her. If it were not for you, we never would have gotten to her in time. I have your back for whatever help you may need. Billy's a good guy and my best friend. He'll come around. Carlisle filled me in on the treaty. Blood does not need shedding for this, but do whatever it takes." He squeezed my shoulder and I looked him curiously in the eye feeling his relief at having his daughter back. Charlie's words were true, if it came to it he would side with my family over his friends. Unfortunately in the middle of a war was not where he belonged.

Janine took his place wrapping her warm arms around me. "I'm glad you're ok. You're turning out to be a mighty hero Jasper Whitlock. As your best friend I can say this. I'm proud of you." Gently she kissed me on the cheek before turning and running to the waiting police car. As she got in the car, I could see her talking Charlie's ear off. Charlie laughed at something she said and shook his head. From here I could feel him and when he looked at Janine he felt dazzled. Alice was right. Something was happening between Charlie and Janine.

As Charlie and Janine sped off into the night to take Bella to the hospital me and my family stood meeting our fate as an unknown Quileute man helped Billy out of his truck and into his chair. Out of respect for his condition we moved as one closer to him. They could only be the words that would only make us all losers.

I had just taken my spot beside my family when the werewolves came barreling onto the beach. They were ready for blood and the death of us all. They dropped a bag of clothes on the ground, it was disconcerting to watch as they changed back into human form. All except one, were barely boys on the cusp of puberty.

The younger ones who still favored modesty at their tender age quickly donned clothes. I recognized the oldest who was standing proudly in his naked form, although rain was beginning to lash the beach. He was the man who had first arrived on the scene when Bella had been missing.

"It doesn't have to be this way Billy. There doesn't have to be any bloodshed." Carlisle stepped forward facing Billy whom he considered the head of the pack. He motioned the rest of us back and behind him. He was the leader of our family and deserved the respect of the title.

Anger radiated from Carlisle and a heavy dose of protectiveness. Carlisle never relished the fight and would do everything he could to stay out of one. If you put his family in jeopardy, he would be the first one into the fray. My father with his medical knowledge, could kill an assailant in the blink of an eye, leaving no sign of blood loss or trauma. I had no doubt the impressive carnage that Carlisle could do if he ever chose. Just because he was, a pacifist didn't mean that he didn't know how to fight dirty.

"You willingly broke the treaty. You know the rules."

A male, older than the others stepped forward. His height was towering and he stood proudly in his nakedness staring at us, his massive fists clenched, ready to fight.

"We did not have enough time to warn you, Billy, of the circumstances." I moved forward with Carlisle as he spoke but he held his hand back in a signal to stop. "Chief Swan told you the details as we found them out ourselves. If my son had not acted in the swiftness he did, Bella Swan might well be dead now. Her safety was our only concern, she is close to my family, and I feel for her as if she was one of my own."

Carlisle's word came out in a steady tone directed at Billy and only Billy.

"You will look at me when you speak, vampire. I am the head of this pack and it is to me that any decision regarding the treaty and the consequences of your actions will fall." The man stepped forward direct into Carlisle's line of sight with Billy.

"Sam!" The young man gave the name out in warning now flanking Billy Black's side. The familial resemblance was unmistakable. It was his son. Sam ignored the warning.

"The consequences for breaking the treaty are severe, vampire. I will give you the choice. You will pay the price, or a member of your family. Let it be a lesson to all your kind that trespassing here is dire."

Slowly behind him the younger members of the pack changed into the snarling beasts I had met on the cliff, all except Billy's son who stayed at his father's side.

Esme grabbed at my arm not wanting to see her husband torn apart "Jasper, do something. You can control them."

I had been waiting for some signal from Carlisle and it had never come. He took his role as patriarch seriously, and was willing to pay the price for my actions. Taking an unneeded breath, I let loose all the feelings of calm and control that I could muster in these circumstances.

Nothing. The feelings reverberated throughout the beach and back to me. The pack felt no effect from my power. I didn't know if they were blocking it somehow, or because of their genetics couldn't feel it. Trying again, I got the same result just as Carlisle was stepping forward to meet the punishment for the family.

No way in hell was I was going to let him do this, not for any of us. My roar filled the area and caused a startled sound from Esme. My hands clenched into fists and I leaped forward shoving Carlisle forcibly back and into Emmett and Rosalie sending all three of them sprawling into the water's edge. The beast inside me that I fought, every day to contain, threw back its head and howled with fury. Everything feeling inside me, at these past months for what my idiot brother had done to our family let loose. Venom dripped from my mouth and I felt my eyes pulsate, then became the pitch black I knew they would.

My anger got the better of me and I ripped the sodden shirt from my back just as the moon broke through the clouds and the rain ceased to fall. The moon shone down on the beach and onto my skin. I heard audible gasps from the few women that had come to collect their families. The plethora of scars on my body radiated in the moonlight. I knew that to these people my scars would show them I was a warrior unlike any they'd ever seen. Feelings bathed in me from the women, they feared for their children. If I had this many scars from vampires, imagine the damage I could inflict on their sons.

"If you have a problem with anyone, its with me. I broke the treaty, not Carlisle. I know that a member of my family was in danger and that was my only concern. If Bella wouldn't have thrown herself off the cliff, what would have happened? From where I was, the only one standing between Bella and a pack of rabid dogs was me. Do you think you could have stopped yourself pup? Would it have been before, or after all of you had torn Bella to shreds?"

The overgrown puppy and I, stood face-to-face, his dark eyes flashing. In less time than it took for one wave to crash to the shore a massive snarling werewolf was throwing me back onto the sand. Using my legs as leverage I forced them into a soft belly and flung him up into the air. He skidded in the sand, the hackles on the back of his neck standing straight in attention. The huge jaws dripped with saliva and the black muzzle curled up in a vicious sneer.

He charged again his massive jaws aiming for my jugular, with every intention of severing my head from my shoulders. In a flash I ducked using his force against him to send his body flying over my head and again into the sand. The growl that rent the night reverberated with frustration. Leaping again the young werewolf latched onto my thigh tearing at my jeans and into the flesh beneath.

I went down, but I took him with me. Using my hands, I grabbed his muzzle and neck, prying him off my leg. Staring into his eyes I applied pressure to the upper and lower part of his jaw, letting him know if I chose, I could break him in half. His eyes were full of righteous indignation, he would die before I made him look like a fool in front of his pack. I held on a few seconds longer than I should have to demonstrate my strength over him, before throwing him out into the water. Pain radiated throughout my leg and I stood gingerly, venom seeping from where a missing chunk was now visible on my left thigh.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Carlisle holding Emmett back. Emmett curled and tensed his fists, he was more than ready to get some werewolf of his own. That would be a disaster. Rosalie was ready to follow Emmett, then Carlisle, and finally Esme. We would give the werewolves no choice but to fight. It would mean the death of us all.

"That is enough, all of you. Tearing one another apart is not the answer for this. Put your clothes on Sam, all of you, now." Billy's voice of authority ringed out over the waves crashing to the beach. "Tonight you earn a pass vampire, but don't mistake my generosity as a sign of weakness. You willingly broke the treaty and passed into our land, something your patriarch formed in fidelity with my ancestor long ago. You will pay restitution. I will give you my decision in a week. Now all of you go home."

Billy's black eyes drilled into mine and I could feel the power behind them. I respected him instantly. This was the true pack leader, despite Sam's belief otherwise. I nodded my head at him and pick up my ruined shirt from the sand.

Sam stood in front of me, now back to human form. Hatred streamed at me and caused me to stand firm.

"This is not over by a long shot, vampire. Even if it kills me, I will see you destroyed." To show how much he was afraid of me, he turned his back and walked up to his people.

I would have to be extra careful from now on. No doubt was in his words that he would kill me, given even half the chance. The only words in my furious mind were, "Bring it on, mutt."

*****

None of us chose to hang around La Push and we scattered. I was heading for the Swan house and I could feel Carlisle hot on my heels. Both of us were anxious to see how Bella was. Carlisle was behind me and to my right and I could feel his relief that things have not gone worse with the Quileute, though he was still fearful about what restitution I would have to pay.

I beat Carlisle to the door by a fraction of an inch and my hand poised to knock when it was thrust open. My best friend stood before me looking much like a drowned rat because of the earlier rain. She was still shaking from the cold and her lips held a tinge of blue. Obviously, they had just gotten here themselves.

Carlisle pushed past me into the house looking for where they needed his help most, at Bella's side, as her doctor.

"He just took her upstairs to her room." Janine's teeth were chattering from her cold wet clothes. Taking her hands away from the door, I could feel how icy they were. The cold was too close to my own. There was nothing I could do for Bella right now.

"Come on into the kitchen and get you warm before you get sick." I ushered her into the tiny kitchen, grabbing an afghan off the couch along the way. Sitting her down on a chair I pulled off her sodden tennis shoes and socks, her feet held a tinge of blue contrasting sharply with the coral nail polish on her toes. Even being inside now, she wasn't out of the woods for hypothermia any more than Bella.

"What were you doing out in this stuff? I thought you would be better-off with Charlie." I batted her shaking hands away, then wretched the soaking T-shirt from her upper body. Lifting her in my arms, I did away with her jeans, ripping the fabric away when it became plastered to her cold wet legs. I'd buy her a new pair later. I set Janine on the chair, this time wrapping the blanket securely around her.

I needed something warm and dry to put her in. Bella would have something. I was certain. Carlisle's medical bag was still on the table and I grabbed it to use as an excuse for my presence in the bedroom.

With my hearing I already knew that things did not look good. On top of the hypothermia setting into her body, she was also in shock and was now laying in almost catatonic state. As I climbed the stairs in a human pace, I heard Carlisle asking Charlie if he had an electric blanket.

Charlie came out of the room and toward the small closet in the hall. "How is she?" He motioned his head downstairs toward Janine and even through his concern for his daughter I could feel the worry over the other woman in the house. Something else was lingering there, in the back of his feelings, a twinge of intrigue. I was sure that when Bella was fine Charlie's hidden feelings would be more on the forefront. As it stood concern and love for Bella was pouring from every pore in Charlie's body. He had seen the effects of hypothermia firsthand and knew sometimes no matter what you did a person did not come back.

Walking into the bedroom from the doorway instead of staring through the window was an odd feeling. Handing the bag to Carlisle I turned to back away but his hand shot out to stop me.

"We need a sleeping bag, go to Nelson's. I can't believe I'm telling you this, but break in if you have to. If I can't get her core temperature up, she'll have to go to the hospital and they'll ask more questions than Charlie is comfortable lying about. Get back here when you can, her heartbeat is irregular and so low that Charlie can't feel it."

I flew.

When you're a vampire and can scale rooftops in a single bound, alarm systems become more of a nuisance than any actual threat. The attic storeroom didn't have the camera's and alarm the downstairs did. They probably figured with a sheer face that it was safe enough. In one jump I grabbed hold of the single window ledge and while hoisting myself up with one hand I broke the small pane of glass with the other. Working the antiquated lock was a little more difficult, over the year the Newton family had slapped paint onto the frame cementing the lock in place. The lock broke away before it opened.

Within moments I was downstairs and grabbing the nearest sleeping bag and pulling on a thermal shirt from a rack. I threw money down on the counter with the tags. I was back into Charlie's house and up the stairs just as he was plugging in the electric blanket. Charlie glared at me, the cop in him protesting the breaking and entering of a store in his town.

"Don't worry I left more than enough money to cover the bag, shirt and the broken window." Unfurling the bag I set it on the floor beside the bed and waited for any instruction from Carlisle who was quickly stitching the wound to her head.

Carlisle spoke as he worked. "We need to get her out of her wet clothes and into something dry. I also need to tape her ribs until we can bring her to the hospital."

Carlisle lifted Bella's limp body from the bed and I watched Charlie blanched at the thought of undressing his teenage daughter. His discomfort would have been funny at any other time.

"Charlie, Janine is downstairs wet and needs some dry clothes, could you take her some. A cup of something hot would probably help a lot as well."

I started helping Carlisle and Charlie left the room with audible relief. Luckily for both Bella and I the salty ocean water had washed away all traces of blood and had helped to staunch the flow of blood from her many cuts and scrapes. I could still smell in on her clothes and swallowed hard trying not to clench my hands into fists.

"Keep it together, Jasper. You can do this. I've seen how far you've come, son, and I'm incredibly proud of you." The soothing reassurance from the man who was closer to a father to me than my own had been, helped to force the venom down my throat. Forcing myself to calm, I could clear my head.

With human slowness we got Bella out of her wet clothes and I held her upright as Carlisle bound her ribs then finally laying her gently into the sleeping bag. I tried to keep my mind on the task here and to pay no attention to the sight of her pale skin but not noticing the multitude of bruises on her gray tinged flesh was hard. I was sure, was the circumstance different I would worship the sight of her naked form, but not on this night.

Her heartbeat was so faint that any human would have mistaken her for dead. Only through my and Carlisle's sensitive touch could we feel the barest flutter of heartbeat on Bella's pulse points, it was beating like a butterfly's wings. It was too erratic, too slow.

In a voice too low for the humans now moving around in the kitchen to hear, I asked my father the question I knew was weighing on everyone's mind.

"Will she make it?" I folded myself into the too small rocking chair and took vigil by her side. Taking her small hand in my own I noticed no difference between the feel of her skin and my own. She was cold, too cold.

"I believe we got to her in time, but unless we can bring up her core temperature and her heart beat evens out I'm not sure. Right now we need to get her warm. Once her body temperature has raised some we'll start getting some warm liquid down her throat, which will help warm her from the inside." Carlisle made sure the electric blanket was on the lowest possible setting and placed it over Bella's torso. "The ocean tonight was well below freezing, and who knows how long she was out in the rain. Chances are the hypothermia was already setting in when you went into the water. We've done what we can for now. I'm going to run home, change clothes and let everyone know how she is. Keep the top blanket only on for a few minutes at a time. Her body right now doesn't know the difference between hot and cold and even the slight heat could burn her skin." In a flash he was gone and I was alone with Bella.

That Carlisle had left me alone with Bella was a testament to his true feelings on how far I had come. The need to feed was present as was the urge to sink my teeth into her lovely throat. I closed my eyes and pushed those thoughts into the recesses of my mind and concentrated on the thin light pants coming from her lips. She was so cold that her body has passed the stages of shivering. As her body warmed that feeling would come back and the shivers would be violent. Luckily for the moment her lowered body temperature had alleviated the natural smell of her blood. Concentrating without the smell was easier.

For the sake of us all I had to stay strong. I could not give into the lingering desires that threatened to turn me into the monster that lay inside with the man. Leaning forward I leaned my arms on my knees and stared at the young woman that had turned all of our lives upside down and in someways right side up.

I didn't have the heart or the courage to ask Carlisle what we would do if Bella evidently wasn't going to make it. Carlisle had turned Esme because of similar circumstances. Giving our family history with Bella, I wasn't sure what his actions would be. If the choice was left up to me, it would be simple. I would change her in the second it took for just one of her heartbeats. It was what she would have wanted anyway, what she wanted last year. It was the course that Alice had seen in her vision.

Thinking of Alice had me seeing red. No doubt was in my mind. She had seen this happening. With one phone call, Alice could have prevented all of this from happening. Many thoughts formed in my head most wrapping around the images of me pulling my ex-wife's head from her shoulders. Bella was her friend, how could she let her go through this without letting one of us know. For a split second I cursed the night I walked into that diner and saw Alice's smiling face.

The only problem with that course was where would I have been now without meeting Alice and the Cullens? Not sitting here beside the young woman who I vowed to make up for the wrongs my brother and I had created in her life. If it wasn't for me she and Edward would be together and happy, or at least together anyway. Hell, knowing Edward even if I hadn't tried to take a bite out of Bella, the story would have continued the same.

I removed the blanket and set it on the floor as Carlisle had instructed. Gently I reached into the sleeping bag and placed my hand over her heart. Her temperature had raised barely, and her heartbeat was still going from fast to slow, stuttering at times. We were in for a long night and probably day as well.

Charlie stood in the doorway and was watching as I replaced the bag tightly around her. Janine was by his side, looking warmer in old sweats and a T-shirt. She was holding a cup of hot cocoa and quickly finished it, sitting it on Bella's desk.

"How is she?" She took a sip and looked at me, expecting for me to tell her the truth.

"It's still too early to tell. I'm not the doctor in the family, but if anyone can save her Carlisle can." Just as I said his name, he appeared behind Charlie and gently pushed through the doorway and into the rapidly congested room.

"Janine, can you find a hair dryer? Heat rises from your body and freezing hair is not going to be making either of you warmer any time soon." He began checking Bella's vitals. No sign of emotion was on his face, but I didn't need to read his face to know his concern. It came through loud and clear.

If we were not able to raise Bella's temperature, to a measurable degree within the hour, we may have to start thinking of alternatives.

"Can't you just put her in a hot shower, or something Doc?" Agitation was becoming apparent in Charlie's every move. He got out of the way quickly as Janine rushed to do Carlisle's bidding in finding the hair dryer. I knew later that Charlie would feel quite ashamed at asking that question. In his personal stressful situation worry was eating most of his logic up.

Carlisle was going to be gentle. "If her blood heats too rapidly while the tissue of her heart is still cold it could damage her heart. The blood will rush back to the heart too fast and her heart will not keep up. She could have a heart attack."

Janine came back from the bathroom. Triumphant, she handed the hair dryer to me. She didn't have to say the words for me to know that she'd think of Bella before herself.

"Charlie is leaving to go to a store and get whatever you will need. If you can just get a list of what would be best. Charlie said he will get out of your hair and let you do your work. Jasper, can I talk to you outside for a few minutes." She motioned her head toward the door, and after setting the dryer aside I followed as Carlisle told Charlie more about Bella's condition and about a list of supplies required from the store.

I followed her closely down the narrow staircase and out of Charlie's earshot. Agitation and worry had her hugging her middle and I could sense her need to be away from Charlie for a few moments.

Opening my abilities to her I could feel the sorrow and memories that being around Charlie brought to the forefront. She couldn't wait for this hellacious night to be over. None of us could. Despite the cold she exited the house, and stood on the front porch looking out onto the street. She began watching the rain as it began to fall, yet again.

"Are you all right?" I took position beside her nudging her shoulder gently with my own.

"Honestly, I don't know? I just can't be in there anymore. It feels like I'm in the way. That poor girl up there could have died and all I've been able to think about this whole night was when I would get the chance to ask Charlie about Kevin." I could smell the salt of her tears and her anger over her own selfishness. Turning away from me she brushed furiously at her face and shivered in the cold night air. "Charlie is the only link that I have to what happened the night that Kevin died. It's tearing me apart to be this close to him and not ask just what in the hell happened that night. Why didn't my husband come back to me."

Together we watched as Charlie got into the cruiser and pulled out of the driveway and down the road.

"I understand darlin'. I'm just as much to blame for this whole situation as my idiot brother." I leaned against the porch rail my hands in my jean pockets and I tried hard not to look in her face. What would she think of me when she knew the information that I had left out of the story earlier? That it was my part in the whole sorry mess that made Edward's decided to leave permanently.

"Just how are you to blame for any of this. You saved her life. Without you we never would have found her period, let alone in enough time." Janine's championing my defense would be soon no doubt finished once she heard the truth, the truth I was about to tell her.

"I was the reason Edward left Bella. It was because of my actions that my family moved away and why my wife left. Bella's life is in jeopardy just by being around me." Turning I looked out into the street unable to look at her face and see the horror I was about to cause.

Janine, my best friend, stood staring at me unmoving shivering in the rain soaked night and I knew I was going to lose her once she found out the truth. I was no better than the vampires that had attacked her years ago. Her emotions questioned, but trusted. I hated telling her the truth even more.

I held up my hand when she started to speak. "No, I have to tell you. Bella's birthday was a few months ago. Edward had brought her to the house for a surprise party with my family. It had been a long time since any of us had celebrated a birthday and I suppose we immersed in birthday spirit a little too much. Alice had been in a flurry all day. All was going well until Bella opened her presents. It was a paper cut. One damn paper cut of her blood and I lost control. The bloodlust was too strong and the smell was so wonderful. I attacked Bella. Luckily my brother kept me off her. I don't know what happened. They told me afterward. My brain was too much in a fight to gain that which I wanted to even know what was going on around me."

Janine's emotions now held sympathy, remorse and yes, a tinge of fear. She was remembering her own experience with a rabid vampire and she knew the carnage that they created. She moved a step closer, again needing to comfort me in some way and again I held up my hand to stop her.

"I found out what happened once I returned. Edward to move Bella away from me had shoved her away and inadvertently into a pile of glass dishes. Bella's arm got sliced up pretty bad and required several stitches. That night Edward told me that we all had to leave, that we were all too much of a danger to her. He could have stayed but after seeing my reaction, but he doubted his ability to ever control himself fully around Bella. The truth is I can't. I smell human blood, especially hers, and I become a monster."

I shoved my hands in my pockets to give them something to do. The urge to smash and destroy was starting to become overwhelming, and the small amount of fear in Janine was rapidly becoming heady. I swallowed the fluid in my mouth and tried not to remember the sweet smell of Bella's blood earlier but it was too late. Taste and smell burst onto my tongue and into every sense. Images began flickering through my mind. Images of how I could get what I wanted. Charlie and Janine wouldn't be obstacles. Carlisle would put up a fight but I didn't doubt my ability to leave him in pieces. Bella in her prone state would be a meal to savor slowly. Shallow cuts would contain the blood and keep her heart still pumping. In a comatose state a person could last for years, if not forever. Hunger clawed at my gut swiping hot and deep. Near me the steady pounding of heartbeat, and the smell of warm flesh excited the beast within. Taking what I wanted would be so easy. In a matter of seconds I could have what I craved and no one to stop me. Why shouldn't I have what I wanted, what were a few humans' lives for all the ones I had spared over the years?

Turning I gripped Janine by her shoulders hard enough to bruise. The small cries of pain fed into my bloodlust. I swallowed her fear as she struggled to look into my eyes.

"You know what I am Jani, what I could do to you before you could blink one of your eyes." Using the nail of my right index finger I laid a small rent of flesh open on her soft neck. Copper, and salt mixed with the smell of wet leaves and earth. "Do you realize that I could have your body dry, lifeless, and you could do nothing about it, before one cry could get passed your lips I could make you like me?" The words I whispered in her ear made her body tremble in my grasp. The power became intoxicating. It had been too long since I felt the power of my kind.

Her left hand reached to her neck and her shock and fear was a thunderbolt. Her fingers came away sticky. She looked at me. Her eyes were wide, almost wild. She tried to push away from me but I held her too firmly. "Jasper, let me go, please! You don't want to do this!" Janine's voice trembled and tears began rolling from her eyes.

The smell of her blood was rushing to my head and all I could see was a mass of swirling red and it smelled so delicious. Fear, hers, washed over me as I bent her over. With my right hand I pulled the flannel of her shirt aside. Saliva nearly dripped from my mouth in my eagerness to have long line of potent drug trickling down toward her breast. A growl formed in my chest and I brought her now whimpering body closer. Merely an inch from my tongue was my addiction.

"Jasper, I'm your friend. You don't want to do this."

The slightest touch of her hand on my face, my cheek, brought me back to earth. Looking up from the delicacy that was now pooling between her breasts, I looked into the eyes of my friend. I looked into the eyes of the woman who but a few seconds more, and I could have killed. Truly I was the monster my family took me for.

Her icy fingers on my cheek pulled my chin up when I tried to tug it down. Compassion and the smell of tangy blood were slowly replacing fear in the air was making stomach now knot in revulsion.

"I'm so sorry Jani, so sorry!" My throat was choking with emotion, hers and my own. With a leap I did the only thing right now that I knew how to do, I ran. I had to escape the horror of what I had almost done.

* * *

**Please review and let me know what you think about the events in this chapter. Only one more chapter after this until Bella sees the Cullens again. Yay! I know that it has taken a lot to get to that point, but it will be worth it. I didn't want to rush into a relationship without building the story. It wouldn't be fair to either character to have them rush into a relationship without reason. Again hugs to all reviewers and since I've seen this done a few times. I am more than willing to let people see a little snapshot into the next chapter if you review.**

**Aerialla  
**


	17. Author's Note

**Author's Note:**

**Many thanks to everyone that continues to read and review the story. **

**Since my last update I have been working with no days off. My boss unfortunately decided to hire a bunch of high school students when we first opened, only to have start leaving at the beginning of August to get ready for college. This has left a small coffee shop extremely understaffed and the older ones, like me, overworked.**

**Last week I was in a car accident while taking my daughter's to school. The accident totaled the front end of my car. Luckily, besides me, no one else was injured. I walked away with a hurt shoulder. At the emergency room they told me that I have pulled every muscle in my left arm down to my finger tips and around and down the left side of my spine. They believe because of this accident that I might develop carpal tunnel syndrome, but hopefully it will go away as my shoulder heals.**

**To top a very bad month off I have to send in my computer to be fixed. My laptop monitor decided it wasn't going to work anymore. The good news, at least for me, is it's still under warranty. The bad news, it will take two weeks for me to get it back.**

**Due to all of these circumstances Second Chances and Love, Lies, and Lullabies will still not be updated for a few more weeks. I can't express my feelings of frustration and anger at these unfortunate events in my life right now. The only thing I can ask for is everyone's understanding and patience as I get these situations straightened out. I care too much for these stories just to call a halt to them**.

**Please bear with me and I promise it will be worth the wait. I am deeply sorry to all of my readers and reviewers and I hope that I will not lose you in the shuffle to other stories out there.**

**In love, gratitude and respect**

**Aerialla**


	18. Loss

**Chapter Seventeen: Loss  
**

**Song: Thru The Darkness by Entwine**

*****Carlisle's POV*****

I stood beside Bella and listened to the conversation on the porch. It took every drop of control that I had not to stop my son. I saw the way it could go. Either a new daughter would join the family or Jasper would come to his senses in time. I was hoping for the latter. A new daughter would always be a welcome addition, but not this way.

As a family we had controlled Jasper's surroundings and in a sense control the urges that made him so deadly. I had learned a long time ago that my control with human blood and in the operating room went a long way in blocking Jasper from the parts of my emotions that I didn't want him privy too. Often I had conversed in secrecy, to fellow colleagues, about the hazards of extreme bipolar disorder. It was the easiest way to describe Jasper's unique abilities without someone coming too, close to the truth. Many said the same, limit the stimulus to the person. Over time they were right. The more time the family spent controlling Jasper's environment, the better he had become. Until Bella Swan came into the family and had all of us spinning like a carnival ride, Edward and Jasper the worst.

I could smell the blood and hear the young woman, Janine's, cry of pain. Closing my eyes I wished it would all be over soon. The blood on the air told me the amount was small though volatile for Jasper. Silently I prayed to God, who I surely had abandoned me, that my son would find the strength inside him not to follow his basic urges.

The seconds were agony and I heard Janine yet again pleading with Jasper not to take the final step that would change their lives forever. The compassion she showed for my son, even as she faced the uncertainty of death, made a place for her forever in my heart.

Slowly I heard the sorrow of my son and his flight into the night. I let out a sigh of relief, and said a silent thanks for answered prayers from a condemned man. With antiseptic and bandage in hand, I went down the steps meeting Janine in the kitchen where silently I bandaged her wounds.

"Why did he do that?" The question came out in a whisper. This woman should have been running for her home, not looking into my eyes and showing no fear even as she buttoned the flannel shirt securely around her throat so no one would see the bandage.

"What do you know of Jasper's history?" She was shivering from the cold and I rose, grabbing the afghan off the back of the couch I wrapped it around her shoulders.

"Thank you. Not much, I figured he would tell me when he felt the time was right. He told me the basics about the family after he found out that vampires attacked a friend and me in college." She wrapped the blanket closer to her while I tried to digest her words.

To say she stunned me, was just a fraction of feeling. How was it possible that this girl had survived an attack from my kind? She had to be mistaken somehow.

"Jasper, looked much the same, when I told him that I knew what he was. It was his cold skin that gave him away, his eyes too. Two vampires had pulled my roommate into the woods, one started coming after me. I tripped over a root and fell back into the clearing, into the sunshine. He stared at me with red eyes and just laughed before turning around and going back to the woods. I ran home and began studying everything about vampires that I could. It wasn't until Jasper and I were together intimately that I knew what he was."

"Why didn't you run away from him then, if you knew?" The casualness that this woman showed in talking about my kind amazed me. "Why did you never tell anyone about us?"

"Come on, who would believe me. Vampires are something out of folklore. Most people have them linked with the likes of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. To most people it's mythical nonsense, but you know, as well as I, that behind every folktale is a simple truth that most people never contemplate, let alone want to believe. With Jasper, I knew he was different. His eyes for one are not red, he saved my life and he became my best friend."

The emotion was so strong in her eyes when talking about Jasper that she turned away, flush was heating her cheeks and her heartbeat had sped up. She was in love with my son.

"We found each other when neither of us had anyone else. There is nothing that I wouldn't do, for Jasper. I also know what you're thinking. Yes I have feelings for Jasper. I love him, it's not the love I had for my late husband, but it's still there. I'm not stupid enough to believe that it would ever go anywhere. My friendship with your son is more important to me than any romantic entanglements."

A fire was back in her eyes as she looked at me and I had to smile.

"Thank you for being there for my son when his family was not. The truth remains, Jasper even at his best is volatile. At once in his life you would have looked at him no differently than the monsters that attacked you. His lack of control is why my son Edward felt it was better for all of us to leave."

Standing I poured Janine a cup of the coffee Charlie had brewed before leaving. Something told me our conversation was far from over.

"Jasper's told me a little about Edward and Bella over the months. You're the patriarch of the family, correct?"

I nodded my head yes. "Then why was it your son's decision for all of you to leave? Where is Edward now? You would think after tonight, he would want to be with her. Maybe he doesn't love her like you thought he did, perhaps Bella was just a diversion. The whole family came back except Edward and Alice. I'm sorry if this seems out of line, but there are two people in your family that wrap themselves so much into themselves they can't see they are destroying those whom they professed to love. Edward left that girl here to rot in misery without a care to what would happen to her, and Alice, well let's just say Jasper is better-off."

Again she stared me in the eyes, unflinching and daring me to say she was wrong. The truth is, she's correct. Edward should have been here for Bella. He should have come the instant we called. Every call we placed had gone straight to voice mail, and Alice was always too busy to talk. Esme, Rosalie, Emmett and I were just to blame for Bella's condition. If I had not given into Edward's demands, we could have worked Bella through this somehow. At least we would have been around when she needed us.

"The humans such as yourself walk a precarious line. There are those of us who would either see you killed or changed. Just for knowing us you are in danger." I refilled her coffeepot in a shot and continued hoping to change the conversation away from my children. It was wrong, but they were still mine to protect.

"Your relationship with Jasper creates a problem. You are older and mature enough to handle the truth better than Bella. It is inevitable that your knowledge of us will be found out. My family is bigger and more special than most, which means the Volturi watch us. Edward stretched the boundaries considerably with Bella. We will be lucky if given a choice."

"You mean the choice would either be to kill me or turn me." Carefully she set the cup aside and fingered the small bracelet on her wrist. Her eyes were downcast, staring at the floor. "I'm sure that's something that Jasper and I would have to decide when that time ever arrives."

She looked up at me but kept fingering the bracelet. Their friendship was stronger than I realized and I was happy for Jasper to have this courageous woman in his life. There were many aspects of her character that made me think of Esme and the woman she had become. I had a feeling that she was going to be a good influence on Bella. If this woman could take my reclusive son and turn him into a friend then Bella Swan was soon to follow. The question remained, would she chose our life if given the choice. I didn't know. Her feelings were strong for Jasper, but were they strong enough to give up everything she's known.

Charlie chose that moment to pull in the drive. I left Janine fingering her bracelet, wrapped in the blanket and sipping at her coffee. Tension bathed her face at the sound of Charlie's car. Having heard the earlier conversation I knew many questions were left unanswered between the two. These things were better left to privacy. Slowly, another human woman was easing her way into the family. Rosalie was going to have another field day. Something told me though that any woman who could confront Jasper, at his most frightening, could handle my hostile daughter.

Back upstairs I retook my post. Looking at Bella I saw the color slowly come back to her skin, along with a steadier heartbeat. Again I said another word of thanks for more answered prayers. This young woman had become so much to all of us. The question remained to whether she would be the saving or the destruction of my family. Was it even possible that she was the "La Tua Cantante" not only for Jasper but for us all?

*****Charlie's POV*****

I walked through the back door cursing when the door banged shut loud enough to reverberate through the house. Janine was fingering a bracelet on her wrist and I tried to wrap my head around the night's events.

"Ah hell, I'm sorry I should have taken you home when I left. Let me just take this stuff to the doc and I'll take you home." The poor woman looked ready to drop.

"You really don't have to, Jasper's truck is still outside and I know where he keeps the spare key. If you don't arrest me for driving without a license, I'm fine to drive home."

Janine went to stand and obviously regretted the hasty action. Her body swayed and before she could grab the table for support I caught her and set her back down in the chair. Damn fool woman, wasn't fit to move let alone drive.

"Now the way I see it you have two choices, you can stay, or I will drive you home. You're in no condition to drive."

"Who died and made you the Chief of Police?" The joke was lame yet when she looked up at me her dark eyes were swimming with tears. She was clutching the handle of the coffee mug so hard I was sure it would break.

I knew the question was coming and even though I had been preparing myself for the question. It still hit like a shot to the gut.

"What happened that night? I have to know what happened to him." She wrapped the afghan closer to her and shrunk into the chair, obviously preparing for the worst. These were the questions that no cop ever wanted to answer let alone face-to-face with a victim's widow.

I sighed and poured myself a cup of coffee. "Let me take these items to Carlisle and I'll be right back."

A soft breeze flew through the kitchen and when I turned around the bags on the table were gone. "Damn vampires! Next time, make a noise, will you?"

Even with my ears I heard the chuckle from upstairs.

"Trust me. You get used to it." The tone was dry and Janine barely looked up from her cup as I sat beside her.

"That night was pretty much routine until the call for backup came from Port Angeles. A man in a ski mask had entered the convenience store with a fully loaded .44 magnum and was holding the inhabitants at gunpoint. He wanted into the safe but it was on a time-release so he figured he could get money from a hostage situation. Besides the female teenage store clerk there were three others in the store. An elderly gentleman stopped in for milk, with the teenage boyfriend of the clerk, and a construction foreman stopping off after work to get his pregnant wife some ice-cream." At the mention of her husband tears began to fall from Janine's eyes. I looked down at my coffee cup knowing that if I held her gaze I could not continue.

"When I arrived, the situation was escalating to dangerous levels. The gunman was getting nervous. Fear had begun to set in and people have a way of doing stupid stunts when they are scared. Everyone was in the front of the store, visible through the windows meaning the back was open. I led a team of three men in through the back stockroom. We figured if we showed up surrounding him we could gain control of the situation. We were wrong." Standing I poured myself another cup of coffee, anything to busy my hands. For as long as I lived, I would never forget that night. It had been two years before Bella had come to live with me.

"Everything was going fine until one of my fellow officers decided to play hero and take the guy on personally. Kevin, your husband had been doing a good job on the inside keeping everyone calm, except the teenage girl, who was rapidly becoming hysterical. The boyfriend had tried to keep her calm, but the more she cried the more upset the gunman got. When the officer went to attack the gunman, the girl seeing a chance for freedom at the unguarded front door, took off running, knocking over a shelf that fell against me. I lost my stance and hit the floor. The gunman wrestled the gun away from the officer and now raging began randomly firing bullets. One hit the running girl in the back, two shattered the glass doors behind me, the third took out the officer who had tried wrestling the gun away and I wound up with the fourth pointed at my head. Your husband came up behind him tackling him to the floor. Kevin, wound up in front of me when the next shot went off. It hit us both, but Kevin took the full force while the rest hit me in the shoulder. I got off the ending shot and the gunman hit the floor."

The next pieces of information were going to be the hardest to bear. Telling Janine, the last words her husband ever said, again. I had told her after the fact, but I was sure with the shock Janine never registered the words.

"Your husband died saving my life. There were a few things he wanted me to tell you. He said he would always love you and that he was sorry he wasn't going to see your baby boy born. He told me to tell you to get out and live, to be happy doing all the things that you always wanted to do, but never got the chance. He wanted you to find love again to have the big family you always wanted, and that he would always be looking out for the two of you. How is the baby? He'd be what almost two now." I wanted her to look at what she still had left. "Do you need to call your sitter, they are worrying about you by now?"

Looking up from my stance of leaning against the counter I noticed the hard quiet sobs racking her body. It looked as if she was ready to break. Quickly I grabbed some paper towel and went to her. Sitting on my haunches, I held the paper out to her, wiping away her tears and her nose when she did not attempt to move. Finally the sobbing slowed enough for her to rasp out the answers to my questions.

"I went into labor early. They had to do a C-section. There were complications, the baby died. I almost died, I wanted to, that way we could all be together. Now both of them are gone and I can't have any more children. They're both gone and now I'm alone. Why did they have to leave me, why?"

I didn't know the answers for her but I stood and pulled her up into my arms carrying her to the sofa. She finally cried herself into an exhausted sleep, after soaking my shirt with her tears. Even after, I held and rocked her for what seemed like hours. Early morning caused a severe thunderstorm that had the house shaking and lightning going off like strobe lights. Close to dawn, I laid Janine gently down, wrapping the afghan tightly around her and went to check on my daughter.

When Renee had left, I don't know what I would have done without Bella in my life and here on summers. I may not have shown it to her a lot but I loved her more than I can say. To know there was someone out there who caused this much hurt to her made me want to take him apart limb from limb.

Climbing the stairs, I looked in on Bella. The father of the boy, I was now sworn to hate, was devoting himself to her care. I wanted to blame Carlisle for the way events had turned out but I couldn't, considering if Bella lived it would be because of him.

"How's she doing Doc?" I leaned against the doorjamb weary and finally glad this night was over.

"Better, her heartbeat's steady and the warmth is coming back to her skin. I've given her something that will keep her asleep as least until evening." Carlisle set the medical journal aside that he had been reading and stood up making with the pretense of stretching.

"You don't need to pretend with me Carlisle. Thank you for seeing to her. I don't want her placed in some mental facility because of this. I'll get her whatever help she needs, anything but that. I've got some time saved up and I think it would be best to take it, the deputy is more than capable in taking over for a few weeks."

Bella looked so small and frail in the bed that looking at her was hard for me. It was war, whether to shake her senseless or hold her like the baby she had once been and never let go.

"If I thought that it would help Charlie, I'd convince you to let us take her away somewhere quiet and restful, but the situation with Edward wouldn't help her condition. I know someplace she can go that's close by, but secluded enough that she wouldn't have to worry about prying eyes and too many questions. I know the owner personally and I don't believe he'd have a problem with a guest. He's been doing some remodeling and may be the work and the peace of the place might just be the environment that Bella needs. He is going through some difficulties of his own and I think they would be a great benefit to each other."

I had a feeling where he was going with this but I didn't like it one bit. If he thought, I was going to send my seventeen-year-old daughter out to live with some guy, he was out of his vampiric mind.

"Esme and I will be there as well of course, with the woman now sleeping on your couch if I can convince her to come. Esme has a doctorate in psychology that I believe will come in great use now. Both of the young women in this house have been through extreme emotion distress due in part to my kind. With us, they can speak open and freely without the fear of being locked away in a facility, that you just said you wanted to keep your daughter away from. I do believe the three of them together can support one another. It would be a great comfort to Bella ,to know there was someone else out there like her with a history of vampires."

I didn't want him to be right, and I, sure as hell didn't want him to make sense, but he did. Talking about all of this with people who understood, would be good for Bella.

"My wife and I were remiss in the way that we handled the situation with Edward and Bella. We were so happy that he had found someone that we overlooked the signs and what his leaving would do to your daughter. Esme, and I are not happy with Edward. We feel it is our responsibility to help Bella now in any way that we can."

"I'll let Bella decide, but if I don't like what's going on, she comes back home. If Edward is out of the picture, I'll go with this for now." Turning I left the room and went into my own crawling into bed emotionally exhausted and dreaming of ways of tearing Edward apart.

**A/N: I cannot thank everyone enough for all of their support. Many times as I have read the reviews I have cried my heart out. Many things are going better even though I'm still going to be having problems due to the accident. The one good thing about not having a good computer hooked up to the internet was that I got a lot of writing done. The next chapter which is a big one will be up tomorrow. Thank goodness for a weekend without jobs, and hubby's family that took him and the kids away for a long weekend. I will also be putting up another chapter for Love, Lies and Lullabies and a new one shot. The one shot is a Jasper/Bella fic that takes places 20 years after Breaking Dawn. Again my heartfelt thanks and gratitude goes out to everyone for your support. This story wouldn't be anywhere without you. **

**Aerialla  
**


	19. Awakenings

**As promised here is another chapter. The next one should be just as long as this one. As always Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga and it's characters. **

**Chapter Eighteen: Awakenings**

**Song: What I've Done by Linkin Park  
**

**Jasper POV**

Every demon that had ever haunted me seemed hot on my heels. I ran to escape them all. The biggest demon of all I could never escape, it was the monster that lay inside me. I don't know where I ran to, in circles most definitely.

In the end I ran for the place that would accept me for every part of the man I was, I ran for home. My pasture beckoned me and I stood crouched down to dig my hands in the place that soothed the raging beast.

The rain had not stopped and combined with earthshaking thunder and great fingers of lightning. The earth under me hummed with the storm and I opened myself to the fury and power. My already ruined clothes became splattered and caked with mud and still I sat there watching the storm. Lightning cracked from the sky and into the ground a few feet from me. I could feel the power slam into my skin. The force was so powerful that it threw me from my position and onto my back.

I laid there until the neon colors of morning swirled through the sky and bringing with it a cloudless day. Standing I noticed the destruction brought on by the storm including a scorched patch of ground where the lightning had struck, just a few feet from where I stood. Branches from trees littered the ground. Turning I stared at my safe haven and noticed a few shingles in need of replacement, but nothing else appeared damaged. Out from the trees to my left I caught movement and turned. The large bull elk that had visited me on my first morning here came ambling across the grass. In his wake was a smaller bull, possibly an offspring. His loud screaming call had the others returning to the pasture as well.

Since the first encounter I had done some reading and learned the elk on my property behaved differently than others in the wild. It was almost as if they had become domesticated to the land.

Walking forward to me, the bull snorted. He was close enough now that I could feel the moisture from his breath. I held still just as I had before. My body fit in the expanse of his antler, luckily. He lowered his head and butted mine in an almost Vulcan mind meld. Calm flowed through me releasing my tension and anxiety.

From inside the house came the ring of the landline telephone I'd installed. Considering the swim in the Pacific Ocean the night before had killed another cell phone, having a regular phone was necessary. I made a mental note to see if being a major shareholder could get me a discount on cell phones.

The phone was to go immediately to the answering machine but I ran to get it anyway. The voice on the phone was angry and speaking a mile a minute.

"Just what the hell is wrong with you Jasper Whitlock, you're going to blow everything! If I have to come back there, I swear I will tear you limb from limb. One minute you were there last night then you just completely disappeared. Damn it Jasper, I can't look after you and watch my own back. I don't have time for this yet I'm getting visions of you attacking a woman. Go see to Bella and comfort her, she's going to need you. Leave Janine to Charlie. He'll take care of her. I swear if you screw this up I will dance in your ashes, you big ass."

"Alice?" Pain seared my chest at her voice but the only response was the sound of a dead line. No number appeared on the phone, so I didn't even know how to reach her.

Damn Alice and her meddling. I was going to have to tell Carlisle about the call. Luckily the machine had recorded it all. Something was off about it and I wondered if Alice was in any trouble. While we were no longer married and though the love had waned I would always care for Alice, we had been through too much together not to still at least be friends.

For now I would do as she asked. If something was happening with Alice's visions enough to make her call me after all these months then I would listen. Later I would ring her neck.

After grabbing a quick shower I changed clothes and ran to Charlie's. My truck remained parked in front, which meant Janine had not taken it home.

Carlisle met me at the door when I knocked softly. Any other doctor would have looked tired after a long night monitoring his patient, not Carlisle. With vampires, our faces never aged. If you looked closely enough into our eyes, you could see the truth to our years. Not many lived long enough to stare into a vampire eyes.

On this morning it wouldn't have taken an empath to feel the worry in Carlisle, his eyes were full of it, along with anger more intense than I had ever seen. In one move he barricaded the opening into the house.

"If you ever do again what you did last night I will personally pull you limb from limb and scatter your pieces. Do you understand me, boy?" My father's eyes were dark, angry and dangerous. I had never seen him this outraged with any of us and I became further ashamed at last night's events.

"That girl in there is in love with you, but for some insane reason she needs your friendship more. Do you realize the danger you have put her in by getting this close? You know the Volturi is always watching for one of us to slip up. Don't give them a reason to come after us all. If they find out about her and Bella, you know what the outcome will be, and what my feeling is. No longer will it be within their choice to choose. That is not to mention the werewolves that will now be watching us even closer. We have to be careful on this son, too, and much attention could mean the end of us all. Now that I've chastised you enough. I believe you have some major groveling to do."

"How is Bella?" Noticing Janine asleep on the couch I kept my voice low enough for only Carlisle to hear.

"Her temperature has begun to stabilize. I fear the hypothermia was worse than I first believed. Last night during the storm I had to perform CPR to get her heart started again. Honestly, there were times when I thought I was going to lose her."

He was trying hard to suppress the sadness and concern but it leaked out through the little fissures in his stoic form. Bella had a way of doing that to us all.

"What more can we do?" Even from my place just inside the front door I could hear the slight irregularity of Bella's heartbeat. Anger flared in me pooling hot and deep at my center. I began picturing Edward and all the ways I was going to tear him apart. Carlisle flinched as my anger seeped into him.

"Now is not the time for vengeance, my son. Our first consideration in this, must always be Bella, and now your friend, Janine. We as vampires forget just how fragile humans are until they break. We brought them into our lives and it in now our responsibility to take care of them. They have arrived into a world where many see them destroyed as nothing more than food. Time will tell if they are better for being in our world, or suited for their own. Our lives will always be better because of them, but we cannot always say the same of the reverse" His grip on my shoulder was firm.

Carlisle and I turned toward Janine who had started thrashing in her sleep, obviously disturbed by the emotions I had been pouring out into the small room. Turning I went to her. Anger, resentment, and loss from her sleeping form were staggering. Bending I went to my knees, wanting to cradle her and apologize for last night. Carlisle came to stand at my side.

"Better to let her go, than to falter as you did. By putting her in your life, Jasper, you have chosen a precarious future for her. If the Volturi finds out, they may not leave you with a choice. To them she is a threat to our existence." His hand was on my shoulder as I brushed an errant piece of hair from her face. Lines of fatigued had etched themselves around her eyes. Dark purple bruises shadowed those same eyes.

The feather light, chilling touch caused her to stir. Gently I took her right hand in my own. She flinched and pulled away from the coldness and started crying in her sleep. Jumbled words tumbled from her lips and she began to thrash about.

"No, Jasper! Please don't. Don't do this. Jasper, no!" Janine, shot up off the couch her eyes wild with fright as she fought the covers down which trapped her.

My heart broke to hear I was the cause of her nightmare. Slowly she came too, staring at me with wild frightened eyes and began frantically looking around. I was still on the floor by her side though her fear of me made me want to run and hide. Her fingers were on the wound that I had caused.

"I'm sorry, Jani, so sorry. Whatever you want me to do I'll do it. Hate me, curse me, but please don't fear me."

Slowly she awoke, her heart racing. She sat up slowly wiping her face. Opening her eyes, she looked at me. Instantly the brown pools flared with fire.

"You ever treat me like a chew toy again or scare me like that again and I will find a way to make you pay. Perhaps a big boom should take care of all my anger. For now this will do."

The right hook came from nowhere and took me by surprise. It happened so fast that I didn't sense her emotions until it was too late.

Instinct had me moving with the punch. The snap was audible as fragile bone and tendon broke with her hand. My Jani was full of a rage so powerful that I braced myself for further attack. I was too stunned to even think of trying to calm her down. Standing she faced me and with all of her force Janine pushed until I sprawled at her feet.

"Stupid ass vampire." Janine went to kick me and thought better of her foot, instead she picked up the pillow she had been lying on and swinging her left hand as hard as she could she hit me in the face again. "Friends or not, you ever look at me as a snack again and I'll torch every car you own."

For spite Janine kicked me in the ribs on her way around the corner, luckily her tennis shoes absorbed most of the impact, but she still stubbed her toe in the process. Underneath her breath she started calling me every dirty name she knew and I could not blame her for any actions. My behavior last night had been deplorable and I could not give any excuse or platitude.

Carlisle ran up the stairs to get his medical bag. I watched her pull an ice cube tray from the freezer and a bowl from the dish drainer. On his way to the kitchen, my father chuffed me on the back of the head hard enough for me to see stars.

Her hand was rapidly swelling and I stood when I felt heartache diminished her fear.

Immediately I went to help her. My heart went to my chest as she held up her uninjured left hand to stop me.

"Don't, Jasper, please not right now? Maybe, we just need some time away from each other. I'm going to put some ice on this and have Charlie take me to the hospital."

Carlisle went to help her, and she held up her hand to him as well. That made me feel marginally better and worse.

"Thanks, but, I think I've had all the interaction with vampires that I can take for a while. I'm just going to take my ice outside and wait for Charlie." Her dark eyes were full of unshed tears.

Trying to comfort her I sent my feelings of concern and friendship toward her, paired with my remorse. I tried forcibly to calm her and stop her movements, making her stumble slightly at the kitchen door. She laid her head against the door. Tears were now freely falling down her face and making slight plopping noises on the linoleum. With hands shaking almost violently I saw movements which tore my heart. Her right broken hand was fumbling for the clasp of the bracelet on her left.

"Jani, don't do this. I'm sorry, let me make it up to you, please darlin'"

Every jingle of the charms mixed with her pain and confusion and if not for Carlisle I would have been on my knees crawling and begging for her pain to stop.

"Let me know, Jasper, when you're ready to be a friend without manipulating me, may be then we can talk and I'll listen. I can't and won't forget what you did to me last night, Jasper, for my own sake. Our relationship is just too dangerous for both of us. My talks with Carlisle and Charlie last night, and my dreams made me realize something. I'm not ready to give up on life just yet. I had believed I was falling in love with you. Last night made me realize that I'm not ready for your world, might never be. That girl up there almost ended her life because of your family and the love she had for your brother. I know we will both hurt for a while, but this is for the best. Now your family will have one less human to worry about."

Hanging my head I bunched my hands into fists at my sides. The slam of the back door told me she was gone. On the table lay the bracelet glittering at me in the morning light. It was a horrible reminder that I had cost myself my best friend.

I started toward the front door to make her accept my apology but Carlisle grabbed my arm stopping me.

"Don't do that, Jasper, last night was harder on her than you can imagine. She needs time, and you have to give it to her." I nodded at him, although the loss of her was already eating me up inside.

Charlie came down the stairs dressed in his uniform. Janine so engrossed me that I had not heard his movements upstairs. "I'll make sure she's okay and gets home safe." Charlie's spoke softly as he glared at me. His anger with me was almost as bad as his small amount of excitement to be alone with Janine.

I tried hard not to growl as I felt his delight at knowing that both he and Janine had walloped me good. He liked my Jani, just a little too much for his own damn good.

Alice's words in my head forced me to calm down. Just because Janine wasn't meant to be, my mate didn't mean that I was thrilled about her being someone else's girl.

"Let's go upstairs, son. Bella has improved since last night and I'm going to try to wake her up soon. I will need you there in case seeing us affects her negatively." Carlisle was pushing me toward the stairs.

My heart even in its misery jumped at the chance of being near Bella again. We walked up the stairs with human slowness. The closer I got the more it called. Bella's now warm scent wafted from the room, surrounding me like a fog.

"Call Emmett, just in case. Her smell is overpowering and if I start to lose control I want him here." My hands were shaking as each foot I drew nearer to what my beast craved.

"I already did and he should be here, Esme and Rosalie are coming as well."

Carlisle opened Bella's door and I found myself unable to enter. The smell of her skin and the warm blood in her veins was calling to me. Last night when it had been a matter of Bella's life-or-death, I could shut down and rely only on those senses I needed most.

Today in the morning light with no outer wall and window to shield me from her I craved her. Even after these months I could still taste her blood on my tongue. It called to me, singing like a siren, taunting me to my doom. I never understood why Edward said Bella smelled like freesias and lilacs. Bella was warm, ripe, lush like sandalwood and cinnamon, lavender, and just a hint of vanilla with musk. She was no delicate flower but an Earth Goddess that every part of me craved to taste. Every nuance of her blood, and her skin beckoned me.

Grabbing a hold of the doorframe, I surprised myself that I was not in the room. My hands had made dust of the wooden frame of her door as they clutched. Quickly I slammed a lid on my sense of smell and ceased breathing. It was difficult but if I concentrated it was manageable. I could do nothing about the steady tattoo of her heart as it beat beneath her chest.

"Are you all right?" Carlisle's voice was full of concern as he watched my battle with my inner beast.

"It's better now. I'll be all right." With one foot in front of the other I made my way to Bella's bedside.

"How soon before she awakes?" I folded my long legs into her rocking chair and sat at her side. I felt an overwhelming urge to take her hand in mine.

Downstairs I heard the soft click of the front door and immediately knew the rest of the family was here.

"We have a little while yet. There are some questions that I need to ask you, and I want you to be honest with me."

"I have some for you as well. You go first." I kept my eyes on Bella so I wouldn't have to look my father in the face.

"When did you reaction to Bella happen?" Carlisle pulled out a small notebook and a pen. It wasn't that his memory wasn't perfect, he as usual double-checked himself.

"Her birthday party and that damn paper cut. I have never smelled anything so wonderful in my life. It was everything worth living and dying for just to have one drop. No one knew that after the party I found one drop of Bella's blood on the floor. I wanted it so much. I tasted it Carlisle and it was unlike anything before which I've ever tasted. The only way to describe it would be a drug induced high." I hung my head in shame when I felt Carlisle's displeasure with me.

"Did Alice know about this?"

I shook my head no. His anger at me for my moment of weakness was justifiable.

"Is Bella's blood the real reason you stayed? Have you been abiding your time to kill her?" Carlisle's anger was pounding into me. In all the years I had known him, never have I seen him this angry.

"No! I stayed because I watched what Edward did to her. I was the hiker that called her location into the police station and watched as Edward destroyed her just like Alice did to me. She didn't deserve that. At first everything I did was for her, to give her time. I changed because I'm not Jasper Hale, or Jasper Cullen anymore. I'm Jasper Whitlock, Carlisle, I'm the person this whole existence has made. I'm not the family special project anymore. Hell, I don't even crave blood anymore, except hers. Most of the time I have to remind myself to feed, ask Jani, she knows."

Between my own anxiety and Carlisle's questions I didn't trust myself to touch anything least I broke it. Leaning forward I tucked my head in my hands trying hard not to take in deep chest fulls of air.

"What? What did you say about blood?" Carlisle looked like he was about ready to leap over the bed and pummel me, not that I didn't deserve it. I had kept my lack of blood craving from Carlisle, something he should have known from the beginning.

"I don't crave it anymore, can barely taste it. Jani, cut her leg at the house. Blood was everywhere. I rushed her to the hospital where she got ten stitches. Not once did I react, it was nothing, no smell, no taste, hell it trailed all over the house and not once did I have the urge to feed. I get around Bella, and it's all I can do not to claim her as mine. I smelled her blood last night before I attacked Jani. Bella's blood has done something to me, Carlisle."

I scrubbed my hand down my face, looking him in the eye. Gone was the anger. It became replaced with shock, and more than a little awe.

"Do you know what this means, Jasper?" Carlisle was frantically making notes in his journal.

"No, if I did, I wouldn't be asking you." I knew I was being a jerk, but my emotions felt strung too tight to care.

"Bella is your La Tua Cantante, Jasper. She's your singer. I had suspected but wasn't certain. With Edward this past year, we believed she was his. Maybe this was fate's way of getting to you. If Edward was Bella's singer, he would never have left her. The call of her blood would have been too hard to deny. It could also mean why you became so invested in keeping her safe from James. In the ballet studio, you didn't even smell her blood because your need to kill James was greater, just like last night."

Too many emotions were rolling off Carlisle and with my own mixed ones I had to slam the lid tight on my empathic abilities. "What does this mean? Will I live a life where I am battling myself not to kill her?" The thought of hurting Bella in any form was physically painful.

"Long ago when I lived in Volterra I heard it mentioned that often singers were the human soul mates of vampires. Unfortunately the call of the blood was too strong and most singers wound up dead. Their vampire mates killed them in the heat of passion."

Jumping up I headed for the door. No longer did I trust myself to be this close to Bella. Alice's letter made perfect sense now. She had known that Bella was my mate. She foresaw it.

"Wait, Jasper. You are not like them. We are talking about men who look at humans as a renewable resource. To them the life of a girl is nothing, while you can't stomach the thought of harming one hair on her head. You are not the monster, you once were. Bella could have easily died by your hand last night, she was injured, bleeding, and you resisted. Bella's life was more important to you than fulfilling the craving on your tongue. The one drop of Bella's blood you tasted at her party in someway has changed you on some basic level. I don't know whether it's caused by her blood being your singer, or just something in Bella's blood period. I would like to perform tests, with yours and her permission."

I rested my head against the door frame of Bella's room. Bella and I were not lab rats for Carlisle to play with. I hated that it might be the only way to get some answers.

"I don't want Bella to know any of this. She's been through enough Carlisle. Since being around us she has wanted to be a vampire, something like this could cause more suicidal behavior. Let her get well first then you can start your tests, if you keep them to yourself. It's going to be hard enough for her knowing that we are back without Alice and Edward. I mean it Carlisle, the first sign that this is affecting her life and you will end any tests." My voice was low and deadly in the still house.

"You have my word." Carlisle's voice was a whisper broken by the sound of light moaning from the bed.

I was to Bella's side before she could blink. Daringly I took her warmer hand in my own cold one. The urge to touch her face was overwhelming. Several moans followed as Bella fought against regaining consciousness. Had my heart still beat it would have been trying to erupt from my chest.

"Bella, Bella, darlin' wake up." Slowly I pushed a stray lock of dark, silken hair out of her face.

Bella's eyes started blinking rapidly and were finally fluttering open. "Edward?" Hope flared through her battered body while grief ate at mine.

"No, sweetheart. It's Jasper. Wake up darlin'."

Slowly her eyes fully opened and I was staring into her chocolate eyes. "Do you remember anything about last night?"

"I remember the house, then everything jumbled. Where's Edward, I heard his voice last night? Please get him for me, Jasper, I need to see him." Holding her hand to my cheek, I tried not to feel her happiness at seeing Edward again, and my own dread at telling her the truth.

"Darlin', Edward's not here. If I could get him for you I would, but he's been gone for months. We don't even know where he is."

I watched at her eyes filled with tears and the light behind them died quickly.

"I need the bathroom please." She struggled to sit up and found herself too weak.

Carefully I lifted her up in my arms and in that instant it felt right, too right. I slammed the lid on my emotions and focused on Bella's, her body was in distress.

I had her to the bathroom in record time and held her hair as she heaved into the toilet. Her body had become pasty and more white than usual. Carefully I filled a cup with some water and held it to her lips. She took a small drink and after swishing spit it out. I picked up her slack body and carried her back to bed. Carlisle had chosen to make himself scarce not wanting to upset Bella any further.

"Why are you here?" The question was husky and full of pain. What she wanted to know was why I was here, and Edward not.

"I never left, Bella. I've spent the last few months watching over you until I felt I was strong enough to be near you. I didn't want to leave you alone, not after what he . . . Alice left as well Bella, we're no longer married." I picked up her hand again and held it to me, surprised when she let me.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, it's my fault. I found Alice's note to you at your house. I've destroyed your family, and your marriage."

She tried to turn away from me as tears began leaking from her eyes.

"No, darlin, none of this is your fault. Alice and Edward are two selfish people. Alice left because she fell out of love with me and saw a vision of a better future for herself. Edward's just an asshole with puberty issues on top of many others." I gently kissed the back of her knuckles before tucking her covers in around her. I could feel her getting sleepy, her heart still grieved immensely for Edward, but she was grateful that I was here.

I turned to leave only to feel the grab of her hand on my leg. Bending, on my knees I went face-to-face with her.

"Why did he leave me, Jasper? I know I'm not good enough for him, but I loved him so much. I can understand if he fell out of love with me, who wouldn't. Did he ever love me at all?"

I watched in person this time as her heart shattered. She took mine with it. "You listen to me, Bella Swan. Edward left because Edward is an asshole who doesn't deserve to love one hair on your head. You have it all backwards, darlin'. It was Edward that wasn't good enough for you, never was. Yes, he loved you, Bella, as much as he could. He did feel that leaving you was better for you. He left because he loved you and didn't want this life ever for you, not as a human or as a vampire. Your wishes weren't important to him, because Edward at least to him, would always be right. He couldn't live with the future consequences that our future would bring you, and could never imagine you as one of us. Edward loved your humanity, Bella, and when I threatened that he chose to leave. It was not your fault. None of it was." During the middle of the conversation her quiet sobs had me crawling into her small bed, pulling her close to me. I could not believe that I was going easy on my brother the way I was. For Bella and her precious sanity I would make Edward out to be a saint.

"Thank you, Jasper. I don't know how, but I know that you saved my life last night. I'm glad you're here."

I let her cry out her grief on my chest until my shirt was soaked and Bella had fallen into an exhausted sleep. Hearing that Edward had loved her made the ache in her heart lessen, but the fact he had left the way he had, still destroyed her inside.

Looking up, I noticed everyone standing in the doorway.

"Don't you people have something better to do than hover?" Carefully I lifted Bella up, rising to get out of her bed. Her hands clung to my shirt not letting me go.

I had no choice but to stay, the only other alternative was physically dislodging Bella from my shirt which would awaken her.

"We're just making sure that you don't go for a morning snack. Though a morning snack of Elk sounds really good about now." Emmett grinned at me and slowly licked his lips.

Growling low in my throat, I glared at my little brother. "I find even one scared Elk, and it will be you that I have for a morning snack. Go chase grizzlies, leave my Elk alone."

"Emmett I do think Jasper has a fondness for the beasts. They must be large pets. Too bad they tasted so good." Rosalie cracking a joke right now was too much.

Just who spiked their kool-aid overnight, I had no clue. Even Carlisle and Esme seemed in good spirits. More than likely it was knowing Bella was alive and soon to be well.

It was amazing that this young woman in my arms could cause such change in the family. We were better individually and as a whole just for knowing her. Now with my family present I started opening my senses to let Bella's scent fill me. With a deep breath I was breathing in heaven. With her in my arms the ache and the hunger were different. I was filled and surrounded with her. To feel being whole overtook me, as if I finally found my missing piece.

One by one my family left us alone. Carlisle was the last to leave. His feeling was quizzical. My feelings were the same, why when three feet away from her, the smell of her blood made me almost manic. With her in my arms I was the calmest I had ever been in life, none of this made sense.

I thought of several theories dealing with Bella's blood that I wanted to test. Unfortunately they would wait until Bella was in a better frame of mind. If I could control myself around her, I would give her all the time she needed.

For now I was content to hold her in my arms as she slept through the afternoon and evening. I past the time with reading a battered copy of Wuthering Heights. There was nothing like a novel about star-crossed cruel lovers to toil away the time. I was going to have to get Bella some copies of Jane Austen. With reading Bronte, it was no wonder why she went for Edward. What was it with some human girls that they were always the most attracted to the guy who would only hurt them in the end? Throwing the Bronte aside, I grabbed another book from Bella's pile, a Byron poetry book. At least it was better than the Bronte. What I wouldn't have given for some Louis L'amour didn't surprise me.

**A/N: Well I hope the wait was worth it. Don't think it's the end of the twists and turns though, you guys should know my writing better than that by now. *GRIN* There are a lot of unanswered questions. Patience dear readers and everything will be answered in time. I like to stretch things out. I'm just evil that way.**

**Again thanks for all the reviews they are awesome and are cherished.**

**Aerialla  
**


	20. Impact

Stephenie Meyer owns all.

**Chapter Nineteen: Impact**

**Song: Once Upon A Time . . . Storybook Love by Mark Knopfler  
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**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the lovely and talented Lillie Cullen. Without her and "A Lesson In Fate" I never would have started writing this story. She more than Stephenie Meyer had me falling hard for the character of Jasper. If you have never read one of her stories walk, don't run to my favorites. Thank you Lillie for constantly giving me a lift to my imagination, you are a treasure.**

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**Jasper POV**

It was late afternoon when Bella began stirring in her sleep and finally awoke. Throughout the day she had mumbled nonsense words. During her dreams she would cuddle close and hold me tight as if afraid I would leave.

"Hmm, what time is it." Bella groggy and disheveled began to awaken. Her head lie on my chest as if it did every night.

"It's about five thirty. Are you hungry? I'll get you anything that you wish."

I put my arm around her relishing this moment in time. Bella didn't move. The weight and warmth of her pressed against me were surprising. It felt right, perfect, and it scared the hell out of me. What in the hell was I doing holding my brother's ex-girlfriend in my arms, and why did I suddenly never want her to leave?

For over a year I had looked at Bella as an extension of Edward, as someone tolerated because of him. Why now was everything changing? When had the feeling of holding her become as natural as breathing? Her voice broke me away from my thoughts.

"I haven't been too hungry lately. So, why are you here, Jasper? Bella whispered the last words. I could tell that she was trying to hold in her pain. She didn't want me to sense it."

I couldn't fight the sudden urge to make her smile, to be silly and outrageous. Images of knights, damsels in distress and images of sappy happily ever after scenes began forming in my mind. I knew I should have never picked up Byron. Now he had me wanting to wax poetically. With her head tucked under my chin I wrapped the covers around her securely.

Her temperature and heartbeat were still too irregular for my liking. Sighing I began to answer her question.

"Well that's a story and a half. Bella Swan was originally born in Forks, Washington. As a child she moved to Phoenix with her mother. Later as a teenager she returned to Forks. It was there in the Forks High School where Bella met the dastard Edward Cullen. He came from a usual family, had two brothers and two sisters, and the usual parents. All of them kept to themselves. Now this young girl, Bella, was beautiful, and smart. Her heart was the most amazing part of her. She would give up everything she had for those she loved."

Bella started sputtering and rose. Quickly I tucked her in tighter. "Shh." I whispered.

"Now it came to pass that Bella fell in love with Edward Cullen. He seemingly did with her as well. Bella soon found out the boys she loved, with his family were vampires. Over time they all grew to love her just as she loved them. One evening, during an epic baseball game, there came the arrival of strangers. These strangers were vampires that didn't take kindly to Bella being human. James, was the leader's name, and he wanted nothing more than to take Bella away from the Cullens. In the end, Edward saved his girl. He killed the bad guy with the help of his dashing older brother Jasper, and his ogre of a brother, Emmett."

Emmett's low growl of outrage from downstairs was just low enough to pass Bella's hearing.

"The next few months were almost idyllic as the Cullen family grew closer to Bella. Bella, and Edward every day seemingly fell more in love. Unfortunately all good times must come to and end. On the night of Bella's eighteenth birthday plans went horribly wrong. Jasper made a horrible mistake because of one drop of Bella's precious blood. One drop of Bella's blood had Jasper turning into the monster he fought to contain. Her blood called to him, sang to him. One drop of blood changed all of their lives forever because of Jasper's actions. For Edward it caused his true colors to come out. Edward had always been a piece of work. Bella's love blinded her to Edward's faults. In reality, Edward was spoiled, pampered, and didn't know a good thing when right in his face. Because of his own self-importance, he left the young girl behind. The older, evil and handsome brother, Jasper, was having some problems of his own. He had a spoiled wife who left him for greener pastures. The whole family except Jasper left the girl behind. During his own pain, Jasper swore to protect the evil asshole's, . . . er Edward's girl. Jasper saw the pain she had been left in, and swore that he would make it better. Unfortunately, Jasper had one problem, many years before, he ruined the lives of countless because of an inner beast that took control. He was afraid that he would hurt the girl he was coming to care for deeply, so he stayed in the shadows."

I stroked Bella's soft hair as I spun the story for her. Her breathing was even and her heart, beat against my chest. Her chuckles over hearing me call Edward an asshole eased the tension in the room and made a spark in my heart.

"Months went by after the evil asshole left and Jasper began winning the battle with his inner beast. Slowly he could do things he'd never done before on his own. His family had always protected others from getting too, close to him or him to them. He found with them gone his control was better than any ever expected. During this time he even made a friend, his first friend ever. It was because of her that when the time came to rescue Bella from the monsters chasing her that he could save the girl and the day."

"You've watched the Princess Bride one too often haven't you." The giggle from Bella filled my heart with joy and I had to pour it out through the house.

"Probably more than I should. It's a family favorite." My chin bent to her head and I couldn't resist the small kiss I placed on her head.

A small knock came to the door and Esme came in baring a tray of food. Joy radiated out of Bella and she sat up.

"I thought you might be hungry so I fixed you something to eat. It's just a sandwich and soup."

I got off the bed as Esme laid the tray on the desk. The rest of the family was on their way up the stairs as well.

When Bella saw Carlisle and Emmett enter the room she didn't hesitate and climbed out of bed, tripping over the covers she righted herself in time to launch her body into Esme's arms. This was the first happiness that I had felt from Bella in months.

"You're here. I'm so glad you're here." Bella clung to Esme like a daughter to her mother.

As Esme held Bella, I could feel the pedestal she set Edward on begin to crumble. Anger was building inside her, anger for her human daughter.

**Bella POV**

I clung to Esme like I never would have with my own mother. This was the mother of my heart. I was so happy to see them.

"Why did you leave me?" My happiness turned so quickly to sadness that I thought I would be sick again. I felt the tear well up inside. Nothing could stop them.

"Oh, sweetheart, we believed we were doing the right thing. Just because, vampire doesn't mean we don't make mistakes. Leaving you was wrong of us, Bella, so wrong." Esme's arms wrapped around me. The smell of her was a comfort and I struggled to stop the flow of tears.

I understood, it didn't make their leaving hurt any less, but I understood. I wondered even more why Jasper stayed behind. What had transpired that he would leave the family?

I would never understand Edward's reasoning for leaving. My heart grew heavy, physically painful, as I recalled his words. He'd fallen out of love with me, no longer wanted me, had grown bored and was leaving. I was not good enough for him, not to love, definitely not to stay. Edward convinced his family to leave me behind. Though they were here now, was I just as worthless to them as I was to Edward. Were they here because they wanted to be, or because they didn't have a choice? With no real history between Jasper and me, how could I trust him? Did he really stay behind for me, or just out of guilt because he'd tried to kill me? How could I trust any of them ever again?

Spinning and whirling my brain felt it was on a carnival ride. Everything was blurring and waves of sound felt like they were crashing in on me. It hurt, my mind, my body, heart, soul, they all were squeezing so tight that I couldn't breathe. Holding my hands to my head, I tried to get everything to stop.

My back was to Jasper but I could feel his power trying to break through to ease my pain. It didn't help. His powers bounced off me. Was I not to have even a little peace?

I could feel the pressure build up in my heart as it squeezed. Suddenly it became too hard to breathe, my lungs felt like they were on fire while my heart threatened to burst from my chest. Pushing everyone out of the way, I ran to the bathroom.

Even with nothing in my stomach for days, it didn't stop the bile from flowing. I felt someone gently lift my hair as I became sick again. After the vomiting stopped, I felt a cup of cool water placed in my hand. Carefully I took a few sips. Small gasps were coming from my lips. My chest felt tight, heavy. Blood pounded in my ears and I felt pain spread again throughout my chest. Standing slowly I felt my eyes grow fuzzy with the pounding in my head. Sound roared through my ears. The stabbing unbearable pain in my heart caused me to clutch at my chest. I felt myself falling, then let it happen.

**Carlisle POV**

"Get her to the house, now!" I had no time to lose. The frantic pacing of Bella's heart told me she was going into cardiac arrest.

"What the hell's going on, Carlisle?" Jasper held Bella in his arms, mere seconds ago he had caught her as she fell. His face was a mask of rage, and worry.

'The house, now, unless you want her to die in your arms." I flung the words at him as I took off in a dead run. I didn't have time to get Bella to the hospital. She'd died before we could get her there. It was a good that I'd equipped, the ante-room to my office for such a case as this.

I had begun equipping it more since the arrival of Bella into our lives. I equipped the room as a standard emergency ward. It still amazed me the medical equipment that we could buy when money was no object.

I flew into the room turning on machines, and lights. I was in scrubs, and prepped before Jasper even laid Bella down on the gurney.

We both heard the silence as Bella's heart stopped in the middle of it's beat. She was breathing, barely.

"Start CPR, immediately. Be gentle. I don't want you puncturing her lungs. In blurred motions I turned on the difiberlator and the ECG machine. It was agonizing seconds before the machines charged for use.

"Stand clear." I pressed the paddles to her chest, the jolt of electricity making her rise off the gurney. Again I hit the button to charge. The ECG machine was nothing but a flat line. The seconds were excruciating. I pressed the paddles yet again to Bella's chest.

I could feel the fear seep in. I was going to lose her.

Two more times I shocked Bella and still had yet to get her heart to respond. At the hospital we would have declared her legally dead. I was not about to give up. Right now I could not turn her unless we got her heartbeat back. The machine was charging for a fifth time when Jasper yelled at me.

"Listen. Her heart it's thready. It's faint, but it's there." The whole time he had been whispering words of encouragement in her ear. His power had filled the room with courage, strength, hope, and love. He didn't even realize that his love for her was so powerful. Somewhere along the way, Jasper had fallen in love with Bella and didn't even know it.

I had to all but shove him out the door before he would leave. This was work better left for me alone. With precision, in seconds I had her hooked to an ECG and was injecting nitroglycerin into her veins. Carefully I secured an oxygen mask to her face before setting the flow.

It wasn't long before the machine had enough information to give me. No doubt about it, Bella, at the age of eighteen was experiencing a myocardial infarction or a heart attack. It was massive, if I trusted the printouts.

Without further testing which required sneaking Bella into the Forks Hospital for an echocardiogram the only thing I could do for Bella was to keep her monitored, out of pain, and stress free. The first two were easy. The third would be a trial. Just my family, would put additional stress on her.

We had obviously done this to her. In the mood I was currently in I would gladly wring Edward by his neck. The original plan had been to come back, check on Jasper, and get out of town before Bella was any wiser. Obviously that plan had more flaws than millennia old concrete. I never expected to find Bella in this situation. My son had clearly left out many details in recalling his saying goodbye to Bella. How could he have been so cruel, so heartless? Even if he had been in pain at leaving her, what was his reason to destroy the heart of the woman he professed to love?

With Bella's condition stable I left the monitors, the I.V, and face masks hooked. She had lost so much weight these past months that her heart was just one of many concerns I had. Without further testing I would have no way of knowing if her problem had developed congenitally or because of the hypothermia.

The best course of action would be to admit her immediately into the hospital, unfortunately, but Charlie was incredibly adamant that we would not hospitalize his daughter. I could override his authority, admitting her myself as primary care physician. My cell phone rang, flipping it open, my ears were overwhelmed with a banshee like screeches.

"Don't you dare even consider it! You don't know what they'll do to her there. You do that to her, and you might as well kill her now. They'll lock her up, they'll torture her and they'll break her like they did me. How can you even think such a thought? Take her to Jasper's, Charlie will agree for the sake of her health. She'll get better but she needs somewhere to make new memories, Jasper's place is perfect. Don't question me on this, just do it. God, do I have to do everything for all of you. I've got to go, tell Jasper I'm proud of him, more proud than I can say. Oh Shit! Gotta go, love you."

The sound of disconnection rang in my ear. Alice's calls had gotten more frantic lately. Something was going on with my daughter that I couldn't for the life of me figure out. She always seemed rushed, at times more than a little afraid. I had more than one suspicion that she was in trouble, yet she repeatedly refused to say anything. This call like the last had been frantic with worry. She had been the one to tip us off to Jasper and Bella's plight.

We had lost contact with Edward shortly after he left. All answers to his cell phone went directly to voice mail where they remained unanswered. I was just as worried for him as Alice. It was no telling what the news of Bella would do to him. He had been so adamant that leaving was the only way to keep Bella safe. How would he take knowing our leaving nearly caused her death?

Quietly I opened the door, exiting into the study. Except for Jasper, my family flowed in, having patiently waited outside. Jasper was trying to wear a hole in my ancient oriental rug.

""Is she . . . ?" Jasper's eyes were looking past me to the door. His worry pooled into all of us.

"She's stable for now. You can see her, if you like." I didn't get to finish the sentence as he blew past me, carefully shutting the door behind him.

"Will she be all right?" Emmett looked at me from the doorway. He was cracking his knuckles, looking impatient to tear something, or someone apart. Rosalie pushed past Emmett, shoving herself into the room.

""When can we go?" Rosalie leaned against a bookcase, crossing her arms. Her attitude told me what I needed to know. She had not come back to help Bella or her brother, she had come back because Emmett had threatened to come back without her.

"Damn it Rosie! Can't you think about someone other than yourself for a change? I love you woman, but damn you can be a selfish bitch. Bella almost died and all you can think about is getting back to Denali."

Emmett turned to face his wife. In all their years together I had never seen Emmett angry with Rosalie. Bella had changed us all. Rosalie had the good grace to look ashamed. I could not say that Emmett's words went unjustified.

"I need both of you to do me a favor. I need you to find Edward and take him direct to Denali. You're to tell him to stay there and wait for me. Do not tell him one word about Bella. We don't need him making Bella's condition worse."

Rosalie went to speak but I cut her off with my hand. I didn't need Jasper's powers to know that she did not want to follow my command.

"We are all responsible, for Bella's deteriorated condition. Whether you like it or not Rosalie, Bella is a member of this family. You can learn to treat her as such, or you can leave. The choice is yours." Slowing I began thumbing through Bella's medical chart looking for any reason for the heart attack and waiting for Rosalie's rebuttal.

"You would choose her, a human, over me? First Edward, now you, what is so special about one insignificant girl that makes this family risk their existence for her?" Rosalie's eyes were full of shock, hurt and rage.

"Unlike you, and Alice, Bella, is the only one of my daughters who is not acting like a spoiled, petulant, child. I have given you everything possible that life and death can offer. Still, you fail to look past the tip of your own nose. Never have I been more ashamed of you, Rosalie Cullen. That girl laying in there has done nothing except to love and try to protect this family. She accepted us without fear or reservation, risking her own life for us, that alone, earns her my love and respect. Perhaps, Rosalie, your true lack of compassion means you are not meant for this family, or this life. It is with the deepest of regrets that perhaps I made a mistake all those years ago."

The anger in my words was a long time in coming. I immediately felt guilty for them all the same. It was just as much my own fault for indulging Rosalie's, and Alice's whims these many years. I hated hurting my daughter, but knew sometimes the best medicine was the hardest to swallow.

Looking up from Bella's chart, I was disappointed, yet relieved to find Rosalie, and Emmett gone. Outside I heard the roar of the Jeep as the tires rocketed down the stones.

Esme looked at me, one of her elegant eyebrows arched up in question. Not jumping to the children's defense was unusual for her. She loved them as much as I, yet found it much easier to indulge their flights of fancy. She had defended Edward this whole time, until Jasper opened her eyes.

"You were hard on her Carlisle. I've never heard you talk to any of the children that way." She came to me. Her soft hand a balm on my skin as she caressed my hand.

"Damn it, I know. They are not children, Esme, for all their looks they are teenagers, but their real age makes them adults. I refuse to give into the whims of spoiled children any longer. It is high time. We start treating them by their age and not their appearance. Where did I go wrong, Esme? How did all of our children wind up so selfishly?" Carefully I leaned against the wall of glass behind my desk, staring out into the trees as night claimed the earth.

"I can think of one who has surprised both of us." She had turned her head toward the door where inside Jasper was keeping silent vigil over Bella. The love flowing out of the room was enough to make me pull my wife into my arms, cherishing every moment of life I've spent with her. Esme's arms wrapped around my waist as she laid her head on my shoulder. We stood wrapped together not only in our love for each other, but Jasper's newfound love for Bella.

I had been so wrong in his training to the vegetarian lifestyle. Unlike myself, Edward, and Emmett, Jasper arrived into this life for violence. The scars on his body spoke a myriad of horrors, most about which I didn't want to know. Even after my years with the Volturi I could not fathom the atrocities of his life. In many ways, Jasper, was stronger than us all. He had gone against a century of war, blood, and death to change into the man before us. Unfortunately I knew his newfound strength and control, would become tested before all of this was over.

"Let's go downstairs. Bella is resting for the moment. I need to call Charlie before he comes home, then panics when Bella is not there. I ushered Esme out of the room leaving Bella and Jasper in peace, at least for the moment. I prayed that Rosalie would not be angry enough with me to tell Edward what was going on, that was if they found him.

Later that night we moved Bella carefully to Jasper's house where I kept her hooked to various machines for twenty-four hours before taking them off. Her condition had fully stabilized for now.

**A/N: Here's another chapter. The next one will be up by this time next week if not this weekend. A new chapter of Love, Lies and Lullabies will be up tomorrow. Love you all.**

**Aerialla  
**


	21. Love

SM owns Twilight

**Chapter Twenty: Love**

**Song: An Deiner Seite (On Your Side) by Unheilig - **Song is in German, I will have the translated lyrics at the bottom. It is an incredible song and for me fits this chapter perfectly.

**Jasper POV**

Once we brought Bella to my home, I didn't leave her side. Not even when Carlisle had to reattach the monitors to Bella after a relapse had her heart shuddering to a stop for the second time. Again we almost lost her. My only consolation had been, Bella, whispering my name, before the shit hit the fan.

Unfortunately in her present state, we couldn't change her. Carlisle feared that her heart was not strong enough to handle it and she would die. He made me promise to wait and it was a promise I gave. Once her heart was strong enough we would fully consider our choices. As it was, it could be months.

I kept a constant vigil at Bella's side as she laid in my bed. Earlier I had pressed credit cards into Esme's hands and told my mother to get whatever she wanted for Bella's room. Soon she would need her own space. Esme's work on Bella's room also got her out of the house enough that I could rest without her constant worrying.

I sat by Bella's side holding her hands and listened to Carlisle's machines as they beeped, hummed and fed printouts. I thought the noise would drive me insane. Even in the dim light of the room seeing the changes in Bella wasn't hard, especially now. She looked like she'd been dragged through the pits of hell. Unfortunately, that thought wasn't far from the truth.

Only once did Carlisle leave the house and that was to feed. Esme came and went, often toting boxes or packages up and down the stairs. For two days, I didn't move. I lived in fear of the machines going off, or of hearing Bella's fragile heart cease to beat.

Her brain was so quiet, too quiet. I knew it was because of the medications dripping through the IV's and into her blood stream that caused the deathly quiet, but it didn't help. The truth tore at me, the truth that Bella was hanging on by a single gossamer thread. I would give anything to feel her, to sense her. Fear ate at me as I watched over her and I prayed that she wouldn't give up. If she gave up and drifted off there was no way I could stop it and I would lose her forever.

I knew she couldn't hear me, but I began to talk anyway. I told her about my life before the war, about a young man who grew up in a huge Texan plantation surrounded by privilege, but felt more at home on the battlefield, surrounded by rough and ready men. I told her of my desire to protect people, even at an early age and how I'd always had a knack for talking people around to my way of thinking. My mother had called me a lovable cad. In those moments I made a promise to Bella. I promised to show her the house I'd grown up in and to dance with her in the ballroom, just like I'd done all those years ago.

No, one, not even Alice had ever seen my ancestral home. It, like my home here in Forks, was my safe haven. Over the years I had tried to go back as much as Alice would allow. She always hated that I would never take her there. Even in her visions she never saw my home as I never intended to show it to her.

I yearned to take Bella there and to watch her walk down the grand staircase in a flowing gown and dripping in jewels, or to push her from a swing in the tree where I used to play. I wanted to show her the family portrait that hung over the fireplace in the library, and ached at the image of us sitting on the veranda and watching the sun set over the rolling hills of green while the lightning bugs came out to play. Picturing us on picnics by the river was so easy, or taking some long walks in the moonlight. Instinctively, I knew how much Bella would love it there. Once she was better, I would take her and we would stay for as long as she wanted, forever even.

During these moments, as I talked to her of my plans, I felt the full stirring of her blood in me. I could feel her singing in my body like a deep hum. Picking up her hand, I kissed the back of her knuckles. Just sitting here next to her, I felt complete and whole.

Bella's warm fragrance pulled me in, making me ache to have her in my arms again. The craving to have her flush against me, her head against my chest and her arms securely around my waist was so deep, that to be this close, yet so far from her, physically hurt.

Carlisle walked into the room. His eyes missed nothing and focused on the way I was holding Bella's hand to my lips. I knew I had to talk with him about what I was feeling. Since the night of Bella's birthday the pull to be near her had intensified with each day. I didn't understand the story of singers, and I wanted Carlisle to tell me everything he knew. Most importantly I needed to know if he'd ever encountered his and what happened to her.

"Can we talk?" I tucked Bella's arm under the covers and stood up.

"Yes, I've been waiting for it." Again he checked the monitors, made a few adjustments, then followed me out into the hallway.

Just walking out of the room and away from Bella's side hurt. The deep feeling in my gut almost had me turning around. Carlisle stood still as I wanted to the plate glass windows of the lower floor and looked out into the brightness of afternoon sun.

"Why as I feeling this way? Everything changed the night of her birthday. I don't understand, why I should feel this way. Except the trip to Phoenix, I was barely around Bella. Is this all happening because I tasted her blood?"

I tried to absorb Carlisle's calm, but I still felt agitated. I began to pace the room. It was hard keeping everything inside, but I could put Bella at risk by not having control over my own emotions, or my power.

"I want you to think hard, Jasper. The first time you saw Bella, what was your first instinct?" Carlisle stood and watched me pace.

Stopping I stared out the window. Memories of Bella's first day at school were so close. I remembered walking into the cafeteria with Alice and twirling her as we walked. The hunger in the memory flared hot as we walked past the new girl. It was Alice's hand, digging rents into my arm that kept me from grabbing Isabella Swan from behind and biting into the softness of her neck. Her scent wafted toward me, a scent I knew now as Bella's. I wanted her so bad it was painful. The urge to be wrapped in her smell, to taste her on my lips, to feel the wright of her body, even now was powerful. The memory was like crashing waves, rolling over me. Quickly I shut my mind, forcing the day into its recesses.

"So what was your first reaction to Bella?" Carlisle was leaning against the stairs watching me intently.

"My first urge was to grab her from behind and sink my mouth into her neck. She smelled so good, and I wanted her, wanted to taste her, feel her and wrap myself in her."

"Now what was on your mind, the first day Edward brought her home?" Carlisle stayed where he was.

Closing my eyes, I thought about the day Edward brought Bella to the Cullen house. Carlisle, Esme, and Alice had been so excited to see Edward with someone and happy. I remembered anger, jealousy and hunger. The anger came from wanting to protect my family from a threat that could destroy us all. Now looking at my other emotions, I knew where the jealousy and hunger came from. The smell of Bella in the close confines of our home was almost more than I could bear. Even then, Bella's blood called to me like a siren. That Edward should have it, be so close to it as to breathe in the heady smell, made me want to kill Bella just so Edward couldn't have her. I wanted to taste her, to savor her and make Bella mine. I wanted her and was jealous of my brother having what I coveted.

I was angry that Bella could destroy us, but I hungered for her more. It drove me mad to think of her in Edward's arms and him tasting her sweet lips. I wanted to make Bella mine and Edward was standing in the way. At the time I chocked it up to bloodlust, but now I didn't know. Laying my head against the cool glass, I began reeling the memories back into my mind.

Carlisle moved from his position, coming closer he leaned against the window and stared at me. I could feel his amazement over my control. It matched my own. He didn't give me an opportunity to answer his question as his words shook the last of the memories away. "How did you feel the day of the baseball game when James' threat against Bella became a matter of life and death?"

Scenes again rushed through my mind. I was instantly on the edge from the moment the Nomads walking into the clearing. More so than any of the others, I was prepared for battle. James' comments toward Bella triggered a rage in me that I hadn't felt for a long time. The need to destroy James and protect Bella was the only thought going through my mind. In those precious moments the need to protect her was just as strong as the urge to taste her.

Knowing what memory Carlisle would make me think of next, I fast-forwarded to rocketing down the highway with Alice's hand in mine as we drove for Phoenix. I was pissed and held it in. We were all now risking our lives to save a human girl. The close confines of the car and hotel room made me want to kill Bella slowly, one slice at a time. I had been so angry with our situation that I had failed to fully sense the worry, sorrow and anguish pouring out of Bella. I'd been so careful to close my senses from her so I wouldn't kill her, that her plans to escape had evaded me.

Bella's confrontation with James would have never happened if I had been paying attention and concentrating on Bella instead of my own feelings. James had nearly killed Bella, because I dropped the ball. Some former Major, I was.

No one ever mentioned it being my fault, but it was, just as surely as it was Bella's for being reckless and Edward for bringing her into our lives. In actuality we were all responsible. It was now my responsibility to make up for everything we'd done to her. I never looked at my staying for Bella as a burden, in fact, I was glad to be the one here for Bella, wanted to be here.

I didn't need Carlisle's trip down my memory lane anymore to recognize the truth. It wasn't just Bella's blood that I'd wanted. It was Bella. During these months of letting her in, Bella was now as much a part of me as her one drop of blood, as much as my own soul. For her now, I would die, just so she could live. Without her I was nothing, with her I was everything. Unlike Edward, I was willing to go the distance. When the time came and she was strong enough, if she still wanted, I would change her, with no regrets or questions. It was selfish of me, but I didn't care. I would rather, have her as a vampire for eternity, than watch her grow old and die as a human. Her humanity, meant nothing to me, but an obstacle standing in the way of forever.

"I would kill, and die for her." My words to Carlisle came out ragged with emotion, it was the only answer I could give that said it all.

"Then, answer me this last question, before I answer all of yours. If Bella never feels the same for you, never loves you and chooses a human life pining for Edward, what will you do?"

Carlisle's question floored me. Not once had I given any thought to Bella wanting me. Not that I could blame her if she didn't. In the past, I had distanced myself from her, not only physically but emotionally, then I'd tried to kill her. Hell, I had a lot of making up to do, just to get her to be my friend, but for her to never love me, as much as I loved her, had my heartbreaking in my chest.

Realization forced me from my feet and down to my knees. After all these months of watching Bella, of taking in her pain and making it my own, feeling her very soul, I couldn't imagine a life without her. She was the other half of me. She was my true mate.

"I don't know. I don't know if I could live without her." My voice was barely a whisper as I thought of a life without Bella. Could I even be friends with her, knowing how deep my feelings ran for her? Could I give her the happiness she deserved? God, I was going to try to hope someday she would love me back. I could hope upon all. There was no way in hell that I was leaving her side.

"Tell me what you know about singers?" I kept staring out the window to the pasture. The need to know everything Carlisle knew was indicative to my being able to protect Bella . . . From myself.

"You must understand, Jasper, little is known about true singers. It is folklore among our kind the same way vampires are for humans. I only know of one true singer, one that remains alive an unturned, and she is lying in your bed. A singer's life walks on the edge of the sharpest blade. You witnessed that on Bella's birthday. The legend is there is one perfect human singer, a perfect mate for every vampire. You are lucky enough to find yours so close and at a time whether she is neither too young nor too old for the change, if that is still Bella's wish.

They say that a singer's blood is not only the sweetest, most mouthwatering temptation, but also a potent aphrodisiac for her mate, which often leads to the singer's death in the middle of passion. You could kill her, just by loving her." Carlisle didn't move as he spoke, only stared at me with eyes that had seen too many years.

I didn't want to even think of Bella dead by my hands. It was too painful. "Have you ever met yours? Who was or is your singer, Carlisle?"

Carlisle's eyes widened briefly and he sighed deep in his chest. Turning he stood by my side and like I stared off into the pasture. Carlisle was torn. He didn't know whether to tell me or not. He wasn't afraid to tell me, but I could tell the truth was something he'd held inside for a long time, too long. He sighed again, then began.

"No one else knows the truth. I have kept the thoughts blocked from my mind for many years. They would pose too many questions to those who would see or hear of them, especially Edward. You ask me if I ever met my singer, and I did. The year was 1911, seven years before I changed Edward. I was traveling as a doctor through Ohio. They brought A young woman, not much younger than Bella, into the emergency ward. She had a compound fracture to her right leg. The bone was jutting out visually and she was in so much pain. Her smell made me hunger for blood, . . . human, . . . hers. It was all I could do not to press my face against her wound and drink. The only reasoning that saved my sanity was the look in her dark brown eyes. She looked into my soul, finding pieces of me that I'd buried long ago. It was all I could do to set her leg. As I was joining the bones back together, blood sprayed up into the air. Just as I was giving a nurse an order, one drop of her blood landed on my tongue. It was heaven. Her screams of pain from her leg, through the morphine was enough to wake my mind. I finished with her as fast as I could and hurried from the hospital and into the newly darkened night.'

'Two days later, I returned to the hospital and found her name and burned it into my brain. I stayed in the area, always watching and waiting for sights of her, careful never to get too close for fear of smelling her and taking what all my instincts told me was mine. Even as her parents married her off to an older and unworthy man, I stayed. At nights when they were intimate, or in his evilness he would hurt her, destroying more of her soul, everyday, I stayed away. I knew that if it ever came to the point of her death, nothing would have stopped me from killing him. Violence fed me the nights he hurt her. Soon, I couldn't bear the sight or sound of it, but even as I ran and hid, I could feel her pain as my own.'

'When they moved to Chicago, I followed. It was during that time that I was treating patients for the Spanish Influenza that was so rampant throughout the country. My watch on her fed my desire for companionship and with his mother's dying wish, I changed Edward. With a newborn to care for, I knew I could never be near the object of my affection for at least a year, maybe more. I left, taking Edward with me. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done and I left more than the love of my life behind, with her, I left my very soul.'

'My exile away from my desire and during my training of Edward I began looking into the old tales of singers. Then the information was almost nonexistent. Using a few discreet contacts still in Europe, I gleaned some precious information. The young woman that I met and coveted was my singer, my true mate and I'd left her behind. When we were able, Edward and I made the trip back to Chicago. While Edward wrestled with his own demons and settled his parent's estate, I made inquiries at the former residence of the woman I loved. She had left in the middle of the night, shortly after her husband had returned from the War. It was with the help of a young neighbor that I was finally able to track her whereabouts. I had to see her again, had to know that she was okay.'

'It took me two weeks to track her down and into a small town in Wisconsin. I immediately set myself up with the local hospital as a doctor. It wasn't until four months later that I caught sight of her. A woman fitting her description came in bleeding profusely, miscarrying her child. There was nothing the doctor on call could do to save the child. After this I began to follow her every move, she had become a shadow of her formal self, withdrawn, neither eating, nor sleeping. I feared not only for her sanity, but her life. If I wouldn't have been at the hospital dealing with an emergency, I never would have found my chance, nor my courage. I was there when they brought her in, she'd jumped from the ravine that overlooked the town, trying to end her life. Her pulse was so faint that no human could feel it and they took her to the morgue. When the area was clear, I went in. The pulse in her neck was so faint that it was the flutter of butterfly wings under my touch. I didn't even think, didn't even consider the options, that night, I changed her and tasted the only human blood I have in my existence. At the first taste it was so hard to stop, I wanted all of her, every last drop. Only the love I had for her pulled me away in time. For three days I kept vigil on her, praying that I had not been too late, or too greedy. I also prayed that in time she would forgive me and know that I loved her more than anything and would with my dying breath, hopefully in time, she would love me too."

Carlisle pressed his face against the glass, love, the purest I'd ever felt poured from him. I had never felt anything like it, it surrounded me, filled me with such hope, promise and life that I thought I was flying. Underneath it all wove shame and guilt, the shame that he'd been weak and had taken his love's blood. He'd always been so staunch in his tale of never tasting human blood that Carlisle's guilt at lying pierced my heart. Carlisle had carried his lie so close to his heart that no one would ever know his shame.

"Tell him what happened next." The soft voice at the door made us both turn toward the stairs. Carlisle and I, never heard Esme come home and descend the stairs. She had been there longer than either of us realized, since the beginning of Carlisle's story.

"How long have you . . .?" The question trailed off and I could feel my stoic father's control begin to crack. Sorrow tore at him and I had to keep him upright.

"Long enough, tell him what happened after." Esme came forward and wrapped her arms around Carlisle's waist before laying her head on his chest.

He closed his eyes and I watched in awe as my father breathed in my mother. In that one brief instant I couldn't tell where he stopped and she started. It was as if they merged into one being. The same pure love I felt before I could feel now, only it didn't come from either of them, but both of them perfectly combined.

"Tell him, my love, later you can tell me all the things on which I missed out." Esme's whisper was barely audible in the quiet room.

"She loved me, loved me more than I ever thought possible. Later with Edward we added five other children to our family. I love you, Esme Cullen, and I have since the day you fell out of that damn tree and broke your leg. I will love you for all eternity. Esme's my singer, Jasper. Hopefully with time, if you and Bella can even have a percentage of the love I feel for your mother, then your existence will be blessed just for knowing her."

With a nod of his head, Carlisle looked at Esme and to the outside. The look in her eyes was all the temptation he needed. In a flash, my adoptive parents were out the door and running across the field. Esme ran in the lead until Carlisle caught up to her and still running, scooped her up into his arms and kept running for the nearby forest.

Turning, my heart still full of love from Carlisle's story, I went back to Bella's side. Someday, with any hope in the world, Bella would look at me like that. I could show her just how much she'd come to mean to me. My feelings were so new that they left me awestruck as I yet again took her hand to my lips. Truly, I was already blessed just to be near Bella.

* * *

**An Deiner Seite (English Translation) - Unheilig**

**On Your Side**

Don't get up, my dear

Don't be disturbed

I am your friend

Who wants to talk to you

I was waiting and hoping

That maybe this moment never comes

That it would simply pass

Or maybe would never happen

***

I look back

At that wonderful time

When you were my shelter

And the cradle of my being

You fought

And shared every moment with me

I am proud

To be now here by you

***

I glance at the picture of you

And look at it

Suddenly the room is no longer empty

Everything else does not matter

I glance at the picture of you

And at this moment

You are in my thoughts

And not in heaven

***

You were with me

From the very beginning

When the hour glass seemed inexhaustible

You were with me

Through every storm I have fought through

Asking nothing in return

Only giving and giving

***

You showed me

What was really important

You mesmerized me with your smile

With such a caring look

Without even saying anything

Just full of love and life

There was so much given from you

To me

***

I look back

At that wonderful time

When you were my shelter

And the cradle of my being

You fought

And shared every moment with me

I am proud

To be now here by you

***

I glance at the picture of you . . . .

***

I let you go

And wish you all the happiness in the world

And at this moment

You are the only one who counts

Relax

And simply fall asleep

I will always be by your side.

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**A/N: Here is the newest chapter. I hope you enjoy it and that it answers more questions about singers, at least from my perspective. When I think of Carlisle and Esme, it is only natural for her to be his singer, and for Carlisle to never have told anyone. In this chapter I wanted to explore more of Jasper's previous feelings on Bella and how they evolved for the story to take place. I would love for any readers, who have never reviewed to let me know what you think of the story so far. I get so many hits that I know all of you non-reviewers are out there. There is still a lot of story left, so I hope all of you will continue to stick around. I'm just getting started. Love to you all and have a Happy Halloween.**

**Aerialla**


	22. Beginnings

**SM owns all**

**Since there were so many new reviewers. "See I knew you got stuck in the woodwork..." I decided to make this a huge double chapter. **

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**Chapter Twenty-One: Beginnings**

**Song - Hero by Enrique Iglesias**

**Jasper POV**

Snow was starting to fall in wet flakes as I laid the deer carcass aside. The forecast called for a foot of snow by morning. Christmas was just a few weeks away and Esme had begun decorating the house in hopes of cheering up Bella when Carlisle said it was time. Three months had passed since Bella's birthday. Ten days ago, we'd almost lost her, and still no call from Edward.

I wanted to rage, and destroy. Rosalie and Emmett never found his trail and with the worsening weather in the upper states, finding it would be futile. Rosalie was the first to give up, and Emmett finally followed. No one had heard from Alice.

How life could change in such a short span of months was unbelievable. Four months ago, I'd almost killed the woman with whom I was in love. I'd only left the house an hour ago, but the absence of her presence was like a leaded curtain surrounding me.

Carlisle had threatened me with dismemberment if I didn't leave to hunt. I didn't want to leave, but he was right. It had been a week since I'd fed and my eyes had turned the color of pitch. Left any longer and Bella would be in danger of being my next meal when Carlisle took another blood sample. Though I had a handle on my thirst for Bella, he still made me leave the room with every needle change. It didn't bother me, I knew he was trying to protect both Bella and I.

I was just leaving from another quick bite when my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. The phone was a new one, courtesy of Esme's shopping for the house.

"You'd better get back here. Your father is taking her off the sedative and she could wake at any moment." An urgency hung in Esme's voice. I didn't bother saying anything to her, just hung up the phone and ran.

Within minutes I was entering the front door. Esme was standing there waiting. She looked me up and down with disapproval. I couldn't blame her. Mud and bracken covered me because of the inclement weather.

"Go take a shower. She'll wait that long, and don't you dare tread that mud on the clean floor." She pointed at my shoes. Smiling at her I kicked them off by the front door. It didn't matter to her that we were in my house, only that she'd spent the last week turning it into a home.

Not only had she decorated Bella's bedroom, but the rest of the house as well. Furniture now filled the upper living room, big cozy chairs and a matching sofa faced the fireplace and looked outside toward the falling snow. She'd chosen warm, spicy colors and in different spots I found little items that paid homage to my Texas upbringing. Finally, the house felt like home.

Placing a kiss on her cheek, I hurried down to the shower, anxious to be finished so I could be near Bella.

*

**Bella POV**

The fog in my head threatened to drown me. Green and yellow eyes followed me. My heart hammered in my chest when I head the growling. Suddenly I felt strong arms around me. I felt protected. The fog didn't lift but the growling and the eerie eyes left me.

Nothing could hurt me since I was here. Turning I snuggled into the arms that held me, breathing deep the smell of musk, patchouli, and chocolate. The smell made me feel like I was home. A sound from beneath my cheek comforted me. It was like the purr of a giant cat, laying claim on me and I let it.

This connection was something before which I never felt. It was so strong, so powerful. The skin beneath my touch was cool, like Edward's had been, but different. Ridges rose against the skin in a mottled pattern. If this was not Edward, then who was it? Who could make me feel at peace, and why was I suddenly okay with Edward being gone? He had left me broken, but here I felt like a piece of me that had been missing was found. I was more than complete. I was whole.

With Edward, I had always felt a missing piece. I deemed it my fault. I was the reason the feelings weren't right. What if the reverse was the truth. Maybe nothing was wrong with me, and the wrong had lied with Edward.

Hope soared in me for the first time in a long time. It wasn't my fault that Edward had left, that he couldn't love me in the ways I needed or wanted. It's as if I were seeing the truth for the first time. I had wanted so much for Edward to love me that I had become obsessed with being perfect for him, instead of being perfect for me.

Here in the arms that held me I had the feeling that I didn't need to be perfect, beautiful, smart, or anything, that I thought I had to be for Edward. In these cool arms, I was just me, and in that I was perfect, beautiful, smart and so much more than I could imagine. I could feel their strength, courage, hope, and even love. Reality dawned on me as the feelings became filled with awe. It wasn't just the feelings of the person holding me, but my own reverberated at me. I knew in these arms I could find everything that I ever wanted, not only in someone else, but in myself.

In that moment I felt my soul, my heart, let Edward go. He would be an important step in my life, the first real love. My future no longer lay with him, if it ever did. I was grateful for the things he had brought to my life, namely his family, even Rosalie, who I was sure hated me.

Edward's abandonment would always hurt deeply, but something told me the arms that held me would stay forever. Nothing could tear them away from me, they would be there even when I couldn't see them or feel them. In them I felt as if I could fly and still have a place to land. I found myself burying my face in the cool skin and longing for the fog to clear so I could see his my face up I tried to see my mystery man's features only to have the fog thicken.

Sighing I pressed my face back into the cool chest and again in the feeling of home and said a final goodbye to Edward and the girl I had once been. The old Bella was gone, with her self-doubt and self-depreciation. Gone were the feelings that I couldn't go on without him, the feelings of loneliness and abandonment disappeared. I felt stronger, beautiful and more alive than I ever had. Since I had this safe haven to come to, I could do anything. It was to these feelings I would cling and leave the rest in the past to remain buried where they belonged.

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**Jasper POV**

I held Bella against my bare chest. A few minutes ago she had cried out and I had run. The shower in my bathroom was still running. I held her in my arms as she thrashed about in the middle of a nightmare. Slowly she curled into me, laying her head down over my heart. The content encompassed me and I felt the purr build up in my chest. I could feel my beast claiming her as I longed to do.

As time wore on and I continued to hold her I felt the build up of hope and awe. It was amazing to watch the emotions play across her face as she slept so peacefully. She filled me so completely that I had no choice but to send the feelings to her with my own.

It wasn't long before an incredibly feeling of release overtook me, growing until all I could do was hold Bella as my power exploded in fireworks around us.

My heart soared and I felt Bella fly for the first time. Her gilded cage was now open and she was free. The feelings that had been with her since the day I met her disappeared, leaving only a memory. Gone was the blackness that always covered her like a cloud. She was bright, shining, truly a star for all the heavens to gaze on and admire.

I knew in an instance that I would hold her forever and give her everything she so richly deserved. For the briefest of seconds I could almost feel my heart beat again as it opened bright with love. I was in love with her, possibly had always loved her, and would love her until the end of time. Here with her in my arms I felt the first experience of a true home since my was not only my mate by blood, but by soul.

Into the night I held her, only sneaking away once to turn off the shower. When I returned, pulling her again into my arms she mumbled words about "Too thick fog, leave me alone," even making the motions to brush it away from her face. "Can't see his face?" The words puzzled me until Bella snuggled into the crook of my arm banishing all thought away.

Twilight was looming in the sky when Bella's eyelashes finally started fluttering. Her heartbeats had increased and color, while still pale, were coming back to her face. Her hand was in mine when a small groan passed her lips with the words "Don't go."

Knowing she was dreaming of Edward hurt, hurt more than I care to admit. Jealousy reared its ugly green head and I wanted her to know who was in the room and cruelly wanted her to realize that one again, her precious Edward was not here for her. "Bella, it's Jasper, can you hear me, darlin'?"

Last night, while holding her in my arms and feeling everything that her dreams poured out, made me wish that things would be different in the light of day. It was going to be a long road ahead as I began to feel Bella's desperation as she fought the urge to waken when she wanted to go back to sleep. Undoubtedly, sleep was the only place she could be with soon I could make her realities much better than any dream she could possibly have.

"Please, don't go. I need you." Bella's hand reached out, grabbing nothing but air.

Three more days passed while Bella hung in a haze of voluntary sleep. She moaned with nonsense words and thrashed about seeking something just out of her reach. The only times she calmed was when I climbed in with her and held her to my arms. No matter what shirt I was wearing her hands would seek under them, the cold of my skin a balm to her nightmares. More than once Bella tormented me into sweet agony when her fingers would brush caresses against tender, sensitive scars on my chest and stomach.

Carlisle was worried the sedative he'd given her was too powerful and that she was feeling side effects from which she couldn't escape. I didn't have the guts to tell him that Bella sleep state was that of her choosing. For the first time she felt content, safe, happy even. Those feelings were projected even greater when she laid curled in my arms. I selfishly had fed her lethargy to keep her reaching for me and to keep her happy wherever she was.

On the third day when Carlisle began to show more than just the normal concern, I knew it was time to let Bella awake, knowing I couldn't keep her the way I had forever. If she didn't want me, then at least I would have the past couple days with her in my arms to remember.

"Bella, it's Jasper, it's time to wake up." My voice was gently and I regretted my cruelty at forcing her out of her dreams. Two small tears fell from her lidded eyes. Reaching forward with my left hand, I wiped them away, then cupped her small face with my large hand. She rewarded me when her head turned into my palm and she sighed contentedly.

Slowly her eyes opened. Instead of looking at me, as I'd hoped, Bella's eyes stared at the ceiling lost and lifeless. Whatever feeling of hope she'd felt in her dreams was gone the moment she opened her eyes to the new day. I would have wept with her if I could have.

*

**Bella POV**

I felt so cold. Every part of my body hurt.

I remembered being on the cliff, but everything after that was hazy. With my eyes close I tried to piece together the fractured parts of dreams that had seemed so real. Jasper had sat on the bed and told me a story, and the rest of the Cullens had been there as well. Instinctively I grabbed a hold of my arm as my mind replayed through the pain. None of it made sense. Keeping my eyes closed, I tried to piece together the puzzle.

Feeling a cold hand on my face made me curl into it voluntarily. My mind was so foggy. As I became more conscious I heard a small sound, almost like a whimper, echo in the too quiet room. The involuntary sound of hurt made me open my eyes. Staring at the ceiling, I wished nothing more than to be in my dreams, and in the arms that held me, taking away the pain and confusion of the world. I wanted to be back there with him, rather than stuck in the life I was. Forcing myself to look around I found pillows propping me up in a massive bed. Moonlight coming from a window to my right bathed the room in a bluish white glow. The skin on the man, sitting beside me on my right, sparkled like stars. For the first time I saw the scars, they ran along his arms and neck, disappearing under his shirt. They were identical with the scar on my wrist and I gasped at the sight. The pain he must have gone through, made my mind dizzy.

"Are you real?" My voice was husky from sleep and disuse. My question went unanswered.

Jasper looked down, hiding his face from my gaze. I knew the look well, having seen it often on my own face. I was positive his scars bothered him as much as my own did me. The scars that didn't show, the ones on the inside were worse than those seen.

Slowly I reached out tracing one silvery scar with my fingertips. They felt so familiar, like I had felt them before. Slowly my mind took me back to my dream world. I had felt these scars before. They were on the man that held me in the fog, these scars were on the man who held me while still letting me fly.

It was strange. Sitting her looking at him, I realized that Jasper and I were more alike that either of us could have realized. It felt good having someone near that understood the pain and betrayal. Slowly, tentatively, I raised my right hand, palm up, reaching for him. My heart pounded, I was so afraid he'd reject me. I may have spent many nights dreaming of self-discoveries, but the ghosts of my past still flitted across my mind. I needed to feel the arms of my haven around me. Things would make sense then. The lingering ghosts tried to worm their way into my new self-confidence. A few succeeded and I felt myself begin to doubt my worthiness of finding love again.

A soft whimper followed by a low growl filled the room with sound. With the sound came to ice cold hands grabbing my own as a light kiss was placed on my knuckles.

"Edward was an idiot. You, Bella Swan, are worth more than all of us combined, times ten. We don't deserve you. Our existence was meaningless before you. Those of us, in this house, will do anything it takes to make up for what Edward has done. We will move heaven and hell just to make you smile again."

Jasper's gentle left hand moved to cup my face. He turned me to face him. I couldn't help my body's reaction as my face pressed closer to the soothing cold. Opening my eyes, I looked at him. The tears clouding my vision began to fall in earnest.

"Hey, slow down. I can't catch them all and that's saying something." Both of his hands were trying to keep up with the multitude of tears falling from my eyes. His own amber eyes were smiling and filled with an emotion that I didn't recognize on him.

The good feelings I could feel from him became infectious and the giggle that burst from my lips was quite involuntary. The feeling became overwhelming, I couldn't stop as I laughed and cried simultaneously.

Feeling my face in Jasper's hands and the look of his laughing eyes, took the edge away from the pain in my heart. I knew in some small way he was using his powers on me. I didn't care. Nothing had felt this good in months.

Closing my eyes I met the face of my pain head on. I could feel Jasper projecting his feelings into me. The strength, courage, friendship, and even love, gave me the will to fight. In those moments I fought against the past few months, fought against the pain of abandonment, betrayal, heartbreak, loneliness and the feelings of unworthiness that lead to me wanting to die.

I took myself back to my dream and the arms that held me in the fog. Slowly the fog began clearing and I could see the faceless man for the first time. It was Jasper, had always been. The scars on his arms had given him away. Jasper was my haven.

I felt the weight lift off me and for now I was better. Starting today, I would quit living in the past, and dwelling on the future. Right now, in the moment I would take it day by day and see where life leads me. I would prove to everyone that I was stronger than they thought.

Staring at Jasper, knowing that he was moving on without Alice, gave me strength.

"We can do this together. We can prove to them that we are stronger without them. What do you say?" Jasper leaned into me, his skin glowing.

"Together." Entwining my fingers with his I was glad for his strength. It wasn't the projected strength of his powers, but the look in his eyes when mine saw his.

Again I briefly closed my eyes. I relished the positive feelings inside me, and feeling Jasper's skin. I reopened them when I felt the cold of his lips against my forehead and then on my cheek before he pulled away. My face felt hot without his touch.

Looking into his eyes, it surprised me to see worry and doubt, clouding his amber orbs. The urge to touch him, to wipe away his feelings of doubt was unbearable. Slowly I raised my hand to his face, cupping it around his cheek, like he had done for me. It was the feeling of silk over frozen steel. I couldn't stop my movement forward. My lips were pressed firmly and softly to his before my brain had a chance to function.

In an instant I felt Jasper's strong arms surround me. My hands found themselves clutching at his shoulders while my body leaned into him. Feeling being his arms made me soar. The feelings of belonging were incredible.

The icy shock of his tongue sliding across my lower lip had me gasping in surprise. The first touch of his icy tongue against mine, and sent shock waves down my spine. A moan from my throat seemed foreign as Jasper took my lower lip in his mouth to suckle. I felt the growl build up in his chest right before he fully captured my mouth with his.

Jasper's thumbs began making slow circles on the skin of my belly causing my belly to pool with hot liquid fire and a mass of butterflies.

Together we pulled each other closer. The feeling of his frigid chest against my thin T-shirt caused me to whimper aloud. With no bra on my nipples hardened and burned with sensation. This feeling of his so close made the fire in my belly to settle lower into me. It expanded into a hot volcanic ache.

My fingers caught in Jasper's hair as he pulled me from the bed and into his lap. My legs straddled him on their own accord. I moaned at the shock of him, hard and pulsating through my thin pajama bottoms.

Gasping for air I rested my forehead against his and tried hard not to move. Living in this moment, I wanted him, wanted all of him. Knowing I shouldn't. I pressed myself firmly down on him. At once we moaned in unison. Jasper grabbed my hips, stilling them.

"Bella." Jasper's voice flowed ragged as my hands knotted in his hair as I pulled his lips to mine.

This time I was the aggressor. Sucking on his lower lip, I ran my tongue along his cold one. When his mouth opened, I tangled my tongue with his, being mindful of his sharp teeth.

"Jasper, I want you." The ache between my thighs was an incredible torture. I wanted him so much. I needed his cool skin against my own. I couldn't help my actions as I rocked against him. The friction was so delicious that I moaned into his mouth.

"Bella, we can't. Believe me, darlin', I want you, but we can't." Gently he raised me, setting me back on the bed.

Worry ate at me now. Had this been a mistake? For once I would speak my feelings allowed.

"Please don't say this was a mistake." I let him tuck me back under the covers. Looking into his eyes that were still dark with lust, I hoped we weren't ending before we'd even had a chance to begin.

"Never doubt that I want you. The first time I make love to you, Bella, I want no interruptions by a certain doctor checking on his patient." His velvety voice sent shivers down my spine as he whispered in my ear.

I could feel the deep burn of a blush as my cheeks flared. With the pain locked away for the moment I let my heart soar at his words and their implication. Just as he pulled away, a swift knock came on the door. It opened a few seconds later as Carlisle and Esme walked in. Both looked sternly at Jasper. I knew they had heard us. For an instant I felt embarrassment, it didn't last. I was smitten with how I affected Jasper. After the past year, it was refreshing to feel wanted, and someone wanting me to distraction.

"Nice to see you awake, how are you feeling." Carlisle elbowed Jasper out of his seat.

"Better than I have in months. Where am I?" The room was unfamiliar to me. I knew I wasn't in the Cullen house. It made me nervous not to know where I was, though they were with me.

"This is Jasper's home. We thought you would be more comfortable here." Esme sat on the edge of the bed, patting my leg affectionately.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Carlisle's words were soft. For some reason the question made me feel uncomfortable.

I could tell that my anxiety was affecting Jasper as he began pacing the room. Carlisle and I both watched as he walked to the door. I didn't want him to leave me. The feeling was suddenly suffocating. I found it hard to breathe, my mind getting dizzy.

"Don't go." The words flowed from my lips, barely a whisper. A part of me was scared that if he left he would never return and then I would be alone again.

His hand stilled the door nob. "I won't leave the house. I promise you. Talk to Carlisle and Esme. I'll be back soon." Turning, he walked back to me. Tangling his fingers briefly with mine, he kissed me on my head. I felt the release of my fingers and knew he was gone.

My brain fought to trust his words. I felt the panic begin to flare again so I closed my eyes.

"Take deep breaths, Bella, then tell me the last mement you remember." Carlisle's voice was soft with concern.

I took the breaths he recommended, concentrating on the memory of Jasper's cool hands on my face. The panic began subsiding until they lifted the wright off my chest. "I remember everyone in my room and my chest started hurting. I ran to the bathroom because I felt sick. It was so hard to breathe, my chest hurt like someone had stuck a knife in me, my arm began hurting. The last memory I have was of everything going black. What happened, Carlisle?"

I wasn't afraid until Carlisle didn't respond. He stared at me, unmoving.

"What's going on, you're scaring me?"

"Bella, two nights ago, you had a massive heart attack. You technically died in Jasper's arms. We almost were not able to bring you back. Changing you wasn't even a choice because we couldn't get your heart to beat."

My mouth hung open with no thought running through my brain to close it. I was only eighteen years old. How was it possible that I had any kind of heart attack?

"I believe it was a combination of extreme stress and your severe hypothermia that caused the attack. Heart problems can occur in people recovering from a case as bad as yours. I was expecting some arrhythmia and weakening of your heart's muscle tissue. Without further extensive testing, I don't know how bad the attack was on your heart. I have orders in for the necessary machines, but it will take a few weeks until they are here. Our other option is to admit you into either Forks General or another hospital nearby. The decision is yours of course. I will gladly go with whichever choice you make."

His words shocked me. Carlisle had never lied to me before, so I knew he was telling the truth now. In my heart, the one that was physically and emotionally broke, I didn't want to die. At the time, while on the cliff with Edward's voice in my head, the answer had seemed so easy. During those moments I had felt so alone, so lost and hurt. Death had seemed like an easy way out of the pain. Now with a clear head I wondered if it was Edward's leaving that had broken me so much, or the leaving of everyone else. Knowing Jasper had not left me, even if I didn't see him, meant more than I could express. It meant that during my darkest days I had not walked alone. If it were not for Jasper, I would be dead.

Thinking of Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle, for the first time in my life I found myself wanting their care. For too long I had taken care of everyone else. I finally felt that I could let someone else lead for a change. Again I felt a ton of weight lift of my shoulders. Smiling I took Esme's, and Carlisle's hands. I knew Charlie and Renee loved me, but in many ways with them, I had been the adult. Esme and Carlisle were more my real parents than my parents had been. I was grateful for them.

"Thank you both, for everything." Tears fell from my eyes, yet I went on. "I love you both. It hurt so much when you left. I love Charlie and Renee, but when you left it felt like I lost my parents, my whole family. That's what you are to me, my family. Growing up, I had Renee, and Charlie on an occasional summer. You showed me what it was like to have an actual family, and then you were gone, without even saying goodbye. It still hurts that you didn't love me enough to say goodbye."

Covering my face with my hands, I began sobbing hard. Pain that I had yet to bury away, slammed at me. Two sets of arms wrapped around me and I felt the bed sink.

"Oh, honey, we're so sorry. We never meant to hurt you like this." Esme's body was crying with tears she couldn't shed.

"We love you, Bella, never doubt that. For all of our years of knowledge and learning, we were stupid. You have always kept things so close to you, shielding you, that we didn't know how you felt about us. All of us figured that you were young and like most young, given to flights of fancy. The thought that you loved us as much as we loved you, was something for which we didn't dare hope. Of course, we love you, Bella. Like it or not, now, we are sticking to you."

Carlisle's words soothed the pain away until nothing was left to hide. In that moment I forgave them both for leaving me behind. Esme left the room and was back in a flash with tissue. I used it to scrub all the tears away from my face. "What do I do now, Carlisle? What about Charlie, how do I tell him about this?"

The thought of telling my dad about the newest onset of trouble had my chest tight, making it hard to breathe. I had put Charlie through so much during these last month's and I couldn't bear to put him through anymore.

"The first thing you're going to do is relax and stay calm. We have already discussed everything with your father. He agreed to you being here over a hospital. Yesterday he notified the school that you will be studying at home because of a medical condition that is leaving you bedridden. Charlie will pick up your work from school every Monday, then return it Friday. If you keep up, you should graduate on time with no problem."

I was still leaning into Carlisle as he sat on the bed with me. He was on my left and Esme was on my right. "Why am I here and not at your house, or Charlie's?" My brain was still trying to wrap itself around Jasper having his own home. I wanted to know why he wasn't at the Cullen house, but I would wait for him to tell me.

"Charlie's house is unable of being adequately equipped to handle your current situation. We thought your staying at our house might be too difficult on you. When you feel up to it, I'm sure Jasper would love to show you around. It's beautiful and peaceful here."

Esme had begun to run her fingers through my long hair, working out the tangles. It was something Renee had done when I was little. I liked the feeling a lot.

"Why is he doing this? Why did he stay?" I didn't understand Jasper's actions. He had a family that loved him. Why would he choose to let them leave, even with Alice gone?

"Bella, he stayed for you. Alice's leaving gave him the opportunity to be free, though I think he would have stayed without her. Everything he's done has been with you in mind. There are many things that he wants to talk to you about, but not until you're ready. We want you to get better without having to worry about anything." Esme's voice was full of pride as she talked about Jasper. It made me curious to know what he had been up to these past few months.

"Why? Why did he do this for me? We were never that close before he left, he always stayed away from me, except the trip to Phoenix." I grabbed Esme's hand, stilling her movements as she tried to fluff my pillows.

"You will have to talk with Jasper about that. I'm going to leave you with Esme. I have some things to do. Rest and relax, if you need anything or want, just ask." Carlisle squeezed my hand, then left.

The silence between Esme and I became awkward at best. So many questions flew through my mind, but I had a feeling they would all thwart them. She looked uneasy, as if any moment I would ask questions that she didn't want to answer. Giving her a break, I let my questions rest. I let her plump the pillows and straighten the bed, then had to speak out of necessity.

"Where's the bathroom?" I could feel the blush on my face. Even after all this time I hated having human moments around them.

"I'll help you. Jasper is still working on the house, so not everything is finished yet. The only working bathroom for the moment, is in his room. Which is why we placed you here? Do you want me to carry you, or would you like to walk?" Esme folded the blankets back and stood waiting.

"Walk, please. I need to stretch my legs."

Esme helped me across the room and through the open door. The way was pitch dark, making me glad for Esme's keen eyesight.

"Sorry there's no lights. Jasper has had a few malfunctions with the old electricity. He's hoping to have it fixed in the next day or two."

Once in the bathroom, Esme steadied me against the wall, while she lit two candles. The gentle flickering of yellow light, was just enough for me by which to see. The huge tub, against the wall, beckoned me. I quickly began yearning for a bubble bath. I couldn't remember my last one, but it felt like years. I looked at the bath, then at Esme. She understood my longing without the need for my words.

"If you're okay on your own for a few minutes, I'll ask Carlisle about a bath. Jasper has a generator hooked up to the hot water heater and furnace, so you should have some hot water. We didn't want you to chill."

I shook my head in affirmation that I would be fine for a few minutes. She left. It amazed me at how weak I felt, now that I had to bear my own weight. With one hand I held onto the counter and inched my way to the toilet. It was this part of my humanity that embarrassed me the most. Esme had left the door barely open, but even shut, it wouldn't have mattered. Their super hearing would hear every small sound I made.

Esme came back, just as I was washing my hands. In her arms were luxurious, fluffy towels. She set them on the counter and began turning on the bathtub faucets. From under the sink she pulled a bottle of bubble bath, adding it to the rushing water. Instantaneously a musky, earthy fragrance filled the room. The smell was warm and inviting, reminding me of an autumn day in the woods.

"Carlisle said the water can be too neither hot, nor long. He doesn't want the hot water to raise your blood pressure." Carefully she helped me out of my pajamas and into the water. The water wasn't scalding, just hot enough to be soothing. It was heavenly. "Would you like the jets on? Jasper said the tub is a spa."

I shook my head yes. At the first pulsation of the jets, I felt my whole body relax. Beside me, Esme placed a basket of bath supplies, then moved a candle closer so I could see. I noticed how she pocketed the razor blade, I didn't have to strength to argue with her over it, I understood her concern, especially after what happened on the cliff. She was trying to protect me from me, and I was going to let her.

"Carlisle and I are going for a quick hunt. If you start feeling anything odd at all, you are to call for Jasper. We shouldn't be gone long. Promise me you'll call Jasper, if you need anything."

With my eyes closed, I shook my head yes. Esme placed a motherly kiss on my head, then was gone.

It was after ten minutes that something felt like it was missing. The candles, the jets, and the bubbles were perfect. My mind wanted something else. Moments later, soft New Age music flowed into the room from an unknown source. Leaning back against the tub, I sighed in contentment.

*

**Jasper's POV**

"Just what got into your head son? Better yet, don't answer that question." Carlisle was leaning against a newly installed kitchen counter.

I knew this moment had been coming. His displeasure with me after walking into Bella's room was more than apparent.

"I know it won't make a difference, but she kissed me." The retort was childlike and instantly I was ashamed.

"You should have controlled yourself. Now is not the time to start a relationship based on anything more than friendship. I know you love her, Jasper, but it is not the time, to move on those feelings." Carlisle's arms unfolded, but his anger was still apparent.

Hearing Carlisle's words, spoken aloud, made my love for Bella that much more real. I didn't have to hide it anymore, didn't want to hide it. I wanted to march down the stairs, pull her into my arms and confess every hope and dream that I had, wanted to love her, to feel her, and taste her again. My mind began retracing its steps for the past few months. The last memory lingered on the night I carried her to bed and how wonderful she felt in my arms. It was the night I dared to place one kiss on her sleepy lips. I could feel the love now. What had laid dormant, was bursting through me like a spinning cylinder of warmth. I staggered as I witnessed again the moment when Bella died in my arms and how I fought to get her back. My soul had cried out for its mate.

"I know it's going to be hard, Son, but you must keep this to you for the time being. Her heart is physically so fragile right now that she won't come back from another attack. It was a miracle that we could get her back at all."

The thought of losing her again, of losing her forever, almost sent me to the floor. I would do whatever Carlisle asked. To lose her, to never hold her, or taste her lips again, was more than I could physically and emotionally bare. I could not survive an eternity without her, nor would I want to. In the past few months, Bella had become my life, my reason for existence.

"When the time is right, Son, when her health is as strong as we can make it, I won't stand in your way. Give her time to develop her own feelings for you that no one has physically based. Bella, is worth the wait."

His comment about being physical made me look hard at my earlier actions. I wanted the first time with Bella to be with mutual love, not just mutual lust. Carlisle was right. Bella is worth the wait.

Esme came up the stairs and together she and Carlisle ran into the night. It would be close to an hour before they would return.

From downstairs I felt the longing. Going to the stereo, I put in a New Age cd that helped me when I needed to relax. The music would also lessen the sounds coming from the downstairs bathroom. The sounds accompanied visions in my head that were pure torture.

Upstairs I waited. Wondering from room to room I listed the supplies I would need when the stores opened in the morning. I hope with Carlisle and Esme here I could get the electricity figured out. I could hear every lap of the water as it caressed her skin. Her sighs of contentment came close to driving me to distraction. Before her bath, I had closed my nose. I didn't want the smell of her warm skin to float through the house and make me hunger for her more than I already did.

If it would not have been for my promise to her, I would have been out the door and running across the field. It was without doubt that I knew many of my nights would be spent swimming the river.

The soft call of Esme's name had me at the bathroom door. I could feel her, could hear every beat of her heart, the way her stomach growled because she was hungry. The scent of her was dizzying. Her wet skin was more lush than my mind could have imagined. The smell of musk, vanilla, amber, and patchouli smelled infinitely better on her than the strawberry scent she usually used. My mind kept picturing her wet naked body stretched out in the tub.

"Damn it." The curse was hardly audible as I cursed myself. I needed to get a grip. Softly I knocked on the door. "Bella, it's Jasper. Carlisle and Esme ran into some camping hunters and will be longer than expected since they had to go further north. What can I get for you?" One glistening leg called to me from the tub, and had me remembering the way her legs felt wrapped around me. Feeling her so hot against me, I would remember forever.

My time with Maria meant I had seen and even had sex with countless women. Back then women were a disposable commodity. Right now, standing outside my bathroom, all it took was the barest glimpse of Bella's pale wet leg to get all of me standing at attention. I turned away from the door as the temptation of her body tried to drag me in. Her modesty was not even in my mind when I pictured myself ripping off my clothes to join her in the tub. The fact the tub was designed for two did little to decrease my rising libido.

"I was going to have Esme help me wash my hair. It's not a big deal."

The longing from her meant that I would not say no, could not say no. "I could help, if you'd like." Fuck, I'd sentenced me and my libido to sweet torture.

"If you wouldn't mind. Carlisle doesn't want me to stay in too long. There are still plenty of bubbles and I'll wrap a towel around me. I wouldn't ask, but I have not washed my hair in a while. Could you hand me a towel?"

Gulping in air, I struggled not to let the abundance of lust I felt out and into the small room. Bella's own excitement was becoming heady. The towels were just out of her reach and well within mine. Closing my eyes, I took the top towel and handed to her after a few steps into the room.

"Thanks. Turn around and I'll make myself decent."

I could hear her wiggling in the water to situate the towel around her naked body. My thoughts right now were so far from decent they were in another time zone. Right now I was picturing how I could show her the infinite things I could do to her since I didn't need to breathe.

"I'm all set." Her voice was low and husky. The little minx was actually hoping to get a rise out of me.

When Carlisle said the time was right I was going to enjoy making her pay for the torment she was putting me through. Turning around, I opened my eyes. Aphrodite had nothing on the wet nymph in front of me. The candlelight glowed on her skin. Her eyes were dark and her hair hung it wet strands along her shoulders. She was beautiful.

"You're beautiful." I whispered the sentiment to her loving the blush that reddened her cheeks. She didn't try to deny the statement as she turned her head downwards and smiled.

"Thank you. How do you want me?" Bella's hands shook slightly. I knew Carlisle would be having a coronary if he knew what was going on right now.

"In every way imaginable and physically possible." Words I didn't know how to stop flowed from my mind and out my mouth. Bella's desire built at my words as I struggled to do the right thing.

"You do know that Carlisle said he'd kill me if we did anything before he gave the all clear." I wanted no doubt in her mind that soon she would be mine, but that now was not the time.

"I'm sure a proud vampire warrior such as you could take an old man, like Carlisle." The words were out of Bella's mouth before she realized what she said. Giggling she put a hand over her mouth in surprise. I couldn't recall a time when I'd heard her laugh. It was amazing. I was glad to feel no guilt or question from her. She had mourned Edward's leaving now for too long. I hoped now to see the Bella she could have been without my ass of a brother. More than one thought told me she was going to be amazing.

"Yeah, but then Esme would kill me for killing her husband. I like having Carlisle around, he's great at saving the lives of young women when the vampire warrior is going out of his mind."

"True. So how would you like me, so you can wash my hair?" This time Bella made sure to ask the right question.

"I could just hold you up in the shower and let you wash your own." Just the thought of having her wet and in my arms was closing to the breaking point of my control.

"You would do that for me? You'd get soaked." Bella looked at me incredulously.

"It's just water and I'll dry. I could just soap you up, then run you out to the river and throw you in." That would be easier, but the frigid water would have my head on Carlisle's silver platter.

Bella laughed and threw a handful of bubbles in my face, almost losing her precariously placed towels in the process. "All right, but if my towel slips, you're not allowed to peek."

This Bella was new. I could feel the changes in her. This was the Bella, I had felt last night. She should have been this Bella all along. She was care free, laughing, making jokes, and enjoying life. It was a wonderful sight to behold.

Her smile became saucy and I became so wrapped up in the images of her losing her towel that I nearly missed the handful of bubbles she ran down my face. This was definitely a new Bella. Never in all the time I had known her, had I expected Bella to have a playful side. It just didn't exist. I would have to ask her what caused the changes, and so quickly. The changes were miraculous. It was as if she had awoken a new person, and in some ways, maybe she was. I'd be even more damned before I let anyone take this new light from her eyes, or the new carefree feeling away from her heart.

Bending, I hooked my arm around the back of her knees, and in one smooth pull, hooked her from the water. "That's it, Ms. Swan, it is definitely the freezing river for you."

We were both laughing over the comment. Either of us felt none of the past months of her pain. All I could feel from Bella was joy, and the pleasure of being in my arms. She looked up at me, her eyes dancing with fire and I lost me in them.

"You wouldn't really throw me in the river, would you?"

"Nah, it too cold tonight, for little things like you. Don't temp me once summer comes around? Then it's a whole different ball game. Come on, let's get your hair washed and get you tucked in bed before Carlisle and Esme come back."

The steps to the shower were too few. On the way, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and laid it on the sink counter before pulling off my boots and socks.

Being out of the heat of the bathtub was making Bella shiver, and my cold embrace was not helping matters either. Holding her with one arm I stepped up both into the shower and turned on the spray.

"Test it to see if it's too hot. It will fell differently to you that it will to me." Her fingers ran through the water.

"It's fine, what kind of shower is this." She was quizzical at all the different gizmos that lined the walls.

"It's called a rain shower. Someone talked me into it. It does feel like you're standing in the rain. The shower also has a steam feature, like a sauna, and it has different jets along the walls." If I could keep the small talk going, I wouldn't have to think about just how close to naked Bella I was. Crap, too late.

"So have you gotten steamy in here yet?" The girl was deliberately provoking me.

"Why? Are you wanting to get steamy, darlin'? Just ask and I'll oblige." I whispered the words in her ear as I put her down, making sure to slide her down my body as I did. I knew she could feel the hardness of me as the towel caught on my jeans. She whimpered and it was music to my ears.

Bella said her own sweet words at my chest. "Remember, Carlisle, and a slow agonizing death."

Bella turned while running her hips along the crotch of my jeans. I growled and pulled her closer, rubbing her against me. This time we both moaned.

"If Carlisle kills me, sweetheart, then I won't get eventually, to do all the things to you on which I'm planning." I said the words into her neck and down. I followed them with the tip of my tongue feeling her shiver, and not from the cold.

Her tone turned more serious and turning her head she looked at me with her liquid chocolate eyes. "Then I guess we'd better get my hair done. Thank you for everything, Jasper, you don't know what it means to me. You give me hope. I don't ever want to go back to where I was. I woke up tonight feeling different. I'm glad to be alive. We have already gone so fast, and I can see where Carlisle is coming from. Let's just make tonight about tonight. Tomorrow we'll start sorting everything out. After tonight, we'll leave everything in the past and make a new start. We both need that."

I could not say any words. All of Bella's feelings were out in the open for me to feel. Her joy, hope, strength, and awe mixed with enough confusion to keep me from teasing her further. Bending my neck, I kissed her head.

We didn't speak as I shampooed her hair, using my shampoo since it was the only kind available. After turning off the water I grabbed more towels and wrapped them around her. I closed my eyes and breathed deep as she quickly changed her sodden towel for a dry one.

"I'm going to change clothes, and I'll be right back." I set her down on the closed toilet lid and raced to my closet where I changed into dry jeans and a T-shirt. My feet I left bare. I dumped my wet clothes in the sink before scooping Bella up in my arms. I had her tucked back into bed before she could blink.

"Thank you." Bella's eyes were holding the haze of fatigue. It wouldn't be long before she was asleep. "Do you have a brush or a comb? If I go to sleep with my hair tangled, it will be horrible tomorrow. Could you also get me something to wear? I don't want to sleep in this towel?" I could feel her struggle with asking for my help before she finally gave up.

"I'll get you a comb for your hair. Esme went shopping and got you some pajamas and comfortable clothes. She figured those would be the easiest for you. I'll pull something out of the dresser and put it on the bed for you. I had Esme fix the other bedroom up for you, we were going to put you in there, but this room has the only working bathroom so far." I knew I was babbling, but I didn't want to leave her side, even for a moment. "I'll be right back."

I didn't bother in making sure the pajamas matched when I grabbed them from the drawer and laid them on the bed within her reach. When she changed rooms, I was going to miss seeing her clothes laying next to mine in the dresser, just like I was going to miss seeing her lying in my bed. Sighing I bottled the thoughts and ran to her room for her desired comb. I stepped out of the room after handing the comb to her so she would have time to change. I waited until I heard her pull the covers up.

"I'll try to get the electricity figured out tomorrow. Someone had crossed several wires. It's a wonder this place didn't go up in flames years ago. Tomorrow I'll also take you on a tour. I hope you like it here. I loved my time with the Cullens, but this is my first real home, in a long time. It would be a great honor to me, to have you feel at home here."

I took the comb from her fingers and began working it through the tangles. Once upon a time I had done this for my sisters when they were children. I'd always loved their long hair. Many nights we would sit in front of the fire in the nursery and I would come their hair until we would all be fast asleep in front of the hearth. For the first time in decades I thought of them as I combed Bella's hair. They would have loved her, cherished her. She would have fit in with my family as if she had always been there. Sitting here I missed them more than they would ever know. Bella gave me back the feelings of home and family. I would move heaven, hell, and every place combined just for one day with her.

Gradually she began drooping off to sleep. Quietly I set the comb aside and moved her onto her pillow. Her mumbled words let me no room for denial, like I could deny her anything. "Stay with me. I want you here." She scooted over so there was more than enough room for both of us.

I did as she asked and slipped in beside her. The fragrance of her close skin was warm and comforting. The blood pumping just beneath the surface of her neck sang to me. Venom pooled in my mouth, yearning for a taste of her ambrosial blood. Bending my head I placed my lips against her artery. The rhythm of her heartbeat against my lips, clouded my head with need and want. One tiny bite and she would be mine forever.

I knew just how much I could take, how long I had until she had just enough blood and venom in her veins for the change to take effect. Gently I sucked on the thick part of her neck. The urge to bite through was almost too powerful. It was the beast in me that reared his head in opposition. This was his mate as well and he wasn't ready for the change. He wanted her as I did, warm and alive, for however long we could have her. The change must be her decision.

Bella's hand grabbed me like a lightning strike and I let go of her, only for her to pull me back. Her hand touched my face and I flinched away. She didn't realize how close I had come.

"Jasper, I know you won't hurt me. I'm not ready to be changed, but I'll let you know. I think I might try enjoying life for a while before I think about death again." Her words were groggy with sleep and I wondered if instinctively she did know how close she had come to death by my hand.

Holding her I wanted to tell her that her faith in me meant so much, but I didn't know if I had the strength in me not to hurt her. I had hurt Jani, and she was my best friend. What if I were meant to love, but not have her? Some parts of me believed it to be a cruel fate that I deserved, to be on the outside love, always looking in. After all the terror I had caused, that was more than I deserved.

I lied holding her, loving her, and relishing in these few private moments together. When I heard the front door signaling Carlisle and Esme's return, I left Bella's side. Soundlessly closing the door behind me, I fought the urge to crawl back under the covers with her and never let her go.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the new long chapter. Sorry that I can't make every chapter this big. To all reviewers, new and old, thank you so much. There were a couple that made me cry. To know that you all have such belief in this story is awe inspiring, not only in my writing life. I know I hurried up the Bella/Jasper chemistry a bit...hopefully not too much. I thought long and hard about making Bella wallow for awhile, but after looking at it from Jasper's POV, Bella has wallowed enough. It is time for her to live, and yes, fall in love again. Take care all.**

**Much Love To All**

**Aerialla  
**


	23. Nerves

**SM owns Twilight characters. The character of Janine is mine.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Nerves**

**Song: Somebody Like You: Keith Urban  
**

**Charlie POV**

I cursed the late hour as I pulled the cruiser into the small driveway. Luckily lights were still on in the house. Ten o'clock at night was not a good time to call on someone, but a double shift had made anything earlier, impossible.

I could have called. I should have called. Damn it to hell. It had taken me all day just to get up enough courage to make it this far. How in the hell was I going to get to the front door? I have been a cop for almost twenty years, yet the woman in this house had me losing my nerve faster than a rookie with a gun to his head. A tap on the window had me jumping in surprise and automatically reaching for my gun.

"Except my mouth, I'm unarmed, I swear." Janine smiled at me through the glass as I rolled my eyes. Before I lost the final piece of my courage, I opened the car door.

"Well, Chief Swan, what a pleasant surprise. Whatever they said I did, I didn't do, but if I did, then I plead the fifth."

Her hair was pulled in a high ponytail. A baggy Seahawks sweatshirt with its seams ripped off and a pair of old torn blue jeans was the only clothes she wore.

"Can I talk to you?" I failed to meet her eyes as I was still staring at her bare toes. It was close to freezing outside and the woman was barefooted. Slowly I shook my head.

"Come on in. I'll fix us some hot chocolate." Janine with her ponytail bouncing, climbed the steps to her door, leaving me no choice but to follow. I pressed the lock on the cruiser and followed her up the stairs.

She was holding the door opened, waiting for me. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been in a single woman's house. Parts of me were afraid that lace and ruffles were going to attack me the moment I crossed the threshold.

"I'll take your coat." Quickly I shrugged out of my coat and she hung it on a peg by the door. "Now your shoes." Her voice was so serious, yet it didn't stop me from looking at her like she'd lost her mind.

"You don't have to, but if you dirty my floors I'll make you scrub them." She pointed at my boots, caked with mud.

Scanning my memory I tried to remember if the socks I had put on this morning had holes or not. Bending I untied them, pulling them off. I was thankful for no visible holes. Underneath the coat rack was a place for shoes. I put mine alongside a pair of black high heeled pumps. The sight of my shoes next to her did a funny thing to my stomach. I hope it was dinner coming back to haunt me and not warm fuzzy feelings.

Standing I got the first look at her place. It was nothing like I'd imagined. I could not see one ruffle or piece of lace. The colors were too matching for my taste, but it was nice.

Soft lights lit up the living room. I could hear a low TV, but couldn't see it. The crackle of a fire caught my attention and my eyes searched for it.

I found it. As my eyes scanned up, my jaw dropped. Above the mantle, beautifully mounted was one of the biggest rainbow trout I'd ever seen. Alive it must have been at least two and a half foot long, and damn near close to thirty pounds.

"Did you catch that?" The words came out in a stammer, but I didn't care. The sight in front of me was too beautiful to behold. Her words followed Janine's laughter.

"I see you've met Hank. I caught him a few years ago in Montana. It was a required fishing trip with the higher-ups at my bank. I was going to release him, but my ego got the better of me. I didn't tell my boss that a fishing license was a prerequisite of birth in Minnesota. He used to hang in my office, but I like him here."

When she reached up and patted the fish affectionately, I almost keeled over. "What bait did you use."

"Crawfish on basic gang hooks." She ran through her tackle so well that I had to become impressed. I found myself close to asking her to go fishing with me.

"Let's go into the kitchen, and you can tell me why you're here." I saw her pick up a remote and point it at a tv that hung on the wall. It hung deeper in the room which was why I hadn't seen it when I first walked in. It was similar to mine, which meant that hockey would look fantastic on it. Hesitantly I turned away. I could have stared at the beauty known as Hank all night.

The kitchen was warm and inviting with frogs peaking out from odd spots. I pulled out a dining room chair as she flitted about. A few candles were lit and the smell of cinnamon and apples had my mouthwatering for pie. It wasn't until she set a steaming cup of hot chocolate in front of me that I realized I had stared at her the whole time.

In the warm light of the room her eyes danced with life and laughter. Stray strands of dark hair framed her face. No lines marred the smoothness of her face, which made me wonder at her age. Here in this room, she didn't look much older than Bella. Her smile was as warm as her eyes and I found myself drawn to her full pink lips, wondering what they would taste like.

Woah! Did I just wonder what it would be like to kiss her? Yeah, I did. Holy crow! She smiled at me then with those gorgeous lips and I felt my stomach flutter as if I were a teenager again. God, I was too old for this, wasn't I? Age made me think of my thirty-eighth birthday coming soon, in fact in two days. Man was it the middle of November already. I hadn't realized that my mind had wondered while staring at Janine until she spoke, which caused me to quit daydreaming.

"So why, are you here, Charlie? You've stared at me for ten minutes. Is it bad news?" Slowly she reached across the table and grabbed my right hand with her left. Her small hand fit in mine and it surprised me at how much I liked the feeling. Gently I squeezed her fingers and found that I couldn't let go, didn't want to let go.

"I thought you'd want to know about Bella." I took a huge gulp of cocoa from the cup, scalding my mouth in the process.

"How is she? Thank you again, by the way." She pointed at the cast and sling in which her right hand rested. I had driven her to the emergency room, then waited while they reset her broken hand. My own was still swollen and a little stiff, but Carlisle had done a good job. I should have been in a cast like her. She never told me the reason, but it wasn't too complicated to figure out. Damn, hardheaded vampires.

"Better now. After she woke up, she suffered a heart attack, Carlisle said it was because of the stress and the severity of her hypothermia. We almost lost her. Carlisle had trouble getting her heart restarted. She's with them so someone could look after her around the clock. I didn't want her going into a hospital, they'd start asking all kinds of questions that I don't want to answer. They will take care of her, better than I can. I haven't been a good father to her over the years."

I knew I had failed Bella as a father, with her living so far away it had been easy. When she visited, I had tried to spoil her, have fun with her, and then send her back to Renee. Now with her here all the time, I didn't know what to do. It damn near killed me every time she called me Charlie instead of Dad, even Bella knew I wasn't much of a father. The thought of something happening to her, killed me inside. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her. In so many ways she was my world. I hope I would get a chance to tell her before it was too late.

My eyes met Janine's and I felt guilty for being here, and for putting my problems on her. None of us should have let her get mixed-up in our lives. She didn't deserve this. Hastily I stood, pulling my hand from hers, and sending my chair screeching back along the floor.

"I should go." Looking into her brown eyes, so full of compassion, it shocked me when I saw the flare of anger. Man she was a spitfire.

"Charlie Swan, sit your butt back in that chair." She pointed to the chair and I sat involuntarily. "Don't move."

She walked to the cupboard and pulled out a bottle. Then pulled lemons from the fridge. Janine brought everything it back to the table with two shot glasses and a knife. The squat blue bottle's label proclaimed a tequila before which I'd never heard of. I was usually just a beer man.

"I'm driving." Being a cop there was no way I'd risk even one drink and drive.

"You're off duty though, right? I've got a spare bedroom upstairs, or a comfy couch down here."

Janine set the bottle down on the table. When I shook my head yes, a flick of her left wrist had the seal broken and the stopped coming out of the bottle. Steadily she poured two shots then slid one across the table to me.

"I've needed an excuse for a long time to open this bottle. Kevin bought it on our honeymoon in Mexico. Who better to share it with, than the man that saved his life? It means a lot to me to know that his last moments were not spent alone." Two tears slid from her eyes as she slammed the shot back without a shudder. The lemon went untouched and Janine impressed me when no coughing or wheezing commenced, I was safe in my assumption that she had done this before.

What the hell. "To Kevin, Bella, and you." The shot went down as smooth as silk, something I hadn't expected with Tequila. I can only imagine how much this bottle had cost.

We both left the lemons untouched and after a couple more shots we headed to the living room. My gun belt was left on the back of her kitchen chair. With our backs to the couch we sat in front of the warm fire and began talking.

"How did Bella come to live with you? From what Jasper told me, she was new in town last year."

"She was. Her mother Renee got married to a younger man. He plays baseball, and they wanted the chance to travel with his team. They're in Jacksonville right now. Bella couldn't stay in Phoenix on her own, and didn't want to travel, so she came here. I think it was more of a last resort than anything. Renee, nor I would have let her live on her own. Here's one for you. How did you get mixed up with Jasper?"

Tears flowed from her eyes and she slammed another shot, then another.

"He came into the bank to transfer money from one account to another, because of the amount transferred I had to wait for approval. Later I met him with the certified check he needed. He asked me out on a date. I hadn't had any fun in a long time, so I said okay. He said he would meet me at the bank at closing. While finishing out the day, I realized that something was odd. At closing I found out why. One teller and an associate of hers had planned to rob the bank. They had guns, and per company policy I went with their demands. The guy hit me a couple of times, but I kept complying and hoping that Jasper wouldn't show until after they left. I had known what he was after his first handshake. I don't know what they would have done to me if Jasper wouldn't have shown up in time. I believe that he saved my life." Idly she rubbed her left wrist. Her voice choked.

"I know you said when, but how did you know he was a vampire. You said the other night that you'd been attacked, could you tell me about it?" I hated asking her something so personal, especially if it brought up bad memories.

"A friend and I got attacked walking home from a class while I was in college. She didn't make it, for some reason they let me go. I'll never forget the way their eyes looked, or how cold their skin was. That's how I knew Jasper was a vampire. His skin was almost ice cold, and his eyes are not a normal human color. After the attack I started doing massive amounts of research. I'd always been odd growing up. I always said I was morbid and Goth before it was cool, so I fit into groups that would have the information I needed."

"What information was that?" It was odd sitting here, side by side, and talking. I liked it. It had been a long time since I'd spent any significant time alone with a woman. Janine was growing on me more than I ever thought possible.

"That vampires were real, and sometimes legends are too based on fact, to be anything but real. I don't talk much about my beliefs, mostly because of ridicule and the strange looks that people give to others they don't understand. I've witnessed many things that would scare the shit out of most people. I've hidden myself away for so long, that in many ways I've forgotten who I am. How did you find out about vampires?"

I knew the question was coming and took a deep breath. I trusted her. I knew that she would tell no one of the story I was about to tell her. The information I had would probably cost me my badge, if not a prison sentence.

"Last year we got some calls. Suspicious killings were going on. One night I was heading into the hospital to take a report on an accident. In the parking lot was Billy Black's truck, someone was in the driver's seat, but I couldn't make out who. The tribe has strict policies about the hospital, they don't go near it and haven't for some time. Probably about the time Carlisle start working there I guess.'

' My first instinct was that something had happened to Billy. Because of my position, I can pretty much go anywhere in the hospital I want without being stopped, that and it's a small town where I'm the Police Chief. Not too many people were going to make a fuss.'

'I had some time to kill before taking my report so I wandered the halls looking for Billy. I was being quiet, because it was late and visiting hours were over. I always took the stairs because I hate elevators and for some reason at the last minute instinct told me to block the door so it wouldn't close all the way.'

'I was on the fifth floor and from the doorway of the stairs I could hear Billy's raised voice. I've known Billy all my life and I've never heard him raise his voice. He was saying there was another attack. If the Cullens didn't do something about it then the pack would, if the pack became involved, then the Cullens should leave town. They wouldn't want to be involved with something that could break the treaty. I'll never forget Billy's exact words. They were 'You end this, or we will. If another person dies, you and your vampire family will meet the death you your kind should have met long ago.' I hadn't realized that I was inching closer until I could see that it was Carlisle with whom Billy was arguing.'

'The brush of my keys on the wall gave me away. Both turned. Billy was in shock and Carlisle just sighed. I believe he knew I was there all along. I forced them to tell me what was going on or I would run them both in for questioning on the murders. They took me in a surgery room and told me the story of Carlisle and Billy's ancestor Ephraim Black. I was able to cover up the murders using the cause of a bear attack and having Carlisle as the coroner to back up my story."

I stopped having spilled my guts more than I should. I poured another shot in my glass downed it with another. Damn that tequila had my tongue loose.

"So the whole time Carlisle was going on about the history between him and the tribe, you already knew." Janine turned and looked at me, shock was wide in her eyes. Fumbling, she did another shot before laying the empty glasses aside on the floor.

"Yeah, I understood what he was trying to do. He nor I wanted anyone else to know that I knew about the treaty, or that he helped me cover up last year's murders. We could all wind up in prison, which wouldn't do any of us good."

"What do you think the tribe will do to them, they willingly broke the treaty? Do you think they will kill them?" Janine was rubbing her wrist again and looking off. I could tell that she was thinking about Jasper. It bothered me, hell, it bothered me a lot.

"I don't think Billy will have them killed. I wouldn't let that happen. They'll be fine. They can look after themselves and run if they have to." She was shaking when I pulled her into my arms.

"What is Jasper to you?" The words tumbled from my mouth before I could stop them, that damn tequila again. She felt so good in my arms. The last time I'd held a woman had been Janine when I told her that her husband had died, it sure as hell felt a lot different then. Now she felt warm, and her perfume smelled so good that I took long breaths in.

"Jasper, is or was my best friend. I closed off people after Kevin and the baby died, I was too scared to get close to anyone again. I thought I was in love with him, but after the other night, I think I was in love with more of what he represented. He's the first person to get me to come out of my shell in a long time. For so long I've tried to be what everyone else has expected. Doing that was easier after Kevin died. Appearing normal and more mature was easier than I felt. I changed jobs, redecorated the house, making it so every aspect of my life was safe and normal. Now I don't want normal anymore. I can't stand normal and want my old life back.

She leaned up and looked into my eyes. Her ponytail had come undone, falling around her shoulders and her cheeks flushed from the alcohol. One shoulder was baring itself from her sweatshirt with the ripped away hem bending just low enough in the front for me to make out a lacy purple bra. I knew lace was somewhere in the house. I just never expected it to be worn. What I wouldn't give right now to be attacked by that scrap of lace.

My fingers found themselves winding into her silky curtain of hair. "So normal is bad. What about dangerous, is that bad?" Her hair was so soft. I loved feeling it running through my fingers as I cupped the back of her head.

"Dangerous can be good, in small doses, I believe." Her voice was husky. I leaned in as she gulped in air then quickly licked her pale pink lips. They glistened in the firelight as I started to give into the urge I had all night. Looking into her dark eyes, I was surprised to find us nose to nose.

"Is this dangerous?" My words whispered against her lips and I felt her hands on my thighs almost burning through my uniform pants.

"Yes, but it's good." Her eyes were so dark as they stared into mine.

With my hand behind her head I pulled her closer until she was all but sitting in my lap. My lips met hers and I felt electricity sizzle through my spine. Janine's lips were so soft and she tasted so good. Opening my mouth more, I deepened the kiss, pulling her fully into my lap. She moaned into my mouth as my hand found the soft skin of her waist beneath her shirt. My other hand moved to join the first, needing to feel her skin.

Long legs wrapped around me and I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. She felt so good against me. It had been too long since I'd held a woman close, but the wait had been worth it. Janine felt so good, almost too good. Her sweatshirt now slipped off both shoulders baring the purple of her bra straps. Moving my kiss down her neck I stopped at one strap, then moved it aside to kiss the top of her shoulder. Small hands tangled in my hair, moving her closer until her belly pressed against mine.

The friction of feeling her above me was too intense. My brain was too, alcohol induced not to give in to the urges my body was demanding. My hands began pulling the bottom of her shirt up only to have her smaller ones around my wrists.

"I'm sorry Charlie. I can't do this." She straightened her shirt and stood up from the floor. Woozy she sat on the couch. "I've jumped in bed with someone before and I shouldn't have. I don't want to do that with you, not like this. I like you, Charlie, but so much has happened in a short time. My mind needs time to comprehend it all. I am sorry." For a moment she put her head in her hands then started to cry. "You probably now think I'm a slut, or a tease."

"No, aw hell, honey, don't cry." Standing I sat beside her. I wanted her but I understood. It was too much, too soon, for both of us. She let me pull her into my arms and I held her until she had cried her eyes dry. "You have nothing to be sorry for, we drank too much is all, it happens." Slowly I rubbed her back soothing the last of the sobs away. "We need to take this slow. How about you go out to dinner with me tomorrow night?" I kissed the top of her head, glad that she didn't move away and proud that I'd asked a woman out on a date.

"I'd like that." Sniffling she rubbed a sleeve against her nose.

I don't know how long we sat like that, but eventually we fell asleep. I lay on the couch with Janine, she was half beside and half on top of me. It was one of the best nights sleep I'd had in years.

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**A/N I know this wasn't Jasper/Bella. I'm so sorry. That chapter has been seriously kicking my behind. I just about have it finished after rewriting parts of it 3 times. This chapter was long enough to hold it's own. I know that a lot of the readers are ify on Janine, but hopefully this chapter will clear a lot about where her character is going, and it's definitely in the direction of Charlie.**

**To the moderators of Jasper's Darlin's...I can not thank you enough for your kind, wonderful and awe inspiring words concerning this story and One Drop. The newest chapter has more than once found my head banging against the wall. To know that I have touched so many people with my writing is a dream come true. Hopefully some day in the not too distant future I will see my name on a jacket cover.**

**To all the reviewers...new and old...keep climbing out of the woodwork. You all have my undying gratitude and appreciation. Thanks for being so patient.**

**Aerialla  
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	24. Home

**SM owns all...**

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**Chapter: Twenty-three**

**Song: Feels Like Home - Chantal Kreviazuk**

**Bella POV**

Morning light woke me. It was disappointing to find myself alone. Thoughts of last night flitted across my mind and I could feel the blush heat up my entire face. I don't know what had been going through my mind when I decided to make out with Jasper. Kissing and caressing had never gotten out of hand, like that with Edward. I'd always been lucky to have him kiss me for more than two seconds. Feeling his body wrapped around mine, now seemed like a dim memory.

I didn't know whether to be embarrassed, scared, excited, or a combination of all three. Last night, the urge to go to Jasper, to be with him, had seemed more natural than breathing. Being alone, away from him now was like a part of me was missing. The feeling was more intense than anything I'd ever felt with Edward. It made me fear someday Jasper would leave me too.

The thought made my chest hurt and I could feel the panic rising. What would I do without him? I couldn't take them leaving a second time. Fear bubbled over until I could feel my hands shaking. My chest started to get tight and I started gasping for air. God it hurt. I couldn't lose him now, not after finding him. Edward had left me when he said he'd loved me. Jasper had made no such sign of devotion to me, what was there to make him stay. Why would any of them need me, I was just the pathetic, weak, human.

My heart clenched hard inside my chest. I could feel the sob bubbling up but I held it in. I couldn't let them hear and I didn't want Jasper to see me so pathetic and weak. He'd leave me, just like Edward if he knew how weak I was. My chest felt like it was on fire and I could feel the pain building up inside. The pain of him leaving threatened to drown me. It was worse than Edward.

Pulling my chest into my legs I tried to force the hurt to stop, but it wouldn't come. They would all leave me again.

**Jasper POV**

Pain, excruciating, tormenting pain. It hit me like a truck and I fell to my knees. It was Carlisle that picked me up and ran back to the house. We'd been hunting while Esme watched Bella sleep. Something must have happened. We were more than three miles away from home, yet I had felt her pain as if she was beside me. I cried out as the pain roared in my chest and hoped that she wasn't having another heart attack. Carlisle said she'd never make it through another one. I couldn't lose her, not after finding her.

I had Carlisle put me down outside her door. Leaning against the door frame I pushed the door open and nearly collapsed again. Bella lay curled up in bed, trying to contain her sobs as pain pushed at her. She was afraid, afraid that we'd all leave her again. A powerful burst of anguish pushed me to the floor.

I did the only thing I could. I crawled. I crawled until she was facing me. Pulling her off the bed and into my arms, I held and rocked her as she finally let out the first anguish-filled sob. Her body started shaking with the force and she clung to me. Out of the corner of my eye I watched as Carlisle politely closed the door, his face carrying a worried frown.

"It's okay. I'm here." Gently I began running my fingers through her hair as I tucked her head under my chin. Slowly the pain began to lessen for both of us as I rocked her.

"Don't leave me, please don't leave me." Her voice was small as the words of anguish and terror forced themselves almost silently from her lips. Bella's small hands clutched at me with a strength that I didn't know she possessed.

"Never, I promise you. I'm never leaving you." My chest constricted and I felt my own sobs building. I cried against her, cried for all the wrong that we did to her and the pain she was going through.

Forcing her head, I made her look into my eyes. Her brown eyes were still so filled with sorrow and fear. I was positive that they matched my own. "I'm yours for as long as you want me. I will never willingly leave your side." Pressing my forehead to hers I stared into her eyes and tried to will her to believe me. I longed to tell and show her how much I was in love with her.

"Can we get out of here?" Her request was small as she looked down, afraid to look at me in the eyes anymore. I felt her confusion at my attention.

"Carlisle." I said his name loud enough for him to know that it was all right to come back in.

"Is it okay to take Bella away from the house for a while?" In one motion I was standing with Bella in my arms. Her arms wound around my neck as she laid her head against my neck.

"Let me check her over quickly, then let Esme help her dress in something warm. Don't go too far, I want to be able to reach her if she needs me." Carlisle leaned against the doorframe and waited while I set Bella gently on the edge of the bed.

"I'll be right outside the door." Dropping a kiss on her head, I left her and Carlisle alone.

**Bella POV**

I almost whimpered when I could no longer feel Jasper against my skin. Watching him crawl to me through our mutual pain, made me feel even worse. How could he want me when I caused him so much pain?

It had been so hard to beg him not to leave me, to open to him and show him how much I was afraid, afraid of being alone. All of my life I'd been alone, it was my greatest fear. Only Jasper knew that.

I would try very hard to believe his words, to believe that he would never leave me. That belief was all I had. Jasper's word would be my belief. Other than last night and the moments of lust, I had no other tie to him than his word. Hopefully, he wouldn't feel the confusion as I battled myself.

Being in Jasper's arms, felt as natural as breathing. It was the same with the feel of his lips on mine. How could I feel this way about Jasper, he was Edward's brother? How could this instant chemistry be there, chemistry that I'd tried to have with Edward, but he thwarted with his extreme sensibilities? Edward had never kissed me with abandon like Jasper, never let me feel his hunger and heat for me, that is if he had any.

Jasper's need for me had been more than obvious last night in the shower and just thinking about it made butterflies flap in my stomach. I thought about it as Carlisle ran all of his tests. Remembering the way his hands had felt on me and his lips on mine made me feel better. It was unknown to me yet what feelings other than lust that I had for Jasper. For so long my heart had belonged to Edward and even if my heart was letting him go, there were still pieces that clung to my soul. May be first love was like that, and I would always carry a piece of him with me.

Right now I just wanted to get out of the house, for so long I was cooped up in one place or another. I didn't care what the weather was like outside, I just needed to be out. Jasper's room while lovely, dark, and comfortable, it was not where I wanted to spend the rest of my life, no matter how soft his bed was.

Just thinking about Jasper and his bed made my face blush. Who knows what would have happened last night if Carlisle and Esme had not stopped us. Quickly I banished the lascivious thoughts from my brain and began a mantra to take it one day at a time.

Carlisle was obvious to my plight with my own thoughts and left me to them. I was glad when he left the room silently and Esme came in. The genuine smile on her face and light in her eyes, brightened my mood. In her arms were jeans, thermal underwear and a sweater. It must be cold outside, or she was bundling me up for an Alaskan winter.

I didn't say anything to her as she helped me dress or as she brushed then braided my hair. The extra attention she gave to me was making her happy and I didn't have the heart to take it away. Bestowing a kiss on my brow, she left the room, leaving the door open.

Jasper put a hand on Esme's shoulder as they passed. I knew they were all worried about me, but I didn't know how to ease their worry. He dressed the same as I, though I was sure without the thermal underwear. His liquid amber eyes filled with an emotion that I didn't comprehend.

Jasper smiled at me, silently holding out his hand. Taking his hand, it was surprising that our touch didn't spark with electricity. At his touch, the empty spot, that I'd felt before, began filling. Together we stared into each other's eyes and instantaneously I knew he could feel it too.

The feeling was right and complete. It made me wonder if it had been like that from the beginning. Jasper had always been so withdrawn that I'd never had the chance to be alone with him that and Edward's fear that his brother would eat me.

"There's something I want to show you." His words seemed loud in the silence and the slight drawl sent shivers down my spine.

Quickly he pulled me from the bed and to my feet. A giggle burst involuntarily from my mouth as he scooped me up in his arms. "You don't have to carry me, you know. I do know how to still walk."

"I know that darlin'. I'm using this as an excuse to have you in my arms again." Jasper's words breathed into my ear and caused shivers to descend my spine. Looking into his eyes, I had the overwhelming urge to kiss him again.

"Are you sure it's not because I have a habit of tripping and falling on my face?" I teased him back. The small part of me containing Edward, remembered how much he had hated my clumsiness, and had chastised me for it often. The memory hurt and clenched at my heart. I knew Jasper felt it, because his eyes darkened minutely.

"I've always found your clumsiness endearing, my mother was clumsy, but my father never let her fall, just like I plan to never letting you fall. I'll never forget when I was twelve and my mother fell of her horse. She hated riding sidesaddle. Father just managed to catch her by her bustle before she was halfway down. My mother always said that she met my father by knocking over a statue that set off a chain of other statues. The statues wound up knocking both of them into each other's arms. My father always laughed and said they literally fell in love." Jasper's eyes were alight with happiness and I could feel it surrounding him and pushing out into the room. He didn't push it into me, but it was still contagious.

Within an instant we were standing in front of plate glass windows that looked out onto a wide expanse of white. Esme was waiting with a warm coat, hat, gloves and boots. Jasper put me down and I tugged on the boots Esme handed me, then added the coat. Jasper added the hat to my head, playfully pulling it down over my eyes then back up. I shoved the gloves in the coat pocket earning a shake from Esme's head.

"Are you ready?"

I shook my head yes at Jasper's response and faster than I could blink we were out in the snow. The snow was coming up to his calves, but I knew the cold wouldn't bother him. Big puffs of snow were falling and lending an ethereal beauty to the landscape.

"I want to show you something." Jasper's voice was in my ear and it did marvelous jumps to my stomach. He let out a loud whistle.

Suddenly objects began moving in the trees to the south and I watched in fascination as several Elk began lumbering through the trees. Closer they came until they were but feet from us. The largest one came to Jasper's hand. I watched as Jasper reached out and began stroking the huge beast between his eyes.

"How is this possible? Are not they afraid of you?" I hesitated to stick my own hand out, not wanting to scare the Elk away.

"I don't know, but this big fella here, came to me the day that I bought this place and ran his head into me. They make the place seem peaceful. When Emmett and Rosalie were here, I had to threaten them. I didn't want any of the Elk to come to harm. This was their home first." The elk blew cold air from his nose at Jasper's hand before pushing into it. The connections with both man and beast was awe inspiring to watch. I was positive that it still affected Jasper. The way it was affecting me, it was miraculous.

"Hold out your hand, I promise, he won't hurt you."

Tentatively I brought out my hand and touched the same spot Jasper had. The elk's hide was so soft. Large dark eyes stared into me. It felt like he was looking into my soul and was understanding every last part of me. The feeling was incredible. I started as he raised his head and I let my fingers trail down his nose. Cold air blew against my hand as he sniffed my fingers and gently butted them. He butted Jasper again with his snout then turned and began walking back to the trees.

"That was incredible." I couldn't keep the shock out of my mouth.

"He's just one reason I fell in love with this place. I'm going to show you a second." Jasper's cold nose nuzzled the side of my face. I shivered and it was not from the cold.

"So why did you buy this place? Why did you move out of Cullen house?"

Jasper was walking forward, the snow posting no obstacle to his strength and size."Do you want me to give you the whole truth or to sugar coat it, to save your feelings?" His sigh was audible and I could feel his hesitation at telling me everything.

Did I want to know the reason Edward left and why the Cullen family now lay torn apart? I did, but I also knew it would hurt Jasper to tell it as much as it would be for me to hear it. Better now to get everything out in the open. This way, we could start fresh, instead of letting everything fester. Renee had always pulled my band-aid off with one quick pull, why should this be any different.

"The truth please, I don't think I could handle any lies right now." Looking up into Jasper's face, I found his eyes on mine. He wasn't doing a good job of hiding his worry. Jasper didn't want to hurt me, but he also knew the truth would finally set us both free.

He stopped walking and I looked around to see where we were. The river lay just ahead of us and we stood on a massive dock. He hadn't been lying when he said he could throw me in the river. The river lapped slowly a thin layer of ice making tinkling sounds as it hit the shore. I definitely didn't want Jasper throwing me in that. Wind was blowing the snow as it began coming down hard. I shivered as the wind found cracks in my coat and Jasper pulled me tight. The sky above was quickly turning a dark gray.

His phone began buzzing in his pocket. Without sitting me down he pulled it from his coat. I could read the text message, it was from Carlisle saying the weather had turned into a chill advisory and he hated to cut our outing short, but wanted us to come back to the house. It was disappointing, but I understood. He was doing what he thought best in looking out for me.

"Why don't I save this for inside? You can get some food and we'll sit by the fireplace and I'll tell you everything." His text back to Carlisle was too fast for me to see. Turning, he began to make the trek up to the house. I snuggled further into my coat and his arms feeling contented and safe. A small sound came from Jasper's chest and it sounded almost like a purr. His arms tightened around me and I felt his lips on my head.

I had expected Jasper to run back to the house after Carlisle's text, but he walked at a normal pace. Instead of staring at the beautiful scenery around me, I stared at him. In the bright light reflecting off the snow I could just make out the scars that crisscrossed his neck. It pulled at my heart to think of him going through so much pain, but they also showed his strength and his ferocity. Leaning forward slightly, I placed my lips to the scars I could reach.

Jasper faltered in his step. "I'm sorry if they bother you." His voice was low. He was trying hard to contain his emotions, but his worry escaped him slightly. Jasper was afraid that I'd turn him away because of his scars.

"They don't bother me. It hurts me to know that you went through so much pain. Some girls think that scars, especially on a warrior, happen to be sexy." Again I leaned forward and placed a small kiss on the raised markings.

"Some girls huh, what about you?" Turning he looked into my eyes and gave me a smile that melted my heart and pooled heat into the rest of me.

I couldn't resist the urge and I pressed my cold lips against his, moaning when they finally made contact after what felt like eternity. "I happen to think they're incredibly sexy." The words came out against his lips. We began kissing softly and it wasn't until Jasper set me on my feet that I realized we were back to the house and standing on a balcony that overlooked the pasture. I could just make out the river.

"Let's get you inside and warm. We have a lot to talk about." Jasper opened the door, ushering me into the warmth of the house.

Candles flickered merrily all around the room giving a soft romantic glow. The russet colored sofa was pushed back and in front of a massive roaring fireplace was a picnic blanket and all the makings for an indoor picnic. Esme had been busy in the short time we'd been outside. From somewhere in the house soft classical music was playing, but it was the sound of the fire that drew me closer. Pine boughs decorated the fireplace signifying the holiday. Their sweet smell comforted me and I could feel myself fully relaxing. Jasper came up behind me and took my coat as I unzipped it. He had already shed his with his boots. Sitting down briefly on the soft sofa I pulled off my boots and placed them in his outstretched hand. He took them and was back before I could blink.

On the floor in front of me sitting on a plate was a note with Jasper's and my names. Sliding to the floor, I plucked it from its position. The note read simply. Esme and a reluctant Carlisle were heading into town to pick up a few items and were giving us some much needed time alone. Carlisle's instructions were to eat lunch, take a nap and take it easy until he was back.

"Eat while I figure out where to begin." Taking his outstretched hand, I allowed him to situate me on the floor in front of the fire. I didn't need his empathic abilities to know that he was nervous, and it not only surprised but puzzled me. I began nibbling at the food, still not having an appetite and waited for him to begin.

Jasper bent to stroke the fire, causing flames and sparks to shoot high. His back was a line of tension, almost as if he didn't want to tell me what had been happening the past few months. I hoped he would sit on the floor beside me, but he began pacing in front of the windows instead. In just the few minutes since we'd been in the snow had begun to fall in almost blizzard conditions. While continuing to eat, I vowed I would be patient and give Jasper all the time he needed. The food was nearly gone, when he started.

"I'm sorry about your birthday, and everything that happened because of me." He stood staring out into the swirling white nothing with his hands shoved into his pockets.

Instinctively, I knew he felt ashamed of his actions. The longing to go to him was rapidly becoming unbearable and I couldn't stop my actions as I rose. It only took me a few steps to reach his side and wrap my arms around him from behind. The rigidity of his spine began softening as I pressed my face between his shoulder blades and held him tight. Slowly I could feel his hands come out of his pockets and place themselves over mine as they rested around his waist. I wanted to tell him that I didn't blame him and that in the twisted ways of fate, I was better-off with the happenings as they stood. I couldn't get the words to pass my lips. Instead I placed several small kisses on his back in understanding.

"Let's go over to the couch. You may need to sit down to hear the rest of this." Taking my hand in his, Jasper unwrapped himself from my hold and led me to the couch. He sat down first and after some moments hesitation, I crawled into his lap and laid my head on his chest. At first he stiffened then relaxed. It took a few moments but soon his arms were around me and I was ensconced in my heaven.

"I confronted Edward the morning they all left. I know what I'm about to tell you will hurt and I'm sorry, but you need to know.' Jasper's arms tightened around me, almost as if he was afraid that I would get up. I pressed my free right hand against his chest and cuddled myself further in his embrace. I would rather be here in his arms learning the truth than anywhere else.

'I tried to get him to stay Bella. I was the one that had screwed up. Edward reminded me, yet again, how close we had come to drinking from you that night. Without the family, Edward didn't trust himself to be around you, without killing you.'

'Edward didn't and never does want you to become one of us, Bella. In truth, he'd rather leave you than ever face that possibility again. His interest in you was and is, based in your humanity. That's the eloquent way of saying, that Edward is an asshole. He only wanted you because you represented to him all the things he can never have, or be again. Edward, never would have changed you, Bella. The reason he sucked out James' venom in Phoenix is because Edward would rather see you dead than like us."

Jasper's hand comforted me as it ran through my hair. Tears began to fall from my eyes as my heart and soul came to the same conclusion that my mind knew all along. No matter what I did, or whom I'd become, I was never meant to be with Edward. Even though the pain hurt, it was freeing. I knew now that I would make it without him. He wasn't worth the heartache anymore. I wiped my tears away before Jasper could.

"Tell me about you. Why did you stay?" My ear lay against his chest as I found myself waiting in anticipation for the timbre of his chest as it echoed with his voice.

I listened quietly in anger and pain for Jasper as he told me about Alice and how she dissolved their marriage. I ached to take away his anguish. As he got to the part where he'd watched Edward break up with me. I could feel his anger and to my own disbelief, I found I was wishing that he had torn Edward apart. Awe was the only thing I could feel at his determination to change his life and stand on his own, separate from the Cullens.

"Bella, I have to tell you about someone, someone who is special and important to me." His hesitancy and cautiousness were palpable. There was something that he didn't want to tell me.

"Whatever it is, Jasper, I'll understand." I could feel the ache building in my heart as I braced for the inevitable. Jasper has found someone else, and now I was going to be in the way. Boy, did I have a way of picking emotionally unavailable vampires.

"Her name is Janine Simmons. She's my best friend and she runs a bank in Port Angeles. We met when I was buying this place and I saved her, from bank robbers. We became instant friends, and if I hadn't screwed up, she would be here, helping me tell you of this."

My heart clenched, involuntarily. I made a move to get off Jasper's lap. His grip tightened on me and I found myself unable to move. Words tumbled from my mouth, before I could stop them. "Why did you kiss me, if you are with someone else?" I could feel an urge to smack him, but thought better of my hand. Jasper took my head in his large hands, and forced me to look at him in the eyes. His amber orbs flashed in intensity. He held my gaze. For an instant I was afraid at the power that lay behind those eyes.

"I'm not with Janine, Bella. I won't lie to you and say nothing ever happened. It was once, just one time after we met. After that night, we mutually decided that we are better-off as friends. I'm not in love with her, Bella. How could I be, when every time I look at you, all I can think of, is that forever, isn't long enough?"

"Jasper." The words were barely whispers as my mind tried to comprehend his last few words. His thumbs stroked the soft skin of my temples and I let my heart feel the emotions that were pouring involuntarily out of him.

"I told Carlisle I would wait, but I can't. I can't stand another day of being close to you and not have you know how I feel. I'm in love with you, Bella, in love with your courage and your heart. I'm in love with your strength, your passion and your ability of getting into trouble. If you let me, when the time is right, I want to spend forever with you."

Jasper's words astonished me. His love flowed around me like a physical being. It was so raw and powerful. It was overwhelming and scary.

Leaning forward I wrapped my arms around him, closing my eyes. In my heart, I knew I couldn't give him what he wanted right now. The scars over my heart were still too deep and fresh. A small part of me was ready to wrap myself up in his love and hang on for the ride. The rest of me was too afraid that I'd lose myself again. I had grown to hate the person I had been with Edward and I didn't want that to happen with Jasper. He deserved more than that. Jasper deserved to have me whole, and not the million shattered pieces of Bella, that I was now.

Not once, as I sat in his arms, did Jasper's love start to abate. We sat together wrapped in each other's arms as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It felt that way. It felt like I was coming home. It could be so easy to let myself fall so hard and fast for him that it would take my breath away. Even though his arms felt so good around me and I could still feel his kisses on my lips, it was too much, too soon.

Raising forward, I cupped his face in my hands and stared into his magnificent eyes. There was no denying the love he felt for me. It was going to make this so much harder. "I don't know what to say, or what you want, me to say.'

Jasper went to speak. I silenced his lips with a finger. 'Right now I wish I could give you what you want, and I'll be honest and say that it would be easy. Despite our overwhelming chemistry, I'm not ready yet. I wish I could tell you when I will be, but I honestly don't know. I'm not saying 'No'. I can't deny the feelings that I'm having for you. I don't understand them, and they scare me. In many ways it's like we just met for the first time, and to have these feelings for you already, frightens me. I know this is asking much you, but let's take this slow. I'm not saying 'No', to this Jasper, and I want you to understand that. I'd like to see where all of this takes us and if it happens to take us to forever, then I'd like to see what forever looks like with you."

Leaning forward I placed a gentle, slow kiss on his lips, then wrapped my arms around him. I felt his arms wrap around me tight and hold me close. Slowly I could feel his love flowing back into him and instantly I missed the warmth and comfort it had given. I hope soon, I will become wrapped in it again.

"You know you don't have to do that, besides you've already let the cat out of the bag. It's going to take me time getting used to, but I would like to feel your love. When you started pulling your emotions in, I could feel it, and I missed them. I couldn't feel your love's warmth and comfort, and I believe I'm growing to like that feeling very much, just like I love being in your arms, and your kiss on my lips.

Time stood still as we sat wrapped in each other's arms and listening to the crackle of the fire and the music. The whole time Jasper did nothing except stroking my hair and occasionally kiss the top of my head. Soon I feel into a deep restful sleep, something that happened the more I was around Jasper.

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**Author's Note: OMG can anyone believe that it has been a year! I can't. So many of you have been here since the beginning and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Let's see if this month we can make this baby finally hit the 500+ review mark.**

**Thanks to everyone who has been along for the ride and here is a sneak peek a few chapters ahead, a certain bronze haired vamp will be making his appearance and that is a mind bender.**

**Love to you all**

**Aerialla**


	25. Faith

SM owns Twilight

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Chapter: Twenty-Four**

**Song: Have A Little Faith - Joe Cocker**

**Jasper POV**

Time mattered little, especially now as I held Bella in my arms. Carlisle was going to be upset with me for not waiting, but it couldn't be helped. After everything that Bella had went through, I needed her to know that she was safe, wanted and especially loved.

Her simple and loving reaction to my scars, made me love her even more. There had been no fear, nor revulsion as she kissed the crisscrossed lines on my neck. Even now, in sleep her nose nuzzled my neck as if she was subconsciously trying to breathe me in. I knew that feeling, it was the same one I was having now.

I wondered what the change in her scent meant. She had not carried the scent of freesias since her birthday. Before she had smelled like some tasty, off-limits, morsel. Now Bella smelled of home, and my mate. Alice had never been able to obtain that smell no matter what she tried. When Carlisle and Esme returned I would ask their opinion.

Standing with Bella in my arms, I carried her to my bedroom. Esme's transformation of Bella's room was complete, but I couldn't part with her yet from my bed. Pulling back the covers, I placed my love down and pulled the covers up. In her sleep she turned and reached out toward the empty side of the bed. A small moan escaped her lips as she sought something that was not there. Buried deep in sleep her feelings were faint.

My name, barely off her lips, was all it took for me to crawl in next to her. Bella settled her tossing and turning as soon as I pulled her into my arms. Two little words, said against my chest as her head found purchase under my chin, set my heart soaring. "My Jasper."

"I am yours, my love, forever." For her I would do as she requested and take this slow. As I sat planning, I found myself feeling at peace for the first time since I was a child.

The vibration of my cell phone in my pocket disturbed my calm and I struggled with the urge not to curse out loud. Pressing the screen, I found a text from Esme. She and Carlisle would be home soon and they were bringing some surprises for Bella.

Quickly I got out of bed so I wouldn't disturb Bella. She needed all the uninterrupted sleep that she could get. Neither I, nor Carlisle would be happy until there was some color once more to her cheeks and much needed weight added to her now slight frame.

Out in the garage I grabbed a massive tool chest and hauled it inside. To give Bella the Christmas she deserved, I needed to get the electricity fixed properly. With Esme's experience in contracting, it shouldn't take too long. I was strapping on my tool belt when I heard my truck coming down the road.

As the garage door lifted I could feel both of their excitements. It had been so long since any of us had celebrated the holiday. From their feelings, all it had taken was Bella as the excuse to go all-out.

As Carlisle unloaded the laden truck of its packages, Esme helped me with the electricity. Within two hours we had more the problem solved and everything functioning properly, for now. Tomorrow I would call Charlie to get his help. As Esme and I were working, Carlisle had gone outside and brought back a humongous Christmas tree and was just finishing the lights when I sensed Bella awakening.

Handing my tool belt off to a smiling Esme, I was at Bella's side, just as she was opening her eyes. She had slept the afternoon away, and was looking better for it. For a long moment we just stared at each other. I couldn't resist the urge. My lips were on hers in a light kiss. Her response and kiss back was the best gift.

"Come on Sleeping Beauty, we have lots to do." I hauled her out of bed and over my shoulder as she giggled. Upstairs I could feel Carlisle and Esme's joy at the sound. They were happy to have their daughter back.

"Close your eyes, and no peeking." I walked slowly up the stairs. The lights were off except the firelight and twinkling tree. Letting her down, I made sure that indeed her eyes did not peek. Turning her around, I wrapped my arms around her waist, my thumbs sneaking under her sweater to the soft warm skin beneath.

"Open your eyes, Bella." I whispered in her ear, loving the way she shivered.

The gasp that came from her lips as she saw the tree, made Esme and Carlisle smile with pleasure. It had been so long since they'd been able to surprise anyone in the family. Their simple gift to Bella had her heart filled with wonder and love. Sensing her urge, I let her go as she almost ran to Esme and Carlisle as they stood by the tree.

"Thank you so much. It's wonderful. Do we have any decorations?" She wrapped them both in her arms.

Bella's enthusiasm overtook all of us, and at her words of inclusion, I found it hard not to burst forth the love I had for her. Her love for Carlisle and Esme was more than I'd ever felt before and I couldn't help but let them feel it, the way I was.

At the feeling Carlisle swooped Bella up into his arms and spun her around until both of them were laughing. Esme was laughing so hard she was holding her stomach. I don't think her or me, had ever seen Carlisle this happy. His joy was filling the room and it had nothing to do with my power.

As Carlisle and Bella began rifling through the bags of ornaments and decorations, Esme went and put on Christmas music. As I watched Bella delight at each ornament and the smile blooming in her face and eyes, I knew I would walk through hell itself to keep her this way. The thought of anyone hurting her, ever again, made the urge to go after Edward and rip him to pieces, hard to overcome.

Sensing the change in my mood, I watched Bella stop in midsentence and turn from the tree. I could feel her concern as she walked toward me. Without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around me, laying her forehead against my chest.

"Come help us with the tree." Bella's kiss to my chest, right above my heart, did not go unnoticed by Carlisle. "Just think, Jasper, we get to start the New Year, together." Her words of together, didn't go unnoticed by Carlisle or Esme. Many emotions were swirling inside her, but the biggest were contentment and happiness.

They sent me looks of questioning as Bella took my hand and brought me to the tree. Moving to stand in front of me she wrapped my arms around her waist and stared into the twinkling lights and lost herself in their contentment. I rested my chin against her head and stared with her. Inside I could feel her mind deciding, it mixed with relief and hope. After a moment she sighed and turned both of us around to face Carlisle and Esme.

"I know this will seem sudden for both of you, but I hope not difficultly. If you don't understand, or are angry with me, or Jasper, then we'll have to deal with it. Jasper and I have agreed to start seeing each other. We're going to take our time, until I'm ready for more. I want you both to know that Jasper is not in any way using his powers of persuasion on me. After everything that has happened, I'm ready to move on." Raising her head, she looked up at me with a brilliant smile on her face.

It was hard to contain the love I had for her inside me, instead of pouring it out into the room. "Are you sure, Bella? I want you to want this, but only if you're sure. I'm not asking for anything more than you're willing to give, just your friendship is enough."

I turned moving in front of her to block Carlisle and Esme from her sight. I cupped my hands around her face and bent, looking in her eyes. Her feelings of certainty were one fact, but I needed her words to prove their truth.

Her hands covered mine while her brown eyes flashed with light. "I'm sure, Jasper. When I awoke in your arms, it felt like I was coming home, for the first time ever I felt whole, safe, and loved. There was no demand on me other than to just be. In your arms, I don't doubt that I'm good enough, smart, strong, or brave enough. In your arms, I am all those things and more. I wish I could explain it more. When I woke up, alive, I put the past behind me and I'm looking forward to the future whether it's human or like you. No matter where this ride leads us, I'm for it."

Like Carlisle before me, I picked Bella up and began spinning her in my arms. She laughed and held tight as I filled the room with my love for her. Color blossomed on her cheeks and her feelings of joy were amazing. I could feel the twinges of Carlisle and Esme's concern at the quick procession of events, but their happiness was shoving it into the back of their minds.

Bella left my side and pulled Carlisle over to the decorations and soon the three of us were fitting hundreds of ornaments on the tree. Esme left to make dinner for Bella. Soon Carlisle and I were in a duel to see who could get more ornaments on the tree.

"Throwing them on the tree in hopes they stick is cheating, Jasper." Bella laughed and stood out of the way.

"Hey, it's no worse than Carlisle taking a handful and putting them in one spot." I pointed out the spot where suspiciously there hung five ornaments on one branch.

Carlisle laughed and threw a small penguin at my head. I ducked and it landed with a soft thud by Bella's feet. Gently she picked it up and hung it on a branch. Turning she hit us both, as light as she could.

"There's just one ornament left to put on darlin'. Would you like to do the honors?" I held out the crystal filigree star to Bella. Her eyes shone and I could feel her childlike excitement.

Positioning her in front of me I placed my hands on her waist and tried hard not to groan and my thumbs slid against the soft skin under her shirt. With her pressed up against me, settled between my thighs, it was heaven and hell at once. Lifting her I stifled the audible groan as the sweetness of her backside touched with my growing erection. Bella's breath hitched slightly and I was glad that Carlisle had left to join Esme in the kitchen.

Carefully Bella placed the star on top of the tree and I lifted her down slowly, her body rubbing against mine. As she placed her feet on the floor, she rubbed her back deliciously on my chest and I couldn't stop the purr that came from my lips.

Turning in my arms, Bella faced me and kissed me before wrapping her arms around my waist and lying her head over my heart.

"You're like having my own kitty cat. Do you play with balls of string too, or just catnip?" Her words made me chuckle and I couldn't resist the urge as my hands made their way under her shirt, hitting the ribs I was counting on to be ticklish, they were, extremely so.

"Jasper, stop. I can't breathe." Her laughter lit the house quicker than a lightning bolt. She wiggled in my arms and I continued with my excuse to touch her.

I was so absorbed in her laughter and the squirming of her against me that I never saw the pillow she'd picked up off the couch, until it hit me in the face. It gave her just enough time to wiggle free and make for the kitchen.

Turning I stalked her into the kitchen where she squeaked and ducked behind Carlisle. Carlisle laughed as Bella began turning him to mimic my moves, keeping herself out of my reach. Carlisle was laughing and spun deftly out of the way making Bella falter forward and into my waiting arms.

"If you are all finished fooling around, Bella needs to eat." Esme shooed Carlisle and I out of the kitchen and escorted Bella to the dining room.

In the living room Carlisle bent and stroked the fireplace's flames higher. His emotions were different places at once. I prepared myself for the conversation about to come. I knew he was upset that I didn't wait in telling Bella my feelings. I respected Carlisle's counsel enough to hear him out.

"I could give you a lecture, Jasper, but I'm not. She's happy, and looking better. Right now that's all that matter. If this is what she wants, then let her lead you until you are both on the same level. I know this is going to be hard for you to hear, but have you ever considered that she may subconsciously cling to you until Edward comes back? What if Edward comes back and their feelings for each other are still strong? What if Edward wants her back, Jasper? Could you let her go?"

The growl that formed low and deadly in my chest was unstoppable. After everything that Edward did, if he came back, I would tear him apart and dance in his ashes. I knew my eyes were black in rage as I stared at Carlisle.

"He will return eventually, Jasper, he is a member of this family. Are you prepared for that?" Carlisle was standing, facing me. His feelings were calm and I knew that he was blocking them.

"I could get into a fight with you about this, Carlisle, but not with Bella nearby to hear. I hope Edward comes back, so I can show him what he did to her, how he destroyed her, and nearly killed her. It is true. Edward is a part of your family, the first son and all of that crap. I will not let Bella hurt again, not only by Edward, but by all of you. You and Esme's leaving hurt her just as much as Edward's did. I won't have that happen again, not without tearing someone apart in the process."

"You are just as much a part of this family." Carlisle's eyes were stern as he stared, unmoving into my own. For him, his words were truth.

For me, I knew I would never allow things to go back the way they were. "Yeah, family pets always have a spot in the family, loyal, trustworthy to a point, just don't get too close. I won't go back to being the Cullen leper. I'm a Whitlock, so far family of one and I plan it staying that way. I appreciate everything you and Esme have ever done for me, but it's time to cut the apron strings. It's time for me to start my own coven."

I tried to let my anger show without crashing it into Carlisle like an overemotional teenager. Just the thought of Edward coming back and trying to win Bella's favor once again, set me on edges. I was not above playing dirty to keep my mate at my side.

"What is going on out here? Do you not both realize that we can hear you?" Esme's slap rocked my head forward and I was embarrassed. "Now she's upset and you're going to fix it, or I will swear I will do more than slap you, upside your head." Esme's eyes flashed fire and I couldn't remember seeing her, this angry.

Leaving Carlisle and Esme, I turned and walked into the dining room. Bella's dinner was uneaten on the table and she stared out the window into the dark swirling snow. She was sad, confused and worried.

From behind I wrapped my arms around her, resting my chin on her head. "I'm sorry. I was an ass. Carlisle made me angry. It had nothing to do with you, darlin'." I tried to soothe her worries, but she was blocking my powers.

"Do you think he'll come back?" The words, so softly said, nearly killed me. Was Carlisle right, would Bella open herself to me just to pass the time until Edward returned? Worry ate at her and she barely breathed, let alone moved in my arms.

"I don't know. Honestly, Bella, I hope he does. It would be better for all of our sakes, if he would come back. I want a relationship with you, Bella, but I don't want to be the one you settle for, because he's not here. Mostly, I just want him back so I can kick his ass and play baseball with that egocentric head of his.' Softly I kissed the top of her head, trying to suppress the churning of my gut at the thought of her going back to him.

'Be honest with me Bella, if he walked through that door right now, and begged to have you again, would you take him?" Before this went any farther, I had to know the truth. I would rather lose her now, than lose her once we fully mated.

Her hesitation told me everything. Kissing her once more on top of her head, I stepped away and fled. She was willing to be with me, but only as long as Edward wasn't in the picture. As long as a tiny part of Bella thought Edward was coming back, then she'd never fully be mine.

Several trees met their demise at my hand, before Carlisle hand on my shoulder, stopped me. I didn't need his I told you so, to feel any more crappy than I did. Even if Edward came back, there was no doubt that I would never be able to leave her. I would spend the rest of my existence watching her from the shadows, continuing to love and protect her.

**Bella POV**

I stared at the window and tried not to look at Esme's face as we heard the conversation from the living room. Even just the mention of Edward's name still hurt and pain flared in my chest. Every part of me screamed for it to stop, but my heart had other plans.

It wasn't the mention of Edward's name that made the pain unbearable, it was Jasper telling Carlisle that he was a family of one and planned on staying that way. If that was true, then there was no room for me in his life. May be it wasn't I using him to get over Edward, but him using me to get over Alice.

I couldn't move when he put his arms around me and closed my eyes and shielded my heart from his gaze. My heart couldn't go through this again. It was better to let him go now, than fall in love and have him ripped away from me.

The words were on my tongue and slid softly from my lips. They were the words that while I knew they would hurt, was best served now than later. I hoped I was keeping my feelings inside and together enough for him not to hear the lie.

"Do you think he'll come back?" I tried to falsify a tiny measure of hope with them. Jasper had been so wonderful to me and it hurt, almost as much as Edward leaving, to hurt him this way.

I wasn't prepared for his words as he tried to comfort me. The feelings of hope and love pressed around me and I fought the urge to give into them. Jasper's words and feelings held everything I wanted to hear, and that was the point. Softly his kiss was planted on my head and coupled with the comfort of his arms, I almost gave in.

Jasper's words were so quiet and still as they whispered in my head. "Be honest with me, Bella, if he walked through the door and begged to have you back, would you take him."

I hesitated as I thought, a wave of my own feelings pulling at me like the ocean's undertow. Jasper's kiss touched my head one more time, then was gone. My whole body suddenly felt numb at this leaving and I felt my soul bare and empty without him.

The soft nick of the door told me he'd left and it was all I could do to fall into Esme's arms as my heart felt like it was breaking all again.

"God, this is such a mess. I want to be sure of him, Esme. How can we put Edward and Alice both behind us? Take me home, to Charlie's, please Esme. I can't stay here any longer. I made him leave, just like Edward." Out of all of them, I knew that Esme would understand me the most. Right now I needed to be alone and I could not do that here.

"Oh, honey. I wish I could. The roads are near impassable, and even if I ran, you'd freeze before I even got you home.' Esme's hands soothed as they ran through my hair.

'I tell you what though, you can have your Christmas present early."

With her arm around me, we made it down the stairs and were soon standing in front of a closed door almost direct across from Jasper's. Slowly Esme opened the door and flicked on a switch. The room was instantaneously lit in a soft glow. The metallic looking walls almost shimmered in light purple and blue. The queen-size bed stood in the middle, filigree wrought iron stood as a head and footboard. The covering's on the bed were a little darker in cover than the walls and an assortment of pillows took up the top part of the bed. A black chest of drawers lay under a massive wrought iron mirror that matched the bed.

Tucked into a corner was a massive bookshelf that already held an assortment of books and a huge chair that matched the bedspread. It was the kind of chair perfect for climbing in and reading the day away. Esme turned the overhead light off then turned a dimmer switch. In the ceiling nestled missions of little lights and in the darkness it turned the ceiling into a summer's night sky.

Enchanted and momentarily forgetting my woes, I followed Esme into the room. Silently she opened closet doors. Inside the closet hung an array of clothing, some I noticed from my own at Charlie's. Another door led to my own bathroom, with a Jacuzzi tub that almost rivaled the one in Jasper's room. The colors here were more darker and intimate, with a mirror above the sink matched the bedroom and made the bathroom appear bigger than it was.

"It's beautiful, Esme. Thank you." I stared at the bedroom in awe and for another instant forgot everything and let the peace of the room surround me.

"Don't thank me, sweetheart. Most of this was Jasper's doing, I just followed out his wishes. He wanted you to feel home here, Bella. Jasper wants this to be your home as well as Charlie's. "

"But you heard him, Esme, 'Whitlock, party of one'. That doesn't leave any room for me. Maybe we were both jumping into this just because we can't be with the ones that left us behind?" I sat in the chair by the bookcase and pulled my legs up and into my chest.

"How do you feel about Jasper, Bella? Look deep inside and then tell me. All of your answers lay in your heart, honey, you just have to find them." Esme started running her hands through my hair as I stared out into the night and the swirling snow.

"Is it wrong of me in some ways, not to want Edward to come back?" My heart clenched as I asked her.

"No, sweetheart, it's not wrong at all. Edward hurt you terribly. Even if he was trying to do right, it doesn't mean that it hurt any less. Edward made his decision and he will have to live with the consequences of those actions. If one of the consequences is you moving on and finding love with someone else, then that is his cross to bear, Bella, not yours."

Esme's hands were soothing on my head as I pondered her words. Did I want to spend the rest of my life pondering every choice on the slim chance that Edward ever came back? Did I want to give up on someone who loved me because of Edward? The answer to both of those questions rang 'no' in my ears.

"Does Jasper still love Alice, Esme? I don't think I could bear it, if she came back to him. They were married for so long, how could she just leave him like that?" Bubbles of anger rose in me at how hurt Jasper must have been when Alice left and dissolved their marriage.

"I believe Jasper and Alice, fell out of love a long time ago, little one. They haven't been the same for many years, now. It was always my belief that they were just going through the motions. With vampires, when we find our true mates, nothing can tear us apart. Alice is not Jasper's true mate, Bella. They were together in a time where they both needed each other, once they found us, that need dissipated with every year. I'm sure they will always love each other as friends and family, but that is the extent now of their relationship.'

'Jasper does and is, in love with you Bella. You have changed him, in ways that Carlisle and I could never imagine. With you he seems whole and complete. In many ways, Jasper was right. The family did have a habit of seeing him on a leash. You must know this, Bella. Jasper has slipped before and returned to human blood. We were always so fearful with you and worried that if he slipped, we would never get him back.'

'He doesn't even know that I saw him, after the party. I was cleaning up when he came back. His eyes had not returned to their full color and still held the black of his bloodlust. I watched as he crunched a piece of glass I'd forgotten under his foot and then bend. Jasper found one drop of your blood that I'd missed. Before I could stop him, he wiped his finger across it, tasting it. Your one drop of blood changed him, Bella. In that instant, Jasper, found his mate and his singer. He found you.'

'He's changed so much Bella, now he's able to do things that we'd only ever dreamed for him. Before we had to watch him in public, hoping that he'd never cross his singer. Instead he finds her in our own home, someone that was right in front of our faces the whole time. Don't doubt his love for you, Bella, or your own for him. You have both received something so precious, and that is a second chance. Did anyone ever tell you that I'm Carlisle's singer? All it took was one drop of my blood. For years he searched for me, finding me just before I died my human death. Don't let that happen to you and Jasper, you here now and together. Don't let time go to waste when you can have each other now, and trust me, he may have left the house, but he will never leave your side. Bella, right now, he's angry and hurt and more than likely, tearing up half the woods, but he will never be far away from you. Jasper loves you too much to ever live without you."

Esme pulled me into her arms and I knew she was right. The feelings I was having for Jasper were too strong. Even if Edward came back, I could never deny the love that was growing for Jasper. If Alice came back, then she would have a fight on her hands. Jasper was mine now and I wasn't planning on letting him go.

"Call him for me please, and tell him to come home." Tears ran down my cheeks and I hoped Jasper would forgive not only my doubt of me, but my doubt of him.

I watched as Esme took her phone out of her pocket and dialed too fast for me to see. "Bella says to tell you, to come home." She hung up almost as soon as she said the words. Picking me up in her arms, she sped up the stairs and to the windows overlooking the pasture.

Within minutes he was up the stairs and I was flinging open the doors and flying out onto the deck. Jumping up I wrapped my entire body around him, not caring that I had neither coat nor shoes and it was freezing. Nothing mattered except being back in his arms, where I belonged.

"I'm so sorry, so sorry that you doubted me. Even if Edward comes back, Jasper, I want you. You are my heaven and my future. Someday when the time is right, I want to be yours forever." I kissed him, kissed him with everything I had and pressed all of my feelings on him, needing him to know how much I was falling in love with him.

**Jasper POV**

The phone call from Esme couldn't have come soon enough. I now stood in a clearing of my own making, the trees lay around me like a row of fallen dominoes.

"Bella says to tell you, to come home." The words barely registered to my ears, but my heart heard them loud and clear. Bella was still there and she wanted me. My feet moved as on air as I ran for home. The home that I hoped to share with her for as long as she would have me.

The lights of the tree beckoned me and I saw Bella standing at the doors to the deck. I could feel her even as I ran. No doubt lay in her as she flung herself out the door and into my waiting arms. Love, pure brilliant love, poured into me. Bella's words of forever registered not only in my heart, but my soul. Soon, very soon, I would make her my mate and nothing or no one would ever take her away from me.

"I'm sorry I doubted you, too. I guess we both have some trust issues to work through. I love you, Bella, and I will never leave you." I poured all the faith and love I had for her into her body and watched as her eyes glowed. At the end of time I would remember this exact moment and the first time I saw her love for me, shining as brightly as the sun, in her eyes.

"Come on, let's get you inside before you freeze." I carried her bridal style over the threshold, loving the way she fit perfectly in my arms and the feel of her hands as she touched my face. Even as Carlisle and Esme faced us, I knew I could survive anything as long as Bella was mine.

"We have to talk about this. Sit down, both of you." Carlisle began pacing in front of the fireplace.

"I know that your feelings right now are extremely overwhelming. Both of you must see how time is what you need. Give this time . . . " Esme interrupted Carlisle by placing her hand over his mouth.

"I'm sorry darling, but I have a different opinion. What you both have been given is miraculous. To have a mate complete you, is the greatest gift anyone in our existence can have. Grab a hold of each other and never let go. You never know where tomorrow is going to take you, especially you, Bella. God forbid something happens that would cut forever short. So grab this chance with both hands and go along for the ride. Don't wait for the perfect time, because trust me, there is no perfect time. If I had held onto Carlisle when I first found him, I wouldn't have gone through years of abuse to get where I am now. Let nothing stand in your way and love each other more each day the last. Merry Christmas, Bella. Good night, my darling and I will see you tomorrow. Oh, and eat your dinner young lady."

Esme grabbed Carlisle and tugged him out of the house so fast that I could swear, Bella's head spun.

Still carrying Bella, I walked to the dining room and placed her in the seat, she had earlier vacated. In a flash I grabbed her plate and reheated it in the microwave.

"Jasper, can I call my dad?" Bella turned in her chair and looked at me through the doorway.

"Darlin', you never have to ask me for anything around here." I took her plate from the microwave, trying hard not to wrinkle my nose in disgust and set it before her. It smelled worse hot than it did cold.

Her eyes downcast and blush filled her cheeks. Quickly she ate. Bella's feelings jumbled together as she fought with the words to say. When she finished, she walked past me in the doorway, where I had been leaning and brushed her shoulder against mine. It amazed me at how much a simple touch could send electrical sparks throughout my body.

As she washed her dish, I watched her. It was hard to understand why she had always been so clumsy around us. There was an inherent grace to her movements. Perhaps the clumsiness had nothing to do with grace and everything to do with Bella's lack of self-confidence.

She caught me watching her and blushed again. The sweet smell of her blood beckoned me forward and I did not falter in my steps as I went to her. No longer did I feel whole without her in my arms. There was more than a chunk of me missing when she was not there, half of me, was just gone.

"Do you know how beautiful you are, and how great you smell when you blush?" I nuzzled my cheek, against her, breathing in the powerful scent that was Bella.

"Did Esme mean what she told me, do you want this to be my home, as much as Charlie's?" Bella tried to reign in her anxiety at asking. Her words drifted up from my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around her waist tight.

"Yes, sweetheart. The first time I saw this place, I thought of you and hoped you would love it here, as much as I do. It's so far away from anything that people won't just happen on it, and it's surrounded by National Forest. I don't have to worry about being seen here. It's not secure enough that I wouldn't ever have to leave, but unlike Carlisle I can stay a lot longer because no one knows me around here."

Kissing her again on the top of her head, I realized that it had become my favorite thing to do. The smell of her as it rose, wafted around me. It made me feel loved, possessive and horny as hell. Concentrating hard, I tried not to think of how good her body felt wrapped around me, or how good it would be to sheath myself in her scalding heat.

"Why don't you use the phone in the office to call your father? I'm going to hunt quickly that way you'll have some privacy." I didn't want to tell her that if I didn't get away soon, I wasn't going to be responsible for my actions in taking her to the nearest bed and having my wicked way with her.

Kissing her again, I breathed deep, then ran for the door. The sooner I hunted, the sooner I could be back here with her.

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**Author's Note: **Chapter 25 will be up tomorrow as well. I am wanting to get to Part 2 of this story as quick as possible. I'm already 75 written pages into part 2 and I think people are going to go nuts with what I have planned. Hugs to all and a huge thanks to radiate689 for being the 500th reviewer. Now lets see if we can get this baby into the 1000+ board.


	26. Family

SM Owns Twilight.

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**Chapter Twenty Five: Family (Part One)**

**Song: To Make You Feel My Love: Garth Brooks**

**Bella POV**

I felt moving air as Jasper left, taking the comfort of his embrace with it. The lights on the tree twinkled merrily and I tried not to think of the earlier conflagration.

Wandering into the living room, I found two doors. Opening the first door, I found Jasper's office. The sheet rock walls were bare and the several desks that took up the space looked like a war zone. Strewed computer equipment and components lay around with paper and files. Careful not to pry into anything I began shuffling through things on the desks until I unearthed the cordless phone.

Not knowing if my dad was at home, I took the chance of calling his cell phone and hoped I wasn't catching him while he was working.

"Hello." His voice was gruff and sleepy. I cringed realizing I'd woken him up.

"Dad. I'm sorry I woke you up. I'll call you back tomorrow." Charlie had been through so much with me lately and thinking that I'd awoken him from sleep, yet again, made my stomach churn.

"No, I'm all right, just fell asleep watching a movie. Are you okay Bells?" The concern in his voice, traveled through the phone and hit like an arrow into my heart. How was I ever going to be able to make all of this up to him?

"I'm all right, feeling better." I felt the dam burst within me and I started crying into the phone. "I'm so sorry, daddy, sorry for everything that I put you through."

"Aw hell, Bella. I may have to go really slow because of the weather, but I'll be there. It's about time we talked anyway." I heard the jangle of keys and the sound of the door closing. "I'm going to let you go, but I'll be there as soon as I can. I love you, kid."

Jasper found me sitting, crying and rocking, the phone still in my hand and buzzing. His arms went around me, lifting me out of the seat. He gently took the phone from my hand and turned it off, before dropping it onto the desk.

"He's coming here. We'll he be all right on the roads? Esme said they were impassable." We had been sitting on the couch in front of the fire for five minutes before I was able to stop crying. This was one of the times I was grateful for Jasper's calming ability. I could feel it working its way through me like a gentle breeze, blowing away all of my anxiety and hurt.

Jasper chuckled and I heard the rumble through his chest as it vibrated on his ear. "I believe Esme may have fibbed a bit to get you to stay. The roads are bad, but the snow plows have been getting them cleared. I can hear them all over outside. If he takes his time, he'll be here in a little while."

For what seemed like hours we sat on the couch and stared at the flames. Only twice did we move, once for Jasper to put more logs on the fire and two when I crawled off his lap and curled up into his side. Jasper was the one to break the silence as the time shifted to Christmas Eve morning.

"How did you like your room? You can change anything that you don't like, or we can redo the whole thing." I don't think Jasper even realized that he was projecting his hope and anxiety toward me. It told me how much he wanted me to like what they had done for me.

"It's beautiful and must have taken a lot of work, thank you. I can't imagine changing any of it. The chair will be a wonderful place to study, that is if they let me graduate." For the first time I wondered what the people at school thought of me. Even the ones that didn't hang out in La Push would find out about my jump off the cliffs.

"I'm sure between Carlisle, Charlie and me, you won't have a problem with graduating. Have you thought any about college, I know it was something that you and Edward talked about?" Jasper's voice was low, knowing that I would not want to talk about Edward.

I knew that education was something important to all the Cullens. I just wasn't sure where I fit in with that. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, let alone what I would want to do for eternity.

"Can I get back to you about that? Let's just say I'm still undecided."

Jasper nodded at my comment. "I'm fine with whatever you want to do Bella, even if you don't want to go at all. I wouldn't mind giving studies a rest for a while myself. It gets a bit tedious when you know more than the professors."

His smile was all I needed for the weight to lift off my shoulders. "So you wouldn't mind if I didn't go to college, at least not right away?" Not wanting to go had always been a bone of contention with Edward.

"No darlin', I don't. If you never decide to go to college, Bella, I'm fine with that. You don't need a wall of graduation caps to make me happy. I will love you no matter what you decided to be or do, even if it's nothing at all." He picked up my hand and kissed it, sending shivers down my spine.

How was it that I felt so comfortable just sitting here in front of the fire with Jasper? Nothing was perfect than this. Jasper's head turned just a fraction, and I looked up at him, knowing he heard something that I had not.

"Your dad is here, darlin'. Do you want me to give the two of you some privacy?"

Softly, I nodded my head. I wanted to be alone with Charlie, just for a few. I missed him. "If you don't mind. I would like to apologize to him. You'll be close though, won't you, in case I need you."

I wanted him near, just in case I started falling apart. Now that I knew the beauty and comfort of Jasper's arms, I doubted I would ever be able to be away from him for long. He was quickly becoming not only the haven of my dreams, but my realities as well.

"I'll be right outside to give you some more privacy, and to check the generators. If this snow keeps up, we'll need them."

The knock came to the door, just as Jasper pressed a cool peck on my cheek. Moving in a blur, he was at the door and opening it for Charlie, just seconds later.

Jasper didn't say anything as I watched my father and a woman walk in. The woman turned, glaring at Jasper, making him back away, looking ashamed. His head hung low and I watched as he slipped out the door and into the night.

I watched as the woman, armed in a sling, turn around and open the front door. One word jolted me as it yelled out. "Coward!" She slammed the front door closed so hard the glass rattled.

I looked at my dad who rolled his eyes and shook his head. "If I get my hands on him Charlie, I'm using your gun to see if it makes any impact on that damn thick head of his. One bullet right between the eyes should do the trick, better yet, I'm borrowing your shotgun."

With a huff, she hung up her coat and nearly toppled over pulling off her boots with one hand. I watched as my dad held her elbow to steady her. The smile on my dad's face, paired with the twinkling in his eyes, amazed me. I had never seen him like this. He looked happy, and younger than I could remember him.

"You must be Bella. I'm Jani.' She walked around the couch and flopped down beside me. Things began clicking into place. This was Jasper's Janine. It had to be. 'So has fangless told you anything about me, or do I have to obtain a bazooka somewhere?"

Standing she went to the back door and again hollered into the night. "Get your sparkly ass back here, now!" I watched in awe as she mumbled about asshole vampires and just what she was going to do to Jasper's head.

**Charlie POV**

"Dad, what's going on?" Bella looked at me and I was having a hard time not laughing at Jani, she'd kill me with my own gun.

"That's between those two stubborn idiots.' Janine turned and scowled at me. 'Sorry, but it's true and you know it. He's doing it just to piss you off so you'll talk to him again. I know it and so do you. Talk to him or don't, but you're driving me crazy, Woman. Quit putting me in the middle."

Since this morning when Jani woke up and found a box with a jeweled turtle in it, she'd been after me to arrest Jasper. I think she just wanted him behind bars for easier target practice. Once the hurt had worn off, she had turned mad as hell, and wasn't afraid to show it.

We'd spent the evening eating pizza, and watching action movies. Later when wrestling came on, I had watched in fascination as she yelled at the television and color commentated like nothing I'd ever seen. Something in my heart melted watching her and I began to feel a stirring inside that wasn't just to see her bend over in those blessedly tight jeans. God the woman in jeans was enough to give me a heart attack.

We'd fallen asleep on the couch again while watching another movie. It was incredible to feel her wrapped around me again as she slept. It gave me the opportunity to peruse her without the effects of an alcohol-induced stupor. She was gorgeous with her dark hair spread on my chest and her dark eyelashes fanning down on her golden skin. Her lips slightly parted and I had craved to see if she tasted as good with pizza and beer as she did with tequila. Jani's body was another matter, she was all woman and had the gorgeous curves to prove it. I would never understand why women walked around looking like toothpicks. There was nothing else sexier than the curves of Bettie Page and Marilyn Monroe, just begging for the grip of a strong hand. I knew that if she brushed my legs once more with one of those full luscious hips, I would not be responsible for my actions.

I had to hand it to her. The woman had fire. Just being with her in the car had made me hot under the collar, and it had nothing to do with her temperature. If I didn't get to kiss her again soon, I thought I would combust. Even now as she tugged her boots back on and exited the back door in a huff I had a hard time not letting my eyes linger on her backside in tight fitting jeans. I almost groaned before realizing that I was standing in the room with my daughter. Now was not the time to wonder how good Jani would look with that gorgeous dark hair fanning across my pillow.

If I were truthful and admitted it to me, every moment I spent with her had me falling harder and harder. Instead of the hard impact of concrete I found the softness and warmth of her arms. I was in love with her, of that I was certain. Now if I could just convince her that I was serious, we'd have the rest of our lives to figure out the rest. At least now with her delectable form out of sight, I could concentrate on my real reason for being here, my daughter.

Slipping out of my coat, I turned and hung it on the peg, doing like everyone else, slipping out of my boots. Bella sat slightly hunched, the huge sofa looking like it was swallowing her whole. With my back to the fireplace, I sat on the ottoman in front of the most precious gift in my life. I looked at my daughter, seeing her for the first time in months. She looked like hell, or death warmed over, no offense to the Cullens.

Seeing her like this, so frail and sick, had anger boiling hot in my chest. I did what any father would do and for the first time in Bella's life, I unleashed it on her.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you ever put me through this again and I swear, vampire guard or not, I will tan your hide. How in the hell could you run off like that, leaving that letter? If you have a problem, you come talk to me. Despite what you may think, you are not my parent, I'm yours.' Never have I been so upset with her in my life, even her wandering the woods after Edward didn't compare to this.

'Why did you do it, Bella, not because of shit for brains, I don't believe that? What happened, Bella?" Part of me wanted to hug her, to hold her like a little girl, the other part wanted to shake her senseless. Instead, I took one of her hands in mine and rubbed it, needing her to know that I was here. It took her a second, perhaps two, before she launched out of her seat and into my arms.

"I'm sorry, Dad. I don't know how to explain it all. Everything is a mass of confusion. I've tried to be a good daughter, taking care of you and the house. Maybe a part of me thought that by going away you could have your life back, other than cooking, it's not like you've ever needed me around." Fresh tears hung in her eyes as she buried her face in my flannel shirt.

Slowly everything started clicking into place. I was as bad of a father as I thought. How could Bella think that I didn't need her? Moving my arms around her, I held her tight against me.

"From the moment you were born, I needed you. Every second of your life, I have loved you. It nearly killed me when your mother left and took you away from me. I fought like hell to get her to leave you here with me. She was and has always been such a mess. I always worried about what would happen to you. Those summers when you were little were some of the best of my life. Every summer I would battle with Renee over you staying permanently, until she stopped letting you come. I didn't want you to come up here to cook and clean, I wanted you, just so I could share your life with you. That's all I've wanted from the moment you were born. I love you more than you have ever realized, Bella, and I should have shown you more. You have and will always be the greatest gift that's ever happened to me Whatever you're going through, we'll get through this together." I could feel my eyes getting wet at the sting of tears and I tried like hell to hold them back. Cradling her like this in my lap was the closest, I had been with her since she was a child. We both missed so much, too much.

Still holding her, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I pressed the speed dial button and listened as it connected to the station. "Fred, it's Charlie. I'm taking the next few days off. You're the deputy, call someone in for vacation pay. I don't care if I said I'd work, I'm Chief and I changed my mind. If anything major happens, call. No, you don't need to know the reason. It's Christmas for crying out loud. Call them part of my vacation days if you have to write something down." I hung up the phone before Fred could protest any more.

Lately the job had been taking its toll and I was increasingly considering early retirement. Hell, who needed pension when the stress would kill me quicker that a crook. I needed to start taking stock in the other parts of my life besides the force. One of those parts lay curled in my lap. The other was out traipsing in the snow, ready to kick her best friend's ass. Life was good.

It would be even better once I could get the hardheaded woman outside to realize the feelings I was having for her was far from platonic. That and I couldn't wait to get her out on a boat, and not just for the fishing.

**Janine POV**

"Damn, rotten, son of a bitch." If I ever got my hands on him, he was toast. The wind bit at my arms and I was too mad to go back for my coat.

"Come out here and face me, you pansy assed yellow coward. I swear I'm going to lay the smackdown on your vampire candy ass." I saw the footprints in the snow leading around the house. Bastard, he would want me to walk in the two foot high drifts. Making sure to step in Jasper's footprints was harder than it looked. It only took me twenty feet before I landed on my backside while trying to keep his prints. In another twenty I was cold and had a face full of snow.

"I hate you, don't you understand that. You used me, hurt me, tried to bite me, and played emotional mind fuck with me. Can't you just leave me alone? You don't get to do the nice stuff and just expect me to take you back, it doesn't work that way." I felt the cold snow melt deep into my bones and I didn't care.

All I'd wanted to do since I saw that damn turtle was to smash it to bits and cry. Crying was coming easier, than destroying something that hit too damn close to my heart. After the night of getting drunk with Charlie, the next morning I realized how close I had come to giving up everything for Jasper.

Jasper was the first person to make me feel anything in so long, that I let it run away with me. It was just like the night we had spent together. It had felt so good to be held, to be loved that I had never wanted it to end. Like a teenage dummy, I had fallen for the first guy who paid any attention to me.

Tears began to fall from my eyes as I thought of all my mistakes. It had been a mistake getting close to Jasper. Yes, I felt pitiful, but damn it he had used me, used me to get up his nerve, courage or whatever the fuck it was, so he could have Bella. Hell, I'd even helped him get this house ready for him. I felt like the geeky girl who makes cookies for the quarterback only to watch him share them with a cheerleader. It hurt, hurt like hell. The thing that hurt the most, when I had seen that damn turtle was how much I missed the friendship I thought we had, at least in my mind anyway.

He probably felt guilt, like he had the morning in Charlie's kitchen. If he missed me as a friend then he wouldn't be hiding in the shadows as I sat freezing my ass off in the snow. He didn't care enough about me to face me. God I was such a loser. Tears had frozen to my eyes in the five minutes the world had swirled around me in white. Thank goodness for those polar bear dives in college to get me used to inclement weather. Standing I brushed the snow off, my heart breaking, as I by passed Jasper's footprints and began making my own, alone, and up to the house. Luckily we had brought my car, I could wait in it until Charlie finished.

God, that night with Charlie had been wonderful. To see him pet Hank had been one of the biggest surges of pleasure I'd felt in a long time. Part of me felt like Charlie understood me. It touched me that he had been with Kevin the last moments of his life.

Charlie had given me back a piece of Kevin that I never knew was missing, the part of me that wanted to be loved, and ached to love in return. All of that was taken away when first Kevin then the baby had died. There was nothing and no one left to live for. I became an empty shell who lived for work and the mundane aspect of existence, it was the routine that kept me from losing my mind. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed.

Jasper changed all that when he walked into the bank and brought back memories I'd wanted dead and buried. Then he brought me to Charlie and back to Kevin and the pain of all that I missed. Charlie should have reminded my heart of the pain of losing my family, but he didn't. Charlie reminded me of their love, of the happy woman I had once been while catching fish, or drinking Tequila and going wild in Mexico, he reminded me that it was better to have a family than no one. It was a constant reminder of what I missed and wanted back in my life.

"Go to hell, Jasper Whitlock. I hate you." I put more force to the words than I felt and it pissed me off that he would know. God I missed him. Apart from Charlie he was the only friend, the only family I had. I hate Christmas. Charlie had Bella back, Jasper had Bella and the Cullens, and I was left to another Christmas of Chinese takeout, Die Hard, and praying for a gas leak to take me in my sleep, slow and painless.

With my head down, I took another few steps in the deep snow and met a wall of ice. Jasper. Unable to take my own maudlinness any longer, I collapsed in his arms in tears. I had missed him so much.

"Where were you, asshole?" I beat at his chest with my fists, hurt and angry that he hadn't come when I was ready to kick his ass.

"I was hunting, after what happened I didn't want you to see me with my eyes so dark. I did hear the coward part, with everything else, and you're right. Part of me was running. I didn't know how to face you.' His hands were tender as they stroked my back while I cried.

'You're my best friend, Jani. I understand everything that you're feeling, and you have a right to hate me. I never did use you Janine, hurt you, yes, tried to bite you, yes. The mental stuff at Charlie's was because I didn't want to lose you. I've had the fortuitousness of having three good friends in my life, Jani, and you're one of them. Being friends with you, was never about Bella, yes it did help me build up a better tolerance for human blood, but that is all. I don't want to lose you. Your friendship means too much to me, and whether you like it or not, your family."

Jasper's words warmed my heart and together we walked back into the house. Charlie stood up from Bella and immediately came to me, his face a mask of concern as he saw how bad I was shivering.

"Get a warm blanket. Damn fool woman, are you trying to kill yourself? What in the hell was you thinking of taking off without your coat" Rapidly his large hands were running down my arms, trying to warm them.

"I was mad and didn't think." My teeth were starting to chatter so much that I could barely speak.

"One of these days, that temper of yours is going to get you in trouble. For shit sake, Woman, you are wet clear through. Bells, run a warm bath for Jani. Jasper, find her some warm clothes, and I still need that warm blanket." Charlie barked orders like the Chief he was. I would have laughed and bitched at him for picking me up, but I was too cold.

Charlie carried me to the fire and I found myself liking the feeling just a little too much. It was one thing when a vampire picked you up as if you were a feather, it was another thing when it was a flesh and blood man who made your heart race. Jasper was back with a blanket just as Charlie was sitting me down. He made sure I was facing the fire, then held the blanket up in back of me.

"Strip. You need to get out of those wet clothes.' Charlie looked away gentlemanly and I found myself wanting to be saucy, just to spite him.'Jasper, go see if Bella has that water readied yet?"

Instinctively I knew that Charlie was trying to get us some privacy and I was glad. Not wanting to fight with Charlie as well as Jasper, I began to undo my jeans, but they wouldn't budge, the fabric was too wet.

"I'm going to need some help." My voice filled with embarrassment as I again tried to tug the jeans past my wet derriere.

"Huh. What do you need help with?" Charlie for a moment stared into space and I tried hard not to giggle.

"My jeans, they're stuck." I could feel the slight heat rising to my cheeks despite the cold.

"Hang on a minute." Struggling with my jeans, I watched as Charlie walked to his coat, pulling out a large pocketknife.

"What are you planning on doing with that?" My eyes widened as he flicked the sharp knife open. The steel glinted because of the fire and even though I trusted Charlie with my life, I still gulped. These were after all my favorite jeans.

"I'm cutting you out." His face was serious, as was his voice.

"No, you're not, I'll just wait until they dry." I started backing up toward the fire.

"They won't be dry until tomorrow. Meanwhile, you need a hot bath before you get sick."

"I'll take my chances. You are not cutting these jeans." Defensively, I pulled the blanket around me.

"Quit being so damn stubborn, they're a pair of jeans."

He didn't understand, it had taken the past six months to get into these jeans again, and there was no way in hell he was cutting them from me. "Please, Charlie, don't cut them. I'll get out of them." I pleaded hoping it would work. It didn't.

"Woman, you've got about ten seconds.' His face was serious and I began tugging, but it was no use. Even though I'd worked out and lost weight, the damn pants were still too tight, and now wet, it was like being mummified. Crap. Tears filled my eyes and I struggled to hold them in. 'Hold up your arms, I don't want to cut you on accident. It's nothing to cry over, there just jeans."

"Dad, why don't you let me do this downstairs. The bath is ready. Another minute more is not going to hurt."

I looked at Charlie's daughter, Bella, now standing behind him. She didn't even know me and she was coming to my rescue. I was never more grateful to have another woman around as I was right now.

I didn't hesitate and followed Bella downstairs, showing me into the guest bedroom that Jasper had done for her. The room was beautiful, but I wasn't a fool. She was putting me here, to let me know that she was staking claim on Jasper and that his magnificent bathroom was off-limits. At least that's the thought that came to my head.

It was surprising to know that I was good with it. Jasper would always be my friend, even if he was an asshole. I could not deny the chemistry between Charlie and me. When he'd shown up at my door today, wearing old faded jeans, with an unbuttoned red flannel shirt over a black T-shirt, I'd almost had to grab the door for support.

Jasper was hot, but Charlie was walking neon sign proclaiming "Hot Sex Here". The way the width of his shoulders spread out and tapered to his waist almost made me weep, not to mention the view I'd gotten of his ass in those faded jeans. Now there was something that even I wanted to take a bite out of.

For all of Charlie's masculinity, he had looked at the floor when he'd asked me if I wanted to come over for pizza and a movie. He'd almost seemed surprised when without a word I ran upstairs to change into the now torturous pair of jeans. The look on his face had been worth the pain of sucking in and squeezing my intestines into spaghetti. That look told me that I didn't care if I could barely sit let alone eat one slice of pizza. Charlie's look made me think of candlelight, thunderstorms and sex until dawn.

"Do you need some help?" Bella's words startled me out of my daydreams of Charlie and melted ice-cream.

I shook my head in affirmation at Bella. Between me wiggling and her pulling, we were finally able to get the jeans past my hips and down. She left the room and I sank into the hot water with a sigh. I had forgotten how much I loved these tubs.

Lying in the hot water as it warmed my bones, I daydreamed of Charlie. It had been a long time since I had as much fun with someone as I did with him. If I were honest with me, I was in love with Charlie, and it had happened when he pet my damn fish. How could I tell him, especially with his daughter sick, and my friendship with Jasper? I didn't want to lose Charlie, being near him was like not breathing. It was something I just could not do. Why and when did life have to become so hard and so confusing.

Growing up, I was the only girl raised by my priest Uncle. He had tried but I knew that he didn't know what to do with me. He'd fought to keep me when others thought it was best that I go into foster care. I loved him for trying and for fighting for me. There were times when I was a bane, especially when I was more at home with the boys he coached for than with any of the girls. Though being the only girl at a boys catholic school might have something to do with that.

It had been easier to get them to see me as one of the guys than a girl. Uncle Paul had passed away with a sudden heart attack my first year in college. I still missed him. He'd done the best he could given the circumstances and together we mourned my mother and father. We were the only family each of us had and now it was just me. Sighing I slid down further into the water until it covered my head, leaving only my nose slightly above the waterline for air.

A hand on my shoulder startled me and I jerked upright, sending the water careening in the tub. It was Bella and she was holding clothes and a huge fluffy towel. I wished I knew what to say to her.

"I'll put these on the sink. Jasper says the weather is getting nasty so you'll probably be here for the night." There was a flush to her cheeks. She looked uncomfortable standing there.

"Thanks." I had to say something to her. For some reason I had the overwhelming urge to tell her that I wasn't after Jasper. He was all hers. "Bella, I just want you to know, Jasper and I are only friends."

There I'd said it and I could feel my heart and mind making complete peace with it.

.

"Good, I'd hate to see my dad hurt. He's happier than I can ever remember seeing him, and if you did that, then thank you. I don't like worrying about him." There was a fire there in her eyes and I knew instantaneously that while Bella may come across as shy, there was a rod of steel in the girl's spine. I wouldn't put it past her to kick my ass if I ever hurt Charlie. Instantly I liked her, and I thought she and I were going to get along just fine.

"Do you mind if I crash in your bed? It's been a long day." Right now all I wanted was a soft bed and at least eight hours of good sleep. Jasper and I could discuss our renewing friendship tomorrow.

"Go ahead. I'll take Jasper's and dad can have the other room, it's not like Jasper needs to sleep anyway." She turned to leave the room, then stopped at the doorway.

"Thank you for being here for him when everyone left. You helped make him stronger and I will always thank you for that. Your friendship means a lot to him, and I hope you'll forgive him for whatever he's done." She looked over her shoulder at me and I knew it took guts for her to say what she did. Jasper was a lucky vampire.

**Bella POV**

Janine's words about Jasper made me feel better and less jealous. Knowing how much Jasper and apparently my dad cared for her, then I would try my hardest to be her friend. Right now I was tired myself and like Janine, bed sounded too good to resist.

Jasper was leaning against the wall in the hallway and I didn't hesitate to be buried in his arms. It had been a long day. I couldn't wait to be in bed snuggled against him.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" Jasper's words surprised me. It was so unlike him to be unsure of anyone's feelings.

"I don't know, what did you do?"

He never told me what had caused the turmoil between them, only that they'd had an outing and that it was his fault.

"The night I rescued you from the cliffs, your blood was calling to me. It was so strong and I lost my mind for a few minutes. I hurt her, Bella. She was bleeding from a cut in her neck, a cut I'd made. I almost killed her, Bella. Her fear was so intoxicating and between smelling her blood and yours, I almost lost my mind. If she never forgives me, it will be what I deserve."

I could feel his loss as it projected slightly into me. To see Jasper so torn up showed me just how much Janine's friendship meant to him. He was always so strong, yet right now he was clinging to me. That he would show me his vulnerability meant the world to me, and I could feel my heart, breaking for him.

"Give her time, Jasper. I forgave you and she will too." I didn't have to mention the world's worst birthday party for him to get the meaning. "I'm going to go to bed."

He let me go from his arms and I missed the contact. It would be so easy to fall in love with him, if it wasn't already happening.

Voices and loud bangs woke me up on Christmas Eve morning. Stretching I got out of bed quickly, someone, probably Esme had laid clothes on the dresser for me. I put on a pair of black leggins and a dark pink T-shirt. Once I had everything on, I went to Jasper's closet, pulling out a black button down shirt. Not bothering buttoning it, I slipped into it, loving the smell of him that still lingered in the threads.

Being in his shirt made it feel like I was in his arms. I was going to have to raid his closet more often. I hoped he didn't mind. The one time I'd try to borrow one of Edward's shirts he'd gotten huffy and suggested shopping with Alice if I needed something to wear.

Wonderful smells were coming from the kitchen as I opened the door. For a vampire that couldn't eat, Esme was one of the best chefs. If she kept it up, I would gain the weight Carlisle wanted in no time at all. The door to my room remained closed, meaning Jani was still asleep. For a second I pondered waking her up, then decided to leave her alone.

Upstairs looked like a war zone. Furniture was against the walls that were not in pieces.

The first voice I heard was my father's.

"Would you care to tell me again, why you would put up new walls over wiring that's older than I am?" Charlie, Jasper and Carlisle were standing in front of a ripped out wall studying ancient wiring. All were dressed in jeans and flannel and had tool belts slung around their hips. The looked that fit my dad, looked a little out of place on Carlisle, and I tried hard not to laugh. It was different seeing Carlisle in anything but dress clothes.

"I think Jasper was more interested in getting the place livable than paying attention to the details." Carlisle nudged into Jasper's shoulder and they all turned and looked at me as I ascended the last step.

Charlie rolled his eyes while shaking his head back and forth. Jasper looked at his shirt and nodded his head, approving the look. I could feel the blush bursting on my cheeks then ducked into the kitchen. The wondrous smell turned out to be huge fluffy waffles with sliced strawberries, maple syrup and whipped cream. I'd died and gone to heaven.

"Good morning, sweetheart.' Esme turned from loading the waffle iron with more batter and smiled 'Are you hungry?"

"Starving." My belly also rumbled in reply and Esme chuckled.

"So how long have they gone at it?" I nodded my head in direction of the men while taking a plate from her hands.

"Since just before dawn. The power went out. Jasper and Charlie hooked the generator up which is the only reason we have power now. Jasper was telling your dad about the electrical problems and one led to another. When we got here, they were already knee-deep in sheet rock and bonding over tools. I think they are going to town in a few minutes to get started on rewiring. If I had known it was this bad, I would have done it myself months ago."

My eyebrow arched as I looked at Esme in disbelief. I knew she enjoyed decorating, but I couldn't picture her doing construction. She didn't seem the type.

"Whom do you think bought them their tool belts? Jasper's the best hand I've ever had. Most of the Forks house we built together. Emmett is great at demolition, and I always call on Carlisle when I need something did with precision, he has the hands for it. Edward and Alice never had the patience for construction and while Rose helped, I think it was to be with Emmett, more than anything."

I watched the easy comradery between my father, Jasper and Carlisle. Charlie didn't treat them as vampires, he treated them like he treated everyone, with respect. It was heartwarming and comical to watch them work, especially when I watched Charlie grab Carlisle's wrist as he was about to touch a bare wire. Carlisle started laughing, then looked at Charlie and he started laughing, soon after Jasper was holding his sides. It was an instant bonding moment and Esme and I watched almost in awe.

After taking the plethora of medications Carlisle had me on, I wandered downstairs to see if Janine was awake. Knocking lightly on the door, I didn't hear an answer. Opening the door, I looked in. Janine was in a tangle of bed sheets, her hair damp. She moaned slightly and I knew something was wrong.

"Carlisle." I said the name almost in a whisper, knowing he would hear me. A few seconds later he was behind me and moving past into the room. I went to follow.

"Stay back, Bella." I stopped in step. "Jasper, bring me my bag. Bella, go upstairs." His voice was demanding and I watched as he lifted Jani upright, checking her pulse and head.

"What's going on?" I could feel Jasper's worry as he projected it.

"She's sick, more than likely the flu. Bella, go upstairs, now." I jumped as his voice rose and he stared at me, his eyes flashing.

"I can help, it's not like I have anything better to do." I took a step back then stopped.

"You are in no condition to be helping Janine, and getting sick yourself, now go."

Slowly I backed out of the room and went into the family room down the hall. Other than a huge sectional sofa and equally huge flat screen tv, the room was bare. Boxes of dvds lined one wall. Knowing Jasper wouldn't mind, I opened the first box and began alphabetizing the discs, hoping the mindless activity would keep me occupied.

"You don't have to do that, you know." Jasper's hand on my shoulder startled me and I rocked back, falling to my butt.

"It's something to do." I mumbled, feeling cooped up. For months I holed up in one place or another, to say I was getting cabin fever would be correct.

"He's just worried about you. With your immunity low, you could pick up a virus too easily. Carlisle's just trying to keep you safe in the ways he knows how. That's what we get for having a doctor in the family." From behind me he pulled me into a standing position, his arms wrapping securely around my waist. I leaned back into him, needing my haven.

"I know. I'm trying not to get overemotional over everything. It's not working."It was frustrating.

"Listen. Charlie and I are going to run into town. Can I get you anything while we're there?"

What I wouldn't give to be able to go with them. The feeling of entrapment was quickly overwhelming. Doing absolutely nothing was something I was unused to. At home there was always laundry, cooking or cleaning to do, besides homework. The past few months I had enveloped myself in activity so as not to think about Edward being gone. It hadn't helped. Now I had nothing to do, and didn't think about Edward, so boredom was getting to me in a bad way.

"Take me with you, please. I need to get out of here. I'll stay away from people. I just need to get away. Please!" Turning in his arms. I looked up into his golden eyes, hoping the pleading in mine would be enough to sway him.

He sighed, while pulling me tight against him. "Why is it that I can deny you nothing? I'll talk to Carlisle, but I can make any promises. You know how he can be about these things, especially when it comes to you. If he says no, there will be no pouting from you, little lady." Pulling me back slightly, I saw that his eyes meant business, but he smiled at me before quickly kissing my lips. "You have to be the one to ask him, and I mean what I say, no pouting, or complaining."

Carlisle was just coming out of my bedroom and closed the door behind him.

"Can I go with Jasper and my dad?" I tried the same heartfelt look that had worked on Jasper, hoping it would work on Carlisle. I wanted to get out of the house, and if playing doe-eyed got me there, then I would do what it took. "Please, I'll stay away from everyone, I promise, patients' honor." I put fingers up to my head in the girl scout salute and pleaded with my eyes.

"I don't like this one bit, but as long as you stay away from people, you can go." Carlisle sighed much like Jasper.

I couldn't help the elation that bubbled up and I jumped up and down twice in excitement. Carlisle shook his head at me, then headed upstairs. Twirling, I grabbed Jasper in a hug, my energy won him over and he twirled me in his arms.

"I might have had a little to do with his saying, yes. Just this once. You won't get your way every time you know. Now get ready to go, I'd like to leave in a few minutes as long as Charlie is ready."

Quickly I raced into Jasper's room, glad for the pile of clothes Esme had left earlier. Tugging off the leggins, I tossed on the old jeans I recognized from Charlie's and an oversize sweatshirt. Within moments I was ready.

Charlie and Jasper were upstairs making a list in the kitchen. I was more excited than I had been in months. I couldn't stop myself as I wrapped my arms around Jasper's waist from behind, laying my right cheek on his back, I hugged him as hard as I could. I could feel his love radiating into me as his left hand moved across mine. Even Charlie's growl couldn't stop my happiness.

Carlisle came upstairs and added his own list to Jasper's, and looked over my attire approvingly. "I mean it, stay as far away from people as possible. Don't touch anything you don't have to, and as soon as you get back, I want you in the shower. Jasper, makes sure she eats a healthy lunch, no fast-food, and keep people from getting too close."

Jasper and I both said. "Yes, Sir!" At the same time and I followed with a giggle as Charlie and Carlisle both sighed in frustration. Today was going to be a good day.

"I'm going to go warm up the truck." Jasper kissed my head as he spun out of my arms. Instantly I felt incomplete and missed him.

Looking at the Christmas tree in the corner reminded me of my own list I had for the day, Christmas presents. It looked like today was going to be the day that I broke out the credit card Charlie gave me for emergencies. I was looking forward to shopping, wouldn't Alice be proud. As quickly as I thought of her, my mouth turned bitter and I forced the thoughts of her away. Someday, when I was a vampire, I was going to sock that damn pixie's head right off her shoulders.

The next ten minutes seemed long when I was anxious to go. Charlie more than once, shook his head at me, still drinking his coffee. Esme was downstairs helping Carlisle with Janine while Jasper was warming the truck. I couldn't remember being this excited about Christmas, ever.

I was pulling on my boots when Jasper came back in, snowflakes dusting his dark hair, his eyes liquid gold and smiling. The sensation of electricity hit my stomach so hard that I fell backward, landing on my butt. Jasper lifted my foot and slid my boot on, and while looking into his laughing eyes, I felt my insides feel like they'd been hit with electrical current. My head began swimming and I fought the urge to rip his shirt off so I could bury myself in his cool chest. I could faintly see the scar on his neck, my favorite one so far, the urge to kiss it, to nuzzle it and suck it was overwhelming.

Jasper's eyes widened and began turning dark. These dark eyes were different from the feral ones I'd seen on my birthday, there was a fire that laid just beyond them. I could get lost for days in those dark eyes, wanted to.

At the same time, we leaned forward and the current in me roared brilliantly to life as his cold lips met mine. His tongue slid across my bottom lip and I tasted the sweetness of his venom, instantly wanting more. For the taste of him alone, I was willing to burn. The thought was a sucker punch and I pulled back suddenly. The brief image, a glimpse of a daydream of being his, was a blast to my gut. Could I spend forever with him? Could I be his in every way, and he mine? Did I want that? A part of me, a large part was screaming yes, while the smaller opposition was tangled in images of Edward and being hurt again.

"For always, Bella. I'll want you for always, and I promise, as long as you want me, I will never leave your side." Jasper's love was a balm to the confusion as I took it fully into my body. It warmed me and brought me to life. I felt like Bella again, whole, complete and undoubtably falling in love with the man in front of me.

Charlie's cough caught us and I felt the blush flare in my cheeks as Jasper chuckled. Swiftly he had my other boot on and laced before I could blink, then helped me to my feet. I grabbed my purse that someone had brought from the house and hung on a peg and we left.

Once outside I was dismayed to find that I would have to sit in the back. Charlie immediately hopped into the shotgun position which left me in the smaller seats behind. Jasper's truck was beautiful so I didn't mind too much. It was a definite improvement over my old rust bucket.

The inside was warm and the backseat was more spacious than it looked. When Jasper hopped into the driver's seat, I could see the advantages of sitting behind him. As we drove, I felt myself begin to relax. Low country music was playing on the radio as we sat in silence. Deciding to be cheeky, I leaned forward, resting my head on Jasper's seat, my breath teasing the back of his neck.

He instantly stiffened in his seat. There was just enough room between the seats that I was able to wiggle my right hand through. Slowly I ran in along the back of Jasper's right thigh. His spine went straight and he quickly coughed to cover his moan.

"Bella, you need to put your seat belt on." My dad, ever the cop who notices everything ruined my fun.

I found myself dozing slightly as we drove, Charlie and Jasper's voices were low as they went over plans for the electricity. The dream came on me, swift, hard and dark. It was so dark. I could hear voices as they taunted me, pain as my flesh was hit, poked, slapped, and tortured. The smell of blood was so strong and my stomach gripped painfully as my head spun. One thought over and over rang through my mind. Jasper will come for me. Jasper will come for me.

I screamed out loud, flailing my arms as a cool hand shook me gently from sleep. My heart raced so hard in my chest, and I wondered if I were having another attack. Gently I was hauled out of the back of the truck and inside my haven.

"What's wrong, darlin'?" The concern in Jasper's voice, matched that in his golden eyes. It was all right. I was safe. It was all just a dream.

"Just a bad dream, I'm fine now.' I knew he wasn't convinced and had probably sucked up all the raging emotions from my dream. 'I'm fine, it was just a dream."

Jasper took my answer, but still kept his arm, firmly wrapped around my waist. The row of shops was a plaza and I was happy to find that I would be able to get my shopping done, while they did theirs.

"I'm going to go do a little shopping. I'll meet you guys back here." As if it was the most natural movement for me to do, I rose on my tiptoes and kissed Jasper on the lips, lingering for just a moment.

Without waiting for their reply, I turned and left. Swiftly I made my way toward the small antique store that caught my eye. It was here that I was able to find everyone on my list, without leaving. Wondering through the shelves, I found an old fly reel and pole for Charlie with a collection of flies. He'd always wanted to try fly-fishing and I hoped this would encourage him. I was overjoyed with my gift for Esme. It was a pendant depicting a mother and child and I knew it would touch her deeply. The antique dressing table set with its silver and mother-of-pearl backs on the mirror and brush brandished the initials R.H., made me think of Rosalie and her long blond hair. I added it, even though Rose wouldn't be here, I couldn't pass up the gift for her, that and I knew that secretly she would love it. For Emmett, I found an old framed poster of a dancing bear and knew that he would appreciate the irony. Carlisle was harder to shop for and I finally settled on a beautiful pocket watch and fob. An intricate design of swirls suited him. I had a hard time not picturing him pulling it out of his pocket to check the time. Janine's was simple, especially after last night. The pendant was a carved jasper stone turtle. I hoped it was something she would accept in friendship and to show her that I accepted her friendship with Jasper.

Jasper's gift was the hardest, so many things caught my eye, yet none seemed just right. It would have been easier if I had known his past and more of his likes. Meandering through the store I wound up by a shelf filled with antique books, but the books did not catch my eye. It was the book sitting inside the glass counter. According to the sign it was a rare first edition of Gone With the Wind supposedly signed by the author. Knowing that Jasper was from the south, I was hoping that he would love it. Walking back to the counter, I told the woman who'd helped me earlier of my intention to buy the book. It was going to break the bank and I promised to make it up to Charlie.

With my treasures being boxed and wrapped, I left the store and wandered to the nearby coffee shop. Knowing Carlisle would be strict with a no caffeine policy, I ordered a peppermint tea and sat by the windows watching the people walking in the snow. Watching, I saw Jasper and Charlie leave the hardware store. I could not take my eyes off Jasper as he began striding this way. He was a vision of raw masculinity and power. My heart began thumping wildly in my chest, with a possessiveness toward him that made me want to smack the women who were openly gawking. I wanted to run up to them and proclaim that he was mine.

Jasper's eyes looked up and direct into mine, his face lighting with a smile. My heart fluttered and I knew that he saw me. It would be so easy to fall for him, to give him everything that I was. Even from outside the glass, I could feel his love cocooning me in its warmth. It made me yearn to give into my feelings and fall. Someday, I hope soon, I would have enough courage to do just that.

The bell jangled over the door as he walked in and over to me. Moments later the bell jangled again and Jasper stepped smoothly out of the way as Jessica Staley and Lauren Mallory glided in laughing and carrying packages. They both noticed Jasper and stopped in their tracks. As far as everyone knew, the Cullens had left town.

Lauren gasped and grabbed Jessica's coat so hard I thought she'd rip the sleeve off. The both watched open mouth as Jasper came to me. Bending, his lips smiled once before tasting mine in a long leisurely kiss.

"Are you, ready darlin'? Did you get everything you needed?" His smile was mischievous as he helped me on with my coat. I felt a wave of it hit me and decided to play with it.

"I just have one last stop, Victoria's Secret. A stop I wouldn't have to make if you would quit tearing apart all my lingerie." Standing on tiptoes I kissed his lips and rubbed my body down his as I lowered my feet.

"I'm sorry, baby, I can't help it, all that lace just drives me mad and it's so much fun tearing them off you. Get whatever you want, my treat, hell, buy out the whole store, we might as well stock up now. Knowing us, it might be awhile before we come back to town." Jasper's large hand lingered on my rear end briefly before traveling up to my waist and under my shirt.

Lauren and Jessica were standing still, their mouths opened in silent gasps. I could tell by Jasper's smile that they were green with jealousy and envy. We walked out of the coffee shop and I burst into a fit of giggles. I never knew how much fun it would be to torment them.

"You were just naughty." Jasper swatted my behind playfully and I found myself leaning into his side, letting him wrap his arms around me.

"You didn't help matters." I steered him toward the antique store. His eyebrow raised at the packages once we were inside, but said nothing.

Charlie was waiting for us when we got to the truck. Jasper loaded my packages into the back with me. We stopped once at a pharmacy for Carlisle's list, then we were heading home. I was tired and happy. Again I found myself falling asleep in the back while listening to Charlie and Jasper talk. I found myself dreaming of Christmas tomorrow and giddy with anticipation.

Esme fixed me lunch when we were finally back at the house since we were back earlier than expected. I placed the presents under the tree, and went downstairs to shower then finish my nap. My body felt tired, all the time.

Later that evening, I heard voices coming from the air duct in the ceiling. It was my father's and Carlisle's voices. They were talking about me.

"So be straight with me, how's she doing?"

"You might want to sit down, Charlie."

"I'll stand if you don't mind."

"I'm not sure yet, just how damaged her heart is, but it is significant. To figure out more, I need whatever information you and Bella's mother can provide for medical history. Without admitting her into the hospital I'm limited to what I can do. Years ago we would have done what I am doing now, and that is keeping Bella confined to an invalid status."

"So in time, she should be fine."

"Unfortunately, her condition will never allow that again. Her heart is too weak. You saw how she was when you returned, even little jaunts like today, are taking their toll, not only on her heart, but her entire body. I will be honest with you, because you deserve it. She possibly has less than a year, until the damage will require a transplant, if her body is strong enough to consider that step. There is also the possibility that her body would give out before a donor could be found. Hearts are the hardest of all organs to obtain, and while Bella's case would put her higher on a list, her age is against her, children are always taken care of before adults. Even working outside the law on the black market, finding one compatible for Bella would take more time than we have."

"You can change her, make her like you, then she won't have to go through that."

Hot tears began falling from my eyes as I heard the anguish in my father's voice and more than a tinge of it in Carlisle's.

"Until I know more about her heart, I hesitate to do it outright. The change into a vampire is horrific on the body at best. It could kill her, Charlie."

They went silent after that and I understood why. I needed to get away from here. Again the walls began closing in on me, slowly. Slowly I snuck to the closet as quiet as I could. Inside I found a pair of Jasper's boots and slipped them on and over my jeans. Over my head I threw on one of his sweatshirts and tiptoed out of the room.

I was just reaching for the door's handle to slide open the glass when a cool hand covered my own. Jasper. Turning I saw his face fill with anguish and I knew that he heard the talk between Charlie and Carlisle. In the blink of an eye he was gone and then back, carrying the heavy quilt from his bed. Doubling it, he wrapped it around me, then lifted me into his arms.

The night was perfect and clear overhead. A million brilliant stars lay across the heavens, twinkly in the crisp air. Where we were going, I didn't know, and didn't care. The cold filled my lungs and I felt like I could breathe. Neither of us said a word until Jasper stopped, bent and sat. We were on a dock looking over the river. For what seemed like hours we just sat, until I could feel the cold seeping into the blanket.

"Sit right here and don't move, I'll be right back." Jasper kissed my head and suddenly I was alone.

Looking up at the sky I was amazed at the depth of the stars and tried not to be afraid of what was happening. The sob caught my chest and throat, just as my haven wrapped himself around me once more. I heard a crunching sound then felt slight heat as Jasper slid two large hot packs into the blanket with me.

"I bought the hardware store out of as many as I could. They should keep you warm for a while." He laid his chin on the top of my head as I let the sobs take my body.

"I'm scared, Jasper. I don't want to die." The words were barely whispers as I let my fear open.

"We won't let you. We'll find a way, Bella, I promise you. I'm not going to lose you, not now, not in a year, not ever. I'll change you myself if Carlisle won't. You're strong, sweetheart, we'll get through this together."

**Jasper POV**

I sat holding her, my mate, my soul, my existence and tried not to fall apart. Carlisle's words in my office had ripped my heart out by force. I couldn't lose Bella now, not after just finding her. She was strong and together we would make her stronger. I wouldn't wait for the chance of her heart worsening. Better to change her now than wait.

As her fear became overwhelming, I fought back with my courage and strength. I would give her all. I had to give. We sat staring out over the icy river and into the dark night. As the night darkened, more faint traces of the Aurora Borealis laced tendrils across the sky.

"Look, Bella, quickly." There in the sky, trailing from west to east was a pair of shooting stars, in perfect synch with each other. "Make a wish, my Bella."

I'd already made mine and was working on it even as we sat here. Someday I would make Bella my wife and mate and together we would seek out eternity. Slowly I was feeling the change in her feelings she wanted to love me but was afraid. I understood her fear, more than she could know. It was the same fear that I had that she, would be taken away from me.

"Thank you, Jasper, for everything." Her words were small against my throat as her nose nuzzled my neck. The smallest touches from her set me aflame.

We sat for a little while longer, until even the hotpacks were losing their heat. "We'd better get you inside darlin', or Santa is never going to visit." With a finger I tapped her nose, loving the sound of her giggle. God but this girl had me wrapped around her finger. With every last atom of my body and soul, I loved her.

Standing with her tucked in my arms. We made the way back to the house. I had no doubt that Carlisle would be furious, and it was Esme that was keeping him from coming after us and ripping my head off for being irresponsible with Bella's health.

"You, outside, now!" The command hit me with force as soon as I opened the door. Carlisle's voice held authority and power, even though he was not my sire and I did not have the automatic urge to do his bidding like the others, I respected his age and position.

I turned Bella over to Esme and followed Carlisle outside. His emotions were all over the place, especially after admitting that Bella was dying. The rage wasn't just because I had taken Bella out, it was knowing that even with all of Carlisle's expertise, he could do nothing at the moment to save her.

When both of us called a stalemate, it was Christmas morning. Together we sat on a tree stump overlooking the pasture and both of us tried not to lose ourselves in misery. Neither of us could face the possibility of losing Bella completely.

"We'll find a way to change her. We'll get her as strong as possible, then we'll change her. It's all we can hope for. You especially are going to have to be vigilant with this. One setback, just one would mean everything. You can't let her get her way all the time. Remind her that we're doing this because we love her and don't want to lose her. It's all we can do, son. I'll do everything in my power so we don't lose her." Carlisle's strength was a comfort and I tried to soak up as much as possible.

"How's the arm, old man?" I looked to Carlisle's left arm as it fused on.

"Better, how's the bite?" The right side of my leg was burning and my calf would have another scar tomorrow. I had grabbed Carlisle in a leg lock, only to have him bite me. Other than turning, with the others, Carlisle never bit any of us. It led to an immediate stop of the fight, with Carlisle's shame and embarrassment.

"It's fine. You get to explain it to Bella though." I took off running so I would get to play the wounded warrior and have Bella tend my wounds, or at least baby me for a bit. I couldn't wait to get back into her arms.

I heard Carlisle mutter something about "Damn kids." And begin running to catch up.

Bella's eyes showed immense fatigue as she sat on the sofa waiting. Esme by her side, both were holding hands, and Bella's head lay on her shoulder. We had worried them, and they were also angry that we'd stayed gone for so long.

Bella flew off the couch and into my arms, wincing when she saw my jeans shredded from the knee down. "What happened?"

"Just a little rough-and-tumble, we're fine, and it will heal. Shouldn't you be in bed?" I looked into her sleeping eyes and began pushing more lethargy into her.

"That's not fair." The words came out slowly as Bella's eyes rolled back and I caught her as she fell asleep. I carried her downstairs and tucked her into bed. Kissing her softly, I crawled in next to her, and began waiting for morning, and tried to clear my mind of everything but how to get Bella better. It had been all I could do not to let my emotions flood the house last night as I held Bella and prayed that she would be okay. In the dark hours of the night, when all was quiet except beats her erratic heart, it was hard not to think of what I would do for eternity without her. I wouldn't be able to live without her. Life would not be worth living. Bella's nightmares had also started in again and my heart broke for her as she cried in her sleep.

Christmas morning dawned bright and beautiful, it also brought the pounding at the door. Carefully as not to disturb Bella, I slid out from the warmth of her arms. After she had fallen asleep, I'd gotten into flannel pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, knowing there were too many people in the house to traipse around in shorts and nothing else

Charlie was just coming out of his room, and Carlisle was coming out of Janine's. We looked at each other, wondering who could be pounding at the door at five o'clock on Christmas morning. Another pound had me flying and I reached the door just as a meaty fist set to strike again.

"It's about damn time, geez, people could freeze into popscicles out here waiting for you." Emmett pushed his handful of bags at me, as did Rosalie and they barged past me into the house.

"Come on in." I muttered just loud enough for them to hear.

"Mom, dad, we're home." Emmett's booming voice was enough to break the sound barrier.

"Shut up, damn it man. There are people sleeping. Are you insane? It's five o'clock in the morning." My whispers were furious as they placed their bags down in the entryway.

"Sorry, nice spread man, what's happened to the walls." Emmett lowered his voice, though it still echoed in the silence.

"Electrical issue, what are you doing here?" They were supposed to be searching for the asshole, not showing up in people's homes uninvited. The sorrow and loneliness coming from both of them, made me regret my harsh words. Damn Emmett, and his too soft heart.

"Come on, Em, I told you this was a bad idea." Rose started pulling Emmett toward the door. She was angry and hurt, more so when she saw the Christmas tree and decorations. It had been so long since we'd celebrated the holiday. I never would have thought that Rosalie and Emmett would be the ones to miss it so much. They had come, wanting to spend Christmas as a family, and I made them feel unwanted. God, I was an ass.

"I'm sorry, guys. It was as bad night.' Running my fingers through my hair, I watched as Carlisle and Esme started up the basement stairs. 'Please stay. It would be nice to have Christmas as a family, especially this year. Make yourselves at home, and no elk, I mean it."

Immediately the mood lifted and Emmett's club size fist hit me between the shoulder blades, almost rocking me forward. "Let's get the party started, where's Bella, and who else is here?"

I stopped Emmett from barreling down the stairs, just barely. Carlisle and Esme laughed. Emmett saw our mother and grabbed her, swinging her around the room while she exclaimed. Quickly he set her down then went to Carlisle, who looked at him sternly. To Em it didn't matter, he swung Carlisle around to, while our father tried hard not to laugh.

The feeling of being unwanted still flowed from Rosalie, and though she was happy for Emmett, she was sad. I went to her, throwing my arm around her shoulders and hugging her to me. I was happy they were here and happy to celebrate the holiday with them. For all of my stance on breaking away from the family, they were my family, and always would be. I loved Rosalie and Emmett as much as Peter and Charlotte.

Standing here, holding my sister, I realized how much I had missed her. Where everyone else saw Rosalie the bitch, I knew the truth. Rose had a heart of gold that she hid beneath her spine of steel. She was the family protector, and often its voice of reason. She also didn't hate Bella as much as she wanted everyone to believe and even now worried and wondered if she was all right. Rose did hate that Bella was willing to give up life and everything humanity had to offer. Her feelings for Bella were that of a true big sister. She didn't want Bella to make the mistakes she had.

My heart flowed with love for my little sister, Rose was the vampire counterpart of my sister's combined. "I love you, and I'm glad you're here, Bella will be as well. She has missed you both terribly." Briefly her mood brightened, but I could still feel her disbelief.

"Yeah right, she's missed me." Rose rolled her eyes, but inside I could feel her hope.

"Why don't all of us go hunt, while the others wake up.?" Carlisle patted Emmett on the back while Rose went willingly into Esme's arms. We left through the front doors and went running, feeling more complete as a family than we had in a long time, even with two of us missing.

Being with them, I realized how wrong I had been. I didn't need to live without them to be my own man, knowing them and finally having the guts to stand up for me had done that. They all helped to create the man that was with them now. Who knows what would have happened without them, chances stood in favor of my going back to Maria and a life of horror, death, and violence. Before Alice, I was lost, with no one and nothing to fight for. She gave me a family, herself, and a future of relative peace. For that I would always love her, even if she hurt me, for whatever reason she needed. I was finally ready to let go and forgive her. Just then as we were all sitting in a clearing, respite and full, my phone rang. It was Alice. I answered hitting the speaker for everyone to hear.

"Hi, everyone, I miss you, and Merry Christmas." She sounded less frantic and worried than in the past.

"Alice, where are you, young lady, you have your father worried sick." Esme's voice held the full concern that she leaked at times.

"I'm sorry, Mom, and Dad. I wish I could tell you, but I can't. Don't worry, I'm okay, and we'll be together again before too long, I promise. There are still things that I must do and take care of before I can come back to you."

"Why can't you tell us, Alice? Anything you're going through we can get through together." Carlisle's worry and love hit me hard.

"I wish I could, but I'm sorry, I can't. This is something that I have to do. Emmett, and Rose, I miss you both so much, and I love you. You need to go east. You'll find him, use the GPS on his phone. He's going to need you. When the time comes, you need to stick by him, trust me, it will work out. Jasper, there is so much I want to tell you. First, I'm sorry, so sorry. I hope now you can see why I had to set you free. She's your mate, Jazzy, and your singer. I couldn't keep that from you. I loved you enough to set you free. There is going to come a time soon, when you need to set the beast free, and when you do, the family will fully understand you. I wish I could be there to see you in all of your glory, but it won't be time yet. I love you, my dark angel. Tell Bella that I miss her, and that I love her, even if she hates me, she is still my sister. I've got to go, I love you and have fun today, for me. Your presents should arrive tomorrow, it seems places just won't deliver on Christmas day."

Pain and loss surrounded me, with a feeling of release. The release lay inside me and I felt free. Damn pixie. She'd seen that Bella was my singer and my mate. I could imagine the devastation she had felt. I had felt it when she left. If it took me forever, I would repay Alice. She was right, she had loved me enough to set me free, and for that I was forever in her debt. Her love for this family, and for Bella was one of the most special things about her. I hoped that someday she would find her true mate and I prayed that he would be worthy of her, because if he wasn't I was going to tear him apart.

"Come on, let's do as she says and enjoy the day." Carlisle's voice shook us all from our separate reveries. We followed as a group to the Cullen house where the rest changed clothes then back to my house.

We stopped just outside and listened to the three different heartbeats that lay inside. Three separate people that trusted us that didn't fear us and gave us their friendship and love. As a family we were incredibly blessed, even more so by having them in our lives.

I saw the enjoyment Carlisle had gotten yesterday in working alongside Charlie, and felt a bonding of brothers begin to form in them. It wasn't unlike the bond I shared with Emmett and even Edward. With us Carlisle always took on the parental role, even with me, who was the oldest. With Charlie it was different and I saw how lacking in older male companionship my father was. He didn't treat Charlie like a child, but as an equal. Esme fussed over him, the same as with everyone, but again I saw that it wasn't in a motherly way, just Esme.

Carlisle and Esme had not left Janine's side during the night, caring for her as they would have any of us. Again I thought of the differences in the way they treated her and us. It was here with Esme that I felt a sisterly bond and knew that Janine was a great balance for Esme. Janine was more wild and carefree where Esme was reserved and quiet.

For so long, my parents had been lacking in companionship of their own. Sure we had the Denali's, and even though we considered them family, it wasn't like the bonds I could feel forming. It wasn't hard to picture Charlie and Carlisle fishing, or Janine and Esme gardening and decorating. I wondered if Alice had seen everything. Our family was growing and changing in ways that I never could have imagined. Maybe the Volturi was right in their fear of us. Soon our numbers would rival theirs.

We listened to Bella's heart as we stood outside the house. Every few beats, her heart would stutter, never in the same way. Carlisle and Esme quickly felt sorrow, then closed it off from me. Rose and Emmett were listening in disbelief, both realizing the gravity of her situation without a word from Carlisle. They had been through enough school to know what heart arrhythmia and its severities caused.

Once we were all inside and I'd changed, Emmett followed Esme into the kitchen and I watched as my brother and mother began cooking breakfast. Em with his human proclivities was the only one who had any interest in learning to cook with Esme once Bella had come to the family. Surprisingly enough, he'd excelled, even teaching Esme, a thing or two. Before long, nauseating smells were coming from the kitchen with laughter and the flow of love.

Charlie was the first to come upstairs, heading directly for the coffee pot and pouring a cup. He had dressed before coming up in jeans and his typical flannel. Even with the presence of two more vampires in the house, Charlie took everything in stride, murmuring a good morning before he sat down at the table, bleary-eyed with his coffee.

Esme was making a tray up for Jani and I took it from her, hoping that my perspicacious friend was up for a talk with me until Bella awoke. Knocking lightly on her door, I heard her grumble. Without waiting for a reply, I went in, sitting the tray down on the dresser.

She was lying on her side, her dark braid tumbling over one shoulder. Bella's pajamas would have been too tight on her voluptuous curves, so Esme had put her in one of my T-shirts. She looked adorable and miserable.

"How are you feeling? I brought you some breakfast." I went and sat in the chair on the right side of the bed, the side she was facing. I pulled it closer and took her hand in mine.

"Like death, you'd know what that feels like, right." Even sick, her mouth ran away with her.

"I have a vague idea.' I smoothed tendrils of hair out of her eyes, glad to not feel a sign of fever. 'Do you think you can eat?" Her eyes were bright from being sick and she groaned while shaking her head, mumbling about gas leaks and Chinese take-out. I shook my head. Sometimes it was better not knowing exactly what she was thinking. It made me wonder what it was going to be like when she and Edward finally met. They were an explosion waiting to happen, and I had a feeling that Edward would be running for cover with his tail between his legs.

After helping her to sit up, I placed her tray over her lap. She tucked into what Em had called a frittata. I just watched her, soaking her in. It felt so good to see her again. Seeing her made the ache of her loss, slowly start to fade.

While her mouth was full, I took the opportunity to talk "Even sick, I'm glad you're here. I can't apologize enough for hurting you, and I swear I will do whatever I can to make it up to you. I'm hoping you'll wear this again.' I pulled her charm bracelet from my pocket and set it on the tray. I'd grabbed it earlier while changing with one of her Christmas gifts. The gift was hanging with the other charms. It was a one-inch long carved ruby turtle, since ruby was her birthstone, I couldn't resist the purchase.

For a moment, Jani fingered the turtle, a tear cascading past her eyelashes and down her cheek. She held out her wrist and I put it on. A sharp knock on the door pulled me away. Charlie's heartbeat had upped in rhythm and I could feel his jealousy. I nodded to him as I left, sending him a dose of courage. It was about time he told her how he felt and quit stalling.

Opening the door to my room, I noticed Bella was still asleep meaning I'd dosed her with a little too much lethargy last night. Her limbs spread wide on the bed as she lay on her stomach. The sheets wrapped around her like coils of a snake. One delectable foot hung out over the bed. The scent of her skin was tantalizing and I moved without thinking. Picking up her foot, I kiss the arch, nipping lightly at the skin that beckoned me. Her heart rate sped and I could feel her awakening. Moving over her swiftly I wanted to be the first object her eyes saw when they awoke.

Her eyes began fluttering and then I was falling into deep liquid pools of chocolate. My love for her was encompassing and her smile as she reached up to run her fingers through my hair was enough to make me die for her. Rolling both of us onto our sides, I grabbed her hand and kissed it, never losing eye contact.

"Merry Christmas, my Bella. Dress and come upstairs. There are surprises waiting for you."Quickly I kissed her and left so she could dress.

**Charlie POV**

She looked like hell, or at least had been there and back. Good old-fashioned jealousy reared its ugly head as I saw him put her bracelet on. I knew she had been missing it from the way she would rub her wrist at times. Jasper nodded to me as he left and I felt courage wrap around me. Damn kid.

"Hi." Her voice was hoarse and she coughed hard into her hand. She smiled and pointed at the mask, Carlisle was requiring me to wear. I immediately was to take a shower afterward and give Esme my clothes to wash. It was a hassle but to be with both of my girls. It was necessary.

"Hi, how are you feeling?" I shut the door behind me and went to the bed, crawling in beside her instead of sitting in the chair. I needed to feel her close. Being with her felt more natural than breathing or even fishing. It amazed me that in such a short span of time, how much she had come to mean to me.

"Probably as bad as I look." She instantly wrapped her arms around me, laying her head on my chest. My heart tightened and I let Jasper's false courage do its job.

"You look beautiful." She scoffed and swatted me lightly as I chuckled.

"You're blind as a bat." Her head settled over my heart and she laced her fingers with mine. Her hands felt so small, yet so perfect, like my hand was made to hold hers.

"Well, it's your beauty that's blinding me." God, where in the world did that come from. Damn my brain and mouth. I was happy to hear her laugh and feel her snuggle against me. Pushing the covers off she wrapped one luscious leg around mine and I felt every nerve in my body begin to stand at attention. My mouth suddenly went dry and I wished that I didn't have this stupid mask on my face. There was now the matter of a certain item burning in my pocket. I sighed deep.

"Spit it out Charlie. It's not like I'm going anywhere, anytime soon." She moved to sit up and I pulled her back into my side, turning her head so I could look into her dark eyes, the flecks of gold and green almost making me lose my tongue.

"Aw hell. I'm in love with you, Janine. I know we haven't known each other long, but I'm too old to take forever when what I'm feeling is the truth. I love you, Jani. Marry me and together we can figure out the rest." Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the ring the jeweler had helped me pick just yesterday. I'd slipped into the jewelry store while Jasper went to find Bella. The round stone was set, according to the jeweler, in an eternity band. Knowing eternity held different meanings to different people, like the Cullens, made it the only choice.

Her hands captured my face, pulling off the mask, then her lips met with mine in such force that I thought both of us would hit the floor. "Yes, Charlie. I love you too." The words were the sweetest I'd ever heard next to Bella's first cry. I didn't care that she tasted of medicine or that her hair was matted and that she had dark circles under her eyes. She was my soul mate. I'd finally found someone that fished, drank beer and watched sports, and wanted to do all three with me.

Tomorrow I would start filling out paperwork for an early retirement. The Cullens and Bella had shown me that life was too short. I was going to marry my girl, and spend the rest of my life proving to her and my daughter how much I loved them. Who knows may be, somehow along the way eternity might just figure into the picture.

For now in this moment, I was content to hold her and love her. Janine and Bella were the best blessings to ever happen in my life. Just holding Janine, even though I yearned to make love to her, was enough to keep my soul content. I knew together we could get through anything that was thrown at us, even vampires and werewolves.

**Carlisle POV**

I sat watching as my family grew exponentially. Never had I dreamed that we would double our numbers. There was no denying, we would now become the greatest opposition to the Volturi's way of life, even more so if we added the Denali clan. Caius would be out for our blood before too long, especially with so many gifted among us.

"Quit worrying my darling, everything will work out, it always does." Esme's fingers ran through my hair at the nape of my neck. Her loving fingers always knew just how to soothe me.

"So where is everyone else, are not we supposed to be celebrating around here." Emmett was literally hopping in place. My son had more energy than the ubiquitous Energizer bunny. He had been snooping into the packages under the tree for a good fifteen minutes, pointing out to an unusually humble Rosalie that one of the presents was for her, from Bella.

I looked at my incessantly proud daughter and wondered why Bella's gesture surprised her so much. Bella's thought for Rosalie, even with their tumultuous relationship touched me and I could tell it touched Rosalie as well, getting her to admit it though would be like pulling teeth from a vampire's jaw, nearly impossible. I would make sure that my daughter was no unkind to Bella on this day or else, she would see a side of my anger than she had never seen. She was getting too old for this nonsense. Without meaning to I found myself growling at Rosalie, who looked at me in shock.

"What did I do?" Her voice raised just a hair.

"Nothing, yet.' All the times that Bella had tried to get close to Rose came to my mind. I was tired of her using Bella as a scapegoat for our problems. 'If you so much as make that girl shed one tear, or even flush in embarrassment, you and I are going to have problems, do you understand me, young lady."

"What do you mean? Mom, what's going on?" Rose looked shocked.

"It's not hard to figure out Rosie. Dad wants you to be nice to Bella." Rosalie looked at Emmett incredulously. "Come on, babe, even you have to admit, you've always been hostile. Bella doesn't deserve that Rosie. Dad, doesn't want her upset, especially today." Emmett rubbed his wife's shoulders and tried to keep her ire under wraps.

I knew we were all looking at her, imploring her good behavior, for just this one day. Rose sighed, her lower lip quivering.

"It's not that I don't like her, I think she's naive to want this life, when she hasn't had a chance to live. Why would she give up children, love, family, to be like us? Giving up that chance would be the worse mistake of her life. I'd give up immortality in a second for the chance to hold a child in my arms."

I knew Rose would have been crying if she could. I went to her, pulling my oldest daughter in my arms. "Aw, sweetheart, you can't project your wants on someone else. What you wanted, is not the same as Bella. To you there is nothing better than family, but you need to understand Bella. Bella was raised an only child to divorced parents, when Edward started seeing her, he gave her the one thing she always wanted, a family. Families to some, mean a passel of children underfoot, to Bella it's just being loved by those she loves. She loves all of us Rosalie, even you, so much that it tore her apart to be away from us.'

'Her pain wasn't just about Edward. It was about all of us. We were wrong to leave her on Edward's whim and I'm glad Jasper had the courage to stay behind. I'll never leave her like that again Rosalie. She's just as much my daughter as you and Alice. Our family is growing and changing, and we must do what all families do, and that is to learn to adjust and still love each other. I am learning to adjust to my children may not all be under my wing anymore. I've taught you how to fly. It's up to you to know, how high you want to soar. We will always be here when you need or want us."

I could feel Esme's hand on my back and knew she was agreeing with me, it was time to let our children go. If they messed up, then like any parent, we would be waiting with broad shoulders and loving arms. Being around Jasper, and seeing how much he had grown had helped me immensely. I could not shelter them any longer. They were all well past the age of choosing their own lives. It would be a great disappointment to me if any one of them slipped from our diet, but I would love them, the same.

"I'll be good, I promise. I want this to be a wonderful Christmas as much as everyone. I'll talk to Bella, and apologize to her. I don't hate her, even if that's what everyone thinks, I just don't want her to look back on her life and regret anything. Maybe if someone had blown the fairy dust from my eyes, I wouldn't be here now, I'd be an old woman in a nursing home." Rose pulled back sharply as a strangled sound came from Emmett throat, then he was gone, out the door and running.

This day was turning into a Christmas television drama.

It was at that exact moment, Jasper and Bella came walking up the stairs, hand in hand. Bella was still wearing her pajamas and Jasper had a look of pain on his face. I watched as my son let go of his love and pull his sister into his arms. It was in that moment that I knew Jasper was in so many ways that glue that held the family together. He knew us better than we knew ourselves.

"I'll go talk to him. He loves you, Rosalie." He kissed her on the head, then kissed Bella on the lips then took off after Emmett. Rosalie's shoulders hunched as she flew to the door, anguish written on her face.

I watched in amazement as Bella went to her, wrapping her arms around Rose and laying her head on her shoulder. My strong, stubborn daughter, broke. Wrapping her arms around Bella, her shoulders shook with tears, she couldn't shed and remorse for her words.

**Bella POV**

It was surprising to see Emmett and Rosalie here, but I was glad. I had missed both of them. Seeing Rose so lost as she stared out the window after her husband and Jasper, I knew I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. I went to her, wrapping my arms around her from the side. Her cries in my shoulder, as she clung to me, told me how sorry she was for hurting Emmett.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Carlisle and Esme left the room. I wandered where my dad was, but not for long. I'd seen the concern on his face for Jani. There was no doubt in my mind that he was in love with her.

"Do you think he'll forgive me?" Rosalie's voice was soft in my ear and it was the human leading the vampire to the couch to sit.

"Jasper's right, he loves you. He just needs to blow off some steam. Do you believe that Rose that you would have been better-off living to be in a nursing home, rather than with the Cullens?" I wanted to understand why someone, who had it all, wasn't happy with their life.

"Yes, I do, in many ways. All I ever wanted was to be loved and have a family, like my mother. I wanted six children, a big house, and love. Why are you giving it up for this life? I don't understand."

"Don't you see, Rose, you do have that, especially now? Granted the children are a lot older, but you can't tell me that Alice has never acted like a tween on a sugar rush. Edward's the kid you worry about because he's antisocial, you worry about Jasper because he gets in trouble, you worry about me because you don't want me to make your mistakes. You may not be a mother, Rosalie, but you're the best big sister anyone could ask for. You also have a big house, and the love of everyone in there. All I ever wanted was to be a part of that, a part of your family. Anymore I don't know if it was Edward that I fell in love with or all of you. Would you deny me the right to spend my life with my family?"

Rose looked at me, her eyes widening, a slow smile on her face. I could tell she was thinking, probably of all the ways her brothers and sisters were like children. She had never looked at it that way.

"Don't you want children, Bella, to be a mother someday, to be able to give life instead of just taking life away?" Her hands took mine. Did Rosalie not see the wonderful people in her life?

Behind us we heard the door softly snick open and inside walked Emmett and Jasper, neither looking the worse for wear.

"You gave me life, Rosalie. That should count for something. Without you I'd have been mauled by a bear and dead. Without Dad, you would have never gotten to have me. You'd be dust in a tomb by now. Ask her what's more important Bella? Is it dwelling on a future that she never would have, or a man and a family that love every last millimeter of her forever, even where her mouth gets in the way of her heart and brain. If you don't want this life Rosalie, don't want me or this family, then step outside and I'll light the fire, we can go up in flames together because I won't spend one second without you." Emmett picked Rosalie up by her arms and brought her up to his eyes.

"I'm sorry I can't give you children, Rosie, and I've tried to make it up to you these years. But damn it, woman, there comes a time when you need to be thankful for what you have and quit livin' in the past. If you want a child so bad, we'll find a way, we'll adopt, start an orphanage or something. We'll find a way without you going off the bend and turning a kid. I'd prefer not to have the Volturi after our asses because my wife has a never-ending ticking biological clock, and quit trying to guilt Bella into changing her mind. The girl is as stubborn as you, and I'm looking forward to picking on my little sister for at least the next hundred years." Emmett turned and winked at me as he hugged his wife.

"I'm sorry Bella and Emmett put me down, unless you would prefer not opening your Christmas presents." Rose kissed Emmett full on the lips as he put her down.

I pulled Rose into a huge hug, letting her know that I forgave her. "I know you're just looking out for me, big sister." Quickly I kissed cheek, laughing at her stunned expression.

"If everyone is done with the melodrama for the day, the human needs to eat. I'm starved." As if in response, the whole room started laughing as my stomach rumbled loudly.

"So when are we going to open presents? Dad?" Emmett was enough of a big child for all of us and I laughed when Rose smacked him in the chest.

"Let Bella eat, Emmett, aren't you supposed to be fixing breakfast for her anyway?" Carlisle was standing in the kitchen doorway glaring at Emmett, who immediately snapped to attention.

What a minute, Emmett was fixing me breakfast. Did he even know how to cook? Oh, god! I was going to be poisoned on Christmas day.

"Ah, it's okay. I'll just eat toast or something. Don't worry Emmett. You're clear." I tried to brush past Carlisle, but Emmett beat me to it.

"Do you want the same dish I made for your dad and Janine, or something different? I'll make you anything that you like." I couldn't hold the giggles in as Emmett began pulling out pots and pans and handfuls of ingredients from the fridge.

"Anything is fine as long as you guarantee that I won't get ptomaine poisoning." It was fascinating to watch him work.

"Here you can get a better view." Emmett lifted me deftly and set me on the counter. He would impress any celebrity chef out there. I couldn't contain my laughter as Emmett began speaking in a Julia Child voice.

The rest of the room gave away as well, Jasper flowing the joy throughout the room. Leave it to Emmett to make everyone feel better. I was incredibly lucky to have him in my life as a big brother. As wonderful as Emmett was, I was missing the closeness of Jasper. Looking up into his eyes, I knew he could feel it too. He was in front of me in an instant and I wrapped my pajama clad legs around his waist from behind. My arms encased in a long sleeve T-shirt went around his neck and I laid my head on his, running my hand through his curls.

I wondered what the family thought of his like this. Gone was the blond hair and fine, chic clothes, and standing in front of them was a man who looked like he just stepped off the ranch. Even his voice had changed and now his southern accent was more pronounced than I'd ever heard it. He seemed more confident and didn't lurk in the shadows, or leave anymore.

"Dude, are you purring? Get a room, beside the kitchen.' Emmett looked at us, brandishing a large butcher knife. I had been so lost in my thoughts that I had not noticed the rumble coming from Jasper's chest. It was his sign of contentment. 'And what's with this stuff anyway, aren't you both supposed to be mourning lost loves or some shit?"

"Emmett, language." Esme called from the living room where she and Rosalie were catching up. Carlisle had gone back downstairs to check on Janine. Several times, I had noticed all of them looking toward the stairs and I wondered what was going on between my dad and Janine, he had been down there a long time. I did want him happy, so the time away was not necessarily a bad idea.

"If you must know, I am head over heels in love with this woman, and as soon as she gives me the go-ahead, I plan to love her forever." Jasper leaned his head around and caught my lips in a lingering kiss, his golden orbs locking with mine. His eyes were so full of joy and love that I could feel it warming me. Edward had never shown this affection for me in front of his family and for a moment I was stunned.

"So is this what Alice meant about her being your mate and your singer?" Emmett began dishing up whatever he had made on a plate and set it on the table while flicking a towel over his shoulder.

"Alice called, when?" This piqued my curiosity. I knew that she had called before, but never when I was around.

"You were sleeping darlin', the rest of us went on a hunt and she called all of us there." His right-hand fingers traced lazy circles on my leg, before grabbing a hold and pulling me off the counter.

I was feeling naughty, and more than just a little jealous. I let go of his neck and slid down his back, making sure that my breast and hips rubbed against him as I went. His small growl told me I'd had the desired effect. It was Emmett's growl that made him step aside so I could go to the table and eat.

"She said to tell you that she misses you, loves you, and even if you hate her, your still her sister." Jasper's words caught me off guard. I hadn't thought of how I felt about Alice. I was pissed off that she left him that she left me and her family. She alone knew everything that was happening, while we sat out in the cold. Was I extremely pissed off at her, yes? Did I hate her that was a million-dollar question? Did I hate the one person that had befriended me unconditionally, even if she tortured me with shopping and beauty products? No, I could not hate Alice, she had given me her greatest prize in accepting that Jasper and I were mates, or at least would be. I could never hate Alice, want to shake her silly, but no, I could never hate her. Just like I could never hate Edward for leaving me. Their leaving gave me Jasper and even if I wasn't fully in love with him yet, I knew I couldn't live without him.

The tears began rolling down my cheeks and I stood quickly, running for the bathroom. The truth that I didn't hate Edward was painful and it clutched at my heart so hard that I felt faint. Even after all the pain he caused me, I couldn't bring myself to hate him. Did that mean I was still in love with him? Did I still want him back? God, this was a mess. Did some part of my heart want Edward to come back, and if so, for what?

I knew I cared for Jasper, so deeply, but I wasn't yet ready to call it love. I had loved Edward with everything I had. He'd promised me that he would never leave me, would Jasper make the same promise and not keep it? I was so confused about everything except that I didn't want to hurt Jasper. I wanted to be free to give myself to him, that's what he wanted. Was I hurting him by not giving into our feelings right away? It seemed so wrong to tell him that I loved him, if I wasn't sure. I knew what it felt like to love someone who didn't fully love me. I could never do that to him, especially after Alice.

There was a soft knock on the door. I didn't want to answer it, didn't want to have to face who was on the other side.

"Bells, it's Dad, open the door honey. They're all gone, Bells. Esme made them leave, even Jasper. Emmett had to drag him out of the house. It's just you, me and Jani in the house. Come on out honey."

Slowly I went to the door, glad that Jasper wasn't around. I didn't want him to feel my confusion and doubt. It would hurt him so much if he knew I doubted him for even a second. "Daddy, why is everything such a mess?" I opened the door and all but leaped into my father's arms.

"According to Jani, she's got just what you need. Come on in. We have some news for you as well." Charlie showed me into my own room. Jani lay propped up in bed, looking how I felt. A mask was on her face as well as Charlie's. He handed me one. "Carlisle's orders. I don't know how you'll take this with everything else, but I hope you'll be happy, or at least try. I asked Janine to marry me, Bella, and she said yes." Charlie's eyes were beaming over the mask.

The tears started coming again, but instead of clinging to my dad, I crawled onto the bed and beside Janine. I was happy for them, happy for my dad. They had found each other and love so easily, why couldn't it be easy for me.

Seeing it was more of a girl's moment, Charlie walked out of the room closing the door behind him. I began telling Jani everything, from Edward leaving and Jasper rescuing me, until last night and this morning. She stroked my hair and just listened, only adding a snort, here and there. I was glad that she waited for me to get everything out and off my chest before she spoke, well laughed.

"You and I are two of a kind, kid. We thought we were in love with someone, then the right one comes along, turns us on our heads, our lives upside down, and hanging by a scrap of sanity. You have to answer your own questions, honey. Can you forgive Edward, still care for him, and yet still move on with your life because the person waiting for you is better for you, and loves you with everything he's got? I did.'

' My husband died in your father's arms, during a shootout. I loved Kevin so much that I thought I would die without him. For too long, I was hanging on by a string, barely alive, until Jasper showed up, then low and behold I find your dad. I even thought I was in love with Jasper, he only had eyes for you, but he's still my best friend. Jasper made me come alive after being dead, but it's your father that makes me feel alive inside.'

'Sometimes love is fickle and a downright pain in the ass. The one you want to love is a stubborn, jerk, who always thinks he knows right. Now the one you truly love, is the one you tell everything to, the one whose touch makes you feel whole inside, and even holds your hair when you hurl. That's real love, sweetheart. I think you're halfway there already, you just have to let go and believe and trust again. Believe me. The believing and the trusting are harder than the loving."

"Now how about us girls have a Buffy marathon, with tons of ice-cream and no boys or romantic movies allowed."

When the rest of the family returned, they found Janie and I propped in up bed, each with a half gallon of ice-cream and yelling for Buffy just to kill Angel and get it over with. Esme and Rosalie climbed in the big bed with us, without ice-cream of course, and soon all four of us were fawning over Spike full of sexy wounds. We stayed that way for the rest of the afternoon, moving from Buffy to Moonlight. Jasper's ire and jealousy filling the house as I swooned over Mick St. John.

Jasper came in and pulled the DVD's from the room, tossing them in the trash can. Rosalie snatched the Buffy ones before he could do the same. It was funny, for a vampire, Jasper had an impressive collection of vampire movies. Someone though, Esme, more than likely, stuck in the Notebook and had all of us bawling out eyes out and running for our mates at the end.

It was six o'clock at night, Jani, still masked, but feeling better, and I were still in our pajamas. We were all sitting upstairs in the living room, watching Emmett portray a six-year-old child. We had kept him waiting all day to open presents and we were finally giving him his wish.

"Who wants to play Santa?" Emmett was raising his arm and waving it back and forth while making money sounds. Yep, he definitely was Rosalie's monkey man.

"Jasper, since it's your house, why don't you do it, son." Dad held Jani cuddled in his lap, having dispensed with his mask since Jani and I were wearing one. I glared at Carlisle as I yet again straightened the hot offending mask over my mouth and nose. He shook his head at me and glared back.

Jasper was all smiles and I could tell he was happy that Charlie had called him, son. His smile was lighting up his face and I longed to kiss him. Emmett was sitting on his hands and bouncing, while Rose rolled her eyes and scooted away, hoping whatever he was on wasn't contagious.

Soon we had a pile of presents in front of us, even Charlie and Jani. Just as we were getting ready to open them, there was a knock at the door. We looked at one another, wondering who it could be. Jasper went and answered the door.

"The lady on the phone said that if I got these here tonight, there would be a huge tip from Mr. Whitlock." The courier was standing next to a loaded dolly.

"I'm him and you will. Is this it?" Jasper grabbed his wallet from the hall table.

"No, there's two more loads."

"We'll get them if you show us which ones." The man's face beamed which meant I could only wonder how much he'd given him.

"Come on Emmett, let's make ourselves useful." Carlisle pulled a forlorn looking Emmett up by his shirt collar and I edge closer to the fireplace as the open door was bringing in the chill. Rose wrapped her arms around me, if though they lent little heat.

"Come on guys, you're letting out the heat and we have frail bodies in here." Rose shouted at the guys and within moments they were carrying in more packages than we'd had before.

Soon after we started in, saving Alice's presents until last. Jani loved her pendant and put it on immediately, after wrapping me in a hug. Charlie was already planning a fishing trip with Jani after seeing his reel. Emmett portrayed the bear in his picture and I was glad that even Rosalie liked it. Esme choked up over her pendant, surrounding me in a hug so tight I didn't think she was going to let go. Carlisle hugged me hard as well over his pocket watch and told me he couldn't wait to use it at the hospital.

"Merry Christmas, Rose." I leaned into her as I sat next to her by the fireplace, Jasper at my other side. I still hadn't got warm after the opened door.

"Oh, Bella, they're perfect. How did you find them? I have been looking for these for years. Do you see this scratch her on the handle? This happened when I threw them at my little brother for barging into my room with a toad. You don't know how much this means to me, thank you so much." Her hug surprised me and I hugged her back, glad that we had finally buried the hatchet and it wasn't it either of our backs. That I had bought her a present that she'd owned in her previous life astonished us both.

Jasper was slow to open his, almost looking afraid or in awe. I wasn't sure which. Slowly he peeled the paper away from the book. His face lit with joy and his eyes held an emotion I couldn't place.

"How in the world did you find this?" His voice was low as he opened the front cover and saw Margaret Mitchell's signature.

"I just turned around and it was there. Is it all right, do you like it?" I bit my bottom lip, worried that he wouldn't like it, or that it would bring up too many memories of his time before Alice. I knew the basics of how they had met and that for many years, Jasper had lived as a nomad.

"I love it, it was the first movie I ever saw. I went back twelve times, amazed at how right they got some facts and how wrong they got others. Thank you, Bella. I will treasure it always." Jasper pulled me into his lap, holding me so tight I could barely breathe. I was ecstatic the book brought happy memories for him.

"Bells, you haven't opened any of your presents yet." Charlie looked at me and pointed to the pile in front of me. I had been so wrapped up in watching everyone else's reactions that I had failed to open my own. I was also more than a little nervous after the birthday fiasco. What if I got another paper cut? What would that do to Jasper?

"You'll be fine." He had come so far and I knew that this was a test, probably more for him than me.

Slowly, I started in on Carlisle and Esme's, unwrapping it slowly and trying not to touch the edges. Inside was a picture of a beautiful island. I turned my head, looking at both of them curiously as they stood next to the Christmas tree.

"That is Isle Esme, we're giving it to you for a holiday whenever you'd like. We'll make all the arrangement, you just have to tell us when, and you can take whomever you'd like with you. It's secluded and takes a long boat ride to get there. Just let us know when you want to go." I stood trying not to trip over my feet, luckily Jasper's hand shot out and kept me steady as I waded over wrapping paper and unwrapped packages. I pulled my adopted parents in for a huge hug.

"Thank you. It will be wonderful to get away from rain." Turning I went back to my position at Jasper's side.

"Open mine next.' Emmett presented the long box proudly. There was some heft to it, and I looked at him, while raising an eyebrow. Inside the long box was a child sized metal baseball bat. 'It's not for baseball, it's for hitting that thick skull of his, or Edward's when he gets back. We can't have you hurting yourself when they need a good beating."

Jasper glared at his brother while moving the object out of my grasp and away. I didn't think the bat was that bad an idea. I could have used it a few times last spring. I looked at Jani and her hand before grabbing it from Jasper and handing it to her. "Whenever you need to use it, you'll know where to find it." Jasper growled and in a flash took it out of her hand and flew downstairs, with no doubt hiding it from both of us before we could use it on him.

"Here, mine next." Rosalie handed me a large box tied in a brilliant red bow. My fingers fumbled with the ribbon, when I felt a sharp stab. Damn it, not again.

* * *

**A/N Well here it is the first part of the end of this part of my trilogy. The second part of this chapter will be up as well, and that is a promise you can take to the bank. There is not going to be at most one day in delay. The second part of the trilogy, brings Edward back into the story and begins his journey. It will be up soon as well. I am hoping to be well on my way to finishing up this story this summer as I will be starting college in the fall.**

**Hopefully this long chapter and the one to follow will leave me with my head in tact after my absence. These two chapters have been the hardest to write and I wanted this first ending to be done with justice. Hugs to all, and review, even if it's a flame. I take criticism very well!!**

**Aerialla**


	27. Family: Part Two

SM owns Twilight

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Family (Part Two)**

**Song: The Monster Is Loose: Meatloaf**

**Bella POV**

Jasper tensed next to me, he was already so close that I could feel his cool breath on my neck. There was a low growl deep in his throat, before I could even blink an eye, Carlisle and Emmett were flanking us. Jasper was taking long breaths, his body a perfect coil, yet still he had not moved. Carlisle went to move me out of the way. It was then that Jasper snapped. Wrapping his arms tight around me, he moved too fast for me to realize. When I opened my eyes, I was sitting on the sink in Jasper's bathroom and he was rummaging in a drawer.

"I won't lie to you and tell you that I'm not tempted. I want it more than last time." He looked at me in the light and I gasped at how dark his eyes were. Jasper swallowed hard, his breathing deep. He held in his hands, a box of band-aids.

I knew I was testing my own mortality with my actions, but I couldn't stop them. Pulling him close, I smeared the large drop of blood against his bottom lip. A loud whimper came from him before his tongue licked the fluid away. I tensed, waiting for the inevitable, his mouth buried in my flesh and the burning I'd felt with James. It didn't come, but his mouth did, devouring mine as Jasper grabbed fistfuls of my hair and pressed me so hard against him the air left my lungs with an oomph. He tasted sweet and delicious, with just a tang of metallic from my blood.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling him so thick and hard against my core. Now it was my turn to whimper. His large hand was roaming my body, before coming up under my shirt and bra to cup my breast. I moaned low and grinded myself against him to lessen the ache that was building between my legs. I wanted him, needed him, and soon by God, I would have him.

I pulled away from his mouth, needing air. His fingers pinched my left nipple and I tried hard not to scream at the sensation, instead I bent, sucking on the skin at his neck. He rubbed himself against me harder, both of us frantic with need. His cool mouth trailed icy fire down my neck until his lips were right over my pulsating jugular. His hand worked its way down my side and into my pajama bottoms and then panties. He cupped me, his thumb hitting the part of me that craved his touch and I gasped for air, letting the electricity hum throughout my body. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would burst from my chest, but I didn't care, I needed him.

Jasper's ministrations against my clit were too much and I saw and felt a million stars burst first behind my eyes, then my whole body was exploding. I bit my lip to keep from screaming as I clung to his shoulders. His mouth had never left the sensitive skin of my neck, continuing to suckle and lave at the pulsating vein.

Suddenly I felt light-headed and felt a pain pick up in my right arm. Pulling back, I tried to tell him, but his eyes were so dark and gone in the moment. I had no choice. I let the pound of my heart and head pull me under the cloak of darkness.

**Jasper POV**

So far she was being careful. None of us wanted a repeat of her birthday. In a precaution I closed my nose and stopped breathing, even though it hurt not to breathe in her scent as she sat so close. Rose handed her present to Bella. Her fear hit me and I watched the bead of blood swell on her finger. Carlisle and Emmett were instantly on us, but I reacted quickly, scooping Bella up in my arms and running to the bathroom. Sitting her on the counter and fighting every urge that told me to take what I wanted, I began searching for the box of band-aids I knew was somewhere within.

Upstairs Janine stopped them from going after me, telling about her trip to the emergency room from the nail. They listened, but it didn't stop Carlisle and Emmett from coming downstairs where they now waited outside the door, they felt justified in their anger, but we're trying to give me the benefit of the doubt.

Bella's breathing was deep, but gone was the fear she had felt upstairs. She gasped as I stood with the box in my hand. I knew my eyes were demonic, the beast just barely beneath the surface. The smell of her blood was making my mouth water and I swallowed massive amounts of venom.

"I won't lie to you and tell you that I'm not tempted. I want it more than last time." Her beautiful eyes caught mine and I felt her gasp before it left her vocal cords. Inwardly I cringed, hating that she was seeing my eyes filled with blood lust.

My breath held tight in my chest as she lifted her right index finger to my lips, running her precious life's blood across my bottom lip. The whimper came from the demon buried inside me and a millisecond later I was tasting her as an explosion of stars blasted behind my eyes. The tast of her filled my senses not only with the need to taste more, but to claim her as my own. The taste and need, drove me. I pulled her impossibly close, furiously swooping down to her lips. Grabbing fistfuls of her hair, I yearned to bury myself deep inside her, to fill her and watch as my name screamed from her lips.

Her legs wrapped around my waist, the heat through her thin pajama pants was scorching and I longed to burn from her. She whimpered and I needed more, needed to feel her skin. My hand slipped under her shirt and up under her bra, palming her breast. Bella's hips bucked against me and my painfully hard cock. The smell of her arousal washed over me the same as her lust and instantly I was drowning.

She pulled away from my hungry mouth, gasping for air as I pulled at her erect nipple. Her throat screamed behind her closed lips as her mouth found my throat, sucking hard at the scar she loved so much. Gripping her hips, it was all I could do not to rip her pants off and sheath myself inside her. Forcing my hips into hers, I knew I was bruising her, but it seemed inconsequential compared to what the demon wanted. Trailing my lips down her silken throat, I felt branded by her heat. My fingers found the liquid lava of her just as my mouth sucked deep on her jugular. It took every ounce of my control to keep from sinking my teeth in.

My thumb swirled around her clit and she gasped for air, her lust rising exponentially. I continued to drink in the skin at her neck. Her pulse vibrated through and I became lost in its rhythm, the same as I grew lost in her body as she bit her lip and cried as she shattered around my hand, clinging to my shoulders.

In an instant everything changed, she pulled hard away from me, but my mind was so lost in lust and needs that it took me several long seconds to realize something was wrong, it was too long. Looking at her with demonically dark eyes, I watched and my demon roared as her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she slumped forward into my arms.

Pain, loss and agony hit my heart like a sledgehammer and I kicked open the bathroom door with her in my arms, running to the only person who could save her, my father.

"Something's wrong." My voice caught in my throat and it came out hoarse and cracked. It was all I could do to hand her over and not fall to my knees. I couldn't lose her, not now, not ever.

"Wrap her up and get her to the house, now, make sure you have those heat packs around her. We don't have time, and you are faster than any of us. I will be right behind you." Carlisle knew what we had been doing, there would have been no way to hide the sounds, let alone Bella's smell from the house. His anger was pouring from him, anger that even though I controlled my bloodlust, I couldn't control my sexual lust for her.

I grabbed the blanket from my bed and more heat packs from the box on the dresser, crunching them as I ran back to her. Wrapping her body tight in the blanket, I placed the packs within the layers and prayed that I could get her to the house and Carlisle's office fast enough.

"Run, and don't stop until you're there." Carlisle's voice was full of urgency as I left the house through the bottom floors doors. Snow had started falling again, but it didn't matter. I ran like the wind, faster than I ever had before, probably even faster than Edward. The ground crunch under my feet, my speed kept me from sinking into the waist deep drifts.

I didn't bother with the doorknob as I barreled through the front door, making sure to protect Bella's head. Her heartbeat was slowing and I prayed for another miracle. The only remedies that could save her now was Carlisle's medical gifts and science. Changing her in this moment would kill her. My heart threatened to crumble to dust at the thought of life without her. I couldn't, wouldn't, live without her.

Just as I was laying her down on the table I heard and felt Carlisle coming closer. He was frantic with worry and had Esme on his heels. Her worry seemed equal if not more than his. I prayed that Carlisle could bring her back. I slowly began unwrapping her while keeping the blanket over her.

Carlisle said nothing as he unwrapped her, throwing the covers across the room and ripped the shirts and bra from her chest. Frantically he began hooking up monitors and setting the defibrillator to standby. He pulled a long syringe and a bottle of liquid quickly to the bed's side. The needle pierced the bottle of epinephrine, and the syringe tapped to lose any air bubbles.

I slid to the floor in horror as Carlisle plunged the syringe strait into Bella's heart, depressing the plunger and sending the drug into her system. Immediately her heart sped up, its pace on par with a newborn's change.

In as fast as I could blink, a hand was around my throat and I became pressed against the wall, my feet not touching the ground. Carlisle, the one of us whose eyes never changed from amber, stared at me. His eyes were pitch-black and inside he boiled with rage. It was taking every ounce of his control not to rip my head from my shoulders.

"Why should I not kill you now? Do you need a reminder, boy, that I was destroying our kind, long before your reign of terror? Being a former member of the Volturi has its advantages, Jasper. I could rid the world of you and come out with a commendation. Need you forget that in the Volturi's eyes, you are still a wanted man?" His voice was low, dark and deadly.

Before I was able to speak, Carlisle moved almost too fast for my eyes. His mouth and teeth sunk deep into the skin where neck and shoulder met, obliterating the mark left so long ago by Maria. It was a sire's bite and Carlisle was claiming me, something he'd never done, with anyone but Esme and Edward. Unlike those two bites, this had nothing to do with family and everything to do with power. Now I would have no choice but to obey Carlisle when commanded. I had used the bite during the wars and knew the implications.

It was all I could do not to scream at the fire that burned through me. Carlisle's bite had not only broken through flesh, but bone. This was the bite given by a sire to his most unruly childe. It was a sire's way of letting the childe know that death was on them. Hurt, disappointment, and anger rolled through me as Carlisle released his mouth, though his hand still gripped my throat.

Besides myself and Carlisle, there were only three others who knew Carlisle's true past as Stregnori benefici, or should I say his days as the Doctor of Death. Aro, Marcus and Caius would not be talking about their Executioner anytime soon.

Carlisle was once the vampire the Volturi sent out after the worst of the rogues. His one command, destroy. At one time, I was on his list. There was no doubt in my mind that if he wanted to, he could and would kill me. He'd killed others for less. To the rest of the family, Carlisle was the tolerant, confident, and a peaceful leader. They didn't know the dark side like I did. All of them thought I was the dangerous one on the battlefield. They'd never seen Carlisle. Only once did any of them witness a glimpse at his dark side and that was last year when we found James hurting Bella. Unfortunately we'd left the battle to Edward and she'd nearly died. Carlisle and I both knew the truth, had James been a worthy opponent, neither Edward nor Bella would have survived.

Shaking my rapid thought, I stared back into Carlisle's eyes, angry that he would reduce me to a childe's status. I growled and he tightened his grip, thrusting my head hard against the wall. He knew I wouldn't fight, considering Bella was close enough to become injured.

"I asked you a question, boy. Why should I not kill you? You're just as much of a danger to her as James, maybe more so. Your love is a liability to her life. I'd tell you to go away if I knew it wouldn't destroy her faster. I don't care if she is your singer and mate, one more move without my consent and I'll bury her, when the time comes, with your ashes." His hand moved down my neck to squeeze at my shoulder, turning my growl into a sharp whimper. Carlisle dropped me to the ground, his patience worn out.

"Go home, Jasper. There is nothing you can do for her but pray. If she makes it through the night, then God is giving her another chance." His head bent as shame and sorrow washes like waves off him.

**Carlisle POV**

I watched as Jasper fought the urge to obey. I'd never wanted to lay full claim on any of my children and it pained me inside to do it to Jasper. Knowing his background it was something that I never wanted to do, especially since it nullified Maria's claim.

Alice wanting the claim, came to me in secret, begging me to claim her as mine, since she neither remembered nor cared to know her bite over her scar, barely broke the skin and only for a second. The bite was enough to satisfy her. Other than to turn them, I'd never bitten or used force on anyone in the family before now.

Swishing air and the steady beeps of the monitors for now kept Bella's condition in check and I was able to, just for a moment, to lose myself in memories. More than fifty years ago, Jasper and Alice found us, living in northern Maine, close to the Canadian border. I would never forget the fear of my family as Jasper stepped over the threshold into our home. The visible scars on his arms and neck were enough to make most vampires run. That Jasper was bitten so many times and survived were testaments to his skill, cunning, and lethal position as a destroyer of our kind.

Thirty years before, just before changing Esme, the Volturi sent me on one last mission. To find and destroy Major Jasper Whitlock, or as other's classified him, Satan or Lucifer incarnate. They asked me for one last favor. Every other guard they sent, returned to them in ashes. The mission was clear, they wanted Jasper's ashes and I was the only one who could obtain them.

When I arrived at the compound there was nothing but a shell and no one to be found. The place lay abandoned for years. My trail led cold until the wanted man stepped into my home with his pixie of a bride. Instantly he'd recognized who I was and tried to convince Alice that they needed to leave. Alice, being Alice, meant that to argue over her foreseen future was futile. Jasper and I agreed, neither of us would mention our volatile past to each other nor the family as long as he stayed in our way of life. It was quickly decided that he would change is name to Hale, dyeing his hair, he and Rosalie would pass for twins, both being the same age and coloring. Even today, the ruse still held. Over the years, he became my older prodigal son, but a son, the same as Edward and Emmett.

A soft knock on the door brought me around. "Come in, Esme."

I could smell my wife by scent and presence. She was my salvation, my singer, and my saving grace. She took the darkness away and made me want to be the man I portrayed instead of the demon that lay inside. I prayed that she would never find out the truth of my past. I couldn't bear it, if my sweet, gentle wife was to look on me in horror and fear. Slowly I enfolded my darling Esme into my arms, breathing deep her scent assuaged the beast and I could slowly feel my eyes returning to normal.

"How is she, and why did you send Jasper away?" She pulled back slightly, looking onto my face, her own a mask of worry.

"He caused this, Esme, because he couldn't control himself. The more he is around her, the more I worry." I pulled her back against me, kissing her forehead softly. Together we both stared at Bella.

"Look to the good he's done, my darling. In just days, Bella has gotten better. There is color in her cheeks, she laughs, eats, and is more happy than I believe she knew how to be. Give him time, Carlisle. You can't always shoot the messenger just because you don't like his news. A few months ago, who knows what would have happened if Jasper got to her at the party first. You saw what happened today. His first concern was Bella and making sure she was all right. We know that your control over your bloodlust is an enigma, but we are not all so fortunate. Jasper showed remarkable control today over the bloodlust, now if we could just find a way for him to control his other lusts, there shouldn't be a problem." Esme breathed deep and hugged me. Her concern, support and love for our son, made me stand in awe of her. No bet could be made against Esme in a fight for her children, even Satan would come out the loser.

But I was also a father who would do anything to keep my children safe, especially Bella, even if I had to protect her from her own mate. I loved Esme, but I also knew the darkness that was Jasper. For too long I had sat back and watched, waiting for the day he would finally snap, returning to his old ways. I wouldn't put Bella in the middle of that. Even if I had to tie her down, I would keep her safe.

**Bella POV**

My mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool, dry and itchy. I rolled over, preparing to snuggle around Jasper. I was hot and wanted to feel his cool skin against mine. I rolled as met cold steel bars instead of the soft cold steel of vampire skin.

My eyes flew open and all I could see around me was sterile white, my hands strapped down and I couldn't move. Instantly I began to panic, my heart pounding like the beat of a freight train. Tears flew from my eyes as I pulled on the leather bonds that held me down. Who would do this to me? What happened last night? Did Charlie finally commit me? Everything was a blur of confusion, light and pain.

I went to call for help, but no sound came from my parched scorching throat. Monitors began blaring and tried to cover my head and ears as the piercing scream pushed my eardrums toward insanity. Where was my Jasper, where was my haven?

Suddenly my mind began spinning the possibility that he'd left me. I'd once again cut my finger and now he, like Edward was gone. No, no, no . . . Jasper couldn't leave me. Please, dear God, no. I needed him. He took the pain away and made me feel whole again.

My body curled up into a ball. If Jasper was gone, then there was no use fighting anymore. I was better-off dead. I wasn't worthy or strong enough for him, wasn't strong enough for anyone. Pain sliced at my heart and I pulled my legs in, willing my heart finally to give up so I could die. If I were dead, none of them would have to worry about me anymore. Charlie had Janine now. He didn't need me anymore. If I were gone, I wouldn't worry about the nightmares that blasted me in a mixture of blood, beatings and pain. Peace would finally come to me if I were gone. I wasn't Jasper's mate, not really, if I were then he never would have left me. He would be fighting right now to get to me, to hold me in his arms, making everything a bad dark dream. Like Edward, he was gone and I meant nothing to them except as the depressive, lonely girl, who had taken so much and given so very little.

Please, God, let me die. It hurt too much to be alone, left, yet again. If Jasper gave up on me and left, why couldn't God as well? Maybe I was dead and I was in hell, punishing for my sins

"If you do not let me through that door, I will take you apart by force." The voice was deep, guttural, and demonic." It told me that I indeed, lay in Hell. No one on earth could sound like that. It was the dark sound that made children cling to their mothers and people stay away from dark alleys. It was the voice of the Devil and I curled deeper into my ball, wishing for my existence and soul to cease being.

The sounds of screeching metal, like saw blades on steel, sent sparks and pain through my sensitive body and I cried out in fear. I thought of Jasper, wishing he could have saved me. There was no saving me now. I was unworthy.

A boom hit the door, and again, and again. Terror clutched at my heart and I screamed. The scream didn't end, even as I clutched at my head and prayed with every fiber of my being for my haven, even though he would never come.

An explosion of power, and force rocked the room and again the sound of a steel saw to metal. Cries and screams came from behind it, but the sonic booms didn't abate. I screamed until my throat was raw and inoperable, but still I screamed, the silence of my own voice was manic to my ears.

My eyes watched in abject horror as the door to the room, bowed again and again, like a living breathing portal of terror. I clamped my eyes shut as another explosion rocked the room, this time obliterating the door into a million fragments as it exploded. The pieces rained over me and I could hear the clangs of metal as they hit the floor. One jagged piece caught my arm, another my leg, and a fourth cut into a piece of my bare head. My screams were gone and I trembled, waiting for my final death amidst the fire and pain.

I flinched, screaming again without sound as the metal bars of the bed ripped away, and then the restraints holding me down. Cool around came around me, lifting my body away. At once I felt peace, and love and tried not to cry.

"Bella, look at me, my darlin'. Your Jasper's here, darlin, I swear I didn't leave you. You're safe now. I'll never leave your side again, my Bella."

Slowly I opened my eyes, his hands were cupping my face and his face was so close our noses were almost touching. I sobbed then, huge gaping sobs that shook my body, my throat still too sore to make a sound.

With me still in his arms, he undid every cable and line tied to my body, then turned and stepping over debris, walked out of the room. My eyes were blurry, but I recognized the room. It was Carlisle's study. Sharply I turned my head into Jasper's chest instead of the carnage around me. Emmett lay on the floor, pieces and chunks of his body lay around him, while Rose was putting him back together. Charlie and Jani were in a corner, huddled and fighting terror.

Just as we got to the door, Carlisle appeared, running at the top of the stairs. His eyes immediately turned black, a color I didn't even know his eyes could turn. My scream and sob caught and I felt Jasper's arms tighten around me, almost to the point of hurting. I didn't care, he was here, my Jasper had come for me.

"If you ever keep me from her again, sire, father or not, I will kill you." The voice was the same as I had heard from outside the room, demonic and full of rage.

His heads bent down to my ears, his voice, warm and thick, flowed over my ravaged body. "Do you trust me?"

"Always." It was the truth. My trust in him was absolute.

In a shot we were running and I closed my eyes as we near the plate glass window. Jasper tucked my head into his chest and then we were airborne through glass that shattered around us like rain. Landing with a soft thud that I hardly felt, we were off running again. Cold, sent my teeth to chattering as we ran, but it was better than the white room.

We barreled through the front door and down the stairs where Jasper turned on the shower and as soon as the water steamed, stepped both of us, inside, closing the door after him. I clung to him crying as the hot water, warmed my skin. He hadn't left me, and he was my mate. I knew in that moment that I was falling in love with Jasper. I knew with every last drop of my soul that I couldn't live without him.

**Jasper POV**

I got out of the shower first. Grabbing a towel, I wrapped it around Bella's now warm body. The wet hospital gown left nothing to my imagination, but right now that didn't matter. What mattered was making sure that she was okay. Discarding the wet gown, I wrapped her in the towel. Lifting her, and carrying her to the sink, I picked up the previously discarded box of band-aids from Christmas day. Unwrapping some, I began applying them to the cuts that no longer oozed blood. Her delicate wrists were raw from the leather straps and I kissed the tender flesh, my chest catching as I remembered her pain, fear and raw aching worthlessness.

"I kept praying that you would come for me." Her voice was not even a whisper and I could feel her pain at trying to talk. I shushed her lips with a finger before taking her back into my arms.

My mind sped over the past few days. It was dizzying. Carlisle promised that he was keeping her sedated and fine, though still would not let me see her. Every day I would visit, and every day it was the same. Emmett stood guard at the door, sorry that he was following Carlisle's command that I was not allowed to be near Bella. I ached to hold her, yet again something that Carlisle would not allow.

My shoulder after two days, eventually fully healed, the pink and white fresh scar a beacon in the light. It still lay tender to the touch, and with it some great implications. In no shortness of words, in accordance with vampire lore, I was now Carlisle's bitch. The bite I had performed many times in the wars, making sure that all the newborns were loyal only to either Maria or me. I didn't want a mutiny because someone favored their sire more.

Carlisle and I made an understanding years ago that we would not bring our pasts into the family, and that we would keep it to us. He crossed the line. I was old enough, stubborn enough, and too damn strong just to toady in line.

Hearing the monitors going off behind the huge steel door was my first indication that something was wrong. Bella had begun awakening, and slowly her heartbeat began hammering. Within seconds she was freaking out. Her anxiety and confusion reached near epic levels as she tried to free herself and I swallowed it down, letting it turn into seething, blinding rage. How dare he strap her down, she was a sweet, innocent, girl, not an animal to chain.

Worthlessness and pain drilled me to my feet as I picked up a vase of flowers, hurling it against the wall. "Let me past Emmett." I stood in front of him, squaring off, ready to fight.

"You know what Carlisle said. You have to stay out here. Think of Bella man, do you want to lose control and hurt her again. I'm not letting you hurt my little sister again, Jazz, she's been through enough.

Charlie and Jani were running through the door. Like the smart man he was, Charlie pressed Jani into a corner when he saw the blackness of my eyes. He shielded his mate from horrors he didn't want her to see.

Worthlessness kept drilling into me and the overwhelming urge to die. Bella wanted to die, feeling that I'd left her and that she was unworthy of my love, let alone to be my mate. She hoped that death would take her soul to save us the trouble of worrying about her. Her pain drove me to my knees and I swallowed it whole. As her hope began dwindling, the rage inside me spread with a fury that I couldn't contain. My demon leaned back his head and roared. He clawed his way forth, ready to kill and destroy all and any that stood in the way of his mate.

"You want to play, brother, then fine, we'll play, but if you do not let me through that door, then I will take you apart by force." I stood, standing at my full height, by boots planted.

I sent a jolt of fear toward Emmett and watched as he clung to the doorframe, but didn't falter. He was angry enough to thwart my attack. Rosalie came near and instantly my demon mind knew what would set my hulk of a brother off. Grabbing Rose by her arms, I threw her across the room and into the bookshelf, before turning back to an enraged Emmett. He was clutching his meaty fists, his eyes darting between Rose and me.

Emmett motioned forward with his hand, just once and I bulleted forward, landing a solid kick to his kneecap, a knee to his stomach and an elbow to his face. Emmett roared in pain as his kneecap buckled, but still held the door. His arms went to take me in a bear hold. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I planted my feet against the door and used leverage to bring him down in a classic neck breaker, before kipping up and throwing him backwards off me.

The room shook with the force of our blows as Emmett returned to his feet and threatened to tackle me from behind. Venom dripped from my mouth, hissing to the floor at his audacity in taking me down. Emmett may be a good brawler when it came to a fight, but brawling couldn't stand up to military precision and decades living in constant battle. I let him wrap his arms under mine and secure his hands behind my head. Bella's screams moved me faster into action. I had to get to her. Her pain was eating me alive.

Moving swiftly, I wrapped my left leg around his and swept his foot out from under him, making him land on his back, with me on top. With my head, I pulled forward as far as I could go, then brought it back sharply, succeeding in breaking his nose. Now with my arms free, I elbow him again under the jaw. His hands were still around my neck and using the element of surprise and strength I grabbed a hold of his arms and kipped again to my feet, successfully taking his arms in the process.

With my shoulder I barged at the door, the frame bowing by not giving away. Bella's screams tore me in two as terror filled her.

"Where is the key?" I turned screaming at Emmett who lay huddled on the floor.

"We don't know? Carlisle has it. He just told us to guard it." Rose screamed back at me, angry and upset that I'd torn Emmett apart.

The screaming stopped and with it the last of Bella's hope. Battering the door again, I hit it running. The steel was beginning to rip away from the wooden frame on the inside. I couldn't allow her to give up, I needed her, she was my mate, my everything. Taking a step back I planted my right leg, high and hard against the door's center, the second kick destroyed the wooden facade on the interior and the steel flew free.

My demon was frantic with worry, pain and anger, as I saw her trapped by leather strapping to the bed. Blood was running from a multitude of cuts from exploding wood and metal. It didn't call to me other than to tell me my mate was hurt and needing me. The demon keened in pain at seeing her lying there, so broken and lost.

I wrenched the bars away from the bed and tore the straps loose, crying inside when she flinched and screamed, her throat in pain and too hoarse to make a sound. Like a babe, I picked her up, cradling her to my chest and breathing deep her scent. I surrounded her with peace and my love, knowing that I was never letting her go again.

"Bella, look at me, my darlin'. Your Jasper's here, darlin, I swear I didn't leave you. You're safe now. I'll never leave your side again, my Bella." Cupping her face with my hands as she cradled on top of my arms, I knew tears would be steaming down my face if I held any to shed.

Slowly her eyes opened, I pressed our faces closer together so she could see my eyes not caring that they were the very black of Hell. Great gasping sobs filled her chest and she clung to me, her body and mind, too tired to do more. I yanked at every strap connecting her to the evils of science and medicine, not caring what I destroyed in the process. Never again would I see her hooked to another machine.

Supporting her back I carried her through the rubble and out into Carlisle's office. Recognition and pain made her turn her head into my shoulder as she caught sight of the broken body of Emmett and her terror filled father and Jani. None of them said a word, not that I would have let them.

Carlisle was just reaching the top of the stairs as I hit the doorway. His eyes went instantly black with rage, but I knew my own hold enough to keep him at bay. Bella stifled a scream at seeing Carlisle, burying her face in my neck. Now, he knew there was no command, sire, or fatherly he could give to make me obey. I may wear his mark, but I was still my own man, and right now the demon in that man was calling the shots. My arms wrapped around Bella, tightly, tight enough to keep her at my chest in case he went for her.

"If you ever keep me from her again, sire, father or not, I will kill you." My voice was low, and that of my demon's when he was in command.

Bending down to Bella's ear, I asked her the question, I already knew. "Do you trust me?"

Her "Always," made me waste no time. I turned and ran from Carlisle, just as he made a move to grab her from my arms. Ducking her head under my chin and making sure her face was covered, I hit the plate glass window at the end of the hall, barreling through it and making it rain like diamonds.

My feet landed with sure footing in the snow and I ran us for home, knowing I would have to run faster than ever before, to keep Bella's body from the freezing temperatures. Her teeth chattered, but she was content and felt safe.

Not bothering with keys, I took the front door off its hinges with the weight of my body and flew down the steps to our bathroom. Swiftly, I turned on the shower, cursing inside my head when it wasn't heating to my satisfaction. Once it was steaming, I stepped inside, not bothering with clothes or boots. Bella needed to get warm and this was the quickest way I knew how.

My Bella clung to me as I was overwhelmed with her emotions. Joy raced through my heart at her acceptance of me as her mate, and pure love nearly melted my bones where I stood.

Physically shaking my head, I kissed Bella's brow as she snuggled next to me. The bed was wet from the towel and her hair, but it didn't matter. All that was important was that she was home, not only under this roof, but in my arms. Nothing but sheer Hell on earth could keep her from my arms again. I didn't care who I had to kill to do it.

**~Finis: Part One~**

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**There it is...the end of Part One of the trilogy. The first chapter of Part Two is almost done in editing. It will be posted on here, right after this chapter. Thank you so much to everyone is who partaking on this journey with me. Leave a review please.**

**Aerialla**


	28. PT IIChapter One: Visions

SM Owns Twilight

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***Warning* This chapter may be too graphic and dark for some...**

**Second Chances: Part Two - Edward**

**Chapter One: Visions**

**Song: Crawling by Linkin Park**

**Song: Welcome Home (sanitarium) by Metallica**

**Edward POV**

I never stopped once I left her. I ran as fast as I could so I could be well out of hearing distance before I could hear her cries or smell her tears. Repeatedly the mantra in my head rang. It is for the best. This is all for the best.

If it was all for the best then why did, it hurt so damn much. I loved her but it many ways it had been easy to walk away. What part hurt the most? Was it leaving her, which hurt the most or did the easiness of walking away hurt more? Was I taking the coward way out? More likely I was being a coward, but neither could, I stay and watch her hurt. I could not even stay to watch the hurt that I knew would be on her face when I left.

Maybe it was that I loved her, but not enough. Someone in parts of me that I tried to keep hiding I knew that I was not the man for Bella. I knew that I could not give her the life she wanted, the life she deserved. While she was at school, I erased every physical aspect I could from her life, hiding everything in a loose floorboard of her room.

Talking with Jasper this morning had brought many truths into being. I did not like vampire women except for of my family. Just the thought of Bella as a vampire sickened me. I could never be intimate with her without the risk of hurting or killing her. Parts of both Jasper and I were infected with the taste of human blood. No matter the animals we killed to rid the taste from our tongue, once a vampire tasted human blood there was no going back. The taste of human blood would burn on your tongue bringing cravings until the core of you inside ached for one more drop.

I was above the taste of human blood. For my own sanity, I pushed the cravings so deep that I had hoped to bury them forever. Being around Bella dredged up too many memories and brought my past back to haunt me in ways my own family would never know.

Carlisle alone knew how many I had killed in the so-called attempt to rid the street of criminals. In reality, I tried to justify my killing and thirst for human blood, with something righteous. I was no better than Jasper. After feeding long and deep on the blood of humans Jasper and I were forever tainted.

I would mourn Bella and the life we could have had. It was best for both of us to move on. Her death would not be at my hands, or at the hands of my family.

My family would someday understand why I had to make such a drastic decision for all of us. I hated playing the heavy with them all, especially Alice. For the first time my sister had a friend that was not family or a vampire and I was taking that away from her. Someday I hoped she would forgive me. Emmett and Rosalie would be fine with the decision; Rosalie wanted nothing to do with Bella in the first place. The two people hit hardest by with my decision were Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle was giving up a job in a hospital he loved in a town that he felt was home. Esme and Carlisle were also losing someone they loved as a daughter. Esme would cry and mourn Bella of this I had no doubt. Of all of us, Bella was the most like Esme. Bella was the daughter that Esme never had the chance to have as human. The last person I thought of, was Jasper, once his head had a time to clear, I knew he would be grateful for my removing his temptation. I knew how hard he struggled being around Bella. Now he wouldn't have to struggle anymore. Yes, leaving Bella was the best for us all.

They would all bear the difficulties of my decision and relationship with Bella. There love for the human girl that had captured their hearts knew no bounds. By giving into loneliness and the wish for a mate, I had torn my family apart.

It took but minutes for me to reach home. I had already packed and the Volvo was waiting. With a gun of the engine, I tore down the lane and away from Forks as fast as the engine would go. For now, I would blank my mind of everything and everyone even if a part of me kept telling me I was a fool.

Someday I hoped my family would forgive me for tearing us apart, then running away from the damage instead of facing the consequences. Right now, I needed to be alone and away from all the pain that I had dealt on the ones, I loved.

For weeks I chased after Victoria, losing her in Mexico, frustrated I headed back north In Idaho, I ditched the Volvo into a storage facility. The whole interior smelled of Bella and it permeated until my nose burned and made me heartache with a grief that would not end. The clothes that smelled like Bella or made me think of her I burned. On the fire I threw my once favored Debussy cd. Never again would I listen to Claire de Lune. The rest of the possessions I had that did not fit into a backpack, I left with the Volvo.

Whenever I caught the scent of humans or other vampires, I immediately left whatever area of forest I was in. I wanted no contact with anyone. If I could not stand to be with my own family, I was not going to make my presence known to any other soul.

When thirst took me, I fought it off pushing myself to limits that I had never been. There were times when the hunger was so strong that I thought I chew my own arm if it had held what I needed. During the worst part I walled myself into a mountain staying there while hunger clawed at my belly so fiercely that I screamed in pain. I fed on cave bats, and vermin when I could find one.

Bella came to me the first night. I knew she was a hallucination, but parts of my mind had followed the paths of insanity the longer I denied the thirst. That first time she stood across the cavern from me unmoving just staring at me with her huge brown eyes. I dismissed it as a figure of my imagination and went back to my melancholy.

I don't know how many days passed until I saw her again. She was wearing the dress she wore to the prom but she had changed. Gone was the blush of her cheeks and the light in her eyes. Her skin had taken on a gray cast. Alongside her neck was a huge gaping wound. Blood poured thick and dark from the wound bearing muscle and tendon. I backed up against the wall as she walked near her hand reaching out to me.

"Why Edward? Why couldn't you control yourself enough? You tried but it was too late, I died in your arms as you fed from me. Didn't you love me enough to stop?" I watched in horror as Bella bared her neck to me, the blood flowing, it smelled so incredible and I was so hungry. Leaping I lunged for that which would sate my thirst. I hit the wall hard. Looking up Bella was gone and I was once again alone.

I was lying in a pit of destruction. I had taken to moving boulders to see how far I could exert my body until it was exhausted. Exhaustion never came. Bella did.

Lying on the dusty stone floor I watched as she walked to me her skin glowing. "You were too late Edward. James' venom was too strong and you were too slow. We can be together forever now, don't you want that? Don't you want me, Edward? I'm a vampire now just like you. Why don't you love me anymore?" The hand that touched me was so cold it burned and I screamed, kept screaming until the vision of Bella disappeared.

Tired of one small part in the cave I had walled myself into I began exploring the mountain. With vampire senses it wasn't hard. I could see, did not have to breathe and the extreme cold had no effect on my body. Many objects were a wonder to behold as I passed veins of gold and gemstones sometimes the size of a small car. Ones that were exceptional in their beauty, l I picked out of the rock and put them in the backpack thinking of my mother and sisters. Always, I thought of Bella.

At times I came across chasms that were so deep into the earth that even my vampire vision could not penetrate the darkness. I took to leaping over them, at times wishing one, would swallow me whole and that at the end in the earth's core I would finally meet my final death.

Time had no meaning while I was exploring an unseen underworld. Whether it was day or night, I knew not, it would not have matter anyway. One particular leap over a chasm had me slamming so hard into a granite wall that I saw stars. Lying there on the ground dazed, she came to me again. She was wearing the same outfit as on her birthday.

"Edward, please help me. It burns, and it hurts so much." She was screaming at me writhing in pain. "Why didn't you stop him, Edward? Why didn't you stop Jasper? Oh God it hurts so much." Her screams filled my ears echoing through the mountain tearing my heart out and take the rest of my sanity with it.

I don't know how long I lain there my eyes staring off into the nothing of darkness. Screams of my own began filling me and I let them out. There was no one to hear me and no answering calls.

Standing I gathered my resolve and walked paying no attention to where I was going except when I had to change direction. My pace was human slow as it had been for some time. Why should I hurry when there was no place to hurry to?

I never saw the crater size hole until I stepped and went down. My fall was so forceful that I impacted the solid stone beneath me. Looking up my guess was to be that I fell at least six stories.

She came to me again as I sat in the freezing darkness with not even the beat of my heart to put sound into a still environment.

Her clothes were a bloody mess. Rivers of blood flowed from bites all over her body. The bites were on either side of her neck, wrists, and ankles. Everyplace that had a pulse point on her body had been bitten. The only creature that would know how to do it, this well would have been another vampire, one who knew how to do the job well. Her eyes were joyous as she stared at me. Holding her wrist to her mouth, I watched in horror as she began sucking her own blood from the wound. If I could have vomited, I would have.

"Mmm, it tastes so good Edward. You should have told me that it would taste this good. I can see now why you like it so much. He didn't have a problem changing me. My blood sings for him too. Did you know that? At first he just meant to kill me, then changed his mind. Now I'm just like him, like you. He's teaching me so many wonderful things. How can you not love the power it brings. The thrill of the kill is exhilarating, and it tastes like nothing on earth. I know you've tasted it. How can you not want more?"

Licking her lips my Bella stared at me blood flowing down her limbs as she walked toward me. Her eyes glowed, red, like the brightest rubies in the dark. Scrambling I crab crawled my way backward until I hit solid rock. Still she kept coming closer until we were face-to-face and I could smell the copper tang of blood. I tried to force my eyes closed but they would not obey my command.

"Jasper and I are having so much fun together. He is teaching me how to hunt, how to kill. We lick the blood from each other and then we fuck while our victim lays dying. It could have been you and I. Too bad my blood sings for Jasper. You could have stopped this Edward. You could have saved me. Now you're too late." Her nose pressed almost to mine her ruby eyes piercing into mine. Laughing, her voice sounded like macabre melodious bells playing a funeral march.

What was wrong with me? I had been in the dark, alone too long. I had to get out of here. I couldn't bear to look at her anymore. I knew that leaving her was right. Did I do the right thing?

Suddenly the open spaces began closing in on me, the walls shifted, pressing the tons of weight down on me. I had to get out of here. Mighty fists of fear of being trapped in here forever alone in the dark slammed into me and I clung to the shreds of sanity that I had left.

Throughout the cavern I could hear Bella's laughter and her voice calling my name. Slamming my hands over my ears and closing my eyes, I screamed. "Go away, you're not Bella, you're not her. Leave me alone."

This wasn't happening. None of this was real. The darkness pressed on my body stealing the breath from my chest, and grabbing my heart, trying to pull it out of my chest. Blind agonizing panic filled every cell of my body as I screamed. I didn't dare open my eyes knowing if I did I would see her. It was breaking me. She was breaking me.

I had to run. The need to get out of this place, out of this Hell, consumed me. I dared to open my eyes just a peak and with great leaps and bounds, I was out of the Hell into which I had fallen.

I ran, ran faster than I ever thought possible. Back the way I had come. Glimpses of Bella among the rocks laughing, bleeding mocking me spurned me on. They all said the same. "Stay here with me Edward, in here we can be together forever." The vile sight of my love dripping in blood didn't get me a pause, hearing Bella's screams of pain brought me to my knees.

Faster, I had to go faster. She couldn't trap me here. Panic started to build again as the walls pushed in on me. They wanted me to stay as well closing in a growling beast that was hot on my heels. This place would not beat me. Feeling as if Hell itself was coming to destroy me, I ran.

There not far from the cave I'd first resided in, I climbed into a corner and stayed. Closing my eyes, I tried to shut my body down. I wanted my family, wanted them all, and I still wanted Bella. No matter how many horrendous visions came to me, I still loved her, would always love her, and here I would stay until the mountain made me one with it.

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**A/N Yeah the first chapter of Part Two. This is still a Bella and Jasper story over all, but will not also have chapters just dealing with Edward and his journey at finding the missing piece in his life. There may be some times when you are ready to throw things at my head. All I have to say is bring it on. Flames and Positive reviews are both accepted - I have no fear.**

**Aerialla**


	29. Pt II Chapter Two: Pieces

SM owns Twilight

**This chapter is dedicated to the awesome Clurrabella. She spent who knows how long reviewing every chapter of this story today. Along with her, I want to give my heartfelt thanks to all the reviewers for the past few chapters. I hope to be getting comments back to you soon. Thank you all so much for your support in this story. -A**

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**Part II - Chapter 2 - Pieces**

**Song: Help by The Beatles**

**Emmett POV**

We ran, backtracked and then ran some more. For weeks, we followed a trail that led to more dead-ends than I wanted to count. Rose stayed pissed off most of the time. She was still upset that Jasper beat the crap out of me to get to Bella, even though she understood. Rose also grew more angry with Alice and Edward. Most of her anger lay with Carlisle, for keeping Jasper away from Bella when she needed him. I understood all of it and took the brunt of her anger.

Through the anger was also her worry. Every day she called to check on Bella. Rose's newfound concern for her little sister was amusing and a great relief. I don't know who fretted more over the girl, Esme or Rose. Since their talk at Christmas, Bella and Rose's relationship had evolved and I could not be more proud of my wife.

For the moment we were high in the Colorado Rockies, following the newest trail the thickening snow was threatening to cover. This was the last place the GPS on Rose's computer had picked up for Edward's cell phone. Jasper only days ago installed the new system so we could try to trace the microchip in Edward's phone. Luckily for us, Edward had kept his usual cell phone instead of buying something new. That would require Jasper hacking into our wireless service's database to find the number. I was sure that Jasper would not consider helping us find Edward at the moment. Esme was the one who convinced him to track the phone as Jasper wouldn't do it for anyone else.

After what Edward did to Bella, the way he left her, I wondered why I was looking for the little prick myself. He had much explaining to do once we find him. I'd given up the past two months of my life on a wild-goose chase and for that he would pay. When I found Edward, I was going to stick a low jack so far up his ass there would be no place on Earth where he could hide.

"I think I've got it. It's just over the next ridge. The signal is weak, but it's holding. Let's get his ass so we can get home. I'm tired of snow and fresh mountain air." Rosalie slammed the lid of the laptop shut and shoved it back into the backpack I was wearing.

Rose's next ridge was two thousand feet away, but we made it soon enough, made it straight into a brick wall. Luckily the snow was falling in the opposite direction and left the rock face bare for our perusal. I was sure there was a cave behind the mound of rocks in front of us. The rocks, looked too, man-made to be a rock slide.

"You don't think, he walled himself up in there, do you?" For the first time in months Rosalie was showing concern for someone other than Bella. Granted it was for Edward, but I would take what I could get.

"There's only one way to find out." Hefting a boulder, I threw it out of the way. Between Rose and me, it wasn't long before my hunch was proven correct. Behind the man-made wall of rock was a deep cave entrance.

Edward's smell was all over the place with the carcasses of small animals. I didn't want to consider what he'd been living on, or how long he'd been here. There was no immediate sign of him, but the cave looked like it went on forever. It would not be unlike Edward to go exploring to past the time. Damn it.

For hours we wandered the caves, following Edward's scent. It wasn't the scent that finally led us to him, but the sound of almost silent weeping. As quietly as we could, we walked up to him. I didn't want him to bolt. He looked like shit, even worse, he looked like he had been to hell and back.

Rose gasped when she saw him and didn't hesitate to go to her brother, who flinched away, and cried out at the contact.

"It's okay, Edward. It's just Rose, Emmett, is here as well. We're going to take you home." Gently she brushed dirt away from his face as I stood in awe. He launched himself in her arms and I watched as my big brother shattered.

It wasn't often that I got to see this side of my wife. I knew now the real reason to her anger, she had been just as worried about Edward, as we had. My Rose was nothing but fierce when it came to her family.

Whatever happened to Edward while in this place had seriously messed with his mind. He seemed broken. Moving past Rose, I lifted my brother up in my arms and quietly we began the trip home.

****

"We found him, and we're taking him to Alaska. He's messed up Carlisle. We're chartering a plane. You and Esme should head here. You may be the only one who can keep him from running again."

Carlisle's phone went straight to voice mail, which wasn't uncommon, especially if he was hunting. I knew he would get back to us as soon as he could. Chances were good that he would be meeting us in Alaska.

We tried to move under the cover of darkness. Edward's eyes after being in the caves for so long were ultrasensitive to the light. The first time he had seen the sun, he'd cried out in pain and buried his face in my shoulder.

It was difficult seeing him like this. Of all of us, Edward, always appeared the strongest, not only in mind, but spirit as well. He was broken and I didn't have a clue about how to fix him. I began wishing that Jasper were here, he like Carlisle, always knew what to do.

I wasn't kidding myself in the least that Jasper would come and help Edward. He'd tell me to fuck off and that Edward could roast slowly in Hell. After what happened to Bella, I could hardly blame him. It was going to be hard to care for Edward, knowing what he'd done to her, but he was my family, my brother. Even if I did hate his guts at times, I would help him get through this, later, once he was better, I was beating the shit out of him and leave him to find his missing limbs.

We made it to Alaska and then to Denali in record time. Carlisle had not been at the airport but his text said that he and Esme would meet us within the day. Luckily the weather was holding and their flight would be on time.

I got Edward into a hot shower as Rose threw heavy blankets over the massive windows in Edward's room. As soon as he was situated, Rose would stay here with him while I hunted and then vice versa. I was going to bring him back a bear and make him eat, even if I had to open his mouth and pour the blood down his throat. Never before have I witnessed eyes that black, not even on Jasper whose eyes could change in a second, turning feral and dangerous. Edward's eyes were black as if no one was home and all the lights were out.

I managed to get most of the dirt off Edward and into a pair of pajamas, I was sure he'd never worn. Alice had a habit of buying them for us, every Christmas. Damn, I missed my little sister. Even now, I wondered where she was and if she was all right. Other than the call at Christmas, neither Rose, nor I, had heard from her in months. That wasn't like her, and it made me sick to think that she was in trouble, just as sick to see Bella so destroyed and fighting to survive. The images of her falling into Jasper's arms, and Carlisle's fight to save her life, was something that I would never forget. Just like I would never forget my own brother ripping me apart to get to Bella. Hell, I would have helped Jasper if I'd known Carlisle tied her down, that was fucked up.

Edward pitched away from me, throwing himself into the corner of the room, rocking back and forth, he began muttering so low and so fast under his breath that I couldn't make out the words. He'd obviously seen Bella through my mind, aw crap.

"Rose!" I called for my wife. I'd done what I could for Edward. The emotional side of was better left to Rose before Esme could get here. I loved my brother, but I, sure as hell wasn't getting all mushy with him. Hell, I'd showered him, wasn't that enough.

"How is he?" Her arms were full of more blankets and she dropped them into a pile on the floor when she saw Edward curled into the corner.

"He just started doing that. Try to get him to talk and tell you what happened. I'm going to go hunting. I bring something back for him. Be careful, Rosie, I don't think he's in his right mind." Softly I kissed my wife on her brow and booked it from the room, again wishing Jasper was here to deal with the emotional shit.

A couple of miles away from the house, I pulled out my cell phone. The date reminded me that as soon as Esme and Carlisle were here, I need to make a trip to town. Rose would never let me live down forgetting Valentine's Day, which was less than a week away.

Quickly I dialed Jasper's number, hoping on the off chance that his anger would have abated enough for him to come. I almost hung up the phone, thinking I'd dialed the wrong number when a female voice answered. It took me a full four seconds to recognize the voice on the other end.

"Bella, how are you doing, sweetheart?" The happiness in her voice had me feeling over the moon.

"Jasper, quit, it's Emmett. I'm doing well, your brother, however is about to become shish kabob. Tell him it's not fair to torture someone when they're sick with the flu, and that since his bed is more comfortable than mine, it's only fair the sick person uses it. His bathroom is also closer than mine." A rasp of coughs had Bella handing the phone away. Jasper didn't pick upright away, but I could hear the conversation.

"If you'd use, the trash can, like you're supposed to, instead of running for the bathroom when you get sick, then you wouldn't need my room. You're mattress is the same as mine." These words were followed with an exasperated sigh.

Bella's voice, wheezing with the need for air, came through loud and clear and almost had me at a dead run for Forks. "Yeah, but you're not in mine, and I'm tired of getting up in the middle of the night to join you because I can't sleep."

"Jasper, damn it, answer your phone." I tried to keep the roar to a minimum. What the hell was going on back there, and just what in the fuck, was Jasper doing with my baby sister?

"What do you want Emmett?" His voice was nothing but frustration.

"What in the fuck is going on back there? I swear if you've done something to Bella, you won't have to worry about picking up the pieces." My grip on the phone was threatening to destroy the fragile piece of wire and plastic.

"Oh, fuck. If you must know, Bella has been sleeping with me since December, and right now she's sick with the flu and being a pain in my ass." The sound of a pillow hitting something, or rather someone, came through the connection with Bella's sick voice calling my brother an asshole.

Jasper's voice for a second became distant as I heard him turn and speak to Bella. 'Just because I love you, don't mean that I won't throw you in the river come thaw."

Those words were going to screw us all. God, Edward was not going to like this, not. We were all so fucked. How could Carlisle and Esme let this happen, how could Jasper? They knew how much Edward loved Bella. Once he got his sanity back, he was going to kill us all.

"What did you call for Emmett? I'm outside so we can speak privately." Jasper's voice was back to the commanding one I was accustomed to.

"We found Edward, Jazz." There was no sense beating around the bush.

"What does that have to do with me, Em? I could still care less whether the fucker lived or died."

"Then I guess that answers my next question. He's bad, Jazz, and when I mean bad, I mean whacked out of his mind. He'd imprisoned himself in a cave, and was babbling and crying. For God's sake, Jasper, he was still wearing the clothes he wore when he left." The urge to punch a tree was quickly becoming a reality. I realized a part of me was wishing that Jasper would come running and do his mojo and everything would go back to the way it was.

"Emmett, I love you like a brother, but I could care less if Edward has become a nutcase. Did you forget that Bella almost died because of him, and still has nightmares? If he is as bad as you say he is, then I'm glad, he's getting a small portion of what he deserves. I've got to get back to Bella, sometimes she worries if I'm gone to long."

" How is she doing? Have you even let Carlisle near her?" In my frustration I punched a tree and it's toppling only helped by a fraction.

"When Carlisle gets there, I'm sure he will fill you in. Bella and I, owe no one any explanations." The phone disconnected before I could utter another word. Damn it. Right now, Jasper and Carlisle were barely speaking and I knew it was killing Jasper to have Carlisle even near her, let alone still be her doctor.

Their small truce came from Bella's need and nothing more and now let me to wonder if my brother was planning on leaving our family for good. A sad point was, I couldn't blame his hate for Carlisle at the moment.

A few more trees met their demise before I found a hungry bear that was looking for a fight. I didn't have the time to play with my food, but given my mood, I made the small exception. After finishing with the bear, I found another one and made quick work of knocking the beast out so I could carry him back. If Edward didn't kill it himself, then I would.

I was glad when fifteen minutes later, Edward made little work and little mess of the Kodiak, an another twenty minutes later. Carlisle and Esme were pulling into the drive as soon as Edward and I returned from his impromptu hunt.

His eyes were still dark as night, but he was behaving more coherently and wasn't as twitchy as before. It would take three days and twice daily hunts before he would get his normal eyes back.

**Carlisle POV**

For three days, Esme and I tried our hardest not to think of anything dealing with Bella and Jasper. I left all of Emmett's questions unanswered. It was beginning to wear on Esme. I knew her frequent trips, to hunt, were nothing more than calls to Bella to check to see how she was feeling. She had not wanted to come back, but we both knew it would look funny if I were to see Edward again without her.

Esme was just as angry with me over the whole Christmas fiasco as Jasper. Even my explaining the straps as nothing more than for Bella's safety, the medication I'd given her caused violent tremors, didn't suffice for either of them. I know I was wrong in keeping Jasper away from Bella, but I would do it again to protect my daughter. The small truce between Jasper and me, for the moment was for Bella's medical condition only.

Over the past two months, I had watched Esme's love matched only by her anger. So far none of us had told Bella about the frequent nightmares. She would wake up, never remembering screaming out in her sleep, or trying to claw the scars on her chest. This was not counting the times that one of us would find her sleepwalking, often to Jasper's room. Once she was there, she usually fell immediately back to sleep, curled up into Jasper. If Jasper was in another room, then she wouldn't stop until she found him. She never remembered the events. Two weeks ago we caught her on the balcony in pajamas, heading toward the river in her search for him.

After some calls to confidants and witnessing the innate behavior, there was only one conclusion that I could come up with. She was searching for her mate. During my years as a vampire, I'd witnessed many bonded mates acting the same way, but never between a human and a vampire, especially ones unbound. My only conclusion was Bella was Jasper's singer. It would also explain my own dedication toward Esme, and her yearning to find me when she was a human.

Keeping all of this away from Edward, was only going to become more difficult, especially once Esme decided to return to Forks. She and Jasper were making it their mission in getting Bella better, and it was working. Right now the only object stopping her from going back, were the bowt of icy weather that had the planes grounded.

In two months, she put the weight back on and even added some much needed pounds. Now her body looked less like some teenagers, and more like the woman she was becoming. Bella's hair now hung down her back in lustrous waves instead of the straw texture it once was. She glowed because of Jasper's love and care, and looked better now than when I first met her. Bella laughed, teased, and enjoyed every day like a young woman in love should.

No longer could I deny the truth. Bella had fallen just as much in love with Jasper as he was with her. To deny them their happiness would be cruel. It was only a matter of time until they were fully bonded and then nothing but death could tear them apart.

Edward would have to learn to deal with the truth. Even if he and Bella had stayed together, it would only have been a matter of time before Jasper and Bella would have realized their bond. Of that I was certain. Not even for Edward's feelings would I jeopardize their relationship.

I smelled Edward before I saw him and began indexing known viruses in my head, but it was too late. He knew something was up. In the past three days he made a remarkable recovery physically. It was Edward's mental state that had me afraid for the whole family.

"You've been avoiding me, as is Esme, why?' He stood casually in the doorway. This cabin was more of our permanent home, and Edward especially was always more at home and at ease here.

'If this is about us leaving, I can't apologize enough. I had no idea that Jasper and Alice would split. I still believe I made the right decision and I won't change my mind on that. She'll forget me, if she hasn't already. Has anyone heard from Jasper or Alice?"

The way Edward brushed off Bella was such nonchalance almost made me want to ring his neck. Had he always been this careless with others' feelings? He didn't seem bothered overly much that his sister was missing and her marriage history.

I couldn't stop the images of Bella, in my arms, fighting for her life as I rushed her to the house in Forks. Just like I couldn't refute the sight of Jasper, praying and keeping vigil at her side, wondering if she'd ever wake up. Maybe it was better for him to find out now, rather than later.

"Carlisle, what did he do?" Edward's eyes began blackening, then he was gone and by the bang of the front door, running.

"Bloody hell." The English curse slipped easily from my lips as I pulled out my cell phone and quickly dialed Jasper's number. The lines were dead. The weather must have been growing worse in Forks as well. If we were lucky, on foot, it would take Edward three days to make the trip to Forks. I hope we would be able to warn Jasper before Edward made an unwanted surprise visit. With enough luck, if I left immediately, by car, I could make it there, just before him.

* * *

**A/N Man am I on a roll. The next chapter should be up tomorrow or Thursday at the latest. I told you all that I'm trying to get this thing out. Hugs to all reviewers. You all rock my world harder than Jasper in cowboy boots!**

**Aerialla**


	30. Pr II Chapter Three: Valentine

SM owns Twilight

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**Part II - Chapter Three - Valentine**

**Song: (I Do) Cherish You by 98 Degrees**

**Jasper POV**

For over a month, I'd been planning this day, with Carlisle's full cooperation before he'd left. Today, if everything went as planned, it would be the biggest day of my life.

Today was officially Valentine's Day, but alas, I could not wake my love for another hour. Bella's flu finally ran its course and she could have fun today, like I'd planned. Standing on the deck in nothing but jeans and a T-shirt, I watched the dark sky before me as the sun rose opposite. The weather finally settled and morning would dawn, bright and clear.

A whiff of smell, a stench, passed before my nose, only slightly ahead of the elk screams heard below me. Their anxiety and the stench could mean only one fact, werewolf.

From the trees to the south, towards La Push, three wolves appeared. Shortly after Christmas, Carlisle and I worked a deal with Billy Black and Sam Uley. For our part in trespassing on Quileute land, we would pay. The reservation's school needed a new roof, and they also lacked in funding for supplies. I was more than willing to write the check.

Bringing Charlie with us that day, with Janine had helped us. The meeting almost came to fisticuffs when I brought about the hot topic, Bella and her mortality. I discussed it with Charlie earlier, and he was leaving the decision to his daughter.

Charlie surprised the hell out of all of us. His words were a memory. I would never forget. Now as the wolves descended, I replayed them in my head.

"Hell, if Bella decides that being part of the Cullen family, and everything that entails, then I'll join her. There's still things I've always wanted to do, and more than ever, I have a reason to start."

I remember watching as Janine and Charlie's hands grabbed each other and the flow of love between them. It was amazing and I missed Bella being beside me. Janine seconded Charlie's decision. With their knowing look with Carlisle, I could tell it was something they'd discussed. Their knowledge of us while they remained human, was dangerous for us all. Better for them to experience the change because they wanted it, than to have the Volturi do it by force, or kill them outright.

The meeting went better than any of us planned, having Charlie, a respected member not only of the Forks community, but the reservation community was the final blessing. As long as we stuck to the diet, and taught Bella, Charlie and Janine the same, we could habituate in peace.

"So why the early morning visit, Sam." After the fight on the beach and at the meeting, Sam and I had come to an understanding of sorts. He would keep treating me as a monster and I would respect his position as leader of the pack. It wasn't hard to tell that he hated me, but the feelings of the tribal elders still won as a whole. For now I would play his game.

"Be on your guard. There's another vampire in the territory, and they don't smell like one of you. All the night patrol got was a scent, so we don't know if it's female or male. They haven't crossed into our lands, yet. I thought I would give you a courtesy. Just because we tolerate your family, don't mean we want any more leeches around. Leah, is going to stay in the area and run patrols between here and the Cullen house." Sam, his second-in-command, Jacob Black, and a woman stood below me. I remembered the woman from the meeting, but not from the beach. Her entire being radiated stubborn pride, fear and anger. The fear and anger were direct in line with Sam. There was an obvious tension among the ranks. Sam's problems with his pack, were none of my concern, though I didn't doubt that someone would revolt and soon.

"Chances are it's someone passing through. When Bella wakes up, I'll do a run through and see if I can pick up anything. Esme is due back as soon as she gets a flight. Thanks for the warning. it's appreciated." I didn't want to give them an outright dismissal, but I could sense that Bella was waking early and I still wanted to prepare breakfast in bed for her.

"Let us know if you find out anything and we'll do the same. I don't believe either of us want any strangers around." Sam and Jacob phased and ran. Leah, stared at me, before huffing, then phasing and ran to the north.

Bella was still sleeping, in my bed, which wasn't unusual anymore. For a brief moment I thought about just moving her into my room permanently, it wasn't like she didn't sleep here, every night. The furniture from her room could go to the unfinished bedroom and we could turn that room into a private study for her. I knew she loved the room, especially the lights in the ceiling and her reading chair, but she could never sleep restfully in there. Who was I to begrudge her comfort, when every night that I spent with her in my arms was heaven?

Maybe I would surprise her with the change, at least in clothing space, while she bathed. Not moving to kiss her brow, even though I ached to, I shut the door softly and went back up to the kitchen.

Twenty minutes later, just as I was putting the finish slices of strawberry on her French toast, she walked into the room. Her eyes still held the haze of sleep, and she looked delectable in satin pajama bottoms and a tank top. Two months ago the same shirt hung off her shoulders. Now the added weight was enticing, an extra ten more pounds more and I wouldn't be responsible for my hands. Even now it was hard to concentrate as my mouth salivated over the view of her hard nipples through the thin material.

"Good morning." She tried to filch a strawberry while I playfully smacked her hand.

"You are going to march back down those steps and get back into bed so I can do this properly." Bella pouted at me, her eyes shining with laughter. Unable to resist her lips, I placed a quick kiss on them, and turned away as she swiped a strawberry. As she turned to go, I swatted her on the behind, loving the sound of her giggle as she jumped.

I finished her tray quickly and was happy to see her sitting up in bed when I arrived. Her cheeks slightly flushed and her heartbeat quickened when I entered the room. The smile on her face was brilliant and in that moment, I soared. Every day I loved her more, and was beginning to feel her love for me as well. Not once since Christmas had, she tried to hide the feelings from me.

She looked up to me with her melted chocolate eyes and for the first time, I felt more than just the glimmer of her love, I felt it whole and true. The tray almost dropped from my hands. I didn't know how much longer I could go without making her mine, not only as my mate, but as my wife.

"Your breakfast is here, my lady." With a flourish, I held the tray with one hand and placed a napkin over her lap, then added the tray. She eyed the French toast hungrily and I was again thankful her appetite had returned.

"Thank you for this, Jasper. It looks delicious." Not hesitating, she tucked in and I laughed.

"I have one more item.' With a slight of hand, I presented her with the delicate blush rose that I'd tucked in my back pocket, and made appear behind her ear. 'This rose, pales in comparison to your beauty, and if would do me the honor, today, I would love nothing more than to spoil you until my heart is content. If you wouldn't mind, there is also a trip that I would like for us to take." I had been planning this trip since Christmas and I hoped she would go for it.

I could feel her excitement. She stopped chewing and took the flower from my fingers before smelling it, then tucking it behind her ear. "I would be most honored, sir, to go with whatever your plans entail." Briefly, Bella placed her hand on my cheek. Staring into my eyes, again I could feel her love. It was amazing and incredible. I wanted to shout from the rooftop. Careful not to upset her tray, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on my lips, leaving them sticky from the maple syrup.

"Eat your breakfast, I have a couple of tasks to take care of and then I'll show you, your next surprise."Softly I kissed her on the lips again, then left her to it.

Upstairs I made the necessary calls to have my plans put into full action. I had hoped that Bella would agree to my plans, but until her confirmation, I held off. Hope filled me that she would be as happy as I thought she would be. That done I started on the second part of my morning surprise. Again I went back downstairs, took the empty tray out from under her, and was to the kitchen and back before she could even blink.

"Now I want you to go into your room and call your dad. Tell him that we're going to be gone for a few days and that you'll call him tomorrow. I don't want him to worry in case him or Janine comes out here and find us missing." Again I could feel her excitement, with a healthy amount of curiosity and hope. She went into the bedroom, without questioning me, which I was grateful.

Once I could hear her from her room, I went to work. Rose petals that I'd hidden earlier left a trail from the doorway and into the bathroom where I lit the candles and turned on the tub, making sure the jets were full blast. While listening to Bella explaining our trip to Charlie, I poured a liberal amount of bubbles in the tub. Her voice was rapidly becoming frustrated as explained that she didn't know where we were going. Bella didn't know that I'd already discussed the plans with Charlie who was all for the idea. The whole plan was coming together.

Once Bella hung up the phone and sigh in frustration, I turned off the bathroom lights, leaving only the glow of candlelight. Meeting Bella at the door to the bedroom, I smiled at her. She was so beautiful.

"Close your eyes.' I whispered in her ear and she complied. Taking her by the hand, I led her into the bathroom. "Take a nice, long, hot bath. When you're done, everything will be ready for us to leave."

Bella eyed the bath, the roses, and the candles and I could feel her mischievousness come out to play. "Aren't you going to stay? What if I need you to wash my back?' Wrapping her arms around me, Bella lifted her right leg and ran it seductively down mine. It was all I could do not to growl, as it was, words caught in my throat. 'You know Jasper. There is a reason the tub is for two. Why don't you join me?" God, I'd died and gone to heaven.

Bella tossed the T-shirt she'd been wearing off over her head and began wiggling out of her pajama bottoms. I stood motionless and unable to stop her until she stood in front of me in a pair of tiny pink bikini bottoms. Slowly while staring at me with her dark orbs, she took one pink strap and pulled it out from her hips, teasing me, before letting it snap back into place. This time the growl did build in my chest. Grabbing her hips, I pulled her against me and groaned at feeling her against my fully hard erection. My mouth slammed down on her ready lips. Her nipples were hard against my chest and burned through the cotton of my shirt. I wanted her so bad that it physically hurt, but taking her now was not in my plans, even if my aching cock had different ideas on the matter. Licking her lips and loving the way she squirmed and wrapped her legs around me, I knew that if I didn't go now, then today's plans would ruin and they were too important to mess up.

"I love you, now take your bath." Kissing her on the forehead, I spun out of her hands and ran. Hunting was my only priority, then it would be Bella for the rest of the weekend. I also needed to find out if I could detect any other vampires in the vicinity.

Hearing the sounds of her stepping into the tub, I made quick, silent work of putting her clothes into the bare side of the closet. Outside, I ran, leaving the sounds, smells, and memory of her bare flesh against my own, before I lost what remained of my fragile composure.

It was near the Cullen house that I picked up the recognizable scent. Edward. Damn it all to hell. Blocking my mind of Bella, made my heart hurt, but I did it anyway. My phone started buzzing the closer, I got to the house and I heard a familiar car pull into the drive. It was Carlisle's car. Something must be bad, if he'd come after Eddie boy. I didn't wait for him to slow down. I opened the passenger's door and hopped in. Carlisle reversed out of the drive and out of the corner of my eye, I caught Edward watching us from a tree. Sneaky little bastard. He was hoping to follow us. Luckily the power of the Mercedes would make his catching up, an impossibility.

Carlisle floored the car as soon as we hit the road, going in an opposite direction of Bella and home. As we drove though Forks, I would catch glimpses of Edward in the trees. Once we hit the highway, we flew.

"Would you mind telling me, what the hell is going on?" Worry, both Carlisle's and mine was eating at me and I began to drum my fingers against my knee in impatience.

"Edward is physically fine, but I feel his brain may be a tad off. Emmett and Rosalie found him self-imprisoned in a cave. He hadn't eaten in months and he kept babbling about Bella being wrong and that he must stop you. I fear the starvation played some dark hallucinations on him. You need to get Bella out of town for a while and stay there until I call you." Carlisle made an illegal U-turn on the highway and heading back to Forks. This time he took the route for my home.

"That was the plan anyway. We'll just make the trip a little longer than I planned. Charlie already knows. I can have him and Janine join us in a few days. Sam stopped by this morning and said last night they smelled a strange vampire in the vicinity. Since none of them knew about Edward, it's possible it was him, the wolves smelled."

Carlisle stared ahead and then briefly looked at me. "It's possible, but unlikely. I've been on Edward's tail since he left Alaska. Don't ask how Emmett and Rose did it, but they low-jacked him. Rose has been using the GPS signal to track him. He got to town slightly before I did, and headed straight to the house. I 'm sure once he found it empty but recently lived-in, he figured he would hang around for a few days. I'll talk with Billy and call the rest of the family back from Denali. We have either a spy or a nomad about. I'm not taking chances right now, especially with Alice still missing.'

'Just concentrate on keeping Bella and the other's safe. I want you to take the jet. It will be faster getting through the airports that way. They got a call earlier and are on standby and just waiting for you and Bella to get there. Tell her the plane is a Valentine gift from Esme and me. Spend the rest of your vacation, doing exactly what you were planning. We will take care of everything back here." Carlisle stopped at the drive to the house and I hopped out and ran.

The past few months I'd tried hard to forgive Carlisle and get over my anger toward him. A small inner part of my conscience knew that Carlisle was trying to take care of Bella in the best ways he knew how. It didn't mean that I liked his methods or reasoning. For Bella's sake we were trying to be civil.

It had taken three weeks before I even let him in the house to check Bella, let alone administer to her. Conditions stood in place. Carlisle would continue to be her doctor as long as someone else was in the room. I no longer trusted him alone with my mate. There were also to be no machines, or using Bella as a test subject for new drugs and therapies, she was not his guinea pig.

Since then, Bella began improving in leaps and bounds. The first meeting with Carlisle put the fight back into her. In front of Esme and her father, she had proceeded to beat him until Emmett's Christmas present was nothing more than a shapeless lump of metal. Carlisle huddled in the corner and let Bella have her way, regret, shame and sorrow pouring out of him, until Bella flew into his arms, spent and crying.

While Bella forgave Carlisle for strapping and leaving her, alone and afraid, I would not. The nightmares had grown worse since then. Bella's screams into the night pushed me farther away from Carlisle and the Cullen family.

Once at home, I pulled the truck up to the door, leaving it running. Music was playing on the stereo when I opened the front door. I tried not to cringe at the dance tune that hurt my ears. Bella was finished with her bath. Following the scent of her skin, I made my way downstairs. Lights were on all over and I began to flick them off as I walked. Bella was in her bathroom dressed in nothing but a dark purple bra and bikini panties. Just looking at her made my mouth fill with venom.

"Honey. I'm home." I leaned against the bathroom door, crossing my feet at the ankles. She was drying her hair.

"Hi, could you please tell me where my clothes are? My closet is empty, unless you plan me wearing my underwear all day, I need to dress." Looking up at me briefly through her now dry fall of hair, I snickered.

"Come with me, and I'll show you.' Silently she switched off the dryer and took my outstretched hand. I led her to what I considered now to be our room and opened the right half of the closet. Bella obviously didn't do a thorough search for her clothes. 'There right here darlin, I figured we shared the bed, we might as well share the whole room."

My comment met with a rush of warm Bella in my arms. Feeling her against me, again wearing next to nothing, was pure, sweet torture.

"Thank you. I wanted to do that, but after all the trouble you, and Esme went to for my room, I didn't know how to ask." Leaning forward she kissed my cheek.

"How long until you are ready?" I kissed her on the head as her fragrant warmth surrounded me. In truth I had planned on her taking more time, but with Edward and an unknown snooping around, I wanted to be as far away from Forks as possible, as quickly as we could.

"About fifteen minutes. What do I need to pack?" Her excitement over our secret getaway was obvious as she strode from our room into the other.

"Everything is taken care of. I'm going to make some last minute arrangements and we're ready to go. The last minute arrangement was a lie. I just wanted her to feel unrushed. I didn't want her to suspect that we now have other reasons for leaving Forks.

I was waiting by the door when she came up the stairs, dressed in tight dark blue jeans, bright red sweater, and calf high black flat boots, she looked sexy as hell. Her long dark hair hung down her back in soft waves, and she'd even put on make-up, including a cherry-red lip gloss that I couldn't wait to kiss from her mouth. I made the motion with my hands for her to turn around and I almost groaned aloud. The added pounds on her rear end left the jeans tight and succulent.

"You are beautiful." Gently I kissed her on the cheek as she blushed. The smell of her flowed into my nose and I breathed in deep. I could only imagine how good she would smell as a vampire. The scent was sure to be intoxicating. I held out her coat and helped her into it before handing her book bag to her. I'd packed it with her books and the laptop I'd made for her Christmas present.

She had yet to say anything and I attributed it to the apprehension that was eating at her. I sent her a wave of calm and love. Bella looked up at me and smiled. Love flowed boldly from her eyes.

"Thank you. I needed that. It's silly to be nervous, after all, we've been living together for almost two months, but I can't help the feeling. It's strange, I'm more myself around you than anyone I've ever known. For some reason it doesn't bother me that you like to spoil me as much as you do, like at Christmas with the tree, then breakfast, and the bath this morning. Those little things mean so much to me. You always know just what I need without forcing me to have what you want. Even now, I know that if I wasn't excited for your surprise and wanted to stay home, we would. I know that you would be disappointed, but you would never berate me for my choice.'

'Today, I know that you want to spoil me, not because you can, but because you want to make me happy. I wish I could express just how much everything you've done for me, means to me. Jasper, you understand me better than anyone ever has and I . . . Thank you. Since I know how much this means to you, and because I want to make you happy, I am giving you full permission to spoil me. Today, I promise not to pout, or complain about whatever plans you have made."

Bella stumbled on the words of love I could feel from her. Looking into my eyes, she showed me what her words could not yet express and for that I fell more in love with her. I loved the way she showed me what she was feeling instead of the words, it told me that she understood me as well.

In truth I loved doing the little things for Bella, like the breakfast and bath. They made me feel useful, and the little things made her so happy. Unlike Edward, I knew when to back off. I didn't criticize Bella, and wouldn't care if she lived in sweats, and T-shirts for the rest of eternity. I also didn't care that she loved her old beat-up truck. Edward never understood that her love for that hunk of metal was nothing to do with the vehicle and everything to do with Charlie. There was also the fact that I knew that Bella taking care of people was her nature. Edward, also never understood that Bella's independence meant the world to her.

"I love you, Bella, but I warn you, the day is about to get extravagant." I couldn't help teasing her. Swooping her up in my arms, I carried her outside where the truck was running to get warm for her.

She giggled into my chest. "How extravagant are we talking, Jasper?" A twinge of worry had her biting her lower lip as I set her into the truck's cab.

"Don't ask and I won't have to tell." I shut the door and climbed in the driver's seat. It was hard not to be as excited as Bella. This day had been a dream of mine for so long, and now it was happening.

Bella reached over and grabbed my hand, interlacing her fingers with mine. I brought her fingers to my lips and kissed the fingertips. Within minutes we were on the highway. At the speeds we were going, I liked to keep both hands on the wheel and rested Bella's hand on my thigh, where she kept it for the remainder of the trip to Seattle.

Halfway there, I looked over at her, amazed to find her asleep. Her emotions were calm and secure. I was unused to her like this, while driving. The high speeds always scared Bella shitless.

Bella slept until I had to wake her in the long-term parking at Sea-Tac Airport. "Bella, darlin', wake up." I brushed her hair away from her face before shaking her slightly. She felt embarrassed as she wiped the small amount of saliva from her mouth.

"Where are we?" She yawned and stretched her limbs in the limited confines of the cab.

"The airport, in the parking lot." I'd already gone in and gave them my credit card and they were now waiting to take us to the private terminal entrance. Carlisle's use of the plane was thoughtful as we would be able to bypass security lines and the check-ins. The tickets, I had already purchased was home for Charlie and Janine. Carlisle would make sure they got them when it was time for them to follow us.

"What are we doing at the airport?" She grabbed her bag by her feet as I helped her out.

Taking her book bag from her as she went to get on the shuttle without further question. It was surprising, she wasn't putting up more of a fuss. She only showed mild confusion and wonder.

"You'll find out soon enough my love. I just want you to relax and enjoy the next few days." We sat cuddled together for the short ride, not speaking. Bella's excitement was beginning to feel contagious as we neared the entrance, it lay underlined with nerves. Those I tried to block out, I had enough nerves of my own without hers on top. If I added hers, I would be a wreck before we reached our destination.

"Where are we?' The dark expressive brown eyes I had come to love so much looked around at the terminal in full confusion. 'Jasper, what did you do?" Bella looked like she was ready to give me all kinds of hell, I knew the private-jet would take her over the edge, now all I had to do was smooth her ruffled feathers.

"This part is not from me, it's from Carlisle and Esme, they said to tell you Happy Valentine's Day." I led her by the elbow to the small private reception desk. The place was deserted as it often was, unless one of the big shot sports teams was in town.

"What exactly is this part.?" She glared at me and I flashed her a brilliant smile.

"You'll see.' The young woman behind the counter was reading a trashy romance novel, and looking and feeling extremely bored. 'Jasper Whitlock, I believe that you have a plane waiting for me." Letting go of Bella, momentarily, I pulled my I. D. out of my wallet and showed it to the woman. This made her perk up, minutely.

"Your plane is waiting, Mr. Whitlock. I'll show you to the back. You'll be able to board immediately. Do you have any luggage?' She looked at me, then at Bella, incredulously. I could feel Bella's lack of confidence begin to sneak in and I fed her some of what I was feeling from the woman in front of me.

"Did we need luggage for this trip, darling? We usually wear so little, since we never get out of the bedroom. It's a wonder we're even here, after this morning." Bella casually fingered the buckle on my belt and looked at me, her bottom lip caught between two teeth. The look in her eyes was so damn sexy. I almost took her there. They were full of seduction and innuendo that if I didn't have her in private soon, I wouldn't be responsible for my actions.

The attendant was rapidly gaining color in her face. "Please follow me." Her words were clipped and Bella still being a minx, grabbed me by the buckle and pulled me forward.

"Come on cowboy. Let's show these guys a thing or two about the mile high club." Bella's fingers were so close to my cock as it strained against my jeans that I thought I would whimper. Her voice dripped honey and sex. The smell of her arousal hit my nose and I almost pulled us into the bathroom. The woman who had once focused on me, now trained on Bella. She was looking at her in a whole new light, as a delectable morsel that she wanted to eat. Yeah, it was time to go, before any more salacious thoughts, entered my quickly warping brain.

Once the attendant went back inside, I wrapped Bella in my arms as she giggled. My cock rubbed against her deliciously. It was becoming increasingly hard to keep my lust in check.

"That was very naughty of you, it's not like I'm not used to women looking like they want to eat you.' Her amusement was a blessing. I had been preparing for angry Bella.'I'm not a dancing chicken, Jasper, I can handle things like that without your gift. The confidence boost was nice, but I have to admit I'm slightly embarrassed. We made her believe that we are nymphomaniacs."

"If I get my wish, someday we will be." I groaned in her ear as the swell of her behind rubbed against a rock hard part of my anatomy. By her own groan, I could again smell her arousal. The jet taxied around in front of us, then stopped. The doors opened and a pilot pushed down the steps.

"Your chariot awaits, my lady." Taking her hand, I could feel the uncomfortable weight, settle around her shoulders. Maybe Carlisle's idea to use the jet was too much.

"You're not serious?" Bella faltered in her steps and I caught her elbow as she stumbled on the pavement. Unlike Edward, I loved her clumsiness and playing her unfailing hero.

"Quite, remember this is a gift from Carlisle and Esme. I've never known him to do less than extravagance when it comes to sweeping Esme off her feet. Someday I'll take you to Isle Esme, now that is a sight to behold." Moving her along, I was glad. Her shock at the last statement allowed me to get her on board.

"Do you mean Isle Esme, as in Carlisle owns a private island?" The pilot nodded and handed me a paper to sign to which I quickly scrawled my name.

"Yes, darlin', I do. He bought her this beautiful little island off the coast of Brazil. Only the family knows its exact location. Other than a caretaker that comes by boat, the place is secluded and the less we're there, the more the animal population replenishes. All of us have gone at least once a year to thin them out a little.' As I was talking, I got Bella to sit down and buckled her seat belt. She was feeling a little overwhelmed and shocked. This extravagance was out of her comfort zone. I needed to keep her mind occupied and spinning until after the take off.

'Emmett and Rosalie own a place in Africa for times when they like to hunt big game. Alice owns a loft in Paris and a villa in Milan for fashion season. There's the house in Alaska and Vermont. Carlisle owns a little place in England, and I've been trying to get him to sell me the Scottish estate for years, even though it is the least used of all our properties. Now it lies in the Highlands, and there is nothing around for miles but rolling green and fog. It's my favorite off all his properties. He sold the land in Australia last year." I specifically steered clear of Edward, not wanting to think about him, and was glad when Bella didn't

It wasn't long before we were fully in the air and the pilot had killed the small "fasten seat belts" sign. I unsnapped both Bella's and my belts. "Why don't you have a look around, sweetheart?" I wanted Bella to see all the amenities. I followed her as she stood and walked to the back of the plane. There were snacks laid out in the galley kitchen and Bella grabbed a juice from the supply, opening it she drank the small bottle in one go and set the empty on the counter, only showing mild curiosity. Opening the bathroom door, she got a surprise, a bathroom with a shower, next down the hall was four double sized bunks equipped with flat screens and computers, Carlisle had gotten the idea from looking at band tour buses. One was Emmett and Rose's, another used to be Alice's and mine, one for Edward and two spares for when we traveled with guests, most often the Denali vampires. The last stop, we used with dual-purpose, a traveling office for Carlisle and a bedroom for him and Esme, though we'd all used it when just traveling as a couple.

Bella sat down on the bed, her disbelief giving way to acceptance. Grabbing my belt buckle like she did before, she pulled me forward and rested her head on my stomach while wrapping her arms around my waist. I felt her earlier fatigue, the last remnants of her flu, combined with her condition, still made her body worn out.

"You still haven't told me where we're going, now that you have me up in the flying palace." Her breath was warm, the air flowing through the cotton of my T-shirt.

Even after all these months, it felt good to dress the way I wanted to. Bella never complained once that I lived-in jeans, T-shirts and my ever growing collection of cowboy boots. She accepted me for whom I was, and it was just one of the many reasons I loved her, and that love had nothing to do with her being my singer and vampire mate. I was in love with Bella, in love with her strength, courage, heart, and a million and one little thing that made who she was.

"Earth to Jasper, are you okay?" Leaning back on the bed, her body supported by her forearms, she stared up at me. Love and concern showed in her eyes, the love overwhelmed me and I found myself sinking to my knees in awe. I pulled her to me and she came willingly. It was my turn to rest my head against her. Bella began running her fingers through my hair and I couldn't stop the purr that vibrated my chest. Her willing touches still astonished me, but no more than her feelings of completeness every time I held her.

I let her pull me onto the bed, and we lay in each other's arms, our foreheads pressed together, our lips were just touching. I wound my hand up the back of her sweater, loving the tiny shiver that went down her spine. As she stared into my eyes, I was overcome with my own emotions. Bella was so beautiful, smart, kind, loving and even funny when given the chance. I was nothing but a monster. I was a monster, who didn't deserve an ounce of her affection, let alone the tons she showed me every day. My love for her was too strong to ever let her go, and I was selfish enough to want her as mine forever. Without her I knew that I would revert to the monster that lay just on this side of dormant. Bella kept the man and the monster peaceful. It was the first time they were content to dwell together.

"So exactly where are you taking me, Mr. Whitlock? You could at least give me a hint." The back of her hand caressed my cheek, and I kissed her fingertips when they came close to my lips.

"But alas, darlin', even a hint would spoil the surprise. Let's just say that I'm taking you somewhere special that I have no doubt that you will love, hell, you may never want to leave."

Again I could feel her drowsiness and sent her some more. Seeing how tired she was, I was extremely grateful for Carlisle's gift. Using the jet meant Bella could relax, something she wouldn't have done on a commercial flight. Within moments she was fast asleep.

Using the on board phone I began to make all the necessary calls to make sure that my plans were being carried out, and to see if Carlisle had found Edward.

"Did you find him yet?"

"No, I'm following him, but this doesn't look good. He picked up your scent at the house. I'm sorry, Jasper, but it looks like he's heading to your house."

"Damn it. One of the werewolves is running patrol around there, hopefully. The smell will keep him at bay. I don't want him there, Carlisle, at least not the way he is." I didn't care about the property itself, but it was the elk's home too, and I didn't want their peace destroyed.

"Let's hope, but in his frame of mind, I'm not sure. How's Bella?"

"Fine, sleeping. I think she's still feeling the affects of her flu. I'm hoping this trip will be good for her."

"I believe it will be good for both of you. You did run everything past Charlie, didn't you?"

I chuckled, like I could stop Charlie if he thought I ran away with his daughter. "Yeah, I can't say he was crazy about the plans. In his words, Bella is an adult now, and as long as she's not hurting herself, he'll go with her decision." I wish my insides portrayed the confidence of my words.

"I'll call you as soon as I have some information about Edward, and don't forget to call your mother, she's worried about Bella. Knowing that both of you will be away from us, has not made her happy."

"You are still planning to come with Charlie and Janine? I left Bella's and my tickets for them to use."

"As long as everything settles with Edward, we will be there. I believe that Emmett and Rose would like to as well, but that's for you to decide. I know how protective you are of your privacy. They are your family, Jasper, and given the situation, I would believe you'd want all the support you could get." Carlisle hung up, leaving me to ponder his words.

Returning to Bella's side, I pondered Carlisle's words. I had been so angry when Alice left, not only angry with her, but the rest of the family as well. The past few months with Carlisle and Esme, showed me how wrong I was. It was hard to fathom, but they did see us as their children, which was funny, considering I was older than Esme by close to a hundred years.

I wanted what they have, their love, companionship, and friendship. Alice and I had the companionship and friendship, or at least we did, but the love had been missing. Even still angry with her, she was still my friend, and I worried about her daily. There had been no call from her since Christmas, which I prayed was not bad.

In my heart, I tried to believe she'd seen Bella and me. That belief didn't take the pain of her abandonment away. Would I go through it all again to have Bella by my side, in a nanosecond? Looking down at Bella as I held her in my arms, I knew that I couldn't live without her. She brought me from the darkness and made the monster content. She was more than my singer, more than my mate, she was my very existence. I would travel through Hell, and fight the devil himself for her.

Pulling her as close as I could without hurting her, I wrapped my arms and legs around her. The smell of her body, and the feel of her skin, was the closest to Heaven, that I would ever come. Taking her lethargy into my body, I closed my eyes and for the first time in forever, I do believe a vampire slept.

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**A/N: Thanks to all the reviews on the last chapter. Wow! This story might just hit 1000+ reviews yet. Thank you all so much. More Edward in the next chapter. I wanted Jasper and Bella to have enough opportunity to get the heck out of Dodge.**


	31. Pt II Chapter Four: Lividity

SM Owns Twilight

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**Part II - Chapter Four: Lividity**

**Song: Tainted Love by Marilyn Manson**

**Edward POV**

Too many epithets came to my mind concerning the person I'd once looked on as a brother. I watched as he circled the house, his mind intent on searching. He wasn't hunting. He was trying to catch a smell. Jasper's innate focus had always made him the hardest to read. His mind was constantly formulating and calculating. In a fair fight, it was hard to tell who would be the winner.

Carlisle's car came racing up the lane. He'd been following me for days and I wondered how.

The car did not stop as Jasper got in. They were planning something, something against me. Carlisle floored the car and soon they were not only out of my range to read, but also my range to run. They turned onto the highway, heading toward Seattle, and that's when I lost them.

Rage seethed through my body. They had to be keeping Bella somewhere. What had Jasper done to her? If he'd turned her, I would relish taking him apart and burning the pieces. Running, I made my way to Charlie Swan's. The squad car was gone and with no update to security measures, I was able to get into Bella's old room with no problem.

Bella's room was pristine and a fine layer of dust was on everything. Her smell was old and off somehow, it was almost like the smell of freesias had vanished from her. Clothes still hung in the closet, and her books were still on the shelf, but the bedroom lay disused, for months, if the dust was anything to go by.

Hoping something in the rest of the house would give me a clue, I left Bella's bedroom. The bathroom contained nothing of her scent, and I could see none of her usual products. Another scent did cling to the room, a woman's, but different from Bella's.

Opening the door to Charlie's room, I found his scent mingled with another's. It was obvious the Chief had moved on from whatever happened to Bella, and with a woman. The thought of him not pining over his daughter made me sick to my stomach.

Hurrying down the stairs, again I found no scent belonging to Bella. The other woman's scent clung here as well. It wafted throughout the downstairs, lingering in the kitchen, as Bella's scent often had. Looking toward the refrigerator for clues, I found none. A single picture hung on the door. It was a picture of Charlie and a younger woman with shoulder length brown hair and eyes. Her hand was in a cast and she was smiling at Charlie as he looked at her. This was the woman whom I could smell.

It was apparent, by the smell and their closeness in the picture, that this woman was important to Charlie Swan. By the lack of Bella in the house, it was obvious, at least to me, that this woman had become more important than his daughter. Where was Bella? Images of Carlisle and Jasper, filtered through my mind, with Bella's images from the cave. They had to be hiding Bella's newborn state. There was no other plausible explanation. I could feel the rage building up inside me, flowing hot and fetid. I would kill him, Jasper deserved to pay for what he did to my Bella.

Leaving the Swan house the way I came, I raced back to the house and to the place, I last saw Jasper. His scent was still tangible in the air. Just enough lingered that I would be able to follow.

It didn't take me long. Again the anger burned as I caught not only Jasper's scents, but Carlisle and Esme's as well. The scents were old and permeated the area, which meant they had been feeding around here for months. The stronger the scent got as I ran, it also mixed in with another scent, one I hadn't smelled since our first coming to Forks. Werewolves. What in the hell was my family doing mixed up with the wolves and what did it have to do with Bella?

My mind was so focused on the possibilities that I didn't sense the figure until it was too late. Withing seconds, I was flying through the air and landed hard against the ground, a small gray, and obviously female beast on top of me. So even more of the old legends were true.

The beast had huge long eyelashes, like dusters, and gray eyes that penetrated through me. I could have easily sent it flying, but stopped. Something kept me still and staring into those remarkable eyes and the urge to fight disappeared. Looking into her eyes, I knew that I could never hurt her. The depth in those eyes told me that she alone understood all of me, even the parts I didn't understand myself, she got. In that second the growl changed into a whimper and as quickly as she toppled me, she fled.

Shaking my head slightly, I wondered what was going on. Catching Jasper's scent again, I followed. The scent led me to a clearing and to a house built into a hill. Elk lumbered through the yard and I followed Jasper's scent up to the house. What was he doing here, and why were Carlisle and Esme's scents just as strong?

It took no time at all to cross the snow filled pasture and up to the decking and to the main floor. The curtains hung open and I could see into the house. Nothing seemed remarkable until on the end table by the sofa, I saw the book. Bella's worn copy of Wuthering Heights lay face up, its spine bent to mark the place. Taking a closer look, I saw other items, a picture of Charlie and Bella hanging among others. On the floor was her old beat-up All-Stars. The most telling sign was that book.

Just as I set to bust the window, my mind picked up the mind of five people behind me, one being Jacob Black. Turning slowly, I knew I was outnumbered by the five hulking and one slight figure in front of me. Jacob, I instantly recognized, even though he'd cut his hair.

They were all questioning what I was doing outside Jasper's house. Interesting, so my brother was living away from the family, it would explain Carlisle's, and Esme's scent, but not Bella's things.

"Is this the leech you ran into Leah?" The oldest one of the group, turned and asked the female behind him. She was held back by Jacob, who had a firm grip on her arms.

I tried to push my mind into hers, but like Bella I couldn't read her. It was like meeting a brick wall. Interesting, I wondered if it had anything to do with her being a werewolf, though I had no problems reading the others, like Jacob who was hoping she wouldn't do anything stupid.

"That's him." Her voice was slight, strained and again I saw her struggle in Jacob's grip. I did not like the way he was holding her and instinctively growled, and hunched, ready for battle.

"Damn it, he's not the one, so you know what that means. I want double patrols for everyone, and no slacking. I'll call Jasper and Carlisle and let them know. Luckily Jasper took Bella out of town for a few days. He's not going to like another vampire in his territory." The older one, who was clearly the leader, didn't say a word, at least out loud.

Hearing Bella's name linked with my brother's flared the rage and in an instant I was seeing red. It only took seconds before I grabbed the leader by the throat. It took the same amount of time for me to be thrown fifty feet. Crouching I turned and faced my natural enemies.

"Where is she?" Those were the only words that I could force my throat to speak. The urge to kill was too strong.

"Where's who, Leech? The last time I looked, you were trespassing, and trespassing around here, carries much weight." The leader had stayed in human form with Jacob, while the other two boys had morphed into their wolf counterparts.

"Where is Bella Swan?" It felt like flames were licking at my head while images of Jasper hurting Bella filled in the places that weren't burning. I had to stay calm. If I lost my anger, I knew I would not come out of this alive. There were too many of them for me to take on myself. Rolling through their minds, I found not a clue to the answers I sought.

"I'm only going to tell you this once, Leech. Stay away from this place, and stay away from Bella Swan. She is under our protection. Next time, we won't be so nice." Before I knew it, fire was racing up my leg as one massive werewolf attached itself to my thigh, almost severing my leg. He then threw me as far as he could. I landed in a tree, toppling it and falling hard.

The wolf that bit me lunged again, this time with no recourse. Over me, protecting me, was the female gray wolf. She phased so fast that even I didn't see it. The growl buried in her chest was deep and dangerous. Snapping viciously when the other came near, she lowered her head and again growled, making sure to stand over me the whole time. Why in the hell would a werewolf be protecting me?

I watched quickly as the leader phased and stepped forward. The gray wolf stood her ground, but I could tell she was faltering under his leadership. She had no choice but to obey his command. Stepping forward, she moved away from me before bowing subserviently.

When I stood, pain lanced through me from the wound and I could see them circling the female wolf. They were going to hurt her for protecting me. She turned and looked at me, pleading with me to run with those incredible gray eyes, they spoke of such heartache and pain.

In no physical condition to help her, I unwillingly turned my back, blocking any sound from penetrating my ears. I would not be able to bear her cries, knowing what the others would do.

Limping and bleeding venom, it felt like it took hours before I made it back home. Carlisle was waiting by the front door, and I knew that I was in for hell. The whole journey home had me planning the ways I was going to kill Jasper, and of a set of gray wolf eyes. Why did she protect me? She could easily have let them have me. I didn't want to know what they would do to her for standing over me and defying her leader.

Sighing I sat down hard beside Carlisle. He was not happy with me. The feeling was mutual.

"A lot has happened in Forks, while you were gone, Edward, as I'm sure you are now aware." His head motioned at my healing leg. He chuckled in his head, which pissed me off. He thought I'd gotten what I deserved.

"Where is she? What did he do, to her?" Standing gingerly, I glared at my father. Pushing into his brain, I met with a frustrating impenetrable blank slate.

"Your brother did nothing except pick up the pieces you left behind. I'm only going to tell you this once, Edward. Leave Bella and Jasper alone. Like everyone else on this planet, you must be responsible for your actions. The decisions we make, Edward, all have consequences. In whatever reason, you left Bella behind, you must face the outcome of that decision." Carlisle stood as well, his anger at me putting chinks in his mind's armor.

"We left to give her a better life, to keep her away from our kind, so she could grow old, have children, and be normal. What part of our life is normal? Now I find out she's with the most feared of us all. He tried to kill her. Do you not remember that? If she's still alive, what is stopping him from finishing the job. I should have killed him when he and Alice first showed up. He's been nothing to this family, but an animal we've kept caged, and where in the hell is, Alice, to keep him that way?"

"Come into the house. We have a lot to discuss." Carlisle's whole body showed stress and strain. It was uncharacteristic of him and for the moment, I would put my anger aside.

I followed Carlisle into his office and instead of him sitting, like I expected him to, he began pacing back and forth in front of the window. I was not used to seeing him this way. What exactly had I missed during my months away.

"A lot has changed since the night of Bella's birthday, since the day you ran away.' Carlisle was carefully shielding his thoughts as he spoke. He'd never liked it when I invaded his thoughts when we had a discussion.

'That night, our whole family changed, not only did you leave, but Alice as well."

Images from that night hit my brain as Carlisle remembered them. Our family was torn apart in this room. I watched as Carlisle asked Jasper to join them in Denali, and his asking Jasper to stay behind and talk to me, and to apologize to Bella. That explained our conversation in the kitchen the next morning. That Carlisle would go behind my back and let Jasper talk to Bella, hit below the belt. In anger I stood, ready to battle my own maker.

"What have you done? How could you betray me like that, to send him to her? He'd just try to kill her." Angry black eyes met mine, eyes I'd never seen in my existence.

"You'll sit down and let me finish. I'm still your maker, and you've caused enough problems for this family with that damned temper of yours." The command from maker to child was not something one could easily disobey and I sat back down.

Carlisle's voice was silent, but his thoughts spoke in volumes. I watched in horror as Alice told the family that Bella was Jasper's singer and that she and Jasper were not the bonded mates we'd always believed. My hands tightened on the chair, leaving sawdust on the floor as Emmett asked which one of us, my Bella would wind up with. The whole scene of Alice breaking her marriage with Jasper played like the worst form of horror. She was setting him free, free so he could go to Bella, to my Bella.

"How could you let this happen? Jasper is nothing but a killer, you know that as well as I do. The first moment her blood hits the air. He'll kill her. You saw what happened at her birthday." Now I stood and began pacing the room like a caged tiger. The ending was definite. I would kill Jasper for doing this to my family.

"You were just as much of a cause for Bella's harm at her birthday as Jasper. You forget, it was you that pushed her into that damn pile of dishes, which sliced open her arm. If you'd get your head out of your own ass for two seconds, you'd start wondering what happened after we left. Most of it only Jasper knows. This is not about you, Edward. Not once have you asked about what happened to Bella with us gone.'

'It was December when we got the call. Since we'd left none of us had heard from Alice or Jasper. Our calls went unanswered. Alice called, frantic. Jasper never left Forks, Edward, he stayed here for Bella. Since we'd left, he made incredible strides starting a life for himself, he even made a human friend. Everything he did, he did for Bella, Edward, and not once has he slipped from our diet.'

'Esme and I found Jasper in his home, holed up in a closet. He'd tried to cleave out his own heart with his bare hands. For days, your mother and I watched over him. He was catatonic, Edward. Every night, he watched Bella, building up his resistance to her blood. It was her feeling that he couldn't escape, but he was determined to help her. The same day that Jasper woke up from his catatonic state was the same day that Bella . . .' Carlisle stopped, and began staring out the window, his mind struggling.

"Jasper got to her just in time. Bella wrote a note to Charlie, telling him that she loved him, but the pain was too much to take. She told him to live and be happy for her, and to tell her mother good-bye. It was a suicide note, Edward. Jasper followed her scent, back to the house and finally to the border of the reservation. She was hurt and bleeding. Jasper broke the treaty with the Quileute to save her. He found her at the cliffs, getting ready to jump. If it would not have been for him taking the brunt of the fall, when she stepped off, she would have died. When he got her to the beach, we were just showing up. It was Charlie that got them to let us in. She was into the final stages of hypothermia."

I fell to my knees. Never would I have considered that my leaving would cause Bella to take her own life. The images of Jasper carrying Bella to the beach was too painful that my fingers dug into my fists. The venom began dripping onto the floor.

"I worked all night, trying to save her life. You must understand something, Edward, something we would have found out in the beginning. Had Jasper been in more contact with Bella? Her blood may call to you Edward, but she is Jasper's true singer, much like Esme is mine." Carlisle faced me.

How could this be happening? How could I have brought her into this world? Carlisle's words rushed through my head. Bella wasn't my singer, but Jasper's. It meant she was in more danger than with him normally, one drop of her blood, would mean her life. I had to stop him before he hurt her, even if it meant ending my brother's life. It had to be done. I'd seen what it had done to Emmett to kill his singer, there were still times that he couldn't handle it.

"There's more that you need to know, Edward. Jasper tasted Bella's blood at the party. He found a drop Esme missed. That one drop of Bella's blood changed him Edward. In some kinetic way it changed him. Jasper no longer craves blood, Edward,, not only human. He has to remind himself to feed or he won't. He's not the man you knew. Jasper has changed, Edward, and unfortunately for you, he has fallen in love with Bella, and I believe she has with him as well. The past few months have changed them. The image you saw in Alaska was shortly after Bella's suicide attempt. The hypothermia did sustainable damage to the tissue of her heart, with the months of stress from your leaving.'

'Bella had a heart attack, Edward. I was barely able to save her. If I had taken her to the hospital, instead of here, she would have died. We tried two more times than the hospital would have used the defibrillator to save her life. The night after we moved her to Jasper's we almost lost her again. You have to understand. She was so sick. She'd lost at least twenty pounds, stress, nightmares and heartache were killing her. She tires easily, and the last bout of flu has me worried. I'm limited to what I can give her. Not once has Jasper left her side in the two months they've been together. He changed his whole life, his very existence for her, something you were not willing to do Edward.'

'Every day, Esme, Jasper, and I worry. She won't survive another attack, Edward, and her heart is still too weak to change her. As soon as she is strong enough, if Jasper doesn't beat me to it, I will change her"

Carlisle's words were staggering blows. "Better for her to die of natural causes, Carlisle, than to live the life of a monster. I won't let her be turned. She is not meant for this life. Let her live a normal life and someday have a family."

"That is no longer for you to decide, Edward. The decision is between Bella, and Jasper. Just so you know as well, Edward, Charlie knows, and has already given his permission. When Bella is changed, Charlie and his fiancee have requested to be as well. It seems they both knew about us all along. I will not deny them the request to live as a family. They will join Jasper and Bella in starting a new coven like ours, as Jasper has made his request to be separate from us. I believe it to be a good decision. She'll never have a normal life, Edward, nor will she ever have children, her heart physically won't allow it. Bella should have died when her heart stopped Edward, it was a miracle that she pulled from the void. I won't sit and watch her die, because you let her go, and insist that we must as well. The last time I looked, Edward, you are not the head of this family, and it's about time you learned that."

I couldn't believe what was hitting my ears. Standing I turned left the room, slamming the door shut as I went. If Carlisle wouldn't see reason, then I would take the situation from his hands. If I removed Jasper, I could remove the problem, may be then, I would again have sway over Carlisle's better judgment, which he obviously lacked at the moment.

In my room I waited for my leg to heal and began thinking of everything I knew about Jasper, and about his life before us. There was a clue to getting rid of him, and it lay there.

Try as I might, every time I closed my eyes to think, I saw gray ones staring back at me. They were haunting me, calling me. Parts of me wanted to risk going back to Jasper's on the off chance I would see her again, to see if she was all right. I didn't even know her name. Damn it, Edward, think. You're supposed to be planning Jasper's demise for destroying Bella's life, not wondering if wolf girl's eyes were the same color when she was in human form. It was no use. I couldn't get those eyes out of my head. I had to see her again.

Carlisle's car lay in the garage and I could sense him in his study. It bothered me to hear him thinking about where he'd went wrong with me. He was trying to understand and felt he was losing me. I paused down the hallway and listened to his thoughts.

In his mind he was decorating a Christmas tree with Bella at this side. I knew instantly it was from this past Christmas. We had not had a tree in the house in several decades.

I looked hard at the Bella in his mind. Her frame was gaunt and pale. Dark, deep shadows lay tattooed under her eyes. Her dark hair, hung lack and unhealthy, tied back in a sloppy ponytail. She looked sick and for the first time I felt the responsibility for my actions. I was the cause of her pain.

The more I watched I could see how Carlisle was worried about her, especially when her heart would take erratic beats. With every beat of Bella's heart, I saw my father pray that she would make it one more day.

I watched Bella through Carlisle's eyes as he threw an ornament at Jasper who was laughing, his eyes lit with joy. There was no mistaking the love and adoration in his eyes as he looked at Bella, nor the light in her eyes when she looked at him.

Suddenly the images changed as I heard Carlisle rise from his chair and move the few feet toward the window. Staring out the glass was his favorite spot for thinking. Again I was back in Jasper's house. The tree was gone. The holiday was over.

Carlisle was staring out the windows and watching as Jasper carried Bella in his arms, they were heading toward the river. I'd seen it earlier when I was at Jasper's. Esme's arms came around Carlisle.

"Have you told Jasper, yet?" Esme's voice was in Carlisle's ear. It held such sadness and loss.

"No. How am I supposed to tell him, that every day he has with her is a gift? It's been a month Esme, and there has been no change. I've tried every drug I can think of and none have made the condition better and every day the rhythm gets a hair worse. How could this happen to her? Why did I listen to Edward? I could have prevented this. If she dies, Esme, I'm just as much at fault as Edward for causing this mess."

"You have to have faith, my darling. Look at the changes in the past few months, she's put on weight, and she's healthier now than last year. If it comes to it, we can change her. She doesn't have to die, Carlisle. If anyone can change her, you can." Esme turned to face Carlisle and gathered him in her arms. For the first time in my existence, I witnessed my father cry.

"She won't make it. I've gone through every scenario. It's not like you, Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward. All of your hearts were still strong, still beating and fighting to live. Bella's heart is dying. It's not strong enough to survive the change. It will kill her outright. How can I tell Jasper that forever is no longer a choice? That every day with her is not the beginning, but the end.'

'He wants to take her away for Valentine's and I'm torn whether to allow it or not. I have a feeling he's going to propose. He's already asked for Charlie's permission and received it. How do I tell him that instead of a lifetime with her, he has maybe three or four months at most? Hell, I even told him not to take her on their walks. She loves them when she should be in here by the fire and warm and not traipsing through the snow.'

'For the first time in my existence, Esme, I don't know what to do. I don't know whether to tell him, or to just keep quiet and let them have these last days in happiness." Again Carlisle's chest caught and I felt myself sliding to the floor.

"Let them have their time Carlisle. We'll join them. Don't doubt their love, Carlisle. Bella's heart may just be stronger than you think. When the time comes, we'll change her and if she dies, then at least we tried everything to save her. Jasper will understand that, and I'm sure that's what Bella would want. We have the jet and can be with them. I doubt Jasper would take her too far, he's not stupid, darling, he knows Bella is not fully well. He would never take her that far from you that you couldn't follow. In fact, I believe I know just where he's taking her. She'll be happy there, and away from this weather could only be a good thing."

Those were the last of Carlisle's memories I saw. I heard him pick up the phone as it rang.

"He was at your house. The wolves took a chunk out of him. I know it wasn't my place, but I told him everything. I don't know if any of it sank in. He's angry, Jasper, angry about everything and is more than ready to blame you."

There was a pause as Carlisle listened to Jasper. I listened to Carlisle's head.

"Good to know they're good at something. It's all right if you told him, at least now he knows. I don't care if he does blame me, but he needs to place the blame where it belongs and that's on his head. I love her Carlisle and I'm not giving her up, if Edward wants a fight, then I'll give him one. I will not have him hurt her like that again. She's been through too much. You can only begin to imagine the hell she lived and not just during the day, it was all I could do just to bear them let alone her nightmares. It kills me inside to know that she still has them.'

'I know she's trying to be brave, Carlisle, but she's afraid he'll come back and she'll lose herself again. She's adamant that after what he's done to her that she'll never love or trust him again, but I don't want to take the chance that seeing him, won't hurt her. I'm not stupid. I know how sick she is and I'm not going to have him make Bella's condition worse."

Carlisle was mulling over telling him, but stopped. I heard the prayer in his head as he asked God to heal Bella and give her the life she deserved. On the outside he was stoic, but on the inside my father was grieving for the daughter he believed was dying.

I didn't finish listening to the conversation. I'd already heard too much. Pain, blinding and white-hot, slashed through me. The pain of knowing that Bella hated me was enough to stop any action to cause her further grief. If Carlisle was right and these were the last days of her life, then I too would make sure she was happy. Her happiness was all I ever wanted and if she found that in the arms of my brother, then for now I was going to step aside. I hope, before it was too late, I would make it up to her.

I ran, the tress passing in a blur. It wasn't until I saw the pasture that I knew where I was. Subconsciously I wound up back at Jasper's. It was as if a force, greater than I, called me here. I could see why he would chose this place. I sat on a tree stump and stared out into the open expanse of snow. It was peaceful here, true peace, the kind that sinks into you and changes you. I could feel it sinking into me now. There were other places in the world like this. I wondered if he looked into the background of the property to see if it held any spiritual beginnings. With the reservation so close, it wouldn't surprise me if this land was a holy place.

Sitting there for hours, I thought about the past months and how I plainly fucked everything up. While I was fighting the demons of self-ishness and stupidity, Bella had been fighting for her life. Yep, the jury was in and I agreed with them. I was an asshole.

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**A/N More Edward next chapter. Be on the lookout for my Nomad One Shot for Altered Lions and Sacrificial Lamb's contest "We Don't Need No Stinkin' Coven" contest.**


	32. PT II Chapter Five: Broken

SM Owns Twilight

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**Part II- Chapter Five: Broken**

**Song: Broken by Amy Lee and Seether**

**Leah POV**

Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why did he have to come back here? After the bite Quil took out of him, he was to stay away. Luckily, as soon as I caught his scent, I phased to human, following his trail on foot.

Human, I could think. The rest of the pack couldn't find out what I'd done. They'd kill me for being a traitor. It wasn't like I could help it. Sam never said anything about it happening like that. Everything happened so suddenly that it was all I could do to block my mind and run.

How in the hell was I going to tell the pack that I'd imprinted, and on a damn vampire. They'd never understand. We were natural enemies. God, I was so fucked.

Why did this have to happen to me, not just the imprinting, but the whole damn mess? I was to be in my sophomore year of college, not running through forests and howling at the moon. All I'd ever dreamed of being was a doctor to help the reservation, now that dream, was history.

Silently, I came up behind him as he was sitting on a stump. The sun had just begun to come out and his bronze hair was glowing in the sun. I almost laughed when I saw that his skin was as sparkly as a child's toy. It was disturbing,, and this was the man that I'd imprinted on. Hell, at least he was good-looking, I hope the brain matched the brawn.

"I can hear you, you know. You don't have to be all sneaky about it." The voice was like fresh honey, thick and rich. It sent a shiver down my back, damn it. Skipping the pretenses, I walked forward, not caring about the snow beneath my bare feet, or the pain in my thigh. My human form beared the bruises of my wolf form.

"You know if Sam catches you here again, he'll do more than have Quil bite your leg, it just might be your head." The stump was big enough so I pushed him over and sat down beside him. Like the guys, I carried around clothes to change into, and I didn't relish sitting in the snow in shorts and a T-shirt.

"The way I feel right now, I'd probably let him take it. I'm Edward Cullen, by the way, Jasper's brother for all intents and purposes." He didn't hold out his hand, or turn to look at me. Two could play that game.

"Leah Clearwater, only pack female." Crossing my legs, I stared ahead into the snow. The elk were beginning to scream in the forest beyond the pasture, they obviously didn't like that their master was gone and others were in his place. Their spirits, the spirits of the Quileute, were here, protecting the sanctity of this holy spot. They'd found favor in Jasper Cullen and it amazed me that they would allow him this place, but their own blood, repulsed them.

If I hadn't seen Jasper's interaction with them with my own two eyes, I never would have believed it. They came to him freely, offering the precious gift of peace, solitude and understanding that was offered to the warriors of my people. They did not consider the wolf mutation to be that of the warrior, but a curse.

It truth, they were right. It was a curse. At twenty years old I had reached the age I would be for what would be eternity. The phasing had left me barren and menopausal. Never would I bear children, and once people noticed that I never age, I would have to leave my home and my people. Now of all the rotten damned luck, I'd imprinted on a vampire. This was a match made in hell, if my pack didn't kill me first. To save my pride and that of my own head, I was destined to live out a life of lonely existence.

Once we found the renegade vampire among us, I would have to leave. The pack could never find out. Hiding it from them while in the wolf form was going to take every strength I had.

"So, why did you run away earlier, and why did you protect me?" Still he didn't look at me and damn it. I wanted him to. Stupid imprinting.

"If you think they were easy on me because I was right in protecting you, you were wrong." Uncrossing my legs, I was glad that one with the bruise was away from his gaze as he turned to face me.

"What did they do to you?" His eyes were the color of the sun on the ocean at sunset, vibrant, golden and so alive with fire.

"Nothing they wouldn't have done to anyone else in the pack. It's no big deal. Sam wanted to make sure that I follow his command, we're only as strong as our weakest link bullshit." I wished my hair was long like it had been before I phased, that way I could hide my face from his view. The only thing I could do was to turn my head away.

I was sure as he gazed on me that he saw every inch, every freckle, scar, and bruise that came with being a werewolf. He was making me feel as if I were under a microscope. I hated it, just like I hated being the only woman in a pack of werewolf males. Despite the extra heat of my body, I could feel my face blushing.

"What did they do?" This time his voice was more demanding and I could feel the pull of the imprinting. It was the voice of my mate and it called to me to do its bidding.

"It's nothing. I'm fine. We heal fast.' I didn't want to tell him, a virtual stranger what my pack brothers had done. It wasn't just the bruised thigh. It was four broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, possible concussion and bruised internal organs. 'I'd better go, if they find me with you again, they'll be hell to pay, for both of us."

Standing too fast, I winced and my breath caught as my ribs pulled hard. These were my first broken bones, but something told me that even for a werewolf, they would heal slower than everything else. Quickly I set back down as my head became dizzy. For a moment I thought I was either going to pass out, or throw up, possibly both.

"Hang on." My butt didn't have time to hit the stump before I was in strong cool arms, and running at a speed that made me close my eyes before I threw up. Swallowing hard, I tried not to sigh at how good his skin felt against my feverish one. Feeling him was a balm. For the first time I noticed the smell. His smell wasn't sickening sweet, like the others. It was still sweet, but it was like a mixture of warm candy and caramel apples, mixed with cinnamon and the smell of fall leaves. The smell was comforting and exciting at the same time. The part of me, which dreamed foolishly of an imprint, wanted to smell it forever. Unfortunately it was never to be. For now I was in his strong arms and I would savor every moment to have something to give me comfort during the long days of a lifetime alone.

"Carlisle, I need you." His voice sounded worried as he called the leader of his coven, the doctor.

We were standing in the doorway of the most magnificent house I'd ever seen. The smell should have been sickly sweet, like I'd smelled before at the tribal meeting with his brother, but it wasn't. It smelled of home. Tears pricked at my eyes and it took all the strength I had to force them away. This was too much. I couldn't get close to them and then leave them behind, but if I stayed the pack would kill me.

"They hurt her, Carlisle, because of me. She protected me, and they hurt her for it." His voice was worried and I wondered why. He didn't know me. We are enemies. Why should he care whether, me, a werewolf, lived or died? One would think he'd be ecstatic with glee to have one less of my kind in the world. So I saved his butt, big deal, I would have done it to any innocent person about ready to get mauled.

There was only one reason for him to feel protective of me, and that was if he felt the impact of the imprinting. No! This couldn't be happening. I had to get out of here. There had to be somewhere I could hole up and heal without the pack knowing. If Sam found out that a vampire was reciprocating the imprinting, he wouldn't stop at just me, he'd kill us both. I'd seen what Sam had done to Emily. No one could make me believe that was an accident. Accidents didn't leave women with half of their faces missing. I'd seen enough violence on the reservation, to know abuse when I saw it. Sam had a hair-trigger and was not above pulling it to suit his needs.

I had to get as far away from here as possible. This was not the Cullen's problem, and I could not bring them into it. Struggling, despite the pain, I broke free of Edward's arms and prepared myself for impact with the floor. Impact never came.

Instead of further torment on my body, I was in equally gentle arms that held none of the previous' comfort. Within seconds, I found myself in what looked like any hospital's emergency room.

"Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. If you don't want help, then you are free to leave. I will help you, in any way I can." His voice was gentle, reminding me that Forks considered him the best doctor they'd ever had.

They didn't understand. There was no way the Cullens could help me. I was a traitor to the pack and my people. Never in life, even during my first phase, was I as scared as I was now. It was better for me to leave and take my punishment than to darken their door with my problems.

I needed to move, to get off this damned gurney and away from here. If only my head would stop spinning. Oh shit. I was going to be sick. Rolling onto my side, despite the pain, I prepared to throw up on the floor. Instead I found a basin in front of me and a cool hand on my neck as I got lost the little food I'd eaten today.

"It's going to be okay, Leah. I won't let them hurt you again." My dark eyes met Edward's warm ones and I wanted with all of my heart to believe his words, but common sense wouldn't let me. Common sense also had me falling unconscious with his cool wonderful hands on my face.

**Edward POV**

I waited in Carlisle's office as he did whatever he could for Leah. Worry ate at my gut. Once on a time I'd worried about Bella like this. Those memories seemed so faraway now, almost as if decades past instead of a year.

Leah had protected me, probably saving my life. Now it was my turn to save hers. I didn't care if she was a werewolf and healed fast, I would kill them if they ever hurt her again. She was fierce, brave and incredible, not to mention, hot.

It was hard for me not to think of the way her long, copper legs had looked in the sun. Her eyes surprised me. I had expected gray like her wolf's, what I got was much better. So dark, they were almost black, Leah's eyes were filled with intelligence, loyalty and a stubborn look that I had come to admire in women. Anticipating looking into them again was nerve-racking.

The one hope that I was playing close to my chest was the hope of holding her in my arms again. Her skin blazed like an unquenchable fire and fo the first time since becoming a vampire. I felt warmed all the way through my body. It was incredible, but nothing compared with her scent. Freesias and strawberries would never have anything on the smell. She didn't smell like the other dogs. Her scent was a warm spring day, refreshing in its tones of mint, lavender, and roses.

The smell brought about a human memory I didn't know I had. It was the memory of my mother in the garden. She always planted mint with her roses to keep the pests away. After a long morning she would come in smelling like sunshine, mint and roses. The smell would mix with the lavender water she often wore as perfume. It was the smell of home and family.

Something was happening to me that I didn't understand. No longer did I wish to destroy my brother for protecting Bella in the ways he knew how. As I stood by the door to Carlisle's surgery, I understood. In the span of moments, I knew that I would stop at nothing to protect Leah.

This was dangerous. Carlisle nor the rest of my family would judge Leah for being not of our kind, but her pack would destroy her, and probably me with them. I couldn't let that happen. I would protect her the way she had protected me, ferociously, viciously.

It was an hour before Carlisle softly closed the door behind him. Every instinct wanting to push him out of the way so I could be at Leah's side. What was happening to me?

"How is she? She's going to be all right, isn't she." The thought of her hurting filled me with anguish and anger. I would destroy them all for hurting her.

"She's resting, Edward. We need to talk. Just a few hours ago, you were hell-bent on taking apart everyone in this family to protect Bella, now you come running, bringing not only another woman, but a Quileute werewolf. What in the hell happened to you?"

His mind was tired, tired of my tirades and ever-changing moods and temperaments. He also worried about the woman now in his care.

"I don't know. I didn't even meet her until I went to Jasper's. She jumped me and was standing on top of me. I knew I could have sent her flying, but I stopped. I knew that I could never hurt her. These gray eyes looked into mine and saw me, saw everything about me that does and does not make sense. Can I see her please, I need to know she's okay, and I don't understand that either? Also she smells different, Carlisle, can't you tell. It's not like the others. She smells like springtime."

He didn't stop me as I pushed past, and the look of shock on his face barely registered. I had to get to Leah. Knocking lightly, I opened the door and poked my head through first. She appeared asleep. None of Carlisle's monitors were hooked up, and I wondered if that was a good or bad sign.

Her dark eyes opened and she looked up at me, lightly smiling. I pulled the nearby stool closer and sat down, taking her hand without thinking and kissing the knuckles that while healed, still appeared bruised to my sensitive eyes.

"How are you feeling?" I brushed the hair out of her eyes and held my breath, hoping she wouldn't kick me out of the room.

"Better, your dad reset my shoulder and taped my ribs. There wasn't much he could do. Most pain medicine doesn't work on us. Usually they'll heal right away, but it was bad. I'll hole up somewhere for a few hours and lie low. I'll need to phase soon to heal the other injuries or they'll get worse." Her fingers wrapped around my hand. She was so warm.

"What will happen to you when you phase?" Her hair fell forward again as she closed her eyes tight. I tucked it behind her ear, loving the feel of the silky strands. Like her eyes they were almost black. No matter what happened, I wasn't leaving her to face the pack alone.

"There is a mental connection among all of us when we are in wolf form, as soon as I phase in the condition I'm in, they'll know everything. I don't have the strength to block them." Tears fell from her eyes and with the pad of my right thumb, I brushed them away. I didn't need my abilities to know that she was scared, and for her life.

"I won't let you face them alone. Whatever it takes, I will keep you safe. How long do you have before you need to phase?" I let my hand fall from her eyes, to cup her face. There was no way I was going to lose her to a bunch of mongrels. Faster now the tears were falling from her eyes and she winced in pain as a sob caught in her chest.

"I can't let you. They'll kill you and make me watch. I can't do it. If it's just I, I hope they'll just kill me quickly and be done with it. I won't let you die for something that is my fault. Just forget about me, Edward. It's the best thing for you to do."

Brushing away from me, she fought to stand and nearly crumbled onto the floor in pain. She was in my arms before she could hit the ground. Wrapping my arms around her, I held her tight, tighter than would have been possible with Bella. It was wonderful to feel her so close against me. Sobs wracked her body and her hands found purchase in my shirt, clinging to me, she buried her face in my neck. I never wanted to let her go.

"You have to let me go."

Two words past my lips, sealing our fates. "I can't."

"And you won't have to.' Carlisle stood in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest. 'I've put in a call. Rose and Emmett are on the way to the airport now. Their flight leaves in an hour. They'll be here soon.

As Leah cried in my arms, I looked at my father. He knew what a united front against the werewolves would mean. They would take it as a sign of war.

"Leah, you have to tell him. Better now than later, he has the right to know." Carlisle's mind was spinning over what we knew about the werewolves and I could see him forming the plan in his head, and hoping that this would end peacefully, without anyone else getting hurt.

"I can't." Her sob was harder and I moved the hair from her wet face. Using the hem of my shirt, I wiped her nose.

"Please tell me, there's nothing you can't tell me." I couldn't stand to see her hurting. The constriction in my chest was tight. It physically hurt to see her this way.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. It just happened and I couldn't stop it. Just let me go and they'll never know. I'll find a way to keep it from them. You don't have to pay for me." Leah's dark eyes locked with mine and I didn't know how it was possible. Into the depth of my soul I could feel her love. It warmed me and for an instant I could feel my heart beating again. Her touch was like an electrical current and I could feel her becoming a part of me, one with me. How was this possible?

"What happened?" Even with all my years of study, I had no name for what was happening, it was amazing, and the most incredible feeling I'd ever witnessed.

"I imprinted on you. I'm so sorry, I find a way to fix this, I promise." She moved to slide off my lap. I held onto her, tighter, careful not to injure her.

My mind spun, wondering where I'd heard that term before. Slowly it began clicking into place. In the legends of the wolves, they imprinted on their mates. She made me her mate. As far as I knew it was something that could only happen with a human mate, how was this possible.

In a swift motion, I stood, Leah still in my arms. Her weight in my arms felt like the most natural thing in the world, and I had no intention of letting her go anytime soon. I knew I should be more concerned or upset about this, but I didn't care.

Fate had granted me a second chance and I wasn't letting her go. If my anger over Bella had not led me to destroy my brother, I never would have met her. I planned on spending forever staring into those midnight eyes and feeling her warmth against my skin. If fate had made me hers, then the same fate, made her mine.

"As far as I can see, there is nothing to fix." Bending forward I kissed her forehead, deeply breathing her scent. My heart constricted tight and I knew in that moment, I loved her, and nothing but death would tear me from her.

Turning, I walked past Carlisle and kept going until we were in my room. "I'm sorry about the room, I believe that I made a couple members of my family, upset with me." I looked toward where the wall of windows was boarded and the pile of cd's on the floor.

Gently I laid her down on the couch. I knew she didn't need it, but I picked up the blanket from the floor and wrapped it around her. Reaching up she grabbed my hand and pulled me down until I was sitting on the floor beside her. Holding her hand I watched as stress and pain finally won and she fell asleep. After an hour, I again brushed her hair behind her ear. After kissing her temple and again breathing in her scent, I stood. Softly, I clicked the door shut behind me and went to find Carlisle.

"What do you know about imprinting, and how did you know she imprinted on me?" Those were the first ones out of my mouth when I walked into the room. I didn't waste time reading his mind.

"Imprinting is involuntarily. The easiest way to explain it is love at first sight, though it's more complicated than that. Werewolves don't choose their mates, and they never know when it will happen. Most of the time it happens after a werewolf has begun phasing. I knew the moment you told me her smell was different and how you couldn't wait to see her, a known werewolf, that you'd never seen in your existence.'

'Leah is new to her life, and from her wounds, is finding it rough in being the only woman among a pack of males. She unfortunately has found that her status is a precarious one, and must prove her loyalty again and again.'

'The wolves' role is to protect the innocent from our kind. When she protected you, it wasn't only because you are her mate, but because you were an innocent in her wolf's eyes. In protecting you, she disobeyed her leader's wishes. Her abuse was punishment. I'm sure it wasn't the first time it has happened and probably over a simpler infraction.'

'She is right, Edward. They will kill her if they find out that she imprinted on you, and they will kill you first to hurt her more. It is their way. She not only betrayed her leader, but their code."

"You said that a werewolf's imprinting is involuntary, which means that she can't be help responsible for it. It's not her fault." Anger flared inside me again and without Leah's calming scent, I felt it bubbling out of control. I wanted to find them and rip their jaws from their heads.

"Edward, you need to calm down. I'm going to call Billy Black, he's still the Quileute tribal leader, with Leah's father Harry Clearwater. We might be able to defuse this situation without any fights. The most important fact, is keeping Leah safe until she is able to phase and heal properly. Her wounds are extensive, Edward, if it were not for her wolf, she would be dead. No woman could have survived what they did to her, or what they have done. It was nothing pure of physical torture."

I felt the growl build up in my chest and my hands curl tight. It was Carlisle's hand on my shoulder that stopped me from finding them. That even one of them had laid a paw on her was more than my temper could handle.

"Rose and Emmett will be here soon, Edward. Keep your anger in check for that long. I promise you. We will figure this out, if not, we will run and take her with us. I won't let her become hurt again, Edward. Peace with the Quileute is not worth the life of my newest daughter. Go now and be with her, the tranquilizer I gave her will keep her out for several hours. Come when your brother and sister arrive."

I did as my father asked and contained my anger. Returning to Leah, I sat on the floor and leaned my head against the couch, close to hers. Taking in great deep breaths, I let her scent soothe me, and her warmth wrap itself around me. Reaching with my left hand, I wrapped my fingers around hers, needing to touch her. Her fingers while not tiny like Bella's would look beautiful playing the piano. In my head I began playing the piano, sinking the melody into my brain.

My love for Bella was not like this. Yes, I loved her, would always, but it wasn't like this. In just moments, I felt consumed, whole, and alive. I didn't care how or why it was possible, but I loved Leah, more than I ever thought possible to love someone. Who cares that we didn't know anything about each other, we'd have eternity for that, and for the first time ever, I looked forward to it. Not only did I want Leah, emotionally, but physically. Right now I wanted to claim her, to make her mine. The all-consuming need to claim my mate, was never something I'd felt with Bella, believing that would come in time. Looking at Leah, I knew now that Bella wasn't my mate, it was an unequivocal truth.


	33. PT II Chapter Six: Goodbye

SM Owns Twilight

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**Part Two - Chapter Six - Good-bye**

**Song: I Don't Know by Celine Dion**

Three hours later, Emmett and Rose arrived. Reluctantly, I left Leah's side, running to make sure that Emmett's booming voice didn't wake her up.

My brother and sister were both happy to see that I was better, and clearly wondering why. Emmett's comment in his head was wondering what drug I'd found, and if it worked on me, would it work on him?

"I know the hell I've put everyone through for a while now, and I'm sorry. Something has happened since I've come back and I will need help from both of you. I'm fully aware that I don't deserve it."

"I'm not helping you kill Jasper, no matter how much you beg." Emmett's vocal statement, earned him a smack, upside the head, from Carlisle.

"As far as I'm aware, Bella and Jasper are on a plane to a place I don't know. This is not about them. I hope and wish them the happiness they should have had all along." Both my brother and sister stared at me as I told them about Leah and the wolves, leaving the imprinting until last.

"Dude, a weregirl imprinted on you, damn that's hot, and not just literally." It was Rose that smacked Emmett this time.

"So you expect us to help you keep weregirl alive. God, we went down this road last year with Bella. What is it with you making trouble for this family? Isn't it enough there is a crazed nomad girl out there with your name on her claws, without adding a pack of werewolves into the mix? I say we just kill you and get it over with." Rose pushed past Carlisle and came straight at me. I saw the right hook coming but didn't stop it. I'd deserved it for too long.

"Aww come on, Rosie. Edward, may be a pain in the ass, but he's family, at least with the trouble he gets in, it keeps life interesting." Emmett pulled his wife back before she could swing with her left fist.

"That's enough. Yes there has been much drama within the past year. It does not change that Leah and Bella are parts of this family, and we protect our family." Carlisle's hand on her shoulder made Rose stop just short of her verbally calling me a dickhead.

"I love her Rose, just like you loved Emmett the moment you found him, like Carlisle loves Esme, and seemingly like Jasper loves Bella. I love her enough to die for her Rose. Please help me keep her safe. They hurt her Rose, just because she's the only woman in the pack, they almost killed her for protecting me."

We heard the noise, an explosion of wood, from upstairs and I flew. No, she couldn't do this.

I flew into my bedroom. Leah stood at the broken window. She'd kicked the board off and it lay outside. Sleet and snow were blowing in and it plastered her hair to her head. Tears were running down her face and I knew she'd heard the exchange downstairs.

Before she could jump, I grabbed her arm, pulling her against my body, I wrapped one hand in her wet hair. My lips were on hers before she could speak. The heat of her lips on mine was dizzying and I wanted more, wanted her like I'd never wanted anyone, like I would never want anyone ever again. Forcing my tongue past her lips, I tasted her and it was the Fourth of July.

"I love you. I don't care if it because of werewolf voodoo. I'd love you anyway." I whispered the words against her and punctuated each word with a kiss to her lips. Needing to touch her, I ran my hands under the back of her T-shirt, loving the feel of her soft skin. The shirt was wet from the sleet and I could feel her nipples hard against my chest and growled.

Pressing her hard against me I felt my long raging teenage libido crash over me. The heat of her against me, even though my jeans was scorching. I wanted her, no, needed her. Pulling at the hem, I yanked her sodden T-shirt off. Gazing into her eyes, I saw them just as lust filled as I was positive mine were.

Picking her up, I nibbled at her neck before laying her on the couch. Leaving a trail of ice down her feverish skin, I found myself in the valley of her breasts. They were small, high and round, perfect for not only my hands, but my mouth. With my tongue I rounded her right dark brown nipple before taking it into my mouth.

Leah arched up into me and my rock hard erection met the junction of her thighs. She groaned loud and writhed against me. I had to feel her skin against mine. Raising briefly, I tossed my T-shirt off and leaned over her on my forearms. She hissed and arched against me as my frosty skin met her scorching chest. My mouth found her left breast while I lowered my hand lowered to her stomach and over her hip, tugging her shorts down.

Frantically her hands were undoing my belt and I let her, not wanting to raise from her body. She felt so wonderful, and so right. I'd never done anything like this, but every kiss, every touch, felt more natural than breathing. Her hands made work of my belt and zipper then began pushing them over my hips.

Leah's hand reached inside and around me and I buried my face in her neck, growling. No one had ever touched me like this and every nerve felt alive. I had to touch her, had to have her.

Quickly I pushed her shorts down. The scent of her arousal was enough to make me lose control and I fought to breathe. "I want you, God, how I want you." I spoke the words in her ear, overjoyed when a shiver ran down her back. Standing quickly, I pulled the rest of my jeans off. Sleet was still coming through the window and melted on her skin. The urge to lick every drop off Leah's copper skin was intoxicating.

I looked at her as she raised naked up on her forearms. She was beautiful and perfect. The width of her hips showed mature womanhood as did the slight curve of her stomach. My eyes traveled further down her past the parts that begged for my touch, to her long slender legs. I couldn't wait to feel them wrapped around me.

Slowly I went back to her, trying hard to get over the nerves that settled in my belly. How could I tell her, this incredible wood nymph, that I'd never made love to a woman before, or that I didn't know what I was doing? What I did know was that I wanted her, wanted to touch and taste her until neither one of us could function.

Raising up on my hands, I stared down at her. She was panting hard, her hands clutching at the side of the couch. "I've never . . ." That was as far as I got before her hands reached up to grab me, pulling me down into a searing kiss. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I growled low against her lips.

"I need you, Edward. Please." Her hands were fire as they trailed down my chest, reaching between us to stroke me. I was close to bursting, but I had to taste her. I could smell the liquid that was pooling between her legs and I was a man dying of thirst.

Grabbing her hands, I pulled both of them over her head and held them tightly in one of mine, knowing that my strength would not hurt her, was a gift. Kissing down between her breasts, I stopped long enough to again take each one in my mouth before moving down to her stomach. Slowly I pushed my tongue into the heat of her belly button and began thrusting in and out. Her hands were frantic in fighting for purchase as I held them.

"Please." Her voice was a pant as her hips bucked up against me. Leaving her belly, I slid my tongue down between her thighs, stopping once to kiss the inside her left. The juncture of her was lightly haired and called to me like a siren.

In one stroke of my tongue I licked between her folds. The taste exploded on my tongue, never had I tasted anything this good, not even human blood was this good. She cried out and arched her back, giving me greater access to lick again. I let her hands go and pushed her thighs further apart. Bending my neck and lifting her hips with one hand, I slowly slid my tongue into her, sucking on the juices as they poured into my mouth. She tasted so good. The walls of her squeezed around my tongue and I sucked deep.

Leah's hands clawed at the couch and she cried out my name. "Edward!" I could feel her spasm around my tongue as a fresh wave of juices entered my mouth. She was panting heavy as her fingers wove through my hair. Raising again on my hands, I looked into her eyes, they were hazy from her orgasm and so full of love that it took my breath away. Pulling me down, she captured my lips with her own and clung to me for a moment.

"I want you, Edward, please, I need to feel you inside me." Rolling her hips against my painful hard cock, made me see stars. With my hands on her hips, I rested between her legs and pushed forward.

She was molten hot, and I was being burned alive. Inch by inch. I moved inside her, until I could go no further. Slowly I began to slide back out. Leah lay whimpering below me. Taking her legs, I wrapped them around my waist and began to pick up the pace. She raised up and began sucking at my neck, her moans a symphony in my ear.

Her body rocked in time with mine as I captured her mouth in mine, sucking her cries out as she came wrapped around me. That was all it took to push me over the edge as I pumped into her hard, once, twice, three times and exploded inside her.

"I love you." Three little words whispered in my ear had more impact on me, the orgasm I'd just had. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close as the rain ran off our bodies. I wanted to stay like this forever.

"I love you too." I nuzzled her jaw and vowed never to let her go. As soon as she would let me, I would make her my wife, vowing to love and protect her, for eternity.

Pulling her face to me I leaned my forehead against hers and stared into her eyes. My thumb caressed her cheek and playfully I kissed her nose, then her lips. Leah rubbed her face against my palm, closed her eyes and sighed before kissing me again.

"Could you get me a towel? I'm wet." The request was nothing.

"Don't move a muscle." Another quick kiss, then I was up and dressed, closing the door behind me.

"I love you, Edward, I always will. I'm sorry." I heard the soft words just as I was hitting the stairs. Turning, I ran, throwing the bedroom door open in just enough time to see Leah leap from the window and out into the melting snow.

I followed and caught her. Grabbing her just before she hit the woods. "What in the hell are you doing? You can't do this."

"Don't do this, Edward, just let me go. Once I'm gone, you can go back to your normal life. Our worlds don't belong together, mortal enemies and all that crap. It's not real love you are feeling for me, but some form of magic. Once I'm gone, it's bound to go away. You can forget me and go back to whatever you were doing before I tackled you."

"No! Please don't do this. Carlisle has a plan, just please wait." Frantically I kissed her face, her lips, her chin, any place I could.

"In time you'll forget all about this day and about me. It will be as if I never existed."

I knew those words well. They sounded so much like me own, when I'd said good-bye to Bella. The pain was unbearable and it brought me to my knees as wave after wave of agony washed over me. If this was the way Bella felt, then I deserved to roast in hell.

"I love you, good-bye." Quickly she phased, leaving behind her clothes. She stared at me with those gray eyes, now full of pain. In a blink she turned, vanishing into the woods.

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**I Don't Know Lyrics**

A mountain of stone, a door of steel

Can't stand in my way, I'd go on

Brutal machines, unbending laws

Can't slow me down, I'd go on

I've learned how to deal and when to fight

I know what's real, I know what's right

I'm not afraid, a wounded dove

I can be tender in a world so tough

I'm sure I could face the bitter cold

But life without you, I don't know

The winds of the heart can blow me down

But I get right up and I stand my ground

I've tasted fear, my share of pain

The wasted tears of love in vain

I've held you tight, pushed you away

Now with all my might I beg you to stay

I'm sure I could face the bitter cold

But life without you, I don't know

I know what I want, I know what I need

But there's just one thing I must believe

Deep in the night by a dying flame

You will be there when I call your name

I'm sure I could face the bitter cold

But life without you, I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

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**A/N I know this chapter was short, but I wanted to start off the next chapter right. I added the lyrics because I wanted to convey the heartache between Edward and Leah as Leah walks away. The reviews are stupendous and I wish right now I had the time to answer every one. This story is taking up a lot of my time in getting out. I read every review and each one has its own separate pigeon hole in my heart. They are all loved equally, even the one word ones. Thank you all so much for the continued support.**

**Aerialla**


	34. PT II Chapter Seven: Red

SM Own Twilight

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**Part II - Chapter Seven: Red**

**Song: Glory of Love by Peter Cetera**

**Jasper POV**

Gently I nudged Bella awake. It was time to go to the front and back to our seats. The pilot had just informed me that we would be landing in twenty minutes. Excitement raced through me. I couldn't wait for the next part of Bella's surprise. I was beginning to feel like a kid in a candy store, hyped up and ready to burst.

"Are we there yet?" The quintessential traveling comment came sleepily from her lips. Sitting up she pushed back the covers I'd placed on her earlier.

"Almost, we need to buckle in." Taking her hand, I led her still groggy form to the front and buckled her in as she yawned and leaned her head against my shoulder.

"So where are we?" Bella's hand squeezed mine and I felt a gentle kiss against me.

"About an hour outside Houston."

"And just what are we doing in Texas?" Her fingers caressed my hand.

Over the past few months I had grown so used to the little touches from Bella. Many of them were for her self-assurance. On occasion I could still feel Bella's fear that I would leave, though it had lessened with every day. My favorite times were when she would come up behind me, wrap her arms around my waist and lay her head against my back, or she'd lay her head in my lap at night when we watched movies. They were such simple gestures, yet they meant the world to me, they showed me how comfortable she was with me.

"There's somewhere that I want to take you. You'll see it when we get there." Tucking her head back under my chin, I chuckled when she called me a secretive ass under her breath.

We didn't talk as the plane prepared for landing and Bella fully awoke from her nap. She was nervous and as the wheels bounced on the tarmac, she gripped my hand hard. I led her from the plane and through the terminal as she squeezed my hand and chewed on her bottom lip.

"Relax, sweetheart." I set her some calm and she squeezed my hand in thanks.

At the terminal in the private lounge, I made the plans for us getting to our destination. Everything was on time and we would be leaving again immediately. I ushered a still silent Bella through another set of doors and into a shuttle.

Within minutes we were at the helipad where my indulgence awaited. Carefully I set Bella into the passenger seat of the helicopter and set a headset on her.

"Jasper!" I shut the door on her exclamation and dosed her with enough calm and happiness to make a hippy giddy. Climbing into the pilot's seat, I began my preflight checklist while Bella sat and gaped like a fish.

"If you don't close your mouth, you're going to catch a fly." I looked over at Bella and chuckled as she closed her mouth and took a huge gulp.

"Do you know how to fly this thing?" Bella closed her eyes as I started the blades. Within minutes I was clear and then we were in the air.

"Yes, Ma'am, I do." Turning on the Texas charm I let my full accent come through. Bella peeked at me through one eye, took a look at how high we were from the ground and slammed it shut again.

"You do remember right, that I'm not invincible, and if you crash, I'm going to be road sushi." Bella was gripping the armrest so tight I was sure she would leave indenting. The happy dose I'd given her, hadn't alleviated her fear, just made her more sarcastic.

"Bella, relax, I've been flying these since before you were born. I promise you that you will not now or ever become road sushi." Again I sent her a heavier dose of calm and it began to take effect, considering I'd sent her enough to dope an elephant.

"If you kill me, Jasper Whitlock, I swear I will come back from the dead and haunt you for eternity." For the first time she opened her eyes, but instead of looking down, she kept her eyes focused straight ahead.

"Hey, at least I'd still get to spend eternity with you." I laughed at her.

Bella turned to look at me and growled. Granted for her, it sounded more like a sexy purr than any animal, I'd ever heard.

"Look around, and relax, please. I promise you the ride will be worth it. I didn't want you to spend the rest of our day together stuck in Houston traffic." The urge to touch her ate at me, but I had to keep both hands on the controls.

"I'm trying. I am." Bella's hand reached over and grabbed my thigh. In an instant the touch had me focusing again. Halfway through the flight, Bella finally calmed enough to start looking around, though she never looked at the ground.

The sun was just beginning to lower slightly as I began descending into what looked like nothing but fields, which it was, but it was home, my first and real home. The home I was born in, and of my youth and early manhood.

"Jasper, where are we?" For the first time Bella was looking down and her curiosity and excitement were contagious.

"In just a moment, you'll see the house." To the right, in the setting sun, the house came into view. The plantation house was one of the oldest in the state and Bella gasped when she saw it. The columns towered up the front of the house, attached to a balcony on the second floor. It hadn't been a cold winter so the property was still green and alive.

Bella stared as I set the helicopter down about twenty yards away from the front door. I'd had them wrap red ribbon around the columns for Valentine's day, tonight she would see the magic of this place as it came alive.

Waiting for the blades to stop, I grabbed Bella's hand and kissed her fingertips as she stared at me. Her eyes were still huge and excited. Quickly I jumped out and was helping her out in a flash. Picking her up in my arms, I made short work to the front walk. This spot was perfect for seeing the house in its entirety and Bella's breath gasped as she took it in.

Sitting her to her feet, I grabbed her hand and tucked it into my arm and began walking her to the house like a proper southern gentleman. Birds were singing in the trees, but the most beautiful sound was Bella's heartbeat. The sound was stronger than it was this morning. As we climbed the steps, on the last, I scooped her up in my arms again.

"Welcome home, Bella." Turning the doorknob, I pushed the door open with my foot and carried her into the grand hall. Sitting her down I watched as Bella began turning under the massive chandelier. I was glad she'd worn flat shoes as the shiny marble floor could be slippery. In preparation for this trip, I'd had the place cleaned until every surface shone. The wood balustrade gleamed under the glow of the chandelier and I saw Bella run her hand over it lovingly. The grand staircase curved and jutted out into the room in true southern style.

I let her lead me around as she explored the rest of the house, taking in the antiques I'd salvaged with the modern touches I'd added over the years. She gasped over the huge kitchen that I'd recently redid, just for her, though I didn't tell her. In the library, over the mantle is where things started to sink in for her. It was this that I'd wanted to show her for so long. My family's portrait. It was finished just before I went to war. My father, and I were standing in back of my mother, while she held my seven-year-old sister Amelia. My twelve-year-old sister Catherine stood to the side of my mother, a miniature of her in dress and manner.

I pointed to Amelia."The nanny had the roughest time getting her into that dress while she begged to hold her pet frog during the portrait. She was the biggest tomboy and could always be found with critters in her pocket, no shoes and a torn dress. My father would laugh, while my poor mother would groan. Catherine tried to be a good big sister, but Amelia was just too rambunctious. That day, I was the only one she would let comb her hair, since I was the only one who had patience with its knots and snarls.'

'I still miss them, every day of my existence, I will mourn them. You're the only person I've ever brought here, Bella. No, one, not even Alice has been here with me. If you haven't figured it out by now, this was my home, my human home, and the one place in the world where I am just me. Here I'm not a vampire, I'm just a man clinging to the remainders of the family he lost and trying to make sense of it all."

"Thank you. It means so much to me that you would want to share this part of your life with me. I'm honored and touched. I know you've been waiting for this and it was your courage in bringing me here that gives me the courage I've needed. I love you, Jasper, I love you so much, more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. You're my best friend and I don't want to ever spend one day without you. I'm complete when I'm with you and for the first time in my life I can be myself. I can be clumsy, shy, and withdrawn, yet you make me feel I'm normal. I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner." Tears were running down her face and I could hear the slow build up of sobs in her chest.

"Say it again, please." My whole body was alive, strumming with electricity and life.

"I love you, Jasper Whitlock." She barely got out my last name before I picked her up. Kissing her, I began to swing her around the library. It felt like my heart was beating for the first time. Her laughter filled my soul and I began laughing with her.

My hands cupped her warm face and I wiped away her tears. For the rest of eternity I would try my hardest to make sure that she only ever cried happy tears. Her love was washing over me, encasing me, making me stronger, making me feel, alive. The demon in me rejoiced as well, he rejoiced in finally having his mate, and the knowledge that soon she would be his as well, forever.

Reaching up on her tiptoes, Bella pressed a soft kiss to my lips, then slowly bit down, her tongue running slowly over my bottom lip. Groaning loud, I picked her up, sliding her against the erection that I have lived with for months.

"I want you, Jasper. I don't care what Carlisle says about waiting. I need you." Her words sent me soaring higher than any jet could go. Unfortunately, we would have to wait a while longer. I heard the backdoor in the kitchen slam and a pair of cowboy boots on the tile floor, again the backdoor opened and close, but the next set of feet was silent.

"Hey Whitlock, you'd better get your scrawny ass out here and say hello, and bring that pretty little lady with ya'" The voice bellowed through the house and I cringed. This definitely wasn't how I wanted Bella to meet the rest of my family.

Bella's body tensed and I could feel fear run a course through her body. Taking her hand, I led her from the library, trying to send her a little courage. It worked slightly, but Bella still tightened her grip on my hand and wrapped the other around my arm.

In the hall, standing under the chandelier was a man, a little shorter, but with more built to him than I was. Wearing dusty faded jeans, old cowboy boots and a low-slung hat was Peter, my child for all vampire purposes, considering I was the one who turned him. Bella had yet to see the glowing red eyes that marked him as a human drinker. Peter could cold read people like no one I'd ever seen. It made his powers of intuition go through the roof.

"Hot damn, little lady, you look good enough to eat." Peter flicked up the hat and I heard Bella's gasp, instantaneously I felt her all consuming fear and she clung to me.

Instinctively, I crouched, and had Bella behind me in an instant. I hadn't seen Peter in ten years, if he'd changed and gone mad, I wanted to know now. A red headed blur went to Peter's side, smacking him so hard behind his head that his hat flew off to land at my feet.

"Now, look at what you've gone and done, you, dumb ass. She'll never like us now. If I lose a sister because of you, I torch your ass and dance in the ashes." Again she hit him in back of the head.

"Damn, woman, take it easy. I didn't know the girl would be so touchy, she's with the Major after all isn't she, and it isn't like she hasn't seen our kind before. One of these days' Char, you're going to hit me so hard, I'll have to fuse my own head back on.'

'Hell, Sweetheart, I won't hurt ya'. I may have red eyes but that doesn't mean I go nibbling on everyone in sight . . . Damn it Charlotte, quit hitting me, you're making me see stars."

"Just quit talking and maybe I won't have to hit you, I swear that mouth of yours gets you into more trouble. Bella, I'm sorry for Peter. He has diarrhea of the mouth and his head doesn't connect to his tongue." Charlotte looked at Bella and she hid between my shoulders at the sight of another pair of red eyes.

"That's because you keep hitting me." Peter grumbled under his breath.

"Bella, come here, honey.' Untangling Bella from the back of my shirt, I sent her my love and protection. Slowly, I pulled her around and into my chest, wrapping my arms securely around her. It was here that I finally started feeling her fear assuage. I used none of my power over her fear, just held her close, whispering my love.

'Darlin', this is Peter and Charlotte. I am their sire, Bella, I created both of them during the vampire wars. They are also, like you my best friends. You don't have to be afraid of them. It's because of them that I'm standing here with you now. They've been running this place for me, for the last twenty years."

Peter's eyes caught, then held Bella's. I felt her recoil and the anxieties start to rise into manic proportions. The only time I ever felt her like this was when she was having a nightmare. Swiftly, Bella brought her hands up to her eyes and tried to curl into herself. It didn't matter that I was holding her. Over and again, she started crying "No!"

Before she saw Peter, she was fine, now she was freaking out. "Charlotte, get him out of here, now!" The words were not a request, but a demand from the part of me they knew all too well.

"Jasper, I'm sorry. What did I do? I didn't mean to scare her. I knew she would be afraid of me, but nothing like this. I'm sorry." Peter looked and felt incredibly ashamed for his actions, he hadn't meant to scare, Bella. Charlotte all but picked him up as he tried to apologize again, to get him out of the room.

"It's going to be okay, Bella. I'm here, darlin'." Picking Bella up, I raced up the stairs to the master bedroom. Laying her under the massive canopy bed, I crawled in beside her, wrapping her in my arms. She was shaking like a leaf and had withdrawn into herself so far that her eyes were blank.

I hadn't seen her, this bad since before she tried to kill herself. Coming here had obviously been a mistake. Bella would never be comfortable here now.

"Please, Bella, sweetheart, tell me what's happening. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." I placed both of my hands on her face and wrapped my legs around her frame, pulling her in, I sent her my love and protection, and kept sending her courage and calm. She kept shaking and mumbling incoherent words while her hands clung to me.

Slowly over an hour she came back to me. "Every time I close my eyes, I see them, red eyes, surrounding me, over me. They're laughing and hurting me. I can't get free. They do horrible things to people and make me watch. I see a man and he wants to kill me and they won't let him. Please, Jasper, make it go away." Tears began falling from her eyes and I pressed her face into my chest.

"Aw, darlin' it's just a bad dream. I won't ever let anyone hurt you again, I promise. It's just a dream, Bella, just a dream." I rocked her back and forth, until I felt her calming.

I didn't tell her that as soon as I could, I would be calling Carlisle. This was the only breakthrough we'd had with her nightmares. Seeing Peter's eyes must have triggered her subconscious memory. When the family got here, it would be easier. I would make sure that patrols ran around the property, just in case.

If these dreams of Bella's were like those of the wolves coming after her, then I had to take them seriously. She'd been having the dream about the werewolves coming after her for months before the cliff. If this was the same kind of dream, then it was precognitive and Bella had seen her own future.

"Bella, about Peter, he'd never hurt you, darlin', neither would Charlotte. They stick toward transients and criminals. Hell Houston's crime level has went down since they've lived here. If it would make you feel better, I'll put both of them on the animal diet. Would that help you?" Slowly I ran my fingers through her hair and felt her happiness with that idea.

"I'm sorry. I ruined today." Bella spoke softly in my ear, her shame at being scared of Peter, someone that I trusted, a huge factor in her apology.

"Sweetheart, you haven't ruined the day, and if you don't want to stay here, we'll leave right now. Your happiness is more important to me than anything." Forcing her head slightly away from my chest, I was able to see her eyes. If would hurt a lot if she didn't want to stay here, but she is what mattered the most.

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**A/N Be sure to check out my One Shot "The Major" for Altered Lions and Sacrificial Lambs contest "We Don't Need No Stinkin' Coven" contest. Here is the link to that story. It is part of the Second Chances story.**

**Aerialla**


	35. PT II Chapter Eight: History

SM owns Twilight

**Part II - Chapter Eight: History**

**Song: Weapon by Matthew Good**

**Bella POV**

I looked at the man I loved as he held me in his arms. How could I take this from him, over fear?

Granted, yes the fear had been paralyzing, but I knew as long as Jasper was beside me, that he would always keep me safe.

When we'd landed, I could feel the pure joy that was pouring from him, he hadn't even realized he was doing it. From the moment we'd walked in the door, I knew I was seeing who he was. In Forks, he was more withdrawn and quiet. Here, Jasper came alive and I knew I was seeing the man and not the vampire.

Seeing Peter's red eyes had frightened me. They brought back so many memories of James. I knew Jasper would never bring me around someone who'd harm me, but between the memories and nightmares, I let the panic take over. Peter and Charlotte were Jasper's family, even before the Cullens and I didn't want to hurt that. If he got them to change their eye color at least until I was more comfortable with them, then I would be okay.

I loved him so much and I could feel the pull of being his. The past two months of sexual innuendo and touching were too much. I needed him, wanted him, and loved him with every beat of my heart.

This wasn't like with Edward, my love for Jasper was just as consuming, yet different. I didn't feel the need to change who I was for him, or embarrassed by whom I was. With Jasper I felt self-confident, beautiful, smart and even graceful to a point. I also found myself laughing and joking with him, something that I never did much with Edward.

Inside, I knew a part of me would always love Edward, and I was fine with that. Jasper, was my future. Even if he never changed me, I would stay by his side always. He was the other half of my soul, and I understood now the way it felt to have a mate.

"I love you, so much.' At times like now, my love for him consumed me. It had been hard keeping it from him this long, but I had needed to be sure. Bringing me here, to somewhere he'd never brought Alice, showed me his love, the love of the man that lay inside with the monster. I would never be naive enough to believe that Jasper's vampire was anything but a volatile beast, but it was a beast I loved just as much as the man. It was the beast that took on a pack of werewolves to save my life, and wanted to kill Carlisle, just to protect me.

I had to say it again, to make up for the times I'd wanted to and hadn't. 'I love you, Jasper, all of you." Rising I softly kissed the scar that lay just under his shirt on his left collar bone. Moving the shirt, I kissed another. I wanted to show him that I loved every part of him, man and beast.

I loved the purr that built in his chest. Keeping my eyes locked with his as they shone with love, I lifted his T-shirt, and let my hand wander underneath. He was marble except for the places that raised up slightly, his scars. I loved every one of them. They were his badges as a warrior. Someday, and soon, I planned on kissing every one to show him just how much they turned me on.

I felt a buzz in my body and the familiar ache building up between my legs. I needed him. Unfortunately, with a knock on the door, the buzz left as soon as it had come.

"Can I come in?" It was the voice I'd recognized from downstairs. . .Charlotte.

For a moment I felt pressing fear, and fought it off. Jasper turned to me without speaking, looking for my approval on Charlotte's entering. I nodded my head. Together we scooted to the edge of the bed. I was ready to see her. The back of my mind kept telling me how important she was to Jasper.

"Come in, Char." Jasper's voice was tight. He didn't want me to be afraid again. I fought the urge to hide for him. Slowly the door opened and in walked Charlotte. At five foot eight she was a little taller than I, long red hair tied up in a ponytail and she was wearing like me, jeans and a red sweater. The red should have clashed with her hair, but somehow it didn't.

"I'm so sorry for Peter. He means well, but his mouth has a way of getting him in trouble." Hesitantly she looked up at me. This time her eyes were a murky brown, obviously contacts. It meant a lot to me that she would recognize my fear and try to quell it.

Instantly I felt better and using the self-confidence I'd gained with Jasper's love, I pulled out of his arm as it lay around me and stood. Slowly I walked the ten feet to the doorway, where Charlotte stood. Remembering my first meeting with Alice, I did what she would have done and pulled a stunned Charlotte into a hug. It took her a moment, but I felt her arms wrap around me and hug me back. In that one small move, I felt as if I had a sister again. It made me realize just how much I missed Alice and Rosalie.

"You told us she was special, Jasper, and I believe it now." Taking a step back, she held my arms in hers and smiled.

"I'm Bella, Jasper as told me nothing about you." Turning my head, I looked at Jasper, who had the good sense to look embarrassed.

"Well we're going to rectify that right now. You come with me, and I will tell you everything the Major has forgotten."

"She doesn't know, Charlotte, and I'd rather be the one to tell her." Jasper stood and came to me, his face a mask of worry and pain.

"What don't I know, Jasper?" Turning from Charlotte, I faced my love. Didn't he see that nothing mattered? I didn't care if he'd eaten hundreds of people. His past was just that, the past.

"Take a walk with me, and I will tell you." He held out his hand and even I could tell he was shaking. Jasper was scared, one feeling that I didn't know he was even aware of outside someone else. He was always so sure and confident.

"Okay." I took his hand and we walked past Charlotte and down a long hallway with open doors on either side and more bedrooms. Jasper led me down the stairs and out through the front door. We began walking through a long line of trees and out into the rolling yard of green, stopping when we reached a small enclosed cemetery. A wrought iron fence surrounded the small area. The grass was meticulous and three old headstones stood in front of a massive newer angel. The angel was stooping with spread wings that encompassed the graves. I could tell that Jasper put it there. The stones contained three names, Amelia, John and Rachel, the dates of their deaths were hard to read on the worn stone. It was Jasper's family. I watched as he lovingly touched each one, sorrow, his, billowing around us.

Edward had always told me that he could never remember all of his human life before the change, and none of the Cullen's could, even Carlisle. Why was Jasper able to recall his family so clearly?

"How is it that you can remember so much when the others can't?" I wanted to kick myself for speaking aloud during Jasper's mourning.

"The night I of my turning, I was riding patrol, we were trying to clear out one of the border towns. Being in command, I stayed behind to make sure we didn't miss anyone. That's when I happened on three women, all vampires. For four days, I burned. During those times I thought of nothing but my family and my home. I wanted to ingrain every memory of every day of my life with them. I thought I was dying and only their memories gave me comfort. I loved them so much. They were everything to me.'

'My father had wanted me to go into politics, he said I had a gift with people, and the best way to use that gift was to serve others, and my state. During that time, to get anywhere in politics, it was through the military. He pulled some strings and I entered a year before rightfully allowed. Much to his and my mother's delight, I rose quickly through the ranks and became a Major within two years. I had only come home once during that time. It was to bury Amelia.' A sob caught in Jasper's chest as he knelt on the ground beside his baby sister's grave. His anguish filled me and I found tears rolling from my eyes.

'She fell from this tree, trying to rescue her cat. I had made her promise that she would never climb a tree without me to catch her. She was up too high when she lost her footing and fell, hitting several limbs on the way down. My mother saw the whole thing and was inconsolable for months. She felt it was her fault for not teaching her how to be a proper young lady. It was my fault. I taught her how to climb, always daring her to go higher and farther, but never without me. Father and Catherine never came down here, so much alike in that aspect. Their mourning silent, unlike my mother's and mine.'

'From the moment she was born, it was if Amelia had been mine instead of my sister. When she cried, it was me she wanted, and I she always ran to when she learned something new. For five years, before I went to war, she was my shadow. I never minded, I adored her, we all did, even Catherine who thought Amelia was the bane of her existence as most younger siblings can be.'

"I have wanted to chop this tree and burn it for years, but I can't. This was our tree, mine, Amelia's, and Catherine's. During summer nights, we would camp out here and I would show them the stars and we would watch for comets. We were here the night before I left. Do you know what she wished, Bella, at seven years old, my baby sister wished that I would never die so I could be with her forever? I always wonder if she knows that she got her wish."

I couldn't take it any more and I went to him, my knees sinking into the ground at his side. Pulling him to me, I cradled him in my arms as sobs caught him. I poured my love into him, needing him to feel it. Slowly he stopped, leaning his head against mine. Never had I been glad for the strength he had given me as I was now. Now I could be his strength.

"I'm sure she knows, Jasper. Maybe your getting turned was her way of giving you her wish." Softly I ran my fingers through his hair as my jeans soaked in the dampness from the ground, but I didn't care.

"What happened with your parents, and Catherine?" I knew the only way to get him away from his sister's memory was onto another one.

"Catherine married on the steps in front of the house, I don't remember the date, but there are pictures somewhere in the house. They lived in Houston, her whole family died because of influenza, much like Edward's. They are buried there. My parents, now, that's at least a happy story. Dad and Mom both died on the same day, in their sleep, here in this house. They died in 1918, it was the day my father turned a hundred. My mother was ninety-five. They fell asleep in each other's arms and never woke up. I never thought I'd find that love, Bella, not until you. I feel you in me, Bella, a permanent part of me. You give me hope, and if they are watching out for me, even after the wrongs I've done, then I have to believe that they sent me to you." Jasper's kiss hit my lips hard and like him I wanted to believe. We were destined for each other.

"So what happened after you turned?" I knew that he wasn't telling me that he didn't want to scare me.

"Let's walk." Picking me, playfully he threw me over his shoulder, slapping me on the behind. I did the same to him until we were both laughing and he set me down.

The sun was now beginning to set as Jasper set me in a chair in front of a huge pond. I yelped in surprise and Jasper laughed as a snake slither out from my chair and headed to the water.

"I don't think I've ever seen you move that fast, darlin'"Jasper laughed at me as I stood on my chair.

"That's not funny, was if it, was poisonous?" Slowly I slid back down to my chair. Even Charlie hated my fear of snakes because it encroached on his fishing.

"Actually it was, but it's gone now." Jasper smirked and began pacing the water's edge, making me dizzy.

"Nothing you can tell me, is going to change my love for you." I leaned forward, resting my arms on my legs and stared up at him.

"They called me the Angel of Death, Bella. I gave them life and just as easily, took it away. It seems sometimes, the longer a vampire burns, the more powerful they become. Maria adored that shit, and became so impressed with my abilities that I became her favorite pet. My military experience also made me a masterful killer.'

'Maria wanted to rule the Southern states and with my help, created one of the biggest vampire armies the world as ever seen. Even the Volturi, left us alone. My job was finding and turning humans, then I trained them, killing them when they surpassed their usefulness. We're not talking hundreds or even thousands of people, Bella, we're talking tens of thousands, if not close to a hundred thousand people. Many of the newborns were killed in battles their first year of turning, if they made it to their one year birthday, we killed them. Newborn strength, stamina and blood lust starts to diminish after that, and I didn't want any weak links. Life for me then was battle, sex and blood. Hell, when I went on a rampage it would make a Clive Barker movie look like a child's fairy tale.'

My head spun and I closed my eyes, trying to listen to the wind in the trees, except I couldn't. Jasper's words hit me like bricks.

'I had my own place of torture. I would use my powers to make people insane, Bella, to make them fear, hate, or kill. We performed experiments on them, to see how far we could push a newborn's mind before they would have to be destroyed, there were times when Maria would even do it to the humans before they were turned. She wanted them crazed and willing to kill one another over a crust of bread.'

'I've done horrible things, Bella. The newborns, when not calling me the Angel of Death, called me Lucifer, they believed I was the devil, and for them I was. It wasn't until Peter came along, and then Charlotte that I started looking around. Even in the middle of the bloodshed, they fell in love. Peter has the ability of uncanny intuition and Char is a magnet of sorts. She can pick up another vampire's powers by being near them. It's not permanent, but often useful. Put Peter and Charlotte with Alice and Char could see just about everything.'

'During that time, the blood and death were starting to get too much for me as my powers grew. I could feel their pain, their love, their fear, every emotion on every person that I neared, became crippling. Maria had taken a liking to Peter as her new pet, and wanted Charlotte destroyed. I couldn't do it, Bella. Peter begged me not to kill her. I allowed them to escape, which pissed Maria off to no end.'

'Five years later, Peter and Charlotte came back. Sneaking in one night, Peter met me in my private quarters. They had a plan to free me. It was repayment for letting them go. That night, I did something I didn't even know was possible. I began to feel hope. I didn't know that Peter had an ace up his sleeve. As soon as we were clear, the whole place detonated, killing everyone inside. I was free.'

'I wandered with Peter and Charlotte for a while, but found it increasingly hard to kill people, even to survive. Their emotions were too much for me. Soon I said good-bye to them and began wandering the world, listening for any signs that Maria had made it out. I never have. I lived the life of a nomad for I don't know how long, the days and years blended. It was during a thunderstorm that I walked into a crappy diner in Philadelphia and found Alice. Her story of the Cullens intrigued me and together we made a life with each other, and later with them. Three times with them I've slipped, Bella and killed people.'

'The last time I slipped caused us to move to Forks. It was a woman out jogging, she tripped and hit the concrete hard. It had been twenty years since my last slip, the blood smelled so good and I snapped, much like your birthday. Your birthday was much worse, your blood was a siren's song, but I didn't just want it, I wanted you. All it took was one drop of your blood to change me forever. I don't even crave it any more and have to make myself feed. Janine, when she was helping me with the house, scrapped her leg on a nail. Blood was running everywhere, Bella. It was like I couldn't smell it. I even got her to the hospital and she was fine. The night on the cliff, your blood nearly drove me insane, I wanted it so much and I felt the Angel of Death stirring again. It was different, all I could think about was protecting you, that's how Carlisle figured out that you're not just my singer, but my mate.'

'The two have nothing to do with why I love you, so don't think it's vampire mojo. I started falling in love with you one night when I sneaked into your room. Charlie brought you something to eat that had sleeping pills in it. You fell asleep sitting in your rocking chair and I knew I couldn't leave you like that. You felt so good in my arms as I carried you the few feet to your bed. I'll never forget your breath against my neck or the warmth of your skin. I wanted to stay with you, holding you, all night. All I could dare, was to brush your hair back from your face, tracing a finger down your cheek. I placed a kiss on your forehead and all I wanted to do was to erase Edward from your mind as I craved to kiss you.'

'That night you whispered 'I love you' in your sleep, and I wished it was I your words were for. Every night since then I have dreamed of hearing those words from your lips and knowing they were meant for me. As much as it hurts, Bella, if you can't love me, or don't want to, knowing now my full history, I understand. I love you enough to let you go."

Throughout the whole thing, I had sat in silence, loving him more every minute, if it was even possible to love someone that much. It hurt to watch him fall to his knees and lean his head against a tree, his body raging with it's own emotion. It didn't take me having his powers to know how much he was hurting and afraid. He had been through so much and came out the better for it. Jasper's strength, and compassion, came from his past, not just the human part.

Slowly, I stood, watching as Jasper's breath caught in his chest, afraid that I would walk away. Instead, I walked toward him. Going to my own knees, I wrapped my arms around him, pouring every ounce of love, and friendship into his body. His cried against me, broke my heart for him, and I vowed for all eternity that I would show him how much I loved him and how deserving he was.

"I will never leave you, Jasper Whitlock. You are not the man you were then. Everything in life has a purpose. I had to go through all the pain with Edward to find you, and maybe it's the same for you. I don't care what happened in your past. You're here with me now. If you wouldn't have turned, Jasper, then I would never have known you, nor your love, and just the thought of that hurts too much to comprehend. I don't care how we got here, all I know is how much I love you, and that I'm never letting you go."

His arms found their way around my waist and his head to my breast. We sat at the water's edge, wrapped in each other, watching as the sun set.

"This was supposed to be different, but I can't wait." Slowly Jasper untangled us and with his back to the water and the remaining florescent colors of sunset, he bent to one knee.

"I love you so much, Bella Swan. You're not only my mate. You're my friend. As much as I love you, those two alone, are not enough. I want you for eternity, not only as my mate, but as my wife. Please, marry me, Bella." From his pocket he pulled a ring as I stared at him, agape. I felt hot tears pouring out of my eyes and launched myself into his arms.

"Yes, yes, yes, a million times, yes!" Putting my hands on his face, I kissed him with everything that I had and felt his, and my love flow around us like a cocoon.

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**A/N Don't forget voting for the Altered Lions and Sacrificial Lambs contest, will begin soon. Here is the link to my one shot. .net/s/5913550/1/The_Major. It is a companion piece to this story, so go check it out and vote when voting begins. I would love to win this contest!! Hint Hint..Shameless Plug.**

**Aerialla**


	36. PT II Chapter Nine: Pain

SM Owns Twilight

**Part Two -Chapter Nine: Pain**

**Song: Had Enough - Breaking Benjamin**

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**Edward POV**

The sun would be setting soon. All day I'd run the woods trying to pick up Leah's scent to no avail. I had come across a sickening familiar one, Victoria. Damn it all to hell, and back. I didn't have time for her shit, and to protect, Leah.

If I got my hands on her, I was going to kill her and finish with it. After the hell, James put our family through, it would be no loss to the world to end her pathetic existence. Her scent was too near Jasper's for my liking. It meant she was watching us.

It was also near Jasper's that I picked up Leah's scent with the other wolves and followed it to the Quileute border. I heard the cry of pain from a distance and ran, never was I more grateful for my speed. I skidded to a stop right at the border. A fire cast shadow on those that stood in the clearing.

"Phase, damn you." A hard blow to the left side of her face sent Leah flying through the air to land in a heap. Taking a shaky step, she stood, spitting blood out of her mouth.

"Ah, so the leech has arrived, and at such a good time. So what's more important to you, bloodsucker, her or your family. It's your choice. Cross the border and I'll make sure your whole family burns."

"Grab her." Sam shouted at the other two who had yet to phase. Jacob Black stood in the back, his hands clenched into fists and his eyes closed.

"They're going to kill her, Edward, for being with you. I tried to stop him, but they threatened my father and sisters. Sam wants control of the tribe. Dad's not doing to great, Edward, I couldn't . . . He means what he says Edward, he wants all of you dead. He figures with you and the rest gone, that Jasper won't be a problem to kill on his own." I heard Jacob voice in my head as if it was my own.

I watched as they grabbed Leah by her arms and hair, holding her upright. She was breathing heavy, and I knew they caused further damage to her ribs. My hands clenched so hard into fists that I could feel venom running down to hit the ground with a hiss.

"Edward, go, please." She looked up at me through her hair, her dark eyes pleading with me. I fell to my knees, my fingers mere millimeters from the border. I loved her so much, but could I let my family die, because of me, yet again. Better to die now, with her, than to watch them perish because of me.

"Edward, go, please.' Sam taunted Leah and I, then struck with a closed fist. I heard the crack of bone and grabbed the tree for support. He'd broken her jaw. 'Come on, Eddie, come get your bitch so I can kill you and that superior father of yours. Lucky for all of us, your guardian is out of town. How fortunate is it for all of us, that your family is down their best fighter? Come on, come and get her, oh wait, you've already had her. If your stench on her and in her is anything to go by."

The boys holding her arms dropped her on the ground, her jaw hanging oddly. I was on my knees as I watched Sam kicked Leah in the stomach over and over until blood was gushing from between her legs.

"You do know she's barren right, or at least she is now. She can't even be a proper bitch in heat like her cousin. Good lay though, wouldn't you say Eddie, or at least once was. I don't plan her living long, a pack is only as strong as its weakest link, and Leah is our weak link. Better to cull her now" Sam lifted his foot to strike a killing blow and I didn't think twice.

Tackling him through the air, I slammed him into a tree that went down with both of us. Quickly I was up and one my feet, the other two had phased and were snarling. Jacob Black had yet to move. Sam was up and within seconds in wolf form.

They started circling and leaped stupidly at once in different directions. Quickly I dodged out of the way as they flew into each other. It would have been comical at any other time. The only thing it did was piss them off. I knew if even one of them got a hold of me, I was history.

Barely, I missed Sam's huge jaws as he dove for my head and swerved out of the jaws meant for my thigh. Even with my speed, I knew I couldn't keep this up for long, but I would try to hold them off for as long as possible. In the next five minutes, I got in some good hits, but knew the wolves were starting to tire of the game.

Stupidly when Jacob moved from his position toward Leah, I turned and felt the huge jaws latch onto my leg. The weight threw me forward. The dual bites almost severed my legs and I knew I was done. I wouldn't even be able to run with Leah, now if I had to.

Just as Sam's huge wolf form stood on top of me, ready to sever my head from my body, I saw the other two wolves phase into human form, quickly adding wood to the fire already going. I was so close to Leah. Reaching for her hand, I touched her fingers with mine. This was my fault, and I deserved to die for it, not her.

Knowing she was close enough to hear was a small blessing. "I love you, even in death I will love you. Even one day with you, is worth dying for." Tears flowed from her open eyes as she fought the pain to spend a few more moments together. I closed my eyes when she did, waiting for my final death to come.

I didn't even open them when a fierce roar ripped through the clearing, my head too filled with pain to search for the owner. I knew I'd never heard it before and went back to praying for a swift death.

I felt two hands slap my face and looked up at my sister. Emmett was standing just behind her. I could hear fighting, and looked to the sound as Rosalie lifted me. Leah hung in Emmett's, her body limp. The roar I'd heard was Carlisle's and he was fighting with a precision I'd never seen, let alone known him to have.

"Oh, yeah, Carlisle said and I quote, fuck the treaty. I think he's been hanging around Jasper too much." Emmett's voice was a laugh as he too watched in awe.

Within moments I watched as Carlisle landed a kick to one werewolf's rib cage causing an explosion of power, the wolf yelped and went down, not getting back up. The next wolf went for his back and Carlisle swung around and landed a roundhouse kick to its head sending a wolf flying into the trees where it too lay still. Sam lay human on the ground, obviously phasing after a blow I had not seen.

"Did you think you could destroy me and mine, whelp? You have no idea who you are fucking with." Carlisle stood over Sam, his eyes onyx, his fists tightened.

"Do you think you can take me, vampire?" Sam quickly phased and lunged, but Carlisle was waiting, dodging the blow quickly. Sam flew past Carlisle and came about to lunge at his side and growled in frustration as Carlisle spun away.

Reacting quickly, Sam was up. Coming at Carlisle from the front I watched as my father grabbed the huge werewolf by his neck, squeezing until I could smell blood flowing. It wasn't a killing blow, but close. Never in my wildest imagination have I seen Carlisle this visceral. In his mind I saw battles and victories that he'd hidden from me. For the first time in my existence I felt and saw fear through the eyes of my father's victims. Carlisle was not the man I knew. He was dangerous and deadly, every bit, if not more so than Jasper. Carlisle dropped Sam onto the ground.

"She is not yours, as a member of my pack, I get to choose who lives and who dies. She imprinted on a vampire, a sentence punishable by death." The voice sounded twinged with pain as Sam struggled to stand.

"She has mated with my son that makes her mine. I will kill for her, just as I would for my son. Be lucky that I am letting you live. Leah is no longer under your care, and if you ever come near her again I will kill you."

Sam had bet on Carlisle passivity and won when he turned to face us. He lunged for my father's back, intent on snapping Carlisle's neck in half. In a bend that could have been in the Matrix, Carlisle bent backward and Sam flew over him and unfortunately into Emmett and Leah, sending them both flying.

In one last-ditch effort, Sam shook off the loss and swiftly stood over Leah's form as she rolled toward him from the fall. His massive jaws were ready to take her head from her shoulders. Faster than any of us could have anticipated, Jacob Black phased and attacked, his mouth on Sam's neck and biting though tissues, tendon and bone, killing Sam instantaneously.

In a few moments, Jacob was back in human form and looking at all of us. "I'm sorry that I didn't act sooner. We have lived in fear of Sam for months, since Jasper beat him on the beach. He threatened the life of my father and sisters, and I believe others as well. He was supposed to be our leader and instead was a dictator. He and Leah were together once, and I think he beat her up a few times. He imprinted on Emily and shortly after she comes home with a clawed face. When he smelled Edward on Leah he went ballistic. He'd been riding her hard since she phased. There's only ever been one female before, and legend has it that she was the most powerful. Sam was afraid that Leah was the same. I think he's been trying to kill her for months, but she's stubborn and blamed herself for not being strong enough, or fast enough for the pack."

Jacob stood looking at the ground ashamed of everything that had happened and that it had taken him this long to stand up.

"You are the rightful leader, Jacob. It's in your blood. You would do a good job for your people if you can find the strength." Carlisle faced Jacob.

"We have a lot to discuss and with the tribal leaders. You will take care of her." He looked at Leah, barely hanging on in Emmett's arms and at me instead of Carlisle.

"With my life. I love her, Jacob." I hated that I was in my sister's arms because the damage to my legs was too severe for me to walk yet.

"Yeah, well you loved Bella too and look how good that turned out." He tried to stop the words coming from his mouth, but at the last instant gave in.

"Yes, it turned out for the best. Jasper loves her enough to give her what she wants and that is to be one of us. I loved her enough to let her go. I'm happy for them, all I ever wanted was her happiness and her happiness is with him. I plan showing Leah how much I love her for the rest of my existence." I wanted so badly to be the one that was carrying her, but we needed to get her home.

"If you're taking over as pack, can you make her phase?" Carlisle put in the request and I was glad. Leah's heartbeat was starting to fade, and I didn't want to lose her, just after finding her.

"I'll try, but I don't know if it will work." Jacob's words came just as the other two came from the woods, both still in their wolf forms and limping severely. "Leah, phase." His voice was strong and I head the sigh from Leah's chest and she phased into her wolf form, right in Emmett's arms.

"Hey, dad, look what I found. Can we keep her?" Emmett laughed as we groaned. I couldn't wait until Leah healed to give him hell.

"Emmett, not now, or ever again will you treat or call your sister, a pet." Carlisle growled his annoyance. 'Well Jacob, it looks like you have a long road ahead of you, son. I wish you the best. As soon as Leah heals, we will all be leaving. I don't know when any of us will return, but we will notify you first. I will tell Jasper to do the same. At any point you would like to discuss the treaty, your father has my number." Carlisle began ushering us toward home as he briefly began checking Leah's condition in his head.

"As far as I'm concerned, the treaty is dead. When you are here, you will be treated as friends, and family. You have one of us among you now, and that makes you one of us as well." Jacob turned and started putting the fire out that Sam lit.

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**A/N: Yes I know long time no update. I had to take some time off with my kids being home from school. I hope that the Edward/Leah pairing is not upsetting to some. It just happened while writing and the werewolves will come back into play later in the story, as I am not done with them just yet. **

**Aerialla**


	37. PT II Chapter Ten: Mated

SM owns Twilight

**Chapter Thirty Seven: Mated**

**Songs: In The Darkness - Dead By Sunrise**

** Sadness (Part 1) - Enigma**

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**Jasper POV**

Bella and I walked hand in hand back to the house just as the full moon began making its presence known in the sky. She shivered in the cold and I wrapped my arm around her, even though I wouldn't be giving her any heat. Her happiness and mine flowed around us, a living, breathing entity.

The day had not gone as I had planned, that was for sure. It had gone better. My mind kept twirling over the images as Bella said yes. Soon Bella would be my wife. We were just as the back kitchen door and walking in when my phone began to ring. It was Carlisle with a text message to call immediately.

Bella's stomach growled as she smelled the kitchen. Whatever smelled rotten to me, obviously was wonderful to her. Her hunger took a turn toward fear when she saw who was standing at the stove. His back was to us, but that didn't stop Bella's feelings. She was afraid to see his red eyes again.

I sent Peter a dose of what Bella was feeling and I felt his back stiffen, then his shoulders hunched. He was incredibly sorry for teasing her and hoped making her dinner would start the apology period.

"Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes, I can bring it up if Bella would like to rest?" His voice was low and sad. Peter didn't turn around and kept himself busy, trying to stay out of Bella's sight. I could tell it was important for him that Bella liked him. Hell, it was important to me.

"I would like to go lay down. I'm not feeling well." Bella's voice was small and I could feel her fatigue, it had been a rough day on her.

"What's wrong, darlin?" I began steering her through the kitchen.

"Headache. I just need to lay down for a few." I could smell the flush in her cheeks but she wasn't blushing. I hoped that being out in the chilly air hadn't made her sick again.

Behind me I heard a rattle and caught the bottle of pain relievers as Peter threw it at my back. He was still afraid to talk. Bella kept walking and swayed slightly, grabbing the newel post on the stairway.

Before she could ask, I scooped her up and flew to the upstairs, laying her on our bed. "Do you want some aspirin, sweetheart?" I held out the bottle that Peter had thrown me. She shook her head.

"I missed my pills earlier. Can you get them for me, there in my bag?" Her eyes tightly closed and I could feel the pain from her head. I'd kept her outside in the damp too long. Carlisle was going to have my head.

"I'll be right back." Running out to the helicopter I grabbed her bag and was once again at her side before she could move.

Just as I was remembering that her pills needed to be taken with food, there was a knock on the door. Going to the door, I opened it. There was a tray of dinner, a long stem red rose sat in a vase with a square box with a bow and a small card. Smiling at their thoughtfulness in giving Bella a gift, I picked up the tray and said my thanks to the empty hall.

"This wasn't exactly the romantic dinner I had planned." Setting the tray briefly aside, I help Bella sit up on the bed. She groaned and clutched her head in pain. I felt like an ass for not waking her for lunch on the plane, Carlisle had told me that missed dosages in her medication could cause headaches and dizziness and in my excitement over the day, I'd forgotten.

"It looks wonderful." She smiled even as she winced and began eating. Curiosity ate at her to the contents of the box and the card, but put her need for medication first.

Twenty minutes later, she finished. Already she was looking and feeling a little better. According to Carlisle the medicine was powerful and side effects from missing a dose could be severe. He hadn't liked giving it to her, and now I felt crappy for making her miss a dose. Leaning back, she closed her eyes briefly, the quick acting medicine starting to take affect.

"How are you feeling now?" I removed the empty dish and was back in a flash to sit by her side.

"Better, dinner was good. Tell him I'm sorry for being so afraid. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings, and to thank him for dinner." Bella's eyes looked downcast. She felt silly for being afraid of Peter, even with his red glowing eyes.

"You could always tell him yourself. I think he'd like to apologize to you as well." I knew I was goading her, but I didn't want her afraid of him needlessly.

"I will try, I can't say that I won't be afraid, but I'll try." She tried to find the courage in herself to face her fear and I was incredibly proud of her.

"Are you going to open your present?" I was curious to see what my wayward friends had gotten for her.

"You didn't have to get me anything, especially after this." She looked at the square cut diamond in its antique setting, surrounded by smaller diamonds and smiled. I would have loved to have given her my mother's, but alas it remained buried with her. I had taken an old family photo to a jeweler in Seattle and had him create a reproduction. Considering the smallness of the picture he'd worked with, it was damn close.

"That is from Peter and Charlotte, and I have no idea what it is." Bella's curiosity and embarrassment picked up again. She felt so ashamed for the way she had treated Peter.

Slowly she opened the card first, her pain picking up again as two tears fell from her eyes. I took the card from her. "Bella, in loving Jasper, you give us one of our greatest wishes, that he would find his true mate. We look forward to having a sister and to being a family." It was signed by both Peter and Charlotte.

I never thought much about what I had taken from them when I'd left. While I'd had life with Alice and the Cullens, I had left them to walk the world alone. I had done so wrong by them in not giving them the guidance and counsel that Carlisle had given me. I had robbed them of what I'd grown so used to having, a family. Alice had never approved of Peter and Charlotte, feeling they were a bad influence to my new vegetarian lifestyle. Yeah, I checked in with them now and then, but that was it. Somehow I would find a way to make it up to them, to prove my love for them, now especially. Without Peter and Charlotte's love and friendship, I wouldn't be here now with my mate, my Bella. I think Carlisle knew it was time, time for me to start my own coven.

Bella was staring at me and I could feel her love and understanding. Grabbing my hand she squeezed it. I was glad to feel her and that she was feeling better. Almost as if she knew my mind, I heard Bella's words and they made the final decision.

"I will follow you anywhere and stand beside you."

"So you would be okay with it, then, living apart from the Cullens. I know how much they all mean to you, and I won't take that away. This has to be your decision as well as mine." Gripping her hand, I thought of the possibilities and felt the excitement begin to grow. I was ready for this, because of Bella, I was ready to take the responsibility for the family that I had and would create.

"They will always be family, Jasper, for both of us. Just because we will live apart from them doesn't mean that we won't see them. It's what families do, they grow and evolve. We're not leaving the family. We're just adding to it. Besides, I'm not planning on being a Cullen, Jasper. I fully plan being Bella Whitlock. Peter and Charlotte will be just as much a part of the family as Emmett and Rosalie. I won't have it any other way. They're family too, no matter the color of their eyes. Your venom is in their veins, just like someday it will in mine. If the Cullens can't or won't accept that, then it is their loss, and I hope we will all stay at least friends."

Even knowing her fear of them that Bella would stick up for Peter and Charlotte made my love for her soar. I didn't understand what I had done in life to deserve her, but I was thankful. As long as I had her by my side, I could do anything. That she accepted Peter and Charlotte as family was a testament to the amazing woman, Bella was.

"Go on, open your present." Squeezing her fingers, I let her go.

Tentatively she picked up the box and opened it, letting out a huge gasp. Inside was a beautiful Victorian era silver locket. Her fingers shook as she opened it and yet again tears began running from her eyes.

"What is it darlin?" I hated seeing her cry, even if it was happy tears.

"Take me to them please. I have to say, thank you."

Gently she handed the locket to me, and I opened it. Sealed behind the glass was a small picture of me in uniform. It was a picture taken for officer identification papers. Where they had gotten it, I had no clue.

Bella's fingers were shaking as she took the locket back from my hand and fumbled with the clasp. Taking it once again I quickly opened it and put it around her neck. She touched it lovingly and I could see how much it meant to her.

Scooping her up, I ran out of the house and into the night. On the other side of the pond, Peter and Charlotte had redone the old slave quarters into their home. I had tried to get them to use the nicer foreman's house, but they preferred the water.

Peter and Charlotte were just opening the door as we came up the steps. Even with Peter's red eyes, glowing in the moonlight, it didn't stop Bella as she all but flung herself from my arms and into theirs.

Bella's thank you, and I'm sorry, met with curiosity, bewilderment and instant love. I watched as my oldest friends both wrapped Bella up in their arms. Bella's love for them felt so much like the love she had for the Cullens, stalwart and true.

"Would you like to come in?" Peter kept his eyes downcast and tried to stay into the shadows. Bella in her unfailing way of overcoming her fears, bent and looked up into Peter's eyes, the earlier fear, gone.

"Yes, I would." Playfully she flicked his cowboy hat back and with Charlotte marched into the lion's den.

"She is special, isn't she." He looked at me in shock and awe as if he just found out there is a Santa Claus.

"Yes, she is, and I don't deserve one hair on her head."

"Yeah you do. You've changed man. I've known you forever and I could tell the minute you got here."

We turned as we heard familiar female laughter from inside the house. It warmed me to see Bella so at ease with Charlotte, and Char with her. Alice would always put her nose out of joint and try to fix her, but Char would never allow it. Bella and she were going to be two peas in a pod before long.

"Crap, I can see it now, there's going to be trouble with them two. We're in for it."

"Trouble, how?" All I could pick up from them was friendship and happiness. I watched as Peter lit a cigarette and leaned against the railing, looking out over the water.

"Thick as thieves already. We're never going to get away with crap now. Listen to them, I bet you ten bucks they're in there formulating a plan to give us hell. Just wait and watch."

Suddenly the house was quiet, all I could hear was scratching and a giggle from Bella. They both came to the doorway looking and feeling mischievous. Peter was right, damn it, they were up to something.

"So Major, what's this I hear about you not even having the nerve to get past second base." Char looked at me, pure evil in her eyes as she rubbed seductively against her husband. Bella followed suit and I wondered just what in the hell had they bonded over in five minutes.

"I told you man, trouble." Peter groaned and tried to shove off his adoring wife.

"I'm beginning to see that." Bella obviously feeling better, was now acting like a minx. She was taking to tormenting my frail libido by running one finger under my T-shirt, just along the top of my jeans. Her breasts were rubbing against my back as she wrapped her arms around me, placing her hands just inside the front of my jeans, jeans that were now too tight. God, what was she doing to me?

Looking to my right, I saw that Peter was grabbing the railing as tight as I was. He was right, these two were up to no-good, but damn it felt nice. Giddiness spiked in Bella but I paid no attention as her fingertips reached lower, just brushing against me. From the darkness of my lust-filled daze, I heard Charlotte say 'Now!"

The hard shove from Bella came from nowhere and being unprepared, my body went forward, hard and over the railing. Peter hit the water milliseconds before me. We both came up sputtering and glaring at the two women who dared to high five each other on the deck.

"Now you know how I've been feeling for the past two months, Major, all wet and left in the cold."

"Hey Pete, wasn't the last time you got me hot and bothered that night in the 60's when we ate a hippy and got stoned?"

The delight and laughter radiating from Bella and Charlotte at their prank, made my heart light. For so long Bella had been tired, sick, withdrawn and just too damn depressed for her own good. If it took me getting thrown into the pond to make her happy then I'd let her do it a million times. Teasing me however, especially with my aching libido was a whole different story. For that she would pay.

"Didn't I tell you that those two would be trouble? Now I've got fish swimming in my shorts and their laughing at us. I don't know what you're going to do to yours, and don't want to, but I know what I'm going to do to mine." Peter was out of the water in a shot, and chasing Charlotte out into the night.

Slowly I stood, water dripping from me. Bella was still giggling on the deck, but it was becoming nervous. One step at a time I made my way from the pond, growling at her. Bella began to back up, still happy but her nervousness was building. She began feeling for the door and couldn't find it.

I went to climb on the deck, my feet planted, all I had to do was cross the railing. Suddenly Bella's demeanor changed and I felt a crash of pure evil. Running forward, she pushed me, again. With my hands, yet to grab the deck, I went back, splashing into the murky water yet again.

As I broke through the water, Bella was laughing. Looking at me, still laughing, she took off running for the house. Luckily for us, Carlisle had been getting her to exercise on the treadmill to strengthen her heart, or she would have given me the heart attack.

I let her get about fifty yards away before I jumped from the pond to the deck in one go. Her heart beat was the strongest I'd heard it in months as she ran and laughed, occasionally looking over her shoulder. I let her get almost to the house before I sped up and caught her, flipping her over my shoulder. Her laughter was the sweetest music I'd ever heard, and the strength of her heartbeat, the greatest song.

"You, woman, just cost me one of my favorite pairs of boots." I cringed at the squish of water as I walked. Opening the back door, I paused long enough to pull the offending boots off with one hand as Bella wiggled in the grip of the other.

Not only were my jeans just as tight in the groin as they were before, but the wetness made them even worse.

Flipping her over to the front of me, I pulled her hard against me, the hardness of me rubbing tight against her. She gasped, her eyes wide. "Between this morning and now, I've had just about as much teasing as I'm going to take from you, woman. I'll show you who can't pass second base." Winding my hand in her hair, I found her mouth with mine. Her lips and mouth were hot as I swirled my tongue around hers.

Bella's hands were bunching in my wet T-shirt and I stopped just long enough to take it off and toss it aside. Her sweater had become wet from being over my shoulder and quickly I tugged and had it off her before she could blink.

Lifting her by her thighs, I wrapped her legs around my waist and again claimed her mouth. Her breasts felt so good against me. With a flick of my hand, I undid her bra strap in the front and pulled it from her. I needed to feel her skin against me. Bella gasped slightly at feeling my cold wet skin and knotted her hands in my hair.

My lips left her mouth and began trailing down her neck. I began walking through the house and up the stairs, all the while nibbling and sucking on the pulsating vein of her neck and shoulder. For an instant the Angel of Death reared his head at being so close to the blood it craved, but I reeled him in. Her hot hands were touching me everywhere they could, leaving a trail of fire that I never wanted quenched.

Tonight was the night that I would make her mine, my mate. Kicking open our bedroom door, I walked to the bed and set Bella down. For a moment she looked disappointed. Standing, I pulled off my wet socks and began undoing my belt buckle.

Just as I was undoing my belt buckle, my phone on the nightstand rang. Damn, Alice, and her timing. Forget ringing her neck the next time I saw her, I was going to pull it from her shoulders. Letting the phone ring, I bent forward and kissed Bella making sure her lust was still strong. Again the phone rang, and again. This had better be important.

"I'll be right back." Luckily Bella understood, any call we got from family was important enough to answer. Snatching the phone, I turned and strode into the hall, closing the door behind me.

"This had better be good, and I mean, really fucking good." The angry whisper that came through me was loud enough just for Alice to hear.

"Are you sure you're ready for this step, Jazz?" Her voice was soft and unhurried like it had been in the past.

"Damn it Alice, you can't keep doing this." My grip tightened on the phone and I forced my hand to relax.

"I'm sorry. I had to let you know what could happen. For God's sake, Jasper, she's a virgin, have you thought of that?"

I hadn't. "I always assumed that she and Edward . . . I could feel how much she wanted him, and him, her." The lust that had poured off the two was enough to make me run.

"You've got to be kidding me. Edward barely kissed her let alone anything else. She's gone the farthest with you she's ever been, Jasper. She's not embarrassed around you." I could hear Alice's exasperation and exhaustion. The metallic sound of springs told me she'd just sat down. Her voice had me worried, what if I hurt Bella?

"What could happen? Tell me what you saw, Alice." I was fighting the urge to yell at her through the phone, but didn't want to alert Bella. Her mood was going toward frustration and jealousy.

"There's different scenarios. One, you kill her; two, you change her, the change doesn't work and she dies; three, you change her and it works; four, she's perfectly fine, content and happy. I want to believe in the happy one, but the odds are too close to call.' By her silence I could tell that Alice was searching her visions. 'Well, good news at least you don't kill her outright anymore. My calling changed that. But the change still might not work, Jazz. She could still die."

"Search again. Damn it. I don't want to lose her Alice. I can't." Worry gnawed at me. Just knowing there was a possibility that Bella could die was too much. Slowly the seconds ticked by until Alice came back.

"It's still there, Jasper. Please be careful, I know you can control yourself. I know you love her, Jazz. I'm glad that you do. Bella's your true mate, Jazzy. I have faith in you, be happy, and congratulations. Tell Bella that I love her, but I won't make the wedding." A click and then dial tone told me that Alice had hung up her phone.

I hadn't needed Alice's approval to be happy, but did sense a weight lifting from my shoulders. Maybe I had been looking for her approval since walking into that damn diner. Right now I could feel Bella's lust almost waning away. Sending it back to her through the door, I opened it and found her waiting. She didn't ask who it was, but I could tell she knew.

Thankful that I'd left the phone in the hall, I closed the door and stalked the few feet to Bella, sending her a heavy dose of lust, the lust I was feeling just looking at her.

Bella's excitement and nervousness rose exponentially. Her teeth began biting down on her lower lip and I all but growled. Did she know how hot it made me when she did that? Quickly I removed my wet jeans, almost ripping the fabric off when it didn't come quick enough. I was left in nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs. I'd begun wearing underwear since Bella began living with me. Now I would go back to commando without having to worry.

I knew that Bella had seen the scars on my arms, chest, neck and jaw, but never the lower parts of me, which in same cases was worse. I knew with her human eyes she wouldn't pick up all of them, but some were too big not to be noticeable.

Waiting for repulsion or even sadness, I didn't expect the overwhelming lust that hit me as if aiming for a bullseye. Bella's breathing picked up as well as her heart. Without saying a word, she held out her arms and I went to her, going to my knees in front of the bed. Her hands caught in my hair as I took her left nipple in my mouth, sucking hard enough to make her cry out. She tasted so good. I moved to the other nipple, doing the same, loving the sounds coming from her throat and the smell of her arousal.

Slowly I worked the tab and zipper down on her jeans. The smell of her was potent and I breathed her scent deep into my lungs. My hands roamed her body, caressing her breasts, her back and stomach. Everywhere I touched was soft and warm. Raising my head from kissing her belly, I saw her head thrown back and her eyes closed.

"I want you, Jasper, please make me yours." The words came in pants as her eyes opened, catching mine staring at her.

Inch by inch I began pulling her jeans over her hips, hooking her panties and taking them along and down her legs until she was bare. As her scent assuaged me, all I wanted to do was drown in it. I couldn't wait to taste her, to hear her screaming my name. Once her jeans lay tossed aside, I bent my head toward what I wanted most and that was to taste her. A small patch of dark curls, hid what I wanted. With one finger I touched her, loving the gasp that drove from her chest. She was already so wet for me.

With the utmost gentleness I ran my finger around the opening to heaven. She was so hot I was sure she would burn me to ash, but what a way to go. In infinitesimal amounts I moved my finger inside her. The heat of her was only next to her tightness. Bella was gasping for breath above me, having laid-back on the bed, her hands were clutching at the quilt. I stopped when I reached the barrier of her virginity.

It filled me with an ultimate sense of joy to know that I would be Bella's first. It had always been a running bet between Emmett and Rose to how far they'd gone. I alone had felt Bella's sexual frustration too many times, I should have guessed earlier that she was a virgin. In small strokes I began pumping my finger in and out of her, loving the way her hips bucked against me. Bending forward, I sucked her clit into my mouth and within moments rewarded with her first orgasm. Bella bucked up hard against me and I replaced my finger with my mouth, drawing her orgasm out of her as she cried above me.

Her taste was heaven, and better than any blood, human or animal, that ever crossed my tongue. Even Bella's blood was no comparison to this. Just the taste of her alone was worth dying for. My cock set to burst as she came down, panting hard on the bed. Pausing I listened to her heart, feeling relief when it kept beating strong and steady.

"I need you, my love, my Jasper, I need all of you." The words panted staccato as I climbed up on the bed with her. Bella's hands roamed my body freely and I relished in it. Lightly her hands traced every scar, before kissing them tenderly. Her love overwhelmed me as her hand traveled further south, tracing down my hard cock before taking it in her hand. The warmth of her touch and just knowing it was Bella was almost enough to make me explode.

Turning us so I was on top of her, I took her face in my hands. The look of love in her eyes was almost enough to make me weep. Pure love, the purest I'd ever felt or known flowed from her and into me. Kissing her tenderly, I brushed my fingertips across her face before kissing her lips.

"If this hurts too much, let me know. I promise to be as gentle as I can, if you want I can use my powers to help." She nodded her head, only slightly afraid of the pain.

"I trust you. I want you to be mine as much as I want to be yours." Bella ran her fingers down my jaw, before kissing my lips.

I prayed that I would not hurt her too much before I was able to bring her to pleasure again. Spreading her legs, I placed myself fully between them and carefully placed myself at her entrance. Compared with what I'd seen in the war and later, I was no slouch in the manhood department, but just my size alone was going to hurt her before I'd even broken her hymen. I began filling her with lust until she was writhing. I was fit to burst.

Bella hissed and groaned as I first entered her and I almost stopped. I let her get used to the feel of that before pushing in a little further. She was so tight, I thought I'd never make it all the way in before I came. Again she hissed and I began sending her small doses of calm with lust as her pain slightly began to build.

Another inch and I pushed at the barrier of her virginity. She was panting slowly, a light sheen a sweat on her brow. "I'm sorry Bella. I love you." Faster than before I forced my way though her virginity and into her fully. Stopping at her cry of pain, I sent her my love and strength and tried to alleviate her pain. Tears were rolling from her eyes and she clutched at my shoulders, digging her fingers as far as possible. My cock ached as I waited for her, she was tight, so tight it was almost painful.

I didn't care about me. I just wanted her to be okay. "I'm so sorry, darlin'. Are you okay?" I wiped her tears away, careful not to move too much and trying to close my nose from the glorious smell of her blood.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, give me another moment. It's starting to go away. I love you." Bella's eyes were still full of love as she looked at me and I swore that I would never bring her pain again.

The Angel of Death was fully awake now and wanting his own reward. Trying, I could not block the smell of her blood, like a drug it pulled at me, so sweet and wonderful. Physically, I shook my head, trying not to give into the temptation like a junkie face with a line of coke. My hands grasped at the silken sheets, digging deep and into the bed. Still, I couldn't fight the temptation as the beast in me roared, he was too powerful to fight with his most treasured desire mere inches away.

Bella whimpered in pain as I withdrew from her, still fully erect. Within a second my mouth was between her legs. When face with this potent drug, I knew my demon wasn't going to be as gentle as I fought for him to be. The closer I got to my addiction, the more the red hazes behind my eyes grew. Trace lines of her precious life's blood were inside her thighs, caused by my withdrawal. Those were gone first in long strokes of my tongue. Fireworks exploded behind my eyes. Bella shivered, her pain, lust, and twinge of fear forcing my beast over the edge, there was no stopping him now.

Blood pooled dark and rich just inside the folds of her labia. I wanted it. I would have it. With my knees on the floor, I pulled Bella to the edge of the bed. In one smooth motion, my mouth covered her and I sucked deep. Pleasure burst through my body as I ached for release. Bella cried in pain as I sucked hard at the ravaged flesh of her hymen. My beast craving every last drop, her body was giving freely. Continuously I laved at the spot until the blood stopped flowing.

High on blood and lust, my need for release overpowered everything else. Standing I picked Bella up, lining her with her opening. My cock was ready to explode as I buried it inside her in one stroke, to the hilt. Her cry cleared my head enough to force me to slow. Moving us back onto the bed, I moved my hand, finding her clit, I began rubbing it like before. She was so hot and tight that I could swear I was turning to cinders. I began stroking at a steady pace, and with rubbing her clit, it wasn't long before Bella's whimpers turned to moans. Wetness from her arousal allowed my cock to slide in and out easier. Her lust caused me to thrust deeper and faster.

Her hips now bucked against me, taking me fully inside while her hands clutched for purchase on anything they could find, from me to the covers. Raising her, my hands firmly planted on her hips, I was able to deepen my thrusts and it was the wonderful feeling of her breasts on my chest that caused me to shoot like a rocket. Bella followed calling my name, and burying me all the way insider her while she clung to my shoulders.

Beads of sweat clung to Bella's brow and I wiped them away from her face. Her eyes remained closed and her lungs panted with every breath. Laying my head against her breast, I listened for any irregularity in her heart. Every minute it would skip exponentially. Carlisle was not going to be happy with that. I hope it was because of the exercise and not my hurting her.

The smell of her blood still clung in the air, but my demon remained tamed and tranquil. He was finally happy to have his mate, a mate not only in body but soul. Turning so I was on the bottom, I pulled Bella on top of me, then pulled the covers up over her. The house was warm but I didn't want her catching a chill being so close to my cold body. Feeling the purr build up in my chest at the feel of our bodies wrapped together, I pulled her close and seeped some of her own lethargy into my body, napping with her.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, I know this chapter has been a year and a half in the making. This story is just now starting to reach it's halfway point. Thank to everyone for the past year and a half. We have finally made it to 1000+ reviews. In honor of that I have asked the 1000 reviewer givemesomevamp to pick any character and any subject for a one shot dedicated to her. From this point on, for every 250 reviews I get, I will do the same. If every person that has this story as a favorite reviewed each chapter that would equal one one shot per chapter, so get out there and get reviewing. I would love to write for the readers.**

**Again that you for this journey and rest assured that it is no where near finished yet. Heck, we don't even have Alice back yet, and let me tell you that part is going to be a doozy. Thanks also for the patience with updates. I took some time off this summer to spend with my children. This fall may be tight as well. Thanks to all of you out there, I have decided to return to college for English and History degrees.**

**Aerialla**


	38. PT II Chapter Eleven Learning

**SM **owns Twilight

**PT II Chapter Eleven: Learning**

**Song: Never Thought I Could Love by Dan Hill**

**Edward POV**

Since Alice and Jasper's old room was disused so we placed Leah there. I lay beside her, waiting for my own legs to heal. Carlisle had injected her with some heavy tranquilizers. The longer she stayed in wolf form, the quicker she would heal.

For hours I stayed watching the rise and fall of her chest, praying that she would live. There was so much yet I wanted to show her, to do with her. Even in her wolf form with her gray fur I loved her, and couldn't wait to see the gray of her wolf's eyes again. I loved her this way as much as I loved her human.

Slowly I picked up her left paw and held it in my hand, needing any contact with her that I could get. Making love with her before had been wondrous, exciting and felt so natural. Sighing, I laid my head down beside hers, wanting to pull her safely into my arms, but I was too afraid of hurting her more. I felt horrible at waiting as long as I did before going to her. I could have prevented so much of her pain if I hadn't been a coward.

Downstairs I could hear Carlisle on the phone with Esme. She was heading to Texas to be with Jasper and Bella. Carlisle was hoping that Leah would be well soon to make the trip, he wanted all of us out of Forks for a while, I didn't blame him. Soon I had to tell him that I caught Victoria's scent. The longer we stayed here, the more trouble she was going to cause, and now with the werewolf pack down by two, our time here was becoming shorter.

Seeing Jasper and Bella together was going to be hard. I would always hate him for doing what I couldn't for her, but having Leah by my side would make it bearable. Living without Bella had been hard, but I'd done it. I couldn't live without Leah, she was the other part of me that I never knew I was lacking. Leah whimpered slightly in her sleep and again I prayed that she would be all right.

Carlisle had just hung up from Esme when another call came through, he answered it, worries eating at his brain. It was Alice. I broke my thoughts from Leah to listen into the conversation playing in Carlisle's head.

"He's going through with it and nothing I said could stop him. Have you heard anything from him yet? He would have called you first, to let you know. I know him, he would have called."

"Alice, what are you talking about? Where are you, isn't it time you came home?"

"Jasper and Bella, Carlisle. She's a virgin, and oh God! I told him the change might not work if he had to, but I don't think he was listening. I saw there would be blood and that he'd lose control. I've tried to call him back, but he's not answering. What if she's dying Carlisle? If she dies, it's my fault!"

I heard Alice's anguish and her tears through Carlisle's mind. He hadn't heard from Jasper and now sat in worry. What did Alice mean that it was her fault? I tried to block the images of Bella and Jasper making love from my mind, but it was too hard, and too painful. Now, he was giving or had given Bella, the one piece I swore I would not, all of himself.

"I'm sure she's fine Alice, Jasper is capable in controlling himself, especially with Bella. I would not have let him take her, if I were not positive that he could control his bloodlust. He plans on changing her anyway the moment I give him the okay. If he hasn't called you back, it may be because they are too occupied at the moment."

Carlisle sighed at Alice in his head as she hung up, without telling him where she was. Despite his faith in Jasper, he was worried anyway, worried about all of us, and if Jasper would be willing to allow Leah and I to accompany them to Texas.

Just what in the hell was so important about Texas the whole family was going. Carlisle's mind didn't show me, did neither Emmett's nor Rosalie's. Both of them were too busy debating on Leah being in the family. Rosalie hated it, of course, she hated anything that changed the family dynamics. Emmett was debating between Leah being cool and wondering if she liked to fetch sticks.

"Emmett!" I growled just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry man, I can't help it.' He snickered and again thought of Leah in wolf form. She was chasing after a branch the size of a baseball bat. 'Hey. Ed, I wonder what she's like at baseball, or she could be the team mascot."

I was going to kill him slowly and painfully, again I growled dangerously low at him. All Emmett laughed and then left to hunt, Rosalie on his tail.

Carlisle came to the door, knocking lightly before opening the door. Slowly he walked to Leah. For the first moment I noticed she was waking up. Her heartbeat sped up a little faster, then she opened her eyes, whimpering slightly.

"Leah, can you phase?" She nodded, but barely. I pulled the bed's sheet over her to give her some modesty. I knew that Carlisle could look at anybody objectively as a doctor, I was just feeling too protective of my mate.

With a whimper followed by groan, I watched in fascination as she shifted beside me. I didn't hesitate to reach out and touch her beautiful face, cupping her now healed jaw tenderly. Her lips kissed inside my palm and I could not suppress the shiver that went down my spine.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle began checking her vitals and the various parts on her that had sustained damage.

I growled, snarling, when he began pressing lightly on her stomach and she cried slightly in pain, grabbing my hand. Carlisle looked at me in shock, as did Leah. I pulled her to me, breathing in deep her scent and nuzzling her neck. I knew my eyes were dark, but after tonight, my only thoughts were to protect Leah. As long as I was alive, no one would ever hurt her again.

"It's okay, Edward, he didn't do it on purpose." Her hand stroked my face until I let my grip slack around her.

"Do you feel up to traveling?" Carlisle wrote something on his chart and looked at me. His mind telling me that if Leah was up to traveling, we were all going, whether I liked it or not.

"Still sore in some spots, but if I can shift again before too long, I should be fine. Thank you both, for saving my life." I could feel hot tears on my neck as she buried her face into me.

Her voice whispered in my ear."The only thing I could think about was just wanting to see and touch you one more time before I died, to tell you that I loved you, and that I was sorry."

Leah's hands clutched at my shirt as she cried, her mind finally coming to terms with the earlier events. Her words mirrored my thoughts. After almost watching her die before my eyes, I knew I was never letting her go again. I didn't think I could bear watching her hurt again.

Later that night, as Leah slept, I found my legs healed enough to hunt. Running felt good and as I crisscrossed paths to the house, I ran again into Victoria's scent, she was not alone. It was to close to the house for it to mean anything but trouble, and I wondered why Alice had not said anything to Carlisle when she called.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle were in the living room, discussing moving plans. "We need to leave soon."

"God, not again. Edward we can't keep picking up and moving based on your whims."

Rose in a huff sat on the couch, looking tired. In her mind I could see that I had put my family through so much in the last month's, especially Rose and Emmett as they searched for me.

"It's a good reason this time. Three times I ran into another vampire's scent in the woods. All of you remember Victoria, well she's been watching not only this house, but Jasper's. She's planning something, and she's not alone."

"Damn it, you would have thought after we killed James, and Laurent went to Alaska that she's just disappear." Emmett's hands clenched, remembering the hell James and his coven had put our family through.

"She did disappear, I tried to find her after I left. That's the reason you went all over chasing me, I was chasing her. I lost her scent in New Mexico and headed north and stayed there until you found me. If she's out there, you can guarantee it's not because she wants to talk, it's because she wants to destroy us for destroying her life.'

"Emmett, you and Edward, circle until you catch a scent, and be on guard. Rose, pack for Leah. We'll leave within the hour. Rose and Emmett can ride with me, and Edward, take the Vanquish with Leah. I was planning on flying, but we might be driving to Texas. Go now!" Carlisle voice was commanding and I remembered fiercely the night Bella, Alice and Jasper had run south, while we tried to keep James off their scent.

Forty minutes later we were piling into the two cars. Leah was in my arms, her head leaning on my shoulder as I carried her down the stairs, making sure to go easy so as not to jostle her, too much. Somewhere Rose had found her a pair of black stretchy pants and I recognized the button down shirts as one of my own. Even with her bare feet and mussed hair, I had never seen anyone more beautiful and I knew somehow I'd never be able to look at my shirts again without seeing her in them.

In my focused gaze on her, I missed the last step, coming down with a falter that made Leah wince and slightly groan. Emmett, standing by the front door, chuckled and I growled.

"Hey it's nice to know that someone around here can distract you long enough to let you look like an ass, or at least human." He held the door open and I moved past him, without a word.

"What does he mean?" Leah looked up at me, dark circles burned into her copper skin and I groaned in my head.

"It's going to be a long drive, I'm sure Eddie would love to tell you about Bella." That what Emmett's mouth said. His brain said something different. His mind reminded me that I had been so focused on saving Bella that I'd lost her to the one person I'd been trying to protect her from, and not to screw this one up.

Somehow I had a feeling that this was going to be a long drive. As gently as possible I placed a wide mouth and eyed Leah into the passenger seat of the Vanquish. Stooping, I slid the seat all the way back to give her more legroom and then buckled her in. She let me do everything for her without a word of complaint. Bella had always hated it when I did things for her and it had always been awkward and frustrating.

During the time of my youth, human as well as vampire, the little things had meant being a gentleman and gallant. It was courtesy to help a woman in and out of a carriage and to see to her comforts before a man's own. Holding hands back then would have been considered second base now. For me, it wasn't just about propriety, I genuinely enjoyed doing the little things, that Bella often scoffed at. At one time, just holding, Bella's warm hand had been the greatest moments in life.

Now as I pulled the blanket, someone, probably Rose, had placed in the backseat over Leah, and placed the matching pillow in her lap, I realized how precious to me those little items of consideration were. That she allowed me these simple gestures meant more than I dared imagine. They were small gestures of my love, my appreciation for her, something Bella, never understood. Tucking a strand of dark hair, behind her right ear, I closed the door and in a blink was in the driver's seat and turning over the car's powerful engine.

Leah tensed for a brief second as she turned to her left side. She stared at me with her dark eyes, so incredibly full of love that it was all I could do to put the car into drive instead of kissing her the way I wanted to.

Before too long we were on the highway and both cars were eating the miles. Leah had fallen asleep, her warm right hand placed on my upper thigh. She curled into the pillow as it rested on the console. I wrapped my left arm around her shoulders.

I don't know why I again thought of Bella. She never would have been this comfortable with me driving. The high rate of speed had always scared her. There were times I knew she didn't want to be in any car with me except for her decrepit truck. Knowing that Leah felt safe and secure enough to fall asleep while I was driving was a boon.

She was so fierce when standing up to her pack, as well as stubborn and feisty, it warmed me to know that she felt she didn't have to be that way with me. Like now she was content to let me lead her, knowing that I would keep her safe.

It was six hours later that Carlisle pulled into a gas station and I followed, both of us running low on fuel. Gently I patted Leah's shoulder. I knew that she would need to use the bathroom and might like to get something to eat, if there was anything edible in the deli counter inside.

"Where are we?" Slowly she rose, wincing, still in pain. For the next leg of the journey, I was going to make her lay in back. There she could phase and be more comfortable.

"A gas station just outside Idaho. Do you need to go to the bathroom?'

"Yeah." Her body still betrayed grogginess probably from the heavy tranquilizers Carlisle had given her and her body's natural healing.

"Do you want some help?" I was around the car in an instant and pulling her door open for her. My sister feeling more charitable than I'd known her to, was behind me just as I bent to help Leah out of the car.

"I'll help her."

Rosalie's mind was playing over and over how Sam had hurt Leah. Considering her own past, it meant a lot to me that Rose was willing to help Leah. I had never seen this side to her regarding Bella and that did rankle.

"See if you can get her something to eat. She's going to need all of her strength." I lifted Leah out of the car, putting the flip-flops Rose handed me on her feet. Leah's eyes smiled at me, all the thanks I needed.

As Rose helped Leah inside, I pumped gas and like Carlisle and Emmett, leaned against the car and waited for the women to come out. The wait took forever, breathing a sigh of relief when they emerged, Leah's taller frame leaning on Rose for every step. Rose carried a bag of food in the opposite hand.

It would have been easier if Rose would have just carried Leah to the car, but the station was beginning to fill with cars as the early morning hours approached and people were heading to work. With any luck we would be close to Jasper's before dawn tomorrow and Leah could rest in a real bed. Without incidents and stops for Leah the thirty-five-hour drive would take us a little over twenty-five.

Earlier I'd plucked our destination from Carlisle's head. I couldn't say that anxiety did not eat at my gut. I hope I could convince Jasper to tear me apart later, once Leah was safe. Even if he ripped me to shreds the moment I got from the car, it was nothing less than I'd deserved. I'd seen what I'd done to Bella in Carlisle's mind. If Jasper let me survive the next twenty-four hours, it was going to be a miracle. I knew his past better than anyone, had relived it in his mind. Saying that his memories of his former persona scared the shit out of me, was nothing when faced with the Angel of Death in reality. Not even Jasper, was aware that I knew his secret. It was a memory here and there over the years that let me piece together the truth.

Jasper was almost as fast as I was, almost as strong as Emmett, and his tactical skills and intelligence had beaten us all. Even Carlisle's intelligence at times pushed to its limits against Jasper. He was the best of all of us and could destroy us all if he so inclined. I was not foolish enough to believe that it had been Alice holding him back all this time, even if the others thought so. I'd seen into Jasper's mind on enough occasions to know that no one ruled him. He fought a never-ending battle with his control and his past. I had also learned that at times what I heard and saw what he wanted - just like the morning I left.

Jasper had wanted me to think Bella a vampire, forcing the images and the possibilities into my brain, playing not only with my power but my emotions. I had seen a glimpse of the Angel of Death that morning and understood why even the Volturi were afraid of Jasper. His powers of persuasion mentally and physically held no bounds. There was no doubt in my mind that if he wanted to, Jasper could have me trying to pluck my own brain from my head. He was dangerous, lethal, and soon I would be walking right into his lion's den.

Reaching out for Leah, I helped her into the car, needing her calming scent to surround me. Like Bella, her brain left me refreshed. Rosalie was sorry for her and I saw a kindred friendship growing in her head toward Leah. Only Rose would know what it was like to be the victim of men and how to rise above it. I had no doubt the two of them would become an unstoppable force.

Once Leah was settled and buckled, I leaned forward and kissed my sister quickly on the cheek, leaving her stunned before getting into the car and pulling out. In the rearview mirror I saw her standing there briefly before walking to Carlisle's car.

"I tried to get some stuff that wouldn't make a mess or leave a smell in the car." Leah twisted the bottle of juice opened and her thoughtfulness to the Vanquish made my insides happy.

"Were you able to find some items, then?" I smiled over at her, loving the way her neck elongated as she took a drink. It was one of the sexiest sights I'd ever seen.

"A few, some stuff for now and for later. I figured we wouldn't be stopping much. Rose, grabbed magazines, and novels as well. Your family is so wonderful to me, Edward. I hope someday I will be able to repay the favor." Tears glistened in her eyes and I watched as she quickly brushed them away.

Taking her left hand, I brought it to my lips and kissed her the back of it, holding it to me. Someday I hoped to be able to repay their kindness toward her as well. "I love you." Briefly I turned looking at her, loving her dark eyes as they stared back at me, glistening.

"I love you too.' Her fingers entwined with mine. 'I would have fallen in love with you, Edward, even without the imprinting, but I'm thankful that it happened, that it was you." Leah's dark head and skin looked perfect and delicious, leaning against the leather seat, but her words hit my heart hard.

Looking at her, knowing what I already knew about her, I knew the truth. Without question, I would have fallen in love with her as well, without the imprinting. Which made me wonder just how much I had loved Bella? Had I loved Bella, or just the thought and feeling of having someone to love? If I were honest, Bella and I were never anything more than volatile.

"Tell me about Bella." Her question shook me to the core and I swerved on the road before quickly regaining control. It was as if she could see into my mind. How did she do that?

"What would you like to know?" I decided to be perspicuous, wondering just how much she wanted to know.

"What's the story? All Sam talked about was getting her away from your family, and how much he hated Jasper. He feigned liking him to get close, I think Jasper knew."

"Jasper would know, he has a gift of empathy. He can read your feelings, even the ones you don't even know you have. He's also extremely perceptive, persuasive and exceptionally deadly. How much do you know about vampires?" The rest of Jasper's story was not for me to tell.

"You mean the facts besides the basics they show in every movie, which I know is a load of crap. So if I throw out all of that, virtually nothing. They never tell you in the movies that you sparkle like some trumped-up Barbie dolls. Seriously, though, what's up with the sparkle, it makes you guys look like glam rockers who bathe in glitter. I could see the possibilities though, an Edward Barbie." Her grin was pure evil and I longed to kiss her lips. The smile on her face was radiant and for an instant I forgot everything but her. Parts of me cringed though at her thinking I looked like a Barbie in the sun, she could have given me at least G I Joe.

"Since you have now reduced me to Barbie status, I'm not even going to answer your question. You'll have to ask Carlisle why we sparkle' Feeling giddy, I did something so uncharacteristically of me that even me stunned myself. Turning quickly, I stuck out my tongue at her, sneering. She laughed and I couldn't help but join in. 'There is some of my kind that has special powers.'

"Like X-Men." Leah's brows were up and I could tell she was teasing me again.

"Better stated, yes. I told you about Jasper's. Carlisle can resist all human blood, he's never even tasted it. Alice, who you haven't met, can see the future. There are those among us that have other gifts and senses. You are not far in your guess of mutations.'

"So if I were to ask which X-man you would most resemble, which one would it be?"

What was it with the girl and comic book super heroes?

"Why do you ask, and how do you know about them anyway, aren't they more of a boy thing?" I knew I was stalling while trying to figure out how and what to tell Leah about Bella.

"My father is a huge comic book collector. I guess you could say we came by the love of supernatural heroes honestly.' The hand that I had been holding, now lay on my right thigh. She patted me affectionately and the look in her eyes made me almost pull the car over. With her hand on my thigh and rubbing slowly, my libido was starting to go crazy and all I could think about was the next rest stop. 'So, answer my question, which one of the X-Men would you most be like?"

Luckily for me, Emmett had gone through any early 80's phase with cartoons and had voraciously watched the live action movies when they came out. "Professor Xavier." I mumbled.

"Can you read my mind?" The sound that came from her was almost as gasp. Having gotten used to the temperature of her body, I was able to tell when the blood rushed to her cheeks as she blushed.

"I can read minds, yes, but unlike the character I cannot place my thoughts into another's mind. To answer your last question, no, I can't read your mind. I don't know if it has something to do with your being a werewolf or not. I couldn't read Bella's mind either." Crap I'd just brought myself back to the topic I did and did not want to discuss.

Leah was perceptive to my mistake and for long moments she was silent. Her hand had stopped rubbing on my leg, though to my relief she didn't remove it.

"Was that why you were with her?" Her voice was small, worried.

"To begin with, yes, but Bella was also my singer. A singer is the one person whose blood smells the sweetest and the strongest. More often than not, they wind up dead. During the first days of her coming to Forks, I had to leave. I was too close to killing her." I recalled those first days after smelling Bella as if they were yesterday instead last year.

"But you didn't. What stopped you?"

"I was more fascinated with her than thirsty, I suppose and had never met someone who's mind I could not read. Shortly after meeting her, I saved her life, twice. It didn't take her long to figure out what I was. Once she knew what I was, we started seeing each other more. I couldn't stay away from her, and called her my drug. Over time feelings began to grow for both of us, especially after some nomad's showed up and Bella became the leader's obsession. Emmett and Jasper killed him as I was attending to Bella. She'd almost died, James had bit her and she was starting to change. It was by sheer luck that I was able to stop myself when I sucked James' venom from her.' It was hard trying to concentrate on the road and the swirl of visions and feelings erupting in me. I wondered if I always would look back on that night and battling with James without the overwhelming fear and anger.'

'After that it became more difficult. I wanted to protect her, not only from anything happening to her, but from me and my family. In her defense I started coddling her and pushing her away at the same time. She loved me and I broke her.' My hands were starting to shake as the memories from Carlisle's head pounded into me.

Swiftly I pulled the car over, I slammed the gears into park. Getting out, my hands convulsing as while being furled and unfurled. Would I cause Leah the same hurt I had Bella? Was I even worthy of her love, of any love? Maybe there was a reason I had been alone for so long, perhaps that was my destiny, to have and hurt the ones I loved, leaving me without a mate and partner. It would be justifiable for the hurt I had done to Bella. She deserved so much more than I had ever given her.

Trees - one after another met destruction by my hands before I was able to stop. Sitting on a newly desiccated trunk, I leaned forward, placing my head in my hands. I didn't want to lose Leah, not now, not after just finding her, not ever. I would pay whatever price deemed worthy as long as I didn't lose her. She was the balm my soul had been searching for.

I smelled her. The smell of roses, lavender and mint. It came behind me, wrapping me in its embrace and soothing the beast within. Leah was my salvation. Her warmth embraced me and I wrapped my arms around hers, leaning back into her.

The need to kiss her, to taste her was inconsolable. Turning I gathered her into my lap, my right thumb brushing along her jaw. Leaning forward I nibbled on her bottom lip with my own, loving the taste of her. It didn't take long for her legs to wrap around my waist. Feeling her heat so close was almost my undoing. Soon I would have her again, but not until she healed. Leaning my head against hers, I broke our kiss before wrapping my arms around her and pulling her as close as I could without hurting her.

"What happened, Edward, you can tell me?" Her head lay against my shoulder and I fought for the words. I wanted to tell her the truth, without making her lose faith in the feelings I had for her. I knew without a doubt in my heart that I loved Leah and I wanted to spend the rest of existence with her.

"It was the night of her eighteenth birthday. My sister Alice had surprised her with a party at the house. Bella hated surprises and presents. They made her uncomfortable because she felt she needed to reciprocate the gesture. She was opening a present, the paper slipped, cutting her skin. Just one drop fell to the floor. Jasper lost control and attacked. It took Carlisle, Emmett and I to keep him from killing her. During the fracas I pushed Bella back behind me. She flew into a stack of glasses, cutting her forearm badly. She could have been killed and it would have been my fault. I took her home and spent the night holding her in my arms and knowing the truth. Being with me was going to get her killed.'

"Didn't she want to be a vampire then as well? The pack talked after the meeting with all of them. Sam hated it and thought Jasper was brainwashing her.'

"Yes, and I denied her request. I never wanted this life for anyone, Leah, especially not Bella. I had no plans for changing her and hoped that one day she would see it my way.'

"What happened after that?" Leah's voice was steady as well as her heartbeat. The staccato was soothing and allowed me to continue.

"When I got home from, Bella's I'd told everyone we were leaving. Jasper was repentant and using his gifts he got me to see the truth. That night, Bella's blood had called to me just as much as it did Jasper, that I was a real danger to her. He also got me to admit the truth that I would never change her. I feel and will always feel that it is best for Bella to live out a human life away from us, even lonely, than to live our existence.'

"That next afternoon, after everyone left, or so I thought, I broke up with Bella. When you left me in the rain, you used the exact words I said to her. It will be like I never existed. In that moment I knew how much pain I caused her, how much I hurt her. If Jasper is the one that makes her happy and takes that pain away, then I could not stop it. Her happiness is all I ever wanted for her."

"Do you still love her?" The words were so small, so light that I almost missed them.

"In a way, I suppose I always will. It's not the same love, I feel for you. I could never walk away from you, Leah. I would rather die with you than ever live without you. You're the other half of me, I felt it the moment you tackled me and I looked into the eyes of your wolf. I believe I always took my protectiveness of Bella as love, when it wasn't, it was more about possession because she was my singer. I'm not sorry for knowing her, or for loving her, just like I'm not sorry for saving her life, but I am sorry for bringing her into the dangerousness of our world. If anyone can keep her safe, it's Jasper."

I rubbed my cheek against the top of her head and wished I knew what she was thinking. I didn't want her to be jealous of Bella, the same as I fought not to be jealous of Jasper. Bella would always be a part of me, a part of my family, but the truth remained. She would never be my mate, and now only a friend.

"Will it be hard to see them together?" Her voice was a little brighter and I hoped I convinced her of my love and that I was letting Bella go.

"Yes. There was a time, when we first met Bella, that Jasper was not above killing her to protect the family. I'm always going to want to protect her, especially from him. He used to be a blood drinker, Leah, one of the most feared out there. How could I not protect her from that? As long as she is human, I will watch for him to slip. Jasper's control at the best of times is hanging on by a thread, I don't care what Carlisle says. It's not just about him killing someone, it's what he used to do to people that has me the most afraid for her. The atrocities I've seen in his memories would make serial killers run and hide. His name was the Angel of Death among my kind. He would take humans and turn them, once they were done with their usefulness as newborns, he would destroy them. His own people thought he was the devil and called him Lucifer. How could I not protect her from that?" I knew I'd spoken too much about Jasper, and I felt a shiver run down Leah's body.

"Does Bella know?" Her voice held a conviction, the wolf in her needing to protect.

"I don't know, she might. If she's been with him, this long, he might have told her. Would you? . If you had a secret so horrible that it could cost you the one person you loved, could you tell them?' I had told Leah how I'd hurt Bella, and now felt best for it.

"I guess it would depend on the secret. If she knows and still loves him, will you be able to walk away?" Leah slowly climbed off my lap and stood. I knew that look in her eye, she was not above telling Bella to protect her. Protecting humans was ingrained in her wolf, and it was now seeing Bella as someone to protect.

"Yes, if she knows and still loves him, then I will not stand in their way. Just as long as she knows what she's getting into with him. I won't see her hurt again, she's been through too much. I want her to feel love, the kind that I feel for you. If Bella has that with Jasper, then that's all I could ever wish for her." She held her hand out to me and together we walked back to the car. I opened her door for her and she slid her long legs in. Legs that I couldn't wait to be around me again, only the next time, they would be bare.

My phone began ringing incessantly as I got in. Pulling it from my pocket I hit the button to receive the call.

"Where are you, man? Dad's worried, so is Rose."

"I'll catch up soon. Pull over at the next rest stop and wait for me. We'll meet you soon. We had a little detour." Leaning over the console, I kissed Leah on the lips before ending the call. Smoothly I started the engine and put the powerful car in gear, loving the sound of Leah's laugh as I took off like a bat out of hell as the dawning light of day crept into the sky.

* * *

**AN: **I know that for many of you this chapter will not be enough - especially after my being gone so long. This past year has been filled with trial, tribulations, hard work and joy. I started returned to college after a 15 year absence last fall with a very large goal in mind - two degrees (English and History). The experience is frustrating, exhausting, exhilarating and the best time of my life. It has opened a world full of richness, vibrancy, and joy that I have been missing in life for many years, because of this unique experience I have decided to go all the way to PhD. With maintaining my near Dean's List g.p.a, unfortunately I had to place fandom in the recesses of my mind and pursuits during this past year.

As I have now become acclimated to student life I am now ready to jump back into a story and fandom that I have missed so dearly. All of the reviews during the past year kept my spirits up when I wondered if I was traveling in the right direction.

I am incredibly blessed to have the most wonderful reviewers that a writer can ask for. Because of you I walked into my creative writing class with a feeling of accomplishment and confidence in knowing that I can write a story worth reading. My goal was to gain powerful insight into writing publishable original material that would have a place outside of our dear fanfiction world. This fall my goal will be one step closer to full accomplishment. This spring I submitted a short story for my university (Ohio State) annual Literary Journal. This fall my first original story will be published, giving me my first professional fiction writing credit. I owe it all to every reviewer who has left a comment or review.

Without further ado, I bring you the first chapter of still a long road ahead. Please forgive me that it is not Jasper and Bella related. Fear not my fantastic reviewers and readers there is plenty of Jasper/Bella goodness to come. Not to mention some yummy Peter thrown into the mix.

Hugs and Much Appreciation

Aerialla


	39. Important Notice

Unfortunately I am putting Second Chances on permanent hiatus. I am so sorry to all of the followers. The past two years have taken me in a completely different direction and I am no longer in love, or in like with the characters of Twilight like I should be to do this story even an ounce of justice. Many times I have sat and tried to type just a paragraph and found myself wanting to tear my hair out.

I am not saying that I will never finish the story, but for now I feel it is better for my writing to move on to other things and to just continue to write. I will gladly put up my unedited material that I have so far should enough people want me to. I'm also willing to email those that want to know the rest of the story line.

Thank you everyone for sticking with the story this long and I am so sorry to disappoint even one of you, let alone how many people are following this story. I know I have let you down, but remember I am not saying goodbye forever to this story. I want to be able to write happily where my muse is carrying me and right now she's running from Twilight like its a zombie hoard.

Aerialla (Heather D.)


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